


a boiling trashcan of love and disasters - DISCONTINUED

by raindrop_royal



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Demiboy Marquis de Lafayette, F/F, F/M, Genderqueer Character, Group chat, I have no idea, M/M, Multi, No Plot/Plotless, Nonbinary Alexander Hamilton, Nonbinary Character, Texting, Trans Characters, also the schuyler sisters constantly introducing themselves by singing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 09:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 53
Words: 86,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8322055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindrop_royal/pseuds/raindrop_royal
Summary: the title says it allThis story will not be updated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what i wanted this fic to be but what i actually have is much better so yeah  
> enjoy

Sat., Sept 17, 9:37 pm  
lancelot is online  
lancelot has started a group chat  
chat name: mes amours  
lancelot has added jlau, locoparentis, hamleton to the chat

lancelot: who’s awake and what are you doing

jlau: i’m watching a documentary about turtles

locoparentis: i’m catching up on a project and orders

hamleton: i’m writing

jlau: you’re always writing alex

hamleton: what’s your point?

locoparentis: take a break, dear

lancelot: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT

jlau: yes?

locoparentis: yes?

lancelot: where is le petit lion?

hamleton: i’m here

lancelot: what were you doing?

hamleton: i w a s w r i t i n g

locoparentis: come sit next to me alexander

locoparentis: i didn’t mean on me but okay

jlau: LAF

jlau: what’s your announcement

lancelot: right

lancelot: i’m coming home sooner than expected

jlau: oMG YAy WhEn

locoparentis: WOOOOO!!!!

locoparentis: wait soon like soon or like soon-soon

lancelot: soon-soon

lancelot: like i’m driving to the airport now

locoparentis: !!!!!!

jlau: !!!!!!

hamleton: !!!!!!!!!!!!!

hamleton: LAfFY’S CoMINg HOOooOOOOOOoooOOME YEeYYYYYYYYYyYyYyYyyyYYyY!!!!

hamleton: I’M SOOEN

lancelot: ????

lancelot: alexandre what were you trying to say

lancelot: alex?

lancelot: john?

lancelot: hercules?

lancelot: arE YOu HAvING sEX WIthOUt ME  
_____________________________________________________  
Sat., Sept 17, 9:59 pm

jlau: sorry laf

locoparentis: alex sat in my lap and then accidentally gave me a v short lap dance and then john happened

lancelot: how do you accidentally give someone a lap dance

hamleton: WHEN YOU’RE EXCITED THAT YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS COMING HOME A MoNTh EaRLIeR ThAN EXpCTeD

lancelot: aw i love you too

jlau: hey, hands off my lafayette, hamilton

locoparentis: YOUR laf? you mean MY laf, laurens

jlau: you wanna fight me, mulligan????

hamleton: HOLD the fUCkKING PHONE

hamleton: LAF IS MINE

lancelot: gUYs PLS

locoparentis: i love them the most tho???? your argument is invalid af?????

hamleton: NUH UH HORSEFUCKER

jlau: FIGHT ME YOU LITTLE SHITS

lancelot: guys pls i’m heading into the airport now and i can’t be seen blushing this much

lancelot: you’re all so adorable i love you

locoparentis: aw we love you laf :*

jlau: good luck laffy taffy!

hamleton: be safe!

lancelot: <3<3<3<3

lancelot: i’ll message you all when i can byeeeee <3 <3 <3

lancelot is offline  
_____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 1:23 am  
lancelot is online

lancelot: woo wifi

hamleton: ARE YOU BACK HOME YET???¿¿??¿¿???

lancelot: non :(((((

hamleton: :((((((((((((

lancelot: where are the other two?

hamleton: asleep

lancelot: …..

lancelot: alex

lancelot: darling

hamleton: ‘m soRRY I PROMISE I’M GOING TO SLEEP NOW

hamleton: GOODNIGHT I LOVE YOU BE SAFE

lancelot: goodnight, cher. i love you tooSun., Sept. 18, 1:27 am

lancelot: alEXANDRE I CAN SEE THAT YOU’RE STILL UP YOU LITTLE SHIT GET OFF TUMBLR AND GO TO SLEEP

hamleton: GOODNIGHT

hamleton is offline  
lancelot is offline  
_____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 9:42 am  
jlau is online  
locoparentis is online

jlau: oh my god that’s why he’s still asleep

locoparentis: why are we messaging instead of whispering

jlau: because alex is a stupidly light sleeper remember

jlau: especially since he was writing so much last night @_@ our boy is weird

locoparentis: right

jlau: do you think lafayette is landing soon?

locoparentis: shouldn’t they have landed like an hour ago???

lancelot is online

lancelot: we should’ve but something got fucked up with the plane and so we had to land in england

jlau: ????? you were in the air for like an hour then?????? when are you coming home????? also what flight are you on that has not shit wifi?????

locoparentis: HAH I HAVE TIME TO SHOP EXCELLENT

lancelot: we’re landing in like two hours. i’m on one of the french lines that my hosts very kindly paid for. first class too

lancelot: i can’t wait to be home. i’ve missed you all dearly

jlau: we missed you too, laf. i can’t wait for you to come home

jlau: wait first class?????

locoparentis: how loaded are these people????

lancelot: they’re not but the company is. the host/representative told me that i didn’t need to book a hotel or find a return flight because they had everything covered

locoparentis: how was france btw?

lancelot: it was lovely. i forgot how much i’ve missed being able to understand everything

jlau: awe that’s nice

jlau: shit alex is waking up

locoparentis: i’ll make breakfast?

jlau: sure

lancelot: bonne chance avec le petit leon

jlau: merci cher

jlau: je t’aime!!!

lancelot: je t’aime aussi!!!!

locoparentis: i love you too!!!!

lancelot: ^u^  
_____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 11:26 am  
hamleton is online  
locoparentis is online

hamleton: GO MEN GO

locoparentis: alex you’re literally the only one not doing anything

locoparentis: aLEX GET OUT OF THE CAR I NEED IT REMEMBER THE PLAN

lancelot: ????? what are you doing???

jlau is online

jlau: JADVLEKDBFN LD ZNLWNWLD

lancelot: ._.

lancelot: should i be concerned  
_____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 11:28 am  
jlau started a has started a group chat  
chat name: Kavdkflxb’NkBqns’x  
jlau has added locoparentis, hamleton

jlau: SCREAM AT EACH OTHER IN THIS CHAT YOU IDIOTS WE’RE TRYING TO SURPRISE THEM

locoparentis: IT’S ALEX’S FAULT

hamleton: heRC ARE YoU TExTINg ANd DrIVInG??????

locoparentis: NO I’M STOPPED HOW MANY BREAD DO WE NEED

jlau: GET FOUR AND WE’LL DEAL WITH THE OVERFLOW LATER

locoparentis: OKAY THANKS

hamleton: “””””” how many bread””””””

jlau: ALeX YOU’rE BEiNG PRoBLEmATIc AgAIN

locoparentis: alEX ARE YOU GETTING THE DRINKS

hamleton: doN’T YELL AT ME YES I AM SHUT UP

locoparentis: thE RiGHT OnES?????

hamleton: um…,,,,,

jlau: oh god this is gonna be a disaster


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lancelot: THEY CAME TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT THERE ARE LITERAL ACTUAL TEARS ON MY FACE
> 
> datpeg: AW THEY’RE SO CUTE
> 
> skyhighliza: AW IF ONLY I WENT PLACES THEN MARIA COULD DO THE SAME
> 
> reignolds: I TOTALLY WOULD TOO LIKE THAT ONE TIME YOU GOT LOST EXCEPT THAT WAS LESS ROMANTIC CAUSE IT WAS THREE AM AND I COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO PUT ON REAL CLOTHES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha what am i doing

Sun., Sept. 18, 11:49 am  
lancelot started a group chat  
chat name: why are my signifs such dorks  
lancelot has added skyhighliza, datpeg, werkk, macbitch, bunsenburrner, theonlytheo, jamesbond, reignolds to the chat

skyhighliza: i have no idea

skyhighliza: also hi laf, how’s france?

lancelot: i’m actually waiting to talk to someone to get a car to go home

macbitch: oh you’re home!

jamesbond: welcome back

reignolds: yey i can steal someone’s clothes again

skyhighliza: i mean you keep stealing mine sooooooo

reignolds: that doesn’t count we live together

macbitch: maybe now alex won’t forever be torturing me

bunsenburrner: you know he’s never gonna stop

bunsenburrner: like ever

reignolds: yeah especially now that he has blackmail

lancelot: blackmail??? i am

lancelot: how you say

lancelot: intrigued

macbitch: nonoNONONONONONONO BURR DON’T PLEASE

werkk: wait i wanna know

datpeg: me 2

skyhighliza: me 3

lancelot: me 4

theonlytheo: lol i already know

macbitch: HOW

theonlytheo: aaron told me???? how else

macbitch: BURRR HOW COULD YOU I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

datpeg: o shit boi rejected

macbitch: shut up schuyler

skyhighliza: excuse you

werkk: excuse you

reignolds: bitch??¿¿?¿¿???

datpeg: boi we gon fuck u up

macbitch: i’m sorry pls i want to live

reignolds: you better be or else you will find yourself with significantly less hair than before

macbitch: i’m sorry

bunsesnburrner: remind me never to cross you four

theonlytheo: *high fives maria*

reignolds: *high fives theo*

lancelot: you are all idiots as well

lancelot: i’m

lancelot: MON DIEU

datpeg: um laf???

skyhighliza: laf are you alright?

lancelot: THEY CAME TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT THERE ARE LITERAL ACTUAL TEARS ON MY FACE

datpeg: AW THEY’RE SO CUTE

skyhighliza: AW IF ONLY I WENT PLACES THEN MARIA COULD DO THE SAME

reignolds: I TOTALLY WOULD TOO LIKE THAT ONE TIME YOU GOT LOST EXCEPT THAT WAS LESS ROMANTIC CAUSE IT WAS THREE AM AND I COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO PUT ON REAL CLOTHES

skyhighliza: shhhh we don’t talk about that

werkk: not so idiotic now, are they, laf?

werkk: laf???

werkk: i stg if you’re still crying over them

theonlytheo: aren’t they always crying over each other?

skyhighliza: yes it’s adorable

reignolds: whatever you say dear

skyhighliza: maria i stg

theonlytheo: riiiiight

theonlytheo: well aaron is telling me to tell you that we have work to do but we’re probably just gonna end up talking/fucking so bye guys

bunsenburrner: well not anymore theo

theonlytheo: o rly

bunsenburrner: byE GUYS

bunsenburrner is offline

theonlytheo is offline

datpeg: gross

skyhighliza: shield your eyes peggy

werkk: when did we end up like this

skyhighliza: i don’t know

reignolds: i do

reignolds: the four got together, then alex did some short man’s magic and got me and liza together (ty @ tiny man) and then the purple one and his homie got together and somehow theo and burr were together before we knew and won’t tell when their anniversary is

datpeg: speaking of the purple one and his homie...

werkk: where are madison and jefferson

jamesbond: sorry, tom’s a little preoccupied ;))))))

datpeg: GROSS I’M LEAVING

datpeg is offline

skyhighliza: ME TOO

skyhighliza is offline

reignolds: SAME

reignolds is offline

werkk: BYE

werkk has closed the chat  
_______________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 11:45 am  
lancelot is online  
gwashinthewhitehouse is online

lancelot: I’ve returned from my trip, Monsieur Washington.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Really? So soon?

lancelot: Oui. Everything was talked over quickly and the company is happy with the changes you’ve made.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Ah. Well, thank you. I’ll see you on Wednesday. You have tomorrow and Tuesday off.

lancelot: Thank you, sir.  
_______________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 11:49 am

lancelot: I’VE GOT MONDAY AND TUESDAY OFF

locoparentis: YES

jlau: AWESOME

jlau: ALEX COME WITH ME WE NEED TO GET ICE CREAM AND COOKIES AND MARSHMALLOWS 

locoparentis: please don’t alex

lancelot: john doesn’t need sugar

jlau: sure i do

jlau: how else am i gonna stay up all night?

lancelot: we all know.,,,,.,, i can be very,..,,, persuasive

locoparentis: laf i have a present for you come into the bedroom

lancelot: ;))))

locoparentis: no not that

lancelot: ;((((  
_______________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 7:16 pm

jlau: alex where’d you go

hamleton: i’m in the drinks aisle

jlau: pls come here

hamleton: ””””here”””” is not specific john

hamleton: oh

lancelot: what’s going on?

hamleton: john_wtf.jpg

lancelot: how

lancelot: what

locoparentis: HAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK JOHN

locoparentis: HOW DID YOU DO THAT WHAT WERE YOU DOING

lancelot: how do you do these things jonathan

jlau: that’s not my name

jlau: i don’t know i was dancing and then it just happened

hamleton: things like this don’t just happen john

hamleton: thecashiertho.jpg

locoparentis: THE POOR GUY HE LOOKS SO DONE

jlau: alexissosweet.mov

jlau: nvmhesanass.mov

lancelot: “i’m so sorry about this”

lancelot: “”””””boyfriend is kinda spacey sometimes”””””” i’m crying

locoparentis: awe aren’t we glad we have him?

jlau: no because now we have to buy at least five of everything i dropped

locoparentis: oh my fucking god john

jlau: i’m a disaster

hamleton: but we love you anyway

lancelot: is this why i’m the only one that goes grocery shopping

jlau: yes

hamleton: yes

locoparentis: yes

lancelot: ._.  
_______________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 18, 7:34 pm

hamleton: herc

locoparentis: herc’s busy and i can’t find my phone

locoparentis: what do you need him for?

hamleton: john ate six bags of doritos and i need herc to restrain him with his muscles

locoparentis: i’m here. are you outside?

hamleton: yes please come down

hamleton: hERC PLeASE HURRY

hamleton: HE’S STRUGGLING

lancelot: how did we all survive this long

jlau: faith

hamleton: trust

locoparentis: and a little bit of pixie dust

lancelot: i want a divorce

locoparentis: :o

jlau: :(

hamleton: D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm posting everything i have written as soon as possible so ye


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what i'm not posting long pieces of my fic from the google doc i have it in to get to the parts i actually wanna post whaaaat

Mon., Sept. 19, 8:47 am

locoparentis: where did the smols go

lancelot: they have work i think

jlau: actually

hamleton: gwash let us off early bc we have ‘briefings’ to do for you

jlau: aka he didn’t want us texting you during meetings or fucking in the supply closets again

hamleton: also we’re not THAT fucking smol

locoparentis: you two are the smolest here

jlau: but

jlau: okay

hamleton: JoHN WHy DiD yOU GIvE IN???¿¿??¿¿?¿¿???¿¿

jlau: cause it’s true???

hamleton: >:(

hamleton: i am not smol

lancelot: ANYWAY

hamleton: rood

lancelot: so you’re coming home?

hamleton: yeah

locoparentis: can you please get antacid tablets

jlau: alex is driving now there’s antacid in the bathroom

jlau: why do you need it?

locoparentis: we may

lancelot: or may not

locoparentis: have eaten

lancelot: most of the sweets

jlau: How Fucking Rude™

hamleton: >:o

locoparentis: i’m sorry :(((

lancelot: i’m not

jlau: >:(

lancelot: >:p mwahahahaha  
_______________________________________________________  
Mon., Sept. 19, 11:51 am  
hamleton is online  
jlau is online  
locoaprentis is online  
lancelot is online

hamleton: that was awesome but i think 1) my vocal chords have seized up, 2) i cannot FUCKING walk, and 3) the neighbors are pounding on the floor again so shhhh no more voices

jlau: why do you let us do these things if you know you’re gonna end up like this?

hamleton: why do you do these things if you know i’m gonna end up like this?

lancelot: BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY SAID “IT’LL BE FINE GUYS, JUST GO AHEAD”

locoparentis: AND YOU ALSO TOLD US THAT YOU WANTED US TO DO EVERYTHING WE DID

hamleton: oh noes i can’t read now oh noes

jlau: alex i stg i would slap you if you weren’t so fucking cute

lancelot: ^

locoparentis: ^^

hamleton: my looks are my saving grace  
_______________________________________________________  
Mon.,19 11:58 pm  
hamleton is online

hamleton: okay but like

hamleton: can we all agree that seabury’s actually kinda cute and he just hangs with the wrong people (””””king”””” george)

jlau is online

jlau: yeah, he is pretty cute. i like his dimples

locoparentis: totally and i know that british accents are nothing new to us and laf’s accent is The Cutest™ but something about seaburys is just so adorable idk what

lancelot: it is late and we fucked earlier i am v tired and i would like to sleep

lancelot: alex come to bed

hamleton: my legs still don’t work properly

jlau: what the fuck was that

hamleton: me trying to get off the couch

hamleton: now i’m on the floor

locoparentis: i’m coming

hamleton: you certainly were

jlau: ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

locoparentis: alex you’re sleeping on the floor

hamleton: no i wanna cuddle i’m sorry come get me

jlau: how did we all survive this long

hamleton: spite

locoparentis: sheer force of will

lancelot: I WOULD LIKE TO SLEEP PLEASE

jlau: sorry babe ily

locoparentis: goodnight ily

jlau is offline

locoparentis is offline

hamleton: no

hamleton: also your eyes are literally open the tiniest bit you can manage how did you type that without misspelling anything

lancelot: ALEXANDRE I WILL PERSONALLY STAB YOU THROUGH THE NECK IF YOU DO NOT SHUT YOUR PHONE OFF R I G H T N O W

hamleton: fight me

hamleton is offline  
_______________________________________________________  
Tues., Sept 20, 12:22 pm

jlau: what time is it?

hamleton: summer time?

jlau: well yes but like the actual time

lancelot: john

locoparentis: darling

hamleton: that’s on your phone

jlau: oh

hamleton: *facepalm*  
_______________________________________________________  
Tues., Sept 20, 12:24 pm

locoparentis: wait it’s fall  
_______________________________________________________  
Wed., Sept 21, 3:43 pm

lancelot: lookatthosemoves.mov

jlau: i love your dancing

locoparentis: thank you ^u^

hamleton: that’s not dancing, it’s flailing

lancelot: fermez te bouche alex

jlau: he looks cute and happy, let him be

locoparentis: my heros <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

hamleton: gay

jlau: *coughlastnightcough*

lancelot: ;)))))))

hamleton: shut up i had to say that i have a sore throat today to keep suspicion down

hamleton: do you have any idea how many cough drops i have been offered

locoparentis: but you love us

lancelot: i think he mostly loves blowjobs

jlau: nahhhh it’s definitely us

hamleton: CAN YOU HEAR MY EMBARASSMENT

hamleton: laffy why are you at herc’s studio???

locoparentis: i’m making laf a dress

hamleton: OOOOOH IS IT GONNA POOFY

jlau: IS IT BIG AND SPARKLY

lancelot: non

hamleton: :(((((

lancelot: BUT

hamleton: :D

locoparentis: it will be pretty and pink

jlau: are you /trying/ to kill us herc

locoparentis: only a little

lancelot: ^u^  
_______________________________________________________  
Wed., Sept. 21, 5:30

jlau: alex can you make me some tea please

jlau: alex?

jlau: aaaaaaleeeeeex

hamelton: cuties.jpg

hamleton: i a m w e a k

hamleton: i already have 106 pictures

jlau: why are our signifs so cute this is rood

hamleton: i dunno but i love it

jlau: me too

jlau: you better make tea tho or i’m gonna kiss you

hamleton: welL fUCk thAt’s a threat and a half

hamleton: i’m going  
_______________________________________________________  
Wed., Sept. 21, 6:21 pm

locoparentis: laf

lancelot: ????

locoparentis: currentlycrying.jpg

lancelot: they’re so cute

locoparentis: ikr

locoparentis: but john needs to stop drinking tea in bed

lancelot: why

locoparentis: thispillowisdone.jpg

lancelot: welp

locoparentis: it was hand-sewn too :((((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone that left kudos????? you're all The Sweetest??????


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i'll probably be posting 2-3 chapters a day until i finish posting what i have

Thurs., Sept. 22, 8:52 am

lancelot: ed sheeran is beautiful

hamleton: ikr <3

locoparentis: his tattoos are so awesome

jlau: who?

hamleton: GASP

locoparentis: GASP

lancelot: GASP

jlau: okaaaay i’m gonna go look him up

jlau: he could be better

hamleton: john i stg

jlau: he’s got nothing on any of you

lancelot: awwwwww you’re sweet

hamleton: awwwwwwww i forgive you <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

locoparentis: idk he didn’t know who ed sheeran is

hamleton: we can educate him

locoparentis: okay

jlau: should i be scared

hamleton: no just come into the bedroom when we get off work

jlau: ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

hamleton: no  
_____________________________________________________  
Thurs., Sept. 22, 9:34 am

locoparentis: alex

locoparentis: aaaaaaleeeex

locoparentis: alex why aren’t you answering our messages

jlau: he fell asleep cuddlin me

jlau: he’s like a caribbean koala

jlau: i’m glad he has a comfy chair in his office

lancelot: PICTURES

locoparentis: PLEASE

jlau: ourlittlekoala.jpg

lancelot: awwwwe can i join you?

jlau: yes :3

locoparentis: :(((((( i’ll just stay here

locoparentis: alone

locoparentis: with this teenage girl

locoparentis: and her dad

locoparentis: her slightly attractive and very eager-seeming dad

locoparentis: i think her dad’s flirting with me???????

locoparentis: pls help

locoparentis: gUYS I tHInK He’S AsKiNG ME OUT

locoparentis: GUYS

locoparentis: HE’S GOT A RING ON HIS FINGER AND THIS GIRL KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HER PARENTS’ ANNIVERSARY AND HE’S STILL FLIRTING WITH ME AND SHE’S V CLEARLY DROPPING HINTS THAT SHE’S NOT COMFY WITH THIS GUYS  
_____________________________________________________  
Thurs., Sept. 22, 9:58 am

lancelot: i’m sorry herc are you okay

locoparentis: NO PLEASE COME HELP

lancelot: i’m going over there now

locoparentis: please do

locoparentis: so many people are flirting with me

jlau: why is that an issue now? people always flirt with you

locoparentis: noT WHEN IT’S MOSTLY MEN WITH THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTERS LOOKING FOR DRESSES AND BEING REALLY NOT SUBTLE AT ALL

jlau: oh my god i am so sorry laf are you going

lancelot: oui but can you come with me

jlau: imtrapped.jpg

jlau: i’m sorry

jlau: good luck laf

locoparentis: destroy them pls  
_____________________________________________________  
Thurs., Sept. 22, 10:20 am

locoparentis: these poor girls

jlau: why what happened

hamleton: i’m awake now what happened

hamleton: did laf fuck them up

lancelot: dad: you’ve got some graceful fingers. what else can they do besides sew? *wink*  
daughter: *clearly embarrassed* dad please not here  
herc: *in a completely blank voice* they can flip people off gracefully.  
dad: oh.  
daughter: *LITERALLY SHAKING WITH LAUGHTER*

locoparentis: it wasn’t that bad!

lancelot: it really was, herc

hamleton: why did you need laf? you seemed to be able to handle yourself well

locoparentis: emotional support

hamleton: oh okay

jlau: oh my god hercules

lancelot: I_PaNICkED.mov

jlau: “what do you do in that back room”  
“hide the bodies” I CAN’T OHMYGOD LAF WHY

lancelot: I HAD TO HE WAS FLIRTING WITH OUR HERC

jlau: yeah fair enough

hamleton: “dad can you please pay and leave”  
“what’s your theme song? this is mine. *plays SEX*”  
“this is mine *plays Fuck You*”  
“...”  
“dad let’s go please”

hamleton: herc where do you come up with these things

locoparentis: listen when people are p much constantly flirting with you you come up with good comebacks

locoparentis: is today national mlm day or something wHY WERE SO MANY PEOPLE FLIRTING WITH ME

jlau: it’s cause you’re hot

locoparentis: thAT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING

lancelot: don’t worry, i’ll fight them all

lancelot: but i’ve got to go back to work soon

jlau: come back to ussssss

hamleton: yessss precioussssss come back to usssssss

lancelot: on second thought, the creepy men might come back

hamleton: D:

jlau: Rood™


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg so many kudos in such little time! i didn't know anyone really like this little thing that much! thank you!

Fri., Sept. 23, 12:00 pm

hamleton: IT’S HIIIIIIIIGH NOON

jlau: no

hamleton: oh mY fUCKIng gOD wHAt No wHY

lancelot: ????? alex are you alright honey

hamleton: liTTLe eMo ME IS CRyiNG

locoparentis: why?

hamleton: TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DAY BUT IT’S NOT????? I JUST GOT THE EMAIL?????? THIS IS

hamleton: I’M GONNA CRY

hamleton: CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING

lancelot: YES WE CAN

hamleton: NOT YOU GUYS I WAS TALKING TO HERC CAUSE IF NOT I’M NOT SCREAMING LOUD ENOUGH

jlau: PLEASE DON’T SCREAM ANY LOUDER I’M COMING

lancelot: ME TOO

locoparentis: ALEX ARE YOU OKAY DO I NEED TO GO OVER THERE

hamleton: YES PLEASE  
_____________________________________________________  
Sat., Sept. 24, 2:02 am  
jlau is online  
locoparentis is online

jlau: herc is he asleep yet

hamleton is online

hamleton: NOOO

hamleton: I’M STILL CRYING

hamleton: WHY GERARD

hamleton: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US

hamleton is offline

locoparentis: i stole his phone and now i’m cuddling him it’s fine everything’s fine

jlau: …

jlau: what was that noise

locoparentis: i am now bruised but alex is calming down so it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine

jlau: ._.

jlau: goodnight

jlau: and good luck

locoparentis: goodnight, john

jlau is offline  
locoparentis is offline  
_____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 24, 12:49 am

hamleton has started a group chat  
chat name: The Ham Squad  
hamleton has added jlau, lancelot, locoparentis, skyhighliza, datpeg, werkk, theonlytheo, reignolds

reignolds: why the fuck are we all up so late we all have work tomorrow

theonlytheo: i have literally no clue

hamleton: hoi,,,,

skyhighliza: alex i stg if that’s an undertale reference

hamleton: I’M,,,, TEMMiE

reignolds: liza just facepalmed

reignolds: i’m p sure you could hear it

locoparentis: what happened to the other group chat?

lancelot: i made one too like i could’ve added the so’s and the squad would’ve been complete

hamleton: actually

hamleton: i made a new group chat because i met some people

locoparentis: are you breaking up with us or adding to us????

hamleton: what no neither

jlau: jfc okay good

lancelot: what a relief i was so scared for a second

hamleton: ‘m sORRY GUYS I DIDN’T MEAN TO SCARE YOU

locoparentis: IT’S OKAY WE LOVE YOU

hamleton: I LOVE YOU TOO

hamleton: anyway i’m not breaking up with you OR adding to our relationship

hamleton: i want you to meet some new friends i made

locoparentis: oh okay

hamleton has added caféconleche, champagne to the chat

hamleton: meet usnavi and vanessa

caféconleche: hey y’all

champagne: hey

hamleton: introductions

hamleton: everyone i’m dating sound off

caféconleche: what???

jlau: hi i’m john and i like toitles

locoparentis: hi i’m herc and i sew

locoparentis: like a lot

lancelot: bonjour i’m lafayette

champagne: are you french?

lancelot: oui. do you speak it?

champagne: no, but i’ve always wanted to visit france

lancelot: perhaps i’ll take you sometime

champagne: that would be lovely

hamleton: introduce yourselves @everyone else

werkk: angelica~

skyhighliza: eliza~

datpeg: AND pEGGY

hamleton: ^^ the schuyler sisters

reignolds: maria as in carey

caféconleche: oh cool

theonlytheo: hey i’m theodosia, call me   
theo

champagne: ooh that’s a pretty name

theonlytheo: ty :3

caféconleche: hey alex can i add some people?

hamleton: uh yeah sure

caféconleche has added itsbenny, ninarose to the chat

caféconleche: hey benny, hey nina

itsbenny: sup

ninarose: hey

caféconleche: these are all my new friends

caféconleche: intros.jpg

itsbenny: wow okay that’s a lot of people

ninarose: hi guys! you all seem cool but my dad is nagging me about taking him for a walk so i’ll get properly introduced later!

ninarose: thanks for letting me talk benny

itsbenny: anytime, nina

itsbenny: if you ever need to talk again, i’m here

ninarose: you’ll be available for your lesson tomorrow?

itsbenny: of course

ninarose: bueno

ninarose: adios, benny!

itsbenny: adios, nina

ninarose is offline

locoparentis: ooooooooooooooh

caféconleche: and you say i don’t have skills

itsbenny: you /don’t/

caféconleche: hey at least i’m not pining like you are

champagne: wait wait wait

champagne: benny and nina /aren’t/ dating yet?????

itsbenny: no of course not

caféconleche: no not yet

lancelot: what even

jlau: y’all are so sweet together

hamleton: seriously i might need to go to the dentist for the cavity you two gave me

itsbenny: WE ARE NOT DATING

itsbenny: OR TOGETHER

itsbenny: OR ANYTHING

caféconleche: not yet at least

caféconleche: get a move on, benny, she’s only gonna be here for a few weeks

champagne: usnavi

caféconleche: yes?

champagne: private chat. i have a secret

caféconleche: okay

hamleton: wait i wanna know

lancelot: me too

jlau: me three

locoparentis: same

skyhighliza: same

reignolds: same

champagne: okey hold on

champagne: who’s the admin?

hamleton: me

champagne: kick benny and nina

itsbenny: wait no what don’t do that

locoparentis: haha

itsbenny has been kicked from the chat  
ninarose has been kicked from the chat

champagne: okay so i’m essentially nina’s best friend so she tells me everything

champagne: aaand she’s told me that her favorite time is when she’s teaching benny spanish because he’s so sweet to her and he asks questions so nicely and he respects her and he’s not at all like the guys at her college

champagne: and they’ve gone to dinner together and she’s stayed at his apartment before and she says they’ve both been dancing around asking each other to move in cause they’re ‘such good friends’ and it annoys her that he lives so far away and she’d sign up for online classes if he asked her to move in back home and she spends a lot of her nights back home in benny’s apartment

lancelot: *gasp*

jlau: oh my god really

champagne: yep

hamleton: we need to get these two together i stg

datpeg: *whispers* i ship it

caféconleche: jesus you’d have thought after the blackout they would’ve realized

hamleton: the blackout last year???

caféconleche: ye

lancelot: what happened?

caféconleche: fuck there’s so much backstory

caféconleche: okay so benny worked at nina’s dad’s dispatch and nina had gone to college on a scholarship last year and she lost the scholarship

caféconleche: so she comes back to the barrio under the guise of visiting and drops the bomb that she dropped out cause they can’t pay and so nina’s dad (kevin) sells the dispatch

caféconleche: i was there with vanessa and met benny at the club where he was drinking away his sorrows and talking and then i went to dance and saw nina come in and try to talk to benny for a bit and then like a few minutes later the lights went out

caféconleche: the next morning everyone’s melting in misery when daniela 1) sees nina leaving benny’s apartment and 2) starts up a carnaval to get everyone out of the melts

caféconleche: nina insists that they didn’t do anything (believable) and benny swears that he just didn’t want to leave her alone and it didn’t mean anything (not so believable)

caféconleche: the long and short of it is that benny’s too dumb to see that she’s totally into him

champagne: and that he has a majorhuge crush on her

lancelot: wow

locoparentis: that’s like someone we all know

hamleton: no shush we don’t talk about that

caféconleche: no wait talk about it i wanna know

champagne: ooh i do too

locoparentis: in college before all of us were dating it was me laf and john and we all had our mutual friend alexander

locoparentis: one fine october evening john bursts into our shared apartment talking at a ridiculous speed about how alex needed to not live alone or he would literally die and that we should invite him to live with us and that it would be awkward for him cause we three had a lot of sex (like a lot) and he totally had a crush on all of us anyway (alex honey i love you but you’re not discreet like at all) and we all adored him and still do

jlau: was i really talking that fast?

lancelot: yes

locoparentis: and so basically the next day we all approached alexander and told him we wanted him to live with us and also possibly date us if he was interested

champagne: awww

hamleton: i rejected them at first

champagne: oh

hamleton: they all shrugged and said that it was my loss, then laf came up to me later and said that it was a standing offer until they stated otherwise

jlau: so on christmas day, we’re all opening gifts and being gay and it’s so cute like jESus we still have pictures when there’s this knock at our door and we’re all like what the fUck we didn’t invite anyone so we open the door and it’s a v frozen alex with a giant bag

locoparentis: so he walks in and he basically says ‘i know you’re people of honor and i’m so sorry to bug you at christmas but i got kicked out of the dorms and i don’t really have a place to live right now’ and laf just hugs him so tight and is like ‘i knew you’d come around’ and alex said ‘i have stuff for you, read the letters when you’re all alone’ and pulls out john’s purple turtle blanket and laf’s favorite outfit and my jacket and they all have letters taped to them and like three days later we all attacked alex while he was on the couch and hugged him and Other Stuff and it was fun and we all told him how much we loved him since we saw him

caféconleche: all because of those letters?

lancelot: yup

jlau: yup

locoparentis: you bet your ass

champagne: what did the letters say?

hamleton: they swore to keep the contents of the letters secret

jlau: even to each other

caféconleche: so to this day y’all have no idea what each others letters say?

jlau: nope

champagne: aww that’s really adorable but whoops i have work in the morning

champagne: night guys

champagne: night, usnavi

caféconleche: night, vanessa

champagne: oh are you still coming over next weekend?

caféconleche: wouldn’t miss it for the world

champagne: goodnight 

champagne is offline

hamleton: wonk

caféconleche: stop

lancelot: the end date is coming up soon

hamleton: wait is it?

lancelot: oui

jlau: shit it is

jlau: the end date of secrecy was november 19 of whatever year it was that we stayed together for at least five years

hamleton: oh god i don’t have a lot of time left then

locoparentis: for what?

hamleton: my next surprise

jlau: DON’T DO THIS TO US ALEXANDER

lancelot: MY HEART WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE IT I’M GOING TO BED

jlau: GOODNIGHT

locoparentis: GOODNIGHT

jlau is offline  
lancelot is offline  
locoparentis is offline

hamleton: well

hamleton: guess it’s just you and me

caféconleche: random question

caféconleche: where do you live?

caféconleche: like i live in washington heights

hamleton: hey that’s where i lived for like a year after i immigrated

caféconleche: oh cool on what corner

hamleton: idk one by a little corner store called swooshy’s or something

caféconleche: swIFTY’S?????

hamleton: YEAH THAT ONE

caféconleche: THAT’S MY PARENTS’ STORE DID YOU KNOW THE MAN AND WOMAN THAT OWNED IT

hamleton: YEAH THEY GAVE ME FREE SODA EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL CAUSE THEY SAW HOW MUCH WORK I HAD TO DO TO GET AHEAD IN SCHOOL

hamleton: WAIT YOU’RE THEIR KID????? I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE SO DAMN COOL AND YOUR ABUELA WAS SO SWEET

caféconleche: WASN’T SHE THOUGH???

hamleton: ‘’’’’wasn’t’’’’’???

caféconleche: oh

caféconleche: yeah

caféconleche: abuela died last year

hamleton: oh

hamleton: i’m sorry

hamleton: and your parents?

caféconleche: they got sick

hamleton: i’m so sorry usnavi

hamleton: hey didn’t you have like kid sibling?

caféconleche: cousin

hamleton: add them

caféconleche has added sonnyday to the chat

sonnyday: usnavi?

caféconleche: hey sonny

hamleton: hey

sonnyday: hi?

caféconleche: sonny this is alexander

caféconleche: andhisfriends.jpg

caféconleche: alex used to live in the heights

sonnyday: alexander? i had a babysitter named alexander??? like before nina????

hamleton: yeah i think i remember

hamleton: i watched you over like winter break cause usnavi’s parents had to work the store and usnavi was learning the tricks of the trade

hamleton: we made blanket fort out of your tiny living room

sonnyday: and we made ice cream sandwich hot cocoa!

hamleton: yeah! do you still have the recipe?

sonnyday: HELL YEAH I DO!

hamleton: AWESOME

caféconleche: you got the recipe from alex????? i thought you made it up yourself

sonnyday: nope

sonnyday: delicious drinks are all courtesy of the babysitter

hamleton: damn that was so long ago

sonnyday: yeah ikr like now i’m in college

sonnyday: hey usnavi can i add someone?

caféconleche: ask alex

sonnyday: hey alex can i add someone?

hamleton: yeah sure

sonnyday has added graffitipete to the chat

graffitipete: hey sonny. what’s up?

sonnyday: tell em?

graffitipete: if you’re sure

caféconleche: wat

sonnyday: okay

sonnyday: usnavi, pete and i are dating

hamleton: cool

hamleton: nice to meet you pete. i’m alexander, sonny’s old babysitter

graffitipete: awesomesonnyday: usnavi?

caféconleche: look, i know you’re gay but that doesn’t mean you have to have lowered standards

sonnyday: ‘lowered standards’? usnavi, pete is really good to me

caféconleche: how long has this been going on?

sonnyday: like a year

sonnyday: since the summer abuela died. he was taking care of me the night before and it just happened

sonnyday: usnavi??

caféconleche: that long? under my nose?

sonnyday: we were really careful cause we didn’t know how you’d react

caféconleche: well, as long as he respects you and you’re happy

sonnyday: thanks navi

caféconleche: no problem

caféconleche: but no funny business when y’all visit

sonnyday: NO

sonnyday: we haven’t reached that stage yet

caféconleche: good

sonnyday: thanks for understanding, navi

caféconleche: i just want you to be happysonnyday: AAAH.jpg

graffitipete: wow

sonnyday: ikr

graffitipete: well at least he didn’t like disown you or anything

sonnyday: at least

graffitipete: and i’m glad you were honest with him

sonnyday: yeah, about that

graffitipete: ???

sonnyday: i think i’m ready

graffitipete: you sure?

sonnyday: yes

graffitipete: well alright thengraffitipete: wow

hamleton: ikr

graffitipete: your partners sound great

hamleton: they are

graffitipete: i’d love to hear more but sonny and i have a project due in a couple of days and we’re a little behind

sonnyday: and this chat isn’t gonna help

hamleton: okay

graffitipete is offline  
sonnyday is offline

hamleton: we should go to bed too

caféconleche: yeah it’s like 2 am

hamleton: yeah

caféconleche: well goodnight

hamleton: goodnight

caféconleche is offline  
hamleton is offline


	6. Chapter 6

Sun., Sept. 25, 8:57 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: where’s hercules

jlau is online

jlau: emergency at the shop

jlau: why

hamleton: no reason

hamleton: my throat hurts

hamleton: like a lot

jlau: can you talk?

hamleton: yes kinda but it hurts

hamleton: i think i have strep

jlau: aw no poor baby

jlau: oh my god alex

lancelot is online

lancelot: that noise was kind of adorable

jlau: alex you’re so cute pls stop i’m gonna cry

hamleton: don’t cry i’m stopping

hamleton: mostly cause my throat hurts

hamleton: y’know what sucks

lancelot: ??

hamleton: we have work tomorrow

hamleton: and i’m 100% sure i will not be better

jlau: of course not

jlau: it’s strep  
____________________________________________________  
lancelot: Monsieur Washington?

gwashinthewhitehouse is online

gwashinthewhitehouse: Yes, Lafayette?

lancelot: Alex has ‘strep’, which I’m assuming is a disease of the throat as he can’t talk.

gwashinthewhitehouse: It is. It’s caused by a type of bacteria that can be passed through kissing, coughing, or sneezing and I suggest you take him to a doctor for antibiotics before it gets too bad.

gwashinthewhitehouse: I assume you three have the company Skype address?

lancelot: Oui.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Then you don’t exactly need time off. As long as you’re available for Skype meetings, it should be fine.

lancelot: D’accord. Thank you.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Send my wishes to Alexander.  
____________________________________________________  
hamleton: BUT JOOOOOHN I’M MONEY AND THE COMPANY NEEEEEDS MEEE

jlau: BUT YOU HAVE AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE ALEX YOU CAN’T GO IN

lancelot: when you two are done screeching, i have the solution

jlau: they don’t mean irl

jlau: don’t do it, alex

jlau: what the fuck did i just say

hamleton: my throat hurts more :(

jlau: what did you expect less pain????

hamleton: what can i use as an emoji for ‘eternal sadness’

lancelot: are you done

jlau: yes

hamleton: no

lancelot: gwash said that skype conferences will suffice

lancelot: he also asked me to send you ‘his wishes’ which i guess means he wants you to get better

lancelot: no idea why it’s not like you won’t be able to talk for probably dAYS ON END, GIVING THE OFFICE A BREAK FROM YOUR NEVER-ENDING TORMENT OF THOMAS JEFFERSON

hamleton: DON’T BE ROOD LAF I’M LITERALLY DYING

hamleton: ALSO I HAVE TO GO IN TO WORK JOHN

jlau: NO

lancelot: NON

hamleton: BUT I HAVE IMPORTANT PAPERS

lancelot: I’LL BRING THEM HOME TOMORROW BUT YOU ARE NOT INFECTING THE ENTIRE OFFICE BECAUSE YOU ARE A STUBBORN ASS

hamleton: OKAY BUT BUT BUT,,,,

lancelot: NO

jlau: NO

hamleton: FUCKING FINE

lancelot: good boy

lancelot: i’m going to make you some tea

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: well i’m glad we didn’t get up to anything last night or else we’d all be sick

locoparentis: and i wouldn’t be able to deal with this asshole that tried to break in to the shop

lancelot: oh my god really

hamleton: did they succeed

locoparentis: no

locoparentis: paying extra for good locks was worth it like damn

jlau: true

hamleton: it is so hot for being september

hamleton: i’m literally sweating what the fuck

jlau: you probably have a fever alex

hamleton: oh

lancelot: oh btw gwash said to take him to a doctor for antibiotics?

jlau: that’s probably a good idea

lancelot: i have the keys

jlau: aren’t y’all gonna get dressed?

lancelot: no

locoparentis: no

hamleton: hell no

jlau: okay then

lancelot: let’s gooo!

____________________________________________________  
Sun., Sept. 25, 9:34 am  
skyhighliza is online

hamleton: eliza my beautiful fantastic wife i have strep :(

skyhighliza: wow really???? so does maria

hamleton: WE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING I SWEAR I HAVEN’T EVEN BEEN AROUND HER IN LIKE TWO WEEKS

skyhighliza: I KNOW ALEX SOMEONE COUGHED ON HER AT WORK AND THAT’S HOW SHE GOT IT

skyhighliza: IF YOU TWO HAD DONE SOMETHING TRUST ME I WOULD KNOW

hamleton: BUT WE DIDN’T

skyhighliza: I KNOW I PROMISE I DON’T THINK YOU DID

hamleton: okay good

hamleton: gtg the doctor’s here

skyhighliza: i’ll be over later with tea and soup

hamleton: okey

skyhighliza is offline  
hamleton is offline  
____________________________________________________  
Mon., Sept. 26, 10:41 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: who can keep me company

sonnyday is online  
graffitipete is online

sonnyday: my next class isn’t until noon

graffitipete: i’m in a lecture but it’s not an important class

hamleton: works for me

sonnyday: aren’t you at work?

graffitipete: where are your partners?

hamleton: i got strep throat

sonnyday: ouch

graffitipete: why aren’t the other three taking care of you?

hamleton: john and laf are at work getting all my Important Papers and herc is bringing as many of his Urgent Orders home as he can hold in our smol car

graffitipete: orders?

hamleton: yeah he’s a tailor

graffitipete: oh that’s cool

hamleton: yeah we get lots of v pretty v nice clothes from him :3

sonnyday: ooh can he make me a suit?

hamleton: i mean he has the ability to, but he needs measurements and also time

sonnyday: i’ll pay him

graffitipete: why do you need a suit?

sonnyday: i’ve never owned a suit before and i want one

graffitipete: babe

sonnyday: what?

graffitipete: you are so cute

sonnyday: i’m not cute i’m manly

graffitipete: you can be manly and cute the the same time

sonnyday: damn right

sonnyday: i’ve got the best of both worlds

sonnyday: i’m cute as hell and manly as fuck

hamleton: are you bigender?

sonnyday: nah i’m trans

hamleton: oh so is john

sonnyday: cool! i haven’t met any other trans guys before

hamleton: i’ll tell him  
____________________________________________________  
Mon., Sept. 26, 10:50 am  
hamleton has started a group chat  
chat name: question  
hamleton has added lancelot, jlau, locoparentis, reignolds, datpeg to the chat

hamleton: yo

datpeg: hey alex

reignolds: what’s up short stuff

hamleton: can i tell my new friends your gender/sexuality/romantic attraction?

reignolds: yeah sure as long as they’re not raging assholes

hamleton: they’re not i promise

datpeg: don’t tell them i’m demiro but you can tell them i like girls and that i’m trans

hamleton: got it

lancelot: yes

jlau: you know my answer

lancelot: hercules is driving but he says yes too

hamleton: oh yey you’re coming home

jlau: see you soon babe!

hamleton: ^u^

____________________________________________________  


hamleton: i have a bunch of trans friends

hamleton: laf is nonbinary, my platonic wife eliza’s girlfriend is demigirl and eliza’s younger sister peggy is a (v cute) trans girl

sonnyday: wow

hamleton: yeah there’s a lot

hamleton: what about you pete? if you’re comfortable telling

graffitipete: um

graffitipete: babe what’s the word

sonnyday: cisgender or cis

graffitipete: that and gaymaybepossiblytriplequestionmark????????

hamleton: that’s cool

hamleton: MY S/O’S ARE BACK I WON’T BE ALONE

hamleton: talk to you guys later

hamleton: i’ll talk to hercules about your suit sonny

sonnyday: thanks

hamleton: np

hamleton is offline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it had to be done. not sorry at all


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought i lost this part but i didn't i'm just a little dumb

Tues., Sept. 27, 1:26 am

hamleton: guys wake up

hamleton: guys!

hamleton: someone please i’m scared

hamleton: GUYS

hamleton: PLEASE

jlau is online

jlau: i’m here what’s wrong alex?

hamleton: i need to go to the doctor i think i’md actually dying john my throat is killing me it hurts so much even breathing hurts

jlau: okay one minute just calm down babe

hamleton: i’m so scared john please hurry

jlau: shush just breathe through your nose and we’ll be on our way i just need to grab the keys 

Tues., Sept. 27, 2:31 am  
locoparentis is online

locoparentis: oh my god babe are you guys okay is alex alright i’m so sorry we didn’t wake up oh my god

lancelot is online

lancelot: ALEX ARE YOU ALRIGHT I’M SO SORRY OH MY GOD

jlau: everything’s fine guys

jlau: alex’s tonsils were infected and he needed to get them removed

jlau: he’s in surgery now

jlau: i’ll take care of him

lancelot: non come and get us we’re both dating him too

locoparentis: yeah and i feel bad about not waking up

jlau: it’s fine i’m the lightest sleeper and alex and i sleep entangled

locoparentis: still come and get us it’s late and you need to sleep

jlau: fine i’m on my way 

Tues., Sept. 27, 4:23 am  
lancelot is online

lancelot: i’m kind of surprised that he’s still asleep

locoparentis is online  
jlau is online

locoparentis: same

locoparentis: remember that one time he had to take sleeping pills and the first prescription wasn’t strong enough

jlau: oh yeah and he was in a daze for like four hours until we got him to take half of another pill

lancelot: he’s v strong against anaesthetics

sonnyday is online

sonnyday: whats goin on

lancelot: fuck i forgot there are other people in this chat

locoparentis: sonny, wasn’t it?

sonnyday: ye

jlau: alex needed emergency throat surgery

sonnyday: why is he okay what happened

locoparentis: his tonsils were infected really badly

sonnyday: damn

jlau: sorry if we woke you

sonnyday: nah it’s fine

sonnyday: i’m going back to bed

sonnyday: tell alex i hope he gets better quick

jlau: will do sonny

jlau: goodnight 

jlau: morning?

sonnyday is offline

locoparentis: we all should go to sleep

lancelot: cuddles?

jlau: ye

locoparentis is offline  
jlau is offline  
lancelot is offline

Tues., Sept. 27, 8:28 am  
gwashinthewhitehouse is online

gwashinthewhitehouse: Good morning. How is your young charge?

lancelot: He’s awake and has been told six times to not talk or he’ll bleed again.

gwashinthewhitehouse: I’m sorry?

lancelot: Oh, we had to take him to the hospital early this morning for tonsil surgery.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Ah. When did he go into surgery?

lancelot: Around 2:30 in the morning.

gwashinthewhitehouse: How long has he been awake?

lancelot: Two hours.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Wow.

lancelot: Je sais.

gwashinthewhitehouse: Good luck, Lafayette. You three take as much time off as you need, and tell me if you need anything.

lancelot: Merci.

Tues., Sept. 27, 8:31 am

lancelot: gwash sends us luck and also help if we need it.

jlau: thank fucking god

hamleton: I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO TALK BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN SILENCED

locoparentis: alex pls don’t tear your stitches babe

hamleton: okey

hamleton: i’m still sleepy

jlau: ta ke a nap hammy

hamleton: only if you three do too

lancelot: we’re fine

locoparentis: laf i just watched you run into a wall

locoparentis: come on we all could use more sleep

jlau: fine

jlau: where are we sleeping?

lancelot: these barely-comfy chairs?

locoparentis: ye

lancelot: hwo

locoparentis: you and i can lean on each other and we can hold john in our laps cause he’s a smol

jlau: oh no we’re gonna be so cute

hamleton: go to sleep guys

hamleton: i love you

jlau: i love you too

lancelot: same

locoparentis: ditto

hamleton: ^u^ 

Tues., Sept. 27, 4:01 pm  
hamleton is online

hamleton: i just thought about something

lancelot is online

lancelot: what is it?

hamleton: where would we all be if you three didn’t started dating? if herc didn’t trip on the stairs and john had hidden in the bathroom and you had stayed with that boy and i had gotten into harvard?

lancelot: i would probably be working part-time at some stuffy rich people store and part-time as a babysitter

lancelot: and also still dating or possibly married to that boy

hamleton: ew

jlau is online

jlau: i’d either be a bartender and awkwardly getting hit on by straight women or working with my father’s company

jlau: either way i’d be unhappy

hamleton: oh my god

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: i’d probably be the only reason some gross alterations shop wasn’t closed down or maybe i’d have an etsy store and have several online dating profiles

hamleton: oh my god you guys

hamleton: you’d all be working towards your goals you wouldn’t have like dystopian future scenes or anything

jlau: but what about you?

hamleton: i’d probably be dead either from working myself to it or by arguing with the wrong person

lancelot: c’est vrai

jlau: sad but true

locoparentis: gUYS

lancelot: yes?

locoparentis: i JUsT SaW THE cUtESt nUrSE EvER

jlau: what where even are you

locoparentis: vending machine

locoparentis: guys?

locoparentis: hellooo

lancelot: YOUMEANTHISONE.jpg

jlau: JUSTFUQMEUPYNOT.jpg

locoparentis: YEAH THAT ONE

jlau: their name is Alec oh my god that’s adorable

locoparentis: what’s going on

locoparentis: guys i’m not going in until the nurse leaves tell me what’s happening

jlau: you can come in herc

hamleton: we’re all screaming

locoparentis: what why

jlau: AAAAHHHHH.jpg

locoparentis: DO NOT FuXKKING TELL ME

lancelot: IS THAT WHAT I FUCKING THINK IT IS

hamleton: IT IS

jlau: SHOULD WE MENTION IT

locoparentis: WHAT THE TATTOO OR THE THING

jlau: THE THING ALTHOUGH THE TATTOO WOULD MAKE INTERESTING CONVERSATION

lancelot: yeah totally

lancelot: ‘hey just fyi me and my boyfriends noticed your super cute nerdy tattoo while ogling your hot body’

locoparentis: OH MY FUCKING GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE ALEX HONEY YOUR FACE IS SO RED

jlau: HERC PLS KICK ME IN THE THROAT I WANT THIS NURSE TO CHECK ON ME AND ALSO MAYBE KISS MY FACE

lancelot: oH My GOd DiD ThEY JuST SaY ThAT

hamleton: MY NURSE IS FUCKING GORGEOUS /AND/ A GIANT FUCKING NERD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY

jlau: except you can’t talk and won’t be able to for a while

hamleton: why you gotta kill my mood

jlau: it’s my job

hamleton: :/ that’s just a tiny bit rood john

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stress™


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so excited about this part oh my god

Fri., Sept. 30, 6:22 am  
theonlytheo is online  
theonlytheo has started a group chat  
chat name: SO I LIKE YOUR SISTER  
theonlytheo has added skyhighliza, werkk to the chat

theonlytheo: so like

theonlytheo: would you two object if i said i wanna date peggy?

werkk is online  
skyhighliza is online

skyhighliza: nope! go for it!

werkk: i mean i wouldn’t object but this seems a little sudden

theonlytheo: i know it does but i’ve liked her for a while now and i’ve talked to aaron and he’s okay with me dating peggy too

skyhighliza: wait you’re polyamorous?

theonlytheo: yeah and also i think i’m bi but fuck if i actually know

werkk: well this is a development

werkk: you have my permission to date my sister

theonlytheo: :)))

skyhighliza: and mine

theonlytheo: :D

werkk: however

theonlytheo: D:

werkk: if you hurt her

werkk: and i don’t mean if you break up with her cause i’m not gonna force you to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to

werkk: if you touch her without her permission or hit her or anything

werkk: we will personally destroy you

theonlytheo: i promise i won’t

werkk: good

skyhighliza: good luck, theo

theonlytheo: thanks, eliza

theonlytheo: here goes nothing  
__________________________________________  
Fri., Sept. 30, 6:34 am

skyhighliza: angelica, was the threat really necessary? we’ve been friends with theo forever, we know she won’t treat peggy badly

werkk: i know but when peggy turned 18 i promised myself that i wouldn’t let her experience what i did in my first years of dating

skyhighliza: fair enough  
__________________________________________  
Fri., Sept. 30, 6:34 am

theonlytheo: hey peggy can i ask you something

datpeg is online

datpeg: yeah sure

datpeg: what’s up theo?

theonlytheo: i’ve been thinking and i really like you peggy

datpeg: i like you too theo!  
__________________________________________  
theonlytheo: jfc.jpg

skyhighliza: what an innocent child  
__________________________________________  
theonlytheo: no like

theonlytheo: i wanna go out with you peggy

datpeg: oh

datpeg: OH

datpeg: is burr okay with this?

theonlytheo: yeah he is

datpeg: okay

datpeg: then yes!

_________________________________________________  


theonlytheo: BYEIMSCREAMING.jpg

skyhighliza: CONGRATS THEO!

werkk: HAVE FUN WITH HER MEMES AT 3 AM

theonlytheo: I WILL  
__________________________________________  
theonlytheo: wow i didn’t expect to get this far

theonlytheo: where would you wanna go for our first date

datpeg: um

datpeg: ooh a picnic in bennett park?

theonlytheo: sounds good! i’ll pick you up around one tomorrow?

datepeg: i’ll be ready!  
__________________________________________  
theonlytheo: OMSNQÑDNFMM.jpg

skyhighliza: of course she chose bennett park

werkk: she likes chocolate so like get a cake

theonlytheo: will do

theonlytheo: thanks guys

skyhighliza: np theo

werkk: have fun!  
__________________________________________  


Fri., Sept. 30, 8:40 am  
champagne is online  
champagne has added itsbenny, ninarose to the chat

champagne: i just realized that we never added you two back to the chat

ninarose is online

ninarose: vanessa i need to talk to you

champagne: here or private chat?

ninarose: private chat  
__________________________________________  
Fri., Sept. 30, 8:42 am

champagne: what’s up nina?

ninarose: what’s benny’s favorite food?

champagne: can’t you ask him?

ninarose: no cause he’ll be suspicious

champagne: of what?

ninarose: ME

champagne: why would he be suspicious?

ninarose: cause

champagne: cause?

ninarose: i’ve kinda been dancing around the subject of dating with him

champagne: ‘dating with him’ meaning going on dates with him or having a conversation with him on the topic of dating

ninarose: kind of both

champagne: fair enough

ninarose: so what’s his favorite food?

champagne: i don’t know

champagne: why do i feel like there’s something you’re not telling me

ninarose: ugh

ninarose: promise you won’t tell anyone else??

champagne: i promise

ninarose: in the simplest terms, i want to ask benny out, but i don’t know how to do it

champagne: so you’re going to make/get him his favorite food in the hopes of schmoozing him into a date?

ninarose: essentially

champagne: i see

champagne: i know he likes chocolate cake

ninarose: okay

ninarose: thank you vanessa

champagne: when were you thinking of asking him?

ninarose: mañana

champagne: where?

ninarose: bennett park?

champagne: bringing back the high school memories, are we?

ninarose: i guess

champagne: go get him, girl!

ninarose: thanks

ninarose is offline  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didn't want peggy to be alone and just make her aro/ace cause that's kinda overdone  
> prepare for a plot twist my dudes  
> not that there is a plot to this @_@


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i went through a snag where i thought i lost a part of my story but apparently i didn't, i just forgot to post it  
> it's there now (chapter 7) it's fine it's fine it's fine

Fri, Sept. 30, 12:27 pm

hamleton: we’re hoooooome!

jlau: wooo! hello actually comfy chairs!

locoparentis: and bed!

jlau: that too!

lancelot: isnthecute.mov

hamleton: i felt that jump shake the floor

lancelot: well at least all the neighbors know we’re back

locoparentis: come join me on the bed i wanna cuddle

hamleton: okey

jlau: you’d think that these doctors could’ve worked a little faster

lancelot: or at least told us when we could take alex home

hamleton: actually it was all spaced out well cause there was the surgery and then i needed to recover a little and sleep off the anaesthetic and then day two was for making sure i didn’t react to anything or die and then day three they used to cure me of my strep

locoparentis: also they had to deal with alex for three days so give them props

jlau: yeah true

lancelot: fair enough

hamleton: why am i being attacked  
__________________________________________  
Sat., Oct. 1, 4:34 am  
datpeg is online

datpeg: guys

skyhighliza is online

skyhighliza: why are you up peggy

skyhighliza: why am i up peggy

skyhighliza: what have you done to me peggy

datpeg: IT’S TIME TO GET SPOOPY

sonnyday is online

sonnyday: IT’S TIME TO GET FUCKING SPOOPY

datpeg: HELL YEAH

graffitipete is online

graffitipete: sonny i love you but please don’t scream so loud or we’ll get noise complaints again

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: peggy i will let you screech ‘it’s time to get spoopy’ every day this month if you promise not to do it in september of next year

datpeg: :/ skeleton queen is not v amused

sonnyday: neither is skeleton king

datpeg: we demand a sacrifice for our silence

jlau is online

jlau: what kind of a sacrifice

sonnyday: blood

datpeg: blood blood blood BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

sonnyday: BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD

theonlytheo: peg i’ll buy you a chocolate cake if you limit your spoopying to the week of halloween

datpeg: ://////

datpeg: fine but only cause you’re taking me on a date

sonnyday: but what about me? :(

locoparentis: hold the phone

jlau: wait theo you’re dating peggy?????

theonlytheo: yyyyyyyyyesssssssss…..?

datpeg: damn right she is

jlau: WhEN DiD THIs HaPPeN???

sonnyday: i have been forgotten

datpeg: yesterday

hamleton is online

hamleton: hOW???¿¿???¿??¿¿

theonlytheo: i liked peggy so i asked her out??????

hamleton: ?????? since when???????

theonlytheo: since like forever

sonnyday: give me attention

hamleton: i didn’t know????¿¿?¿ at all¿¿???¿ how¿¿?????¿

theonlytheo: cause unlike you, i’m discreet

hamleton: why you gotta drag me like this

theonlytheo: cause it’s there and it’s fuckin obvious

sonnyday: someone lovffdssx

jlau: wtf

hamleton: sonny are you okay

jlau: did he have a stroke

locoparentis: is he dead

datpeg: skeleton king pls don’t leave me to run the kingdom on my own

locoparentis: sonny?

hamleton: CAPTAIN CRUNCH TO COOKIE CRUMBLE, COME IN CRUMBLE

jlau: wtf

hamleton: i was sonny’s babysitter when i lived in washington heights and that was a thing we did sometimes

sonnyday: cookie crumble is alive and well

sonnyday: albeit a little preoccupied

hamleton: ;)))))))))

sonnyday: b YE GUY S

sonnyday is offline  
graffitipete is offline

datpeg: they gon do it

datpeg: where’s eliza

reignolds is online

reignolds: she fell asleep again

hamleton: oh fucking god you guys come back into the bedroom

lancelot: oh mon dieu not again

lancelot: good fucking night

lancelot is offline

hamleton: shit they’re already alseep that’s incredible

jlau: IT IS AGAINST THE TENENCY AGREEMENT

jlau: WHY ARE THEY DOING IT

datpeg: what are they doing

reignolds: It ;))))

locoparentis: no the neighbors are hammering nails into the walls which is 1) against their tenency agreement, 2) fucking annoying on our part and 3) grounds for a noise complaint

reignolds: do it hercules

reignolds: fuck them up get them evicted do it do it do it

hamleton: ._.

jlau: maria are you okay

reignolds: no

reignolds: goodnight

reignolds is offline

datpeg: skeleton queen must rest

datpeg: i need my energy to lead my skeleton army to victory

datpeg is offline

locoparentis: so does anyone else have no idea what just happened orrrr

hamleton: i’m v confused rn so it’s fine

jlau: smae

locoparentis: john is lafayette making if difficult to type

jlau: yes theyr trappping my adrma

hamleton: stop shifting they’re gonna wake up and yell at us

jlau: NMUST GRT FREEW

locoparentis: JOHN NO

lancelot is online

lancelot: I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY

hamleton: O H G O D

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:01 am  
lancelot is online

lancelot: imademyselflaf.mov

hamleton is online

hamleton: “PSYOICHE IT’S A JUMPSUIT” LAF I’M SCREAMING

lancelot: I MADE MYSELF LAUGH REALLY HARD AND THE SHOP ASSISTANT LOOKED AT ME WEIRD WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE DRESSING ROOM

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: IT WAS HILARIOUS I LITERALLY CANNOT BELIEVE SOMEONE’S EYEBROWS CAN GO THAT HIGH

hamleton: OH MY F U C K I N G GOD

jlau is online

jlau: alex please we’re trying to watch a movie

jlau: or at least i am

hamleton: BUT DID YOU WATCH THE VIDEO

jlau: yes i did

lancelot: WAS IT NOT HILARIOUS

jlau: it was

hamleton: WHY DIDN’T YOU LAUGH

lancelot: YOU DIDN’T LAUGH???? JOHN I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

locoparentis: JOHN DIDN’T LAUGH????? JOHN DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW TO LAUGH???

jlau: why am i being attacked

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:06 am

hamleton: GUYS WE GOTTA TICKLE JOHN WHEN YOU TWO GET HOME

hamleton: ALSO BRING PIZZA

lancelot: WHY

hamleton: CAUSE WE GOTTA MAKE JOHN LAUGH REALLY HARD

lancelot: no not why tickles i mean why pizza

hamleton: oh cause pizza sounds yummy and neither john nor i wanna get up and get the pizza we just ordered

lancelot: which name is it under

hamleton: we may or may not have put it under The Name

lancelot: oh my god alex

lancelot: OH MY GOD

lancelot: ALEX

hamleton: WHAT

lancelot: HNNNNG.jpg

hamleton: OBSKXKXLXNEBWKDIIXOS

lancelot: HESSOCUTEICANT.jpg

hamleton: CAN HE PLEASE STOP????? MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT

lancelot: our hercules is beautiful

lancelot: oui i will get your gay ship name pizza

hamleton: thank you ily

lancelot: i love you too, you nerd

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:11 am  
ninarose is online

ninarose: what other kinds of food does benny like?

champagne: idk he likes arroz con pollo and mole

ninarose: okay thanks

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:23 am

ninarose: VANESSA

champagne: QUÉ PASO

ninarose: I MIGHT BE A LESBIAN

champagne: BUT

champagne: what??

ninarose: okay so i was going to get a cake from safeway and there as one left so i was like ‘lucky!’ and then i reached to get it and this other girl did too and there was this awkward like hand tangle and then we both pulled back and she was like ‘oh i’m sorry you can take it’ and then i was like ‘nonononono you take it’ and then we laughed and actually started talking and it was nice and then i think we were flirting and then i gave her the cake and she invited me over to hers at like 7 to make a cake and now i’m confused

champagne: ay díos mio

ninarose: i know ;-;

champagne: did you say yes????

ninarose: i said i’d think about it

champagne: did she give you any way to contact her???

ninarose: i already have it apparently

champagne: ????

ninarose: her name is theodosia

champagne: ohhhhh

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:25 am  
theonlytheo is online

theonlytheo: peggy would you complain if i said that i might have another date today?

datpeg is online

datpeg: no not really unless you’re cancelling on me

theonlytheo: no no i’m not

theonlytheo: it’s just that i met this really cute girl at safeway and i asked her out at like 7

datpeg: oh then yeah that’s okay

theonlytheo: yey

datpeg: if it works out between you two and us two, i demand a group date

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:27 am

ninarose: hey benny

itsbenny: hey nina, what’s up?

ninarose: can i come over around one? i have a present for you

itsbenny: sure!

ninarose: okay! see you then

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 11:29 am

ninarose: hey

theonlytheo: heyyy

ninarose: i’ve decided that i want to take you up on your offer

theonlytheo: really?

ninarose: yeah, it sounds fun

theonlytheo: alright. do you wanna meet somewhere and then go to mine or just come straight to my place?

ninarose: let’s meet up somewhere

theonlytheo: outside the olive garden?

ninarose: that’s a little far for me

ninarose: how about outside the tiny post office?

theonlytheo: sounds good to me

ninarose: until then, theodosia

theonlytheo: call me theo

theonlytheo is offline

ninarose: i’m excited to get to know you, theo

ninarose is offline

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 12:49 pm  
caféconleche has started a group chat  
chat name: Literally Everyone  
caféconleche has added champagne, hamleton, lancelot, jlau, locoparentis, skyhighliza, datpeg, werkk, theonlytheo, reignolds, itsbenny, ninarose, sonnyday, improvisando, carladulce, to the chat  
skyhighliza is online  
werkk is online  
datpeg is online

hamleton: oh my god i haven’t been in a group chat this big since college

lancelot: same

jlau: same

locoparentis: i’m in a bigger one

ninarose is online

ninarose: ay díos mio, usnavi

improvisando is online

improvisando: ¡oye, nina! how’s that fancy situation of yours going?

ninarose: college is great, but i’m actually back home right now

carladulce is online

carladulce: oh, we know nina

improvisando: i meant with benny

hamleton: ooooooh

jlau: ~benny and nina, sitting in a tree~

improvisando: k-i-s-s-i-n-g!

carladulce: ooh, que bochinche!

ninarose: we’re not dating

caféconleche: yet

itsbenny is online

itsbenny: usnavi i will take you down

caféconleche: try me, lover boy

champagne is online

champagne: wow everyone’s here

carladulce: vanessa!

champagne: hey carla! how are you and daniela

carladulce: we’re great

champagne: how’s the new salon going?

carladulce: it’s doing really well! everyone seems to love us! we’re booked for three whole weeks!

champagne: well you two are pretty great at what you do

champagne: have you been introduced to everyone?

carladulce: technically not

champagne: usnavi

caféconleche: on it

caféconleche: alex, you start with your side

hamleton: hi i’m alexander and i’m dating three people and i used to live in the barrio

lancelot: bonjour, i’m lafayette and i’m french and ⅓ of alex’s partners

locoparentis: hi i’m hercules and i’m a tailor and another third of alex’s partners

jlau: hola me llamo john y yo soy el otro novio de alejandro

lancelot: “””””alejandro”””””

werkk: i’m angelica and married and the oldest of three sisters

skyhighliza: i’m eliza and #2 down the line

datpeg: i’m peggy, the skeleton queen, often forgotten, and the youngest here

theonlytheo: hi i’m theodosia and i’m dating three people?

reignolds: maria as in carey and i’m dating eliza

carladulce: hi i’m carla and i run a salon and live with daniela

improvisando: i’m daniela

caféconleche: and now everyone’s acquainted

theonlytheo: it’s been great to meet you all, but i’ve got a date to prepare for

datpeg: me too

jlau: ;))))))))

datpeg is offline  
theonlytheo is offline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LET ME INFLICT MY SHIPS UPON YOU


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to rewrite this because i lost the other one hahahahahaha i'm smart

Sat., Oct. 1, 1:32 pm  
theonlytheo is online

theonlytheo: peggy? where are you?

theonlytheo: are you okay?

datpeg is online

datpeg: imsorry.jpg

theonlytheo: oh hon

theonlytheo: what happened?

datpeg: i just felt really gross today and i felt like i needed it

datpeg: but i haven’t used makeup in a long time, clearly

theonlytheo: clean up, gather your makeup, and come here hon

theonlytheo: i’ll do your makeup and your hair and you can eat cake

datpeg: really?

theonlytheo: of course

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 1:41 pm  
ninarose is online

ninarose: hey benny, i’m outside

itsbenny: sam should be downstairs. knock on the door

ninarose: i’m on my way up

itsbenny: see you soon

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 1:54 pm

hamleton: why don’t we go on dates anymore

locoparentis: cause we’re always working and always tired after work and we cherish cuddling time and we’re a very sleepy family

jlau: we have to masquerade as adults and that takes a heck of a lot out of us

lancelot: we should go on a date next weekend

hamleton: okay but does anyone actually wanna plan a date?

jlau: no

locoparentis: no

lancelot: no

hamleton: exactly

lancelot: :/

jlau: ooh idea! what if we try to go on more dates by making a schedule of who plans the date on the weekend?

hamleton: so like you/laf/herc/me

jlau: yeah!

locoparentis: i’m down

lancelot: me too!

hamleton: same

jlau: let’s do it!

locoparentis: who goes first

lancelot: john

hamleton: john

jlau: why me

lancelot: you suggested the idea

jlau: fair enough

jlau: im gonna plan the bEST DATE EVER

locoparentis: hejumpin.jpg

hamleton: come kiss me john

jlau: i can’t i gOTTA PLAN THE BEST DATE E V E R for next weekend

locoparentis: i’ll take his place

hamleton: deal

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 2:31 pm

itsbenny: is that her????

ninarose: well i recognize theodosia

ninarose: no idea who the other person is

itsbenny: should we talk to them?

ninarose: probably, since i have a date with theodosia later

itsbenny: what

ninarose: i’ll explain but let’s go introduce you

 

Sat., Oct. 1, 10:58 pm

ninarose is online

ninarose: i gor a buzz

theonlytheo is online

theonlytheo: nina don’t falll

ninarose: no promises

datpeg is online

datpeg: SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

 

Sat., Oct. 2, 1:20 am

theonlytheo: we lodt bdnny

ninarose: hes ab ig bou he cab handle homself

datpeg: theop xan we walk to yourd plsd

theonlytheo: sureeez

ninarose: more shoys?

theonlytheo: NO YOILL DIE

ninarose: sad nuna

datpeg: “””””’’””” nuna”””””*”””

ninarose: shhhhhshshdhhdfhf

 

Sat., Oct. 2, 1:56 am

theonlytheo: alexxxxwx

hamleton is online

hamleton: yes?

theonlytheo: tekl aaron i’m qlive

hamleton: okay

 

Sat., Oct. 2, 1:59 am

hamleton: hey theo’s alive and drunk

bunsenburrner: well that explains why she hasn’t texted me

bunsenburrner: thanks alex

 

Sat., Oct. 2, 2:13 am

theonlytheo: whis alivebstill

ninarose: shhsdhhhhshshhs imn alseeo

datpeg: ur so xute nins

datpeg: fo to dleep

ninarose: but rhen indll midss the movdie

theonlytheo: what????!/

ninarose: ill

ninarose: misss

ninarose: thw

ninarose: movie

datpeg: ill recor dit

ninarose: ty peggu

theonlytheo: ‘’’’’’’peggu’’’’’’

ninarose: yoru a giddess

datpeg: awwdwwwdwwwxw ty nina

datpeg: yknwo we dhould date

ninarose: afent we dqting like theo????

theonlytheo: yiu guys cqn date me ande eaxh other if benny is chiil withbit

ninarose: bennyyyyyyy?

itsbenny is online

itsbenny: whatever you wanna do, nina

itsbenny: do i need to drive any of you home

itsbenny: like do you have to be at work in the morning?

theonlytheo: nooooooo

ninarose: i donr libe here

datpeg: skleteon queen soesnt has work cayse its subday

itsbenny: alright

hamleton is online

hamleton: i’m screenshotting this

theonlytheo: noôoooi alexadnder whyyyytyy

hamleton: i’ll tell you in the morning

jlau is online

jlau: theo, get peggy and nina to go to sleep with you

theonlytheo: okey

datpeg: ;))))))()))))))()))())

ninarose: noop imd a goodg irl

ninarose: but your bed loiks niecec theo

datpeg: godnighht

theonlytheo: ninighft peggu ninijht nins

ninarose: good nught

hamleton is offline  
jlau is offline  
itsbenny is offline

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 10:37 am

theonlytheo: will whoeber is laying on my stomachbplease stop graoning so loud

ninarose: why does sunlight exist

datpeg: oh god i think i’m deaf

datpeg: *dead but deaf works too

theonlytheo: lord jesus almighty what a hangover

datpeg: i haven’t been this hungover before what do i do

ninarose: cry

datpeg: on it

theonlytheo: not to loud pls some of us are trying to decease in peace

hamleton is online

hamleton: good morning, you three lovely princesses

hamleton: how is your morning going?

theonlytheo: SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO DECEASE IN PEACE

jlau is online

jlau: looks like you three had a fun night

ninarose: oh god everything needs to stop

datpeg: i’d regret everything if i could remember anything

theonlytheo: remind me to not drink alcohol every again

hamleton: heresyourreminder.jpg

datpeg: “”””””””””””peggu””””””””””””” oh my god i’m cryng for six reasons now

datpeg: three of them are my hangover

ninarose: what are the other two?

datpeg: how pretty you and theo look in the morning sunlight

theonlytheo: oh my god that’s so gay peggy can i kiss your face

ninarose: that’s adorable and you two are adorable but pls don’t move so suddenly theo

itsbenny is online

itsbenny: fear not, your friendly neighborhood benny is coming to your hangover rescue with aspirin and food

ninarose: benny you life saver

theonlytheo: ty benny

datpeg: now if only i could remember your face

itsbenny: myface.jpg

ninarose: isn’t he cute

theonlytheo: yeah, but you can keep him nina

datpeg: idk he’s got nothing on either of you

jlau: hardly awake from a pretty wild night and already flirting

hamleton: i applaud your skills peggu

theonlytheo: the buzzer just went off which i assume means benny is here which means food is here if i was right before

ninarose: peggy go open the door

datpeg: i thought you loved me

itsbenny: yes it’s me

theonlytheo: we do but you’re laying on nina’s legs and nina’s laying on my stomach

ninarose: you’re the only one that’s not trapped

datpeg: ughghghghghghghg fine

itsbenny: ty for letting me in this year

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 10:49 am  
theonlytheo has started a group chat  
chat name: what  
theonlytheo has added ninarose, datpeg to the chat

theonlytheo: since benny’s here we need to talk about what this relationship is

ninarose: okay

datpeg: theo shouldn’t we get aaron up in here too?

theonlytheo: yeah

datpeg: let’s all go on a date

theonlytheo: good idea! let’s go to olive garden

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 10:50 am

hamleton: bennylookslikegwash.jpg

jlau: oh my god he does

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: woah that’s weird

lancelot is online

lancelot: do you think they’re related?

hamleton: probably not

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 10:58 am

theonlytheo: aaron

bunsenburrner is online

bunsenburrner: hey, theo. how was your date?

bunsenburrner: must’ve been pretty wild since you didn’t come home and alex messaged me to tell me that you’re alive and drunk

theonlytheo: yeah, sorry

theonlytheo: it kinda turned into a triple date because i met another girl at the store and then i asked her out

theonlytheo: i also have a massive hangover.

bunsenburrner: wow. sounds like you had a fun night.

theonlytheo: it was nice

bunsenburrner: what’s this other girl’s name?

theonlytheo: nina

bunsenburrner: cool

theonlytheo: hey you me peggy nina and nina’s bf benny should all go on a big polyamorous date with alex and herc and john and laf

bunsenburrner: sure, i guess.

theonlytheo: great

theonlytheo: meet us at olive garden in like two hours

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 11:16 am  
theonlytheo has started a group chat  
chat name: polysquad  
theonlytheo has added jlau, locoparentis, lancelot, hamleton to the chat

theonlytheo: ham squad

hamleton: yes?

jlau: do you need money

theonlytheo: no?

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: what’s wrong

lancelot: did you get arrested

theonlytheo: no

theonlytheo: come to lunch with us cause benny and nina and aaron are all new to the polyamory game so they wanna see a seasoned poly relationship

lancelot: ooh sure!

locoparentis: yeah why not

jlau: where are we going

theonlytheo: olive garden?

hamleton: BREADSTICKS

jlau: BREADSTICKS

locoparentis: BREADSTICKS

theonlytheo: BREADSTICKS

lancelot: POLYAMORY

jlau: THAT TOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO PRO-POLYAMORY FOR BEING A SINGLE BOY LIKE HONESTLY


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have my life organized now it's fine

Sun., Oct. 2, 1:02 pm  
sonnyday is online

sonnyday: you’d think a chat this big would almost always be active

sonnyday: where is everyone?

improvisando is online

improvisando: i don’t know

sonnyday: that’s a first

improvisando: all the de la vega men are smart asses

sonnyday: better than being a dumbass, in my opinion

carladulce is online

carladulce: dani! your break is over!

improvisando: what are you, my mother?

sonnyday: she’s the co-owner of the salon

carladulce: it’s true

improvisando: adios, chico

improvisando is offline  
carladulce is offline

sonnyday: and i’m alone again

champagne is online

champagne: hey sonny

sonnyday: vanessa! what’s up

champagne: not much

champagne: work is a drag. you?

sonnyday: this teacher is a raging homophobe and racist as hell

champagne: drop the class

sonnyday: it’s a core class

champagne: oh, that sucks

sonnyday: yeah, but at least i’ve made some friends here

sonnyday: there’s this other trans guy here that went off on this teacher last year cause he kept getting misgendered

champagne: oh wow

sonnyday: yeah, and the guy appealed to the student council and they put up a law that states that if a student gets misgendered, it’s a strike against the teacher

sonnyday: too many strikes and they’re fired

champagne: hey that’s pretty cool!

sonnyday: shit i think he saw my phone

sonnyday: gotta go vanessa

champagne: my boss is coming back here byeeee

champagne is offline  
sonnyday is offline

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 3:13 pm

jlau: nina was so cute omg

lancelot: oui, i would’ve dated her in college if she’d let me

locoparentis: i probably would ask her to a dance or something

hamleton: she’d be like my cuddle buddy she’s so sweet

jlau: benny was pretty cute too

hamleton: ;)))))

locoparentis: idk it’s kinda weird cause he looks like our boss

jlau: yeah fair enough

lancelot: he’s learning spanish from nina how adorable is that

hamleton: they’re goals

jlau: well we’re both fluent in french and spanish so that wouldn’t work

locoparentis: laf could teach me french and you two could teach us spanish

lancelot: we could do that!

hamleton: oh my god laf that was an adorable voice pls let me kiss your face and possibly marry you

jlau: you can’t get married cause god hates you remember

locoparentis: okay but like what if john and i got married and then ham and laf got married

locoparentis: we could have a double wedding and then all kiss each other cause ~~~~tEcHnIcAlLy~~~~~ we’d all still be together and we could just like live together and shit

jlau: alex are you okay honey

hamleton: NO I’M NOT HERC I CAN I KISS YOU

locoparentis: YES BUT WHY????

hamleton: CAUSE I LOVE YOU AND YOU BASICALLY JUST PROPOSED TO US

lancelot: WAIT DID YOU REALLY PROPOSE TO US??????

lancelot: LIKE SERIOUSLY???

locoparentis: YES I KINDA LOWKEY PROPOSED TO YOU

jlau: AAHDKCKBWKZKVIZPKD’AKXBD

jlau: HERC I ACTUALLY REALLY WANNA MARRY YOU

lancelot: ME TOO

hamleton: ME TOO

locoparentis: AW NOW I FEEL BAD CAUSE I WANNA GET MARRIED TO ALL OF YOU

hamleton: no no no

hamleton: okay so like we could do herc’s idea

hamleton: OR

hamleton: there’s a petition going around that’s trying to let polyamorous relationships get legally married and it’s being backed by a lot of people, and many of them are p important people

jlau: ooh so we could get promise rings until the petition goes through!

hamleton: exactly!

lancelot: let’s do that!

locoparentis: i am so down for that

jlau: let’s do it!

hamleton: oh god we gotta save up money for FOUR RINGS

locoparentis: come into the bedroom

 

Sun., Oct. 2, 3:30 pm  
hamleton has added georgewashingtub, bunsenburrner, macbitch, jamesbond to the chat

locoparentis: SOWEGOTENGAGED.jpg

theonlytheo is online

theonlytheo: AHHH OH MY GOD CONGRATS GUYS

ninarose: WOO!

improvisando is online

carladulce is online

improvisando: WEPAA!

georgewashingtub: Congratulations, you four.

georgewashingtub: I KNEW IT CONGRATS HERCULES - Martha

carladulce: WEPAA!

bunsenburrner is online

bunsenburrner: congratulations

bunsenburrner: why am i here

theonlytheo: don’t be so cynical!

skyhighliza: LAF CAN I BE YOUR MAID OF HONOR.

reignolds: CONGRATS YOU LITTLE SHITS

werkk: HERC YOU DID IT YEY

locoparentis: TECHNICALLY IT WAS ME AND ALEX BUT I SUPPLIED THE RINGS SO YEAH

werkk: YOU DID IT

locoparentis: I DID IT

hamleton: angel you knew?????

werkk: yeah cause i’m the oldest one here and herc needed advice

jlau: awwwwwwwwwwwwww herrrrrrc that’s so cuuuuuute!!!!!

lancelot: awe je t’aime fois deux mille!!!!!

locoparentis: laf i love you but i don’t speak french hon

hamleton: i love you times two thousand

locoparentis: awwww i love you too

jamesbond: congratulations

macbitch: maybe married life with mellow you out, hamilton

hamleton: be glad that i’m too happy to fight your bitch ass, jefferson

macbitch has been kicked from the chat  
jamesbond has been kicked from the chat  
georgewashingtub has left the chat

lancelot: alexandre s’il vous plaît

hamleton: laf do you really want me fighting someone on tHE DAY WE GOT ENGAGED????

lancelot: fair enough

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 5:26 pm  
theonlytheo is online

theonlytheo: aaron

theonlytheo: aaaaaronnnnn

theonlytheo: ay-ay-ron

theonlytheo: i have a surprise when you get home

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 6:22 pm  
bunsenburrner is online

bunsenburrner: theodosia bartow why is there a dog in the living room

theonlytheo: hahaha okay so

theonlytheo: i may or may not have adopted her this morning

bunsenburrner: oh my god theo

theonlytheo: but just look at her face aaron! she needed a home!

bunsenburrner: couldn’t you at least have asked me first?

theonlytheo: you weren’t answering and i really really wanted to get her

theonlytheo: just look at how cute she is!

bunsenburrner: theo where are you?

bunsenburrner: she’s staring at me what do i do

theonlytheo: i’m at the store getting dog food and toys and a bed

theonlytheo: she probably wants to get to know you. let her sniff your hand and then pet her once she’s done

bunsenburrner: oh my god she’s so soft

theonlytheo: ikr

bunsenburrner: awww.mov

theonlytheo: aw she likes you!

bunsenburrner: okay she’s adorable we’re keeping her

theonlytheo: yey

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 6:27 pm

theonlytheo: SO AARON AND I HAVE A DOG NOW

hamleton is online

hamleton: AW WHEN CAN I MEET THE DOGGO

theonlytheo: IDK SOON BUT LIKE AFTER SHE GETS USED TO ME AND AARON

hamleton: OKAY

theonlytheo: LOOKATHER.jpg

lancelot is online

lancelot: MON DIEU THAT DOG IS ADORABLE

hamleton: I KNOW RIGHT

bunsenburrner: SHE RESPONDS TO THEODOSIA

bunsenburrner: OURPRECIOUSCHILD.mov

theonlytheo: AWW

theonlytheo: AARON HER NAME IS THEODOSIA

theonlytheo has changed their name to theodogeia

theodogeia: since i’m not the only theo anymore

datpeg is online

datpeg: yesss join me in my memedom

sonnyday is online

sonnyday: that dog is cute as fuck oh my god

datpeg: THEO CAN I MEET YOUR DOGGY SINCE I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND

theonlytheo: AARON?

bunsenburrner: YES

theonlytheo: YES COME MEET OUR DAUGHTER

datpeg: YEAH

datpeg: I’LL BE THERE IN LIKE SEVEN MINUTES

datpeg is offline

ninarose is online

ninarose: aw i want a dog

itsbenny is online

itsbenny: there’s puppies at the shelter near my place

ninarose: but i’d have to leave the puppy when i go back to college

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 6:40 pm

itsbenny: about that

ninarose: what’s wrong?

itsbenny: i’d never ask you to do something you can’t or don’t want to

ninarose: what are you talking about?

itsbenny: and you can always say no

ninarose: what are you trying to say?

itsbenny: i want you to stay here, nina

itsbenny: with me and theodosia and peggy

itsbenny: and all of your new friends

itsbenny: i want you to move in with me

itsbenny: nina?

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 6:43 pm

ninarose: vanessa!

champagne is online

champagne: qué paso nina?

ninarose: IM_CRYING.jpg

champagne: no me diga

champagne: what are you waiting for girl? go get him!

 

Sun., Oct. 3, 11:02 pm

ninarose: va n sssa

champagne: nina are you okay??? benny messaged me saying that he was really worried. what happened to you?

ninarose: i fuckes up

champagne: oh honey

champagne: what happened?

ninarose: this.jpg

>>>itsbenny: nina?

>>>ninarose: oh my god. benny…

>>>itsbenny: i get if it you don’t want to.

>>>ninarose: no! i do! it’s just that

>>>ninarose: ugh i don’t know how to say it

>>>itsbenny: ???

>>>ninarose: i’ve just felt really guilty since last summer, with all the trouble with the dispatch and how i cost you your job

>>>itsbenny: you didn’t cost me anything! it was a blessing in disguise, nina

>>>itsbenny: everything is forgiven

>>>itsbenny: so about you moving in…

>>>itsbenny: a lot of your stuff is already here, and the guest bedroom could be your room if you want

>>>ninarose: i don’t know

>>>itsbenny: you could decorate it how you want

>>>ninarose: benny…

>>>itsbenny: you wouldn’t have to stay in the dorms, or rent an apartment on your own

>>>ninarose: i know…..

>>>itsbenny: you could stay with me, nina

>>>ninarose: I DON’T KNOW, BENNY. LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A MOMENT, AT LEAST.

>>>ninarose: benny?

>>>itsbenny: okay

>>>itsbenny: i’ll leave you alone

>>>ninarose: wait

>>>ninarose: benny

>>>itsbenny is offline

champagne: oh my god

 

Mon., Oct. 3, 11:15 pm

hamleton: hey are you guys okay?

improvisando is online

improvisando: sí, we’re okay over here

hamleton: schuylers?

werkk is online

werkk: yeah we’re fine

skyhighliza: maria and i got a little busy so we didn’t notice

datpeg: the doggy got spooked

datpeg: she’s hiding under the table rn

theodogeia is online

theodogeia: we’re okay

theodogeia: little theo’s scared but aaron’s petting her

theodogeia: sidenote: arenttheycute.jpg

datpeg: nina? benny? nina’s friends whose names i’ve forgotten?

caféconleche: we’re good

caféconleche: vanessa’s apartment has emergency lights so it’s fine

itsbenny is online

itsbenny: i’m fine but i haven’t heard from nina in a few hours

champagne: she’s okay

itsbenny: what happened to her?

champagne: from what she’s said, you’ll find out soon enough

itsbenny: she just messaged me

itsbenny: i’m letting her up

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 12:05 am

locoparentis: alex honey are you okay?

hamleton: yeah

lancelot: honey you’re shaking

jlau: wanna watch a movie?

hamleton: blackkoutdzs

locoparentis: alex, can i come in

hamleton: yes please. john, can you come in too?

jlau: of course

hamleton: the lights went out before the hurricane hit when i was seventeen

hamleton: i should’ve known that something was wrong, but i didn’t. i lost almost everything i had, save a few pictures and books and what i was wearing.

jlau: oh, honey. i’m so sorry.

hamleton: remember when i first moved in with you and i had a box and suitcase?

lancelot: i hated how little you had

hamleton: my suitcase had my books and the box had the clothes i’d managed to scrounge up since i came to america

hamleton: i finally got rid of the books last weekend. the pictures are in the closet

locoparentis: why’d you get rid of them?

hamleton: i couldn’t look at them without crying. i got rid of them and just felt free.

locoparentis: laf where are you going

jlau: laf where the fuck did you get all those candles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a hecks of a lot happened here wow holy moly


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops i missed a bit it's fine it's fine

Tues., Oct. 4, 6:52 am  
georgewashingtub is online

georgewashingtub: Everything is down, so don’t bother coming in today.

macbitch: thank you sir

bunsenburrner: Thank you, Sir.

lancelot: Merci, monsieur. Has Martha baked anything recently?

georgewashingtub: Yes, she made six batches of cookies last night for a bake sale. Why?

lancelot: If there’s any left, can she please gives us some? They always help Alex relax and he had a really bad night because of the blackout.

georgewashingtub: Of course. Shall I drop by or will you come to pick them up?

lancelot: I’ll go pick them up. I have to get a few things anyway.

georgewashingtub: They’ll be waiting.

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 7:12 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: guys?

hamleton: where’d you go?

hamleton: laf? john? herc?

hamleton: anyone?

lancelot is online

lancelot: sorry alex! i ran out to get some things

hamleton: it’s okay. do you know where john and herc are?

jlau is online

jlau: morning, babe

hamleton: where’d you go?

jlau: we’re getting stuff

hamleton: oh

lancelot: i’m paying right now, so i’ll be home soon

hamleton: okey. has the blackout ended?

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: no not yet

locoparentis: but look in the closet

hamleton: when did you make this???

locoparentis: a few weeks ago. i wanted it to be a birthday present, but this seemed like a much more appropriate moment

hamleton: it smells like you

hamleton: thankyou.jpg

jlau: awe you’re adorable

jlau: are you sure you’re alright?

hamleton: kinda. better than last night. but hurry home, please.

locoparentis: laf just picked us up. ten minutes

hamleton: okey

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 7:13 am

champagne is online

champagne: nina?

ninarose is online

ninarose: aydiosmio.jpg

champagne: !!!!!!!!

ninarose: we didn’t do anything!

champagne: but you’re wearing his shirt?????

ninarose: i got cold and benny insisted

champagne: oh

ninarose: HELP.jpg

ninarose: he just rolled over and started cuddling me oh my god i’m gonna start crying

champagne: i see you cuddling back in that picture nina

champagne: you can’t hide it from me

champagne: anyway are you alright?

ninarose: yeah i’m fine

ninarose: how about you?

champagne: i’m alright

champagne: me too - usnavi

champagne: also good job nina! - usnavi

ninarose: we didn’t do anything!!!!

champagne: you should’ve - vanessa

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 7:20 am  
theodogeia is online

theodogeia: who’s alive

skyhighliza is online

werkk is online

werkk: ifoundsomething.jpg

skyhighliza: is that a kitten

werkk: yes

theodogeia: omg is it okay?

werkk: yeah, we took her to the vet this morning and she just needs food

skyhighliza: are you gonna keep her?

werkk: i’m thinking about it

theodogeia: please do

werkk: i like her well enough

werkk: shes_so_cute.mov

ninarose is online

ninarose: aww what a cute kitty!

werkk: update: i’ve named her catherine

hamleton is online

hamleton: CATherine

werkk: DID YOU HEAR ME FACEPALM

hamleton: :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i combined like three parts of this fic so yeah wHOOPS

Tues., Oct. 4, 8:12 am  
reignolds is online

reignolds: babe

skyhighliza is online

skyhighliza: what’s up?

reignolds: i just had a lovely visit with james reynolds

skyhighliza: oh no. are you okay?

reignolds: yeah, but can we go visit someone? i need a distraction

skyhighliza: of course, love

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 8:27 am

skyhighliza: hey you four

hamleton: hi wifey! what’s up?

jlau: yes you can come over. maria just texted me

skyhighliza: thanks john

jlau: she hasn’t had a visit from james reynolds in a long time… is she okay?

skyhighliza: yeah, she just needs a distraction. we’re on our way

hamleton: who is james reynolds?

skyhighliza: james reynolds was my birth name - maria

skyhighliza: whenever i get dysphoria i call it james reynolds - maria

skyhighliza: james reynolds is the literal worst - eliza

hamleton: why is that?

skyhighliza: cause he’s the reason i hated high school and 90% of my first year of college

skyhighliza: he’s a really bad guy

hamleton: anything we can do?

skyhighliza: board games

hamleton: on it

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 8:33 am

locoparentis: alex,,,,

jlau: we have other games alexander we do not always have to play the same one

hamleton: scRABBLE TIME YOU’RE GONNA GET REKT

lancelot: end it

lancelot: end me

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 8:45 am

reignolds: yo let us up

jlau: the door is open

skyhighliza: not the door to the outside

hamleton: you have to go around the side cause that one’s fucked up

reignolds: ughghghghgh

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 8:57 am

lancelot: where’s that really red lipstick that i used on alex last year at christmas?

jlau: it should be in our room in the nightstand

lancelot: in the stuff drawer or the Stuff drawer?

jlau: stuff

lancelot: oh i found it

hamleton: why do you need it?

locoparentis: are you doing maria’s makeup?

lancelot: ye

jlau: ooh i’m excited

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 9:01 am

jlau: private chat!!!! private chat!!!! private chat!!!!

locoparentis: why this is weird

jlau: look at alex and laf

jlau: theycookin.jpg

locoparentis: oh my god no

locoparentis: cutesmols.jpg

jlau: awe

jlau: IMGETTINGINONTHIS.jpg

locoparentis: we have friends over

jlau: has that ever stopped us before

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 9:10 am

hamleton: THE LIGHTS SCARED ME AND I DROPPED A TRAY OF COOKIES

jlau: IT’S FINE OUR FLOORS ARE HELLA CLEAN

 

Tues., Oct. 4, 9:16 am

lancelot: how are you feeling maria?

reignolds: better

reignolds: thanks laf

lancelot: pas du probleme

hamleton: you look so pretty!

reignolds: thanks!

lancelot: cute.jpg

reignolds: she didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. her boss is overworking her. let her sleep

jlau: WE BAKED TONS OF COOKIES COME EAT THEM

reignolds: FUCK YEAH

 

Wed., Oct. 5, 11:22 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: i’m bored and i did all my work through december

jlau is online

jlau: you have a meeting in 20 minutes

hamleton: i know

lancelot is online

lancelot: can i paint your nails?

hamleton: will they dry?

lancelot: i have the quick dry stuff

hamleton: what colors

lancelot: a darkish red, a slightly darker than mint green, a sparkly bright orange, and a light pink

hamleton: i’m coming to your office. i want the green

jlau: i want the purple!!!!

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: i’m sending my resume to gwash

lancelot: i’ll paint your nails at home

locoparentis: i want orange

 

Wed., Oct. 5, 3:06 pm

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: LOOK.jpg

lancelot is online

lancelot: OH MY GOD 

lancelot: WHEN DID YOU GET THAT

locoparentis: JUST NOW

lancelot: IT SAYS PLUS ONE CAN I GO WITH YOU

locoparentis: YE

lancelot: YAY

 

Wed., Oct. 5, 3:37 pm

hamleton: sooo apparently gwash’s company is partnering with a british company

jlau: and they need to discuss the benefits and how the money flow is gonna work so they’re sending two ‘qualified representatives’

hamleton: aka me and john

lcocoparentis: what

lancelot: vous allez au angleterre?!?!?!?

hamleton: yeah

jlau: yup

locoparentis: when

hamleton: this weekend is when we fly over

jlau: and we’ll be there for the week

lancelot: wow

lancelot: okay

lancelot: that’s the start of herc’s fashion week thing

locoparentis: what the fuck tf what

hamleton: sorry :(

jlau: we leave on saturday

lancelot: but

lancelot: ugh

lancelot: heRC HOW ARE WE GONNA SURVIVE

locoparentis: I DONT KNOW WHAT ARE WE GONBA DO WITHUT OUR SMOLS

lancelot: OH G O D WE’RE LITERALLY GONNA D I E

locoparentis: I AM CURRENTLY PLANNING THE WELCOME PARTY FOR DEATH

jlau: omg pls guys

hamleton: you’ll survive because we’ll message you and call you and we’ll fucking miss you like hell

locoparentis: okey

lancelot: alexandre you better keep that promise

hamleton: of course????? i love you too much to stop talkign to you???? that one month was too much?????

jlau: herc come over we’re all going to laf’s office to cuddle

locoparentis: already in the car

 

Fri., Oct. 7, 2:40 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: what did i do to deserve you three?

hamleton: why did you choose me of all the other people in the world

hamleton: literallywhy.jpg

hamleton: you’re all so cute and pretty qnd incredible people and if you told 17/18/19-year-old-hardly-learning-english-living-in-the-barrio alex that he’d be fucking pROMISE RING’D to the LOVES of his LIFE, he’d say you’re insane but here you all are, cuddlin and just looking like the perfect angels you are

hamleton: herc is just the biggest sweetheart and looks scary™ but really is A Big Teddy Bear and just loves with every particle of his being and i just cANT and he kisses like he MEANS IT and never wants to let you go and i just abkdmwla and when he does The Thing where he pushes himself into you like he just cannot be close enough i love it i love him and like he’s so considerate like when i was scared of the dark he bought a nightlight and candles like fuq me up what a sweetheart and he tries his best and that just makes him better

hamleton: and laf can just lOOK at you and you’re in love and every time they look at me it’s like i’m in college and seeing them for the first time and it just hurts how much i love them AND THEY LOVE ME BACK HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE LIKE FOR ALL OF YOU but like laf is so calm and also like !!!!! always it’s awesome and they can p much read my mind and they knew that i was into you and they still Know stuff now it fucks me up how much effort they put into loving me like the time they bought like a billion different types of bath things and told me that i could bathe for as long as possible because i looked a little tired the day before omg

hamleton: and john doesn’t like to be loud and he knows how to deal with myp bullshit and he sings like an angel and that one night he serenaded me was literal heaven and the fact that he’s surprised when people like him off the bat just hURTS ME BABE and when he hugs or kisses you he’s so gentle and Caring and he loves so hard abd when he asked me if i wanted coffee today he looked at me like i put the moon up and he’s just AHAHSKXLWN and he taught me how to take care of myself because he was so scared that iwould die early i’m literally cryin rn

hamleton: and like sleeping in a bed with you three is something i never expected to happen

hamleton: i don’t believe in fantasies or really anything past cold hard reality but really and honestly

hamleton: being engaged to you three and planning a future and just living together and having a whole separate world that the outside doesnnt actually kniw about is actually a dream come true

hamleton: i never thought i’d have anything in my life as good as this

hamleton: i love you all so much

hamleton: please don’t ever forget that

 

Fri., Oct. 7, 7:31 am  
jlau is online  
locoparentis is online  
lancelot is online

jlau: babe….

locoparentis: alex….

lancelot: honey….

hamleton: oops?

locoparentis: do you really wonder why we’re dating you?

lancelot: do you actually think that at 2 am

hamleton: i think that always

jlau: BABE

lancelot: WE LOVE YOU ALEX

locoparentis: WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

jlau: YOU’RE THE SWEETEST PERSON ON EARTH AND YOU DESERVE THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE BOWING TO YOUR WILL

hamleton: no i don’t

locoparentis: YOUR E N T I R E CHILDHOOD THROUGH TO YOUR EARLY ADULTHOOD WAS LITERAL SHIT ALEX 

lancelot: YOU SHOULD’VE GOTTEN EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED EASIER THAN YOU GOT IT BUT YOU DIDN’T BUT YOU DIDN’T COMPLAIN YOU JUST WORKED H E L L A HARD TO GE T IT AND YOU’RE AMAZING AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO LOVE YOU

locoparentis: WE LOVE YOU

lancelot: WE LOVE YOU TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH AND WOULD SHOOT OURSELVES INTO SPACE IF IT MEANT YOU’D BE HAPPY

jlau: NEVER FORGET THAT, ALEX, P L E A S E

hamleton: g uys

hamleton: i love youa ll so mucj

hamleton: pls comz and cuddlr me

jlau: I GOT HIM

lancelot: SNATCHED

locoparentis: COMING

 

Sat., Oct. 8, 6:01 am  
hamleton is online  
jlau is online

hamleton: why did we have to leave so early

jlau: gwash bought our tickets. we couldn’t choose a time and we’re both too afraid to ask him to change it

hamleton: look at them

jlau: i’m gonna miss them so hard oh my god

hamleton: john don’t cry yet or i’m gonna start crying too and we don’t need that

jlau: can i cry in the car

hamleton: yes as long as i can too

jlau: dEAL

hamleton: bye, you two!

jlau: we love you!

hamleton: we’ll call you when we get to london!

jlau: and we’ll bring back presents!!!

 

Sat., Oct. 8, 10:52 am  
lancelot is online

lancelot: WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO WAKE UP WITHOUT YOU TWO FOR AN E N T I R E W E E K I HATE EVERYTHING

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: ugh this is the worst

locoparentis: where even are you?

lancelot: i’m making coffee ANGRILY

lancelot: and drinking it ANGRILY

locoparentis: can i join you?

lancelot: ONLY IF IT’S ANGRILY

locoparentis: DEAL

 

Sat., Oct. 8, 1:39 am

locoparentis: I’M SO NERVOUS WHY HAVEN’T THEY MESSAGED US YET

lancelot: THEY HAVE LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF LEFT HERCULES

locoparentis: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO UNTIL THEN

lancelot: SCREAM? I DONT KNOWWWW

locoparentis: THAT’S IT I’M STRESS KNITTING

lancelot: WHAT CAN ////I//// DO

locoparentis: REORGANIZE THE YARN????

lancelot: HOW IT’S ALREADY BY WHICH ONES YOU USE MOST

locoparentis: rainbow order?

lancelot: oh that sounds good

 

Sat., Oct. 8, 3:24 pm

lancelot: plsmakemeasweater.jpg

locoparentis: I FORGOT I BOUGHT THAT I THOUGHT YOU’D LOOK PRETTY IN IT AND I WAS GONNA MAKE A SWEATER BRING ME THAT ONE 

hamleton is online

hamleton: laf would look like a literal deity in that color holy fUck

locoparentis: YOU’RE ALIVE

lancelot: AAAAAHHHHH YOU STIML EXIST

hamleton: yeah we do!

locoparentis: where’s john?

hamleton: crying

lancelot: is he okay????????

jlau is online

jlau: alex you’re crying too

locoparentis: are you okay???????????

hamleton: no cause you two aren’t here and we miss you and oh god sleeping without you is gonna hURT

jlau: we haven’t slept without you in yEARS

lancelot: you slept fine when i was in france

hamleton: I DIDN’T

lancelot: WAIT REALLY

hamleton: YES I COULDN’T SLEEP AS WELL AS I DO WHENEVER I ACTUALLY SLEEP BECAUSE MY BACK WAS EXPOSED AND I WAS SCARED

lancelot: AW PLEASE COME HOME SOON SO I CAN KISS YOU I MISS YOU

hamleton: i wish

hamleton: i miss you guys so bad already

jlau: i literally missed you from the moment we left the house oh my god

lancelot: HERC

locoparentis: YES

lancelot: TELL THEM THE THING

locoparentis: oh right have you two unpacked yet

hamleton: no

locoparentis: do it now pls

jlau: okay????

locoparentis: so…

hamleton: weloveyousomuch.mov

jlau: I CAN’T STOP CRYING NOW

locoparentis: I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM

lancelot: I CHOSE THE COLORS AND THE SCENTS

hamleton: YOU TWO ARE THE BEST SPOUSES THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER THANK YOU

jlau: WE’RE GONNA FACETIME YOU WE WANNA HEAR YOUR VOICES

locoparentis: OKAY LOVE YOU

lancelot: JE T’AIME

jlau: LOVE YOU TOO

hamleton: ME TOO!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's fixed now whoopsie  
> this fic is ongoing which means i have like 1039732 ideas that are all jumbled up into a weird soup


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS LATE I'M SORRY I JUST SCHOOL

Mon., Oct. 10, 2:44 pm (London)  
hamleton is online

hamleton: john everything i own is going to you herc and laf

hamleton: divide it up evenly cause i’m gonne fLING MYSELF INTO THE SuN

jlau is online

jlau: tell laf and herc i love them cause i’m gonna die of boredom at this fUckiNg meeting

hamleton: DID YOU HEAR HER

jlau: NO WHAT

hamleton: “just out of curiosity, what is the importance of this particular subject? because i believe a few people here don’t think it’s all that important” BITCH

jlau: OH MY G O D

 

Mon., Oct. 10, 6:31 pm (London), 2:31 pm (New York)

hamleton is online  
jlau is online  
locoparentis is online  
lancelot is online

hamleton: finally back at the hotel yesssss

jlau: alex just flopped over face first on our bed

lancelot: how was your first day?

jlau: uuuuuuuuuughghghghghghghghgh

locoparentis: not good?

hamleton: SIX MEETINGS

hamleton: AND WE GOT SEVERELY INDIRECTED BECAUSE WE WERE TEXTING DURING THE LAST ONE AND IT WAS THE WORST SHE WAS SO SALTY

lancelot: WHAT DID SHE SAY

jlau: THIS.jpg

locoparentis: HAH

 

Thurs., Oct. 13, 7:01 pm  
lancelot is online

lancelot: Monsieur? May I ask something odd of you?

georgewashingtub is online

georgewashingtub: Yes, of course. And it’s after hours, Lafayette. No need to be so formal.

lancelot: sorry. it’s a habit

georgewashingtub: what do you need?

lancelot: do you and/or martha mind if i come over? hercules is working late again and john and alex are asleep

georgewashingtub: martha is on a road trip with some friends. last time she texted me, she was in chicago and about to see a musical

georgewashingtub: yes you can come over

lancelot: already in the car

 

Thurs., Oct. 13, 9:32 pm  
locoparentis is online

locoparentis: laf? where are you?

lancelot: hello sorry sorry sorry i’m coming home

locoparentis: did you stay late???

lancelot: non i was at gwash’s

locoparentis: why????

lancelot: i was lpnely

locoparentis: hon…

locoparentis: are you drunk

lancelot: yes

lancelot: ⅔ of my words arz being auto corrected

locoparentis: so i’ll be seeing your boss again soon won’t i

lancelot: ye

locoparentis: you’re downstairs aren’t you

lancelot: ye

 

Fri., Oct 14, 7:33 pm (London)

hamleton: LET’S GO JOHN COME ONE

jlau: SORRY I HAD TO DRAW A TURTLE AS A PRESENT

hamleton: I’M ALREADY DOWNSTAIRS JOHN

jlau: COMING COMING COMING

hamleton: did you read the group chat

jlau: yeah. do you still have laf’s gift?

hamleton: yeah it’s wrapped already

jlau: i have herc’s

hamleton: should we message then to tell them we’re coming home

jlau: ye

 

Fri., Oct 14, 7:39 pm (London), 2:39 pm (New York)

hamleton: we’re headed home!!!

lancelot: YAY I WON’T BE ALONE AT WORK

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: YAY WE WON’T HAVE TONS OF LEFTOVERS ANYMORE

jlau: WHEN WE GET HOME WE ARE ALL GOING TO BED AND CUDDLING THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER

lancelot: I’M DOWN

locoparentis: ME TOO

hamleton: oh how is laf holding up?

lancelot: i’m okay now. i had a talk with gwash and it was nice

lancelot: it felt like sophomore year of college again

hamleton: not in a bad way, i hope

lancelot: no, not in a bad way

locoparentis: i have a picture of them hugging

locoparentis: aren'ttheycute.jpg

jlau: you just called our boss cute

locoparentis: oh right sorry

hamleton: AIRPORT!! AIRPORT!! AIRPORT!! AIRPORT!!

hamleton: WE’RE PULLING UP TO THE AIRPORT WE’LL TEXT YOU LATER

jlau: WE LOVE YOU

lancelot: WE LOVE YOU TOO

locoparentis: STAY SAFE DON’T DIE

hamleton: WE PROMISE BYE

jlau: BYE

lancelot: BYE

locoparentis: BYE

 

Sat., Oct 15, 4:39 am

hamleton: NEWWWW YORKKKK

jlau: YOU’RE PROBABLY ASLEEP BUT HI WE’RE BACK AND WE’RE GETTING A CAB

locoparentis: DON’T GET IN THE CAB WE’RE COMING TO GET YOU

lancelot: I JUST CHUGGED A MUG OF COFFEE WE’RE COMING

hamleton: DID YOU JUST WAKE UP

locoparentis: NO WE STAYED UP

jlau: aaaaaWWWWEEEEE GUYS

lancelot: WE’LL BE THERE SOON GET SOMETHING TO EAT AND DON’T FALL ASLEEP YET

hamleton: OKAY LOVE YOU

jlau: LOVE YOU

locoparentis: LAF IS DRIVING NOW WE LOVE YOU TOO!!!

 

Sat., Oct 15, 6:12 am

hamleton: sleep!!!! sleep!!!! sleep!!!! sleep!!!! sleep!!!! sleep!!!! sleep!!!!

jlau: let’s GO to BED

locoparentis: i’m down let’s go

lancelot: herc can you carry me

locoparentis: yes dear

lancelot: ty goodnight

hamleton: goodnight

locoparentis: goodnight

jlau: i love us

jlau: goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does this seem rushed it does doesn't it  
> i was just trying to get through it cause i needed a segway between this and the halloween thing whICH I'M POSTING TONIGHT IT'S LATE AND I'M SORRY BUT YEAH


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAND THE HALLOWEEN THING IT'S LATE BUT HERE DON'T THROW THINGS AT ME

Mon., Oct. 31, 3:01 am  
datpeg is online

datpeg: BOYS AND GIRLS OF EVERY AGE

sonnyday is online

sonnyday: WOULDN’T LIKE TO SEE SOMETHING STRANGE

datpeg: COME WITH US AND YOU WILL SEE

sonnyday: THIS OUR TOWN OF HALLOWEEN

hamleton is online

hamleton: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

jlau is online

jlau: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

datpeg: HALLOWEEN

sonnyday: HALLOWEEN

hamleton: HALLOWEEN

jlau: HALLOWEEN

datpeg has changed their name to andpegleg  
sonnyday has changed their name to delaspooka  
hamleton has changed their name to dead  
jlau has changed their name to pumpking

delaspooka: okay this was fun goodnight

pumpking: yeah night

andpegleg: goodnight

dead: we have work in the morning

dead: ON HALLOWEEN

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 9:12 am  
lancelot is online  
locoparentis is online

lancelot: HAPPY HALLOWEEN

locoparentis: TIME TO SHOW YALL WHAT I BUSTED MY ASS OVER LAST WEEK

dead is online

dead: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

pumpking is online

pumpking: H A L L O W E E N

lancelot has changed their name to spoopyfry  
locoparentis has changed their name to hallowking

spoopyfry: dark herc show us the forbidden halloween costumes

hallowking: come hither

dead: ‘’’’’hither’’’’’

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 10:23 am

spoopyfry: haha okay so

skyhighliza: oh god

dead: we’re not saying that herc made us heathers halloween costumes

pumpking: but we look incredible

hallowking: look.jpg

andpegleg: oh my god

werkk: i’m glad i work on this side of the office

dead: CANDY STORE IS PLAYING GOTTA GO

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 10:45 am

hallowking: beautiful.mov

delaspooka: why is usnavi in a skirt?

hallowking: what?

delaspooka: why is usnavi in a green skirt

hallowking: thats????? not usnavi????? that’s alex?????

delaspooka: oh

delaspooka: alex looks EXACTLY like usnavi

delaspooka: likeEXACTLY.jpg

hallowking: what

hallowking: wHat

hallowking: WHAT

delaspooka: IKR

hallowking: oops i gotta get back to making this fUcking dress

delaspooka: oh you’re the tailor!

hallowking: hercules, yeah

delaspooka: right, hercules. alex told me that you could make me a suit?

hallowking: i can but i’ll need your measurements and also time

delaspooka: i’m fine with that

hallowking: what time can you come in?

delaspooka: i have a full day today and tomorrow, but i only have two classes on wednesday

hallowking: okay. what time?

delaspooka: around 11:30?

hallowking: sounds good to me

delaspooka: yay!

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 6:01 pm

dead: QUITTIN TIME LETS GO GET REKT ON CANDY

spoopyfry: do you actually wanna go trick-or-treating

dead: i mean

dead: kinda

hallowking: i’m down for that

pumpking: will anyone even give us candy

spoopyfry: you and alex are smol enough

dead: okay but also everyone thinks i’m at least fifty years old

hallowking: so it’s up to john to collect candy

pumpking: interjection: i’d have to avoid the rich people neighborhoods that give out massive candy bars because they’re all gender-conformists and i am wearing a plaid miniskirt

dead: oh true

spoopyfry: fuck

hallowking: scrapping the candy hunting idea

spoopyfry: what can we do?

dead: go home is what. we are all literally sitting in our offices texting each other

hallowking: i am sitting in the parking lot waiting for you three

dead: coming

spoopyking: coming

pumpking: already here

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 7:08 pm

skyhighliza: hey alex do you and your signifs wanna come over to mine for a halloween party/movie marathon

dead: let me ask but probably yes

Mon., Oct. 31, 7:10 pm

dead: hey do yall wanna go to eliza’s for a halloween party/movie marathon thing

hallowking: yes i have maria’s dress that she asked me to make her like a billion years ago

pumpking: yeah as long as there’ll be candy

spoopyfry: yes!

dead: alright let’s go!

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 7:14 pm

dead: we’re coming over

skyhighliza: yay! angelica and peggy are already here and theo and aaron are coming soon

dead: ugh do i have to talk to burr

skyhighliza: yes but not excessively

dead: you are a goddess

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 9:34 pm

hallowking: CUTEOMG.jpg

dead: I SHIP IT

pumpking: SAME

spoopyfry: SAME

 

Mon., Oct. 31, 11:41 pm

spoopyfry: everyone is asleep but us

dead: should we leave

pumpking: i have all the kitkats

dead: i have the cookies

hallowking: oh my god

spoopyfry: i’m not actually tired

pumpking: wanna go home and have sex

dead: yeah sure

hallowking: why not

spoopyfry: in these costumes cause i look hot as heather chandler

hallowking: sure as long as you don’t rip them

pumpking: do you think the heathers were poly

dead: oh my god are we actually the heathers

dead: i am sO DOWN TO BELIEVE THAT

spoopyking: i thought we were going home

pumpking: right let’s go

dead: let’s goooo!

Tues., Nov. 1, 1:52 pm

hallowking: laf

spoopyfry: yes

hallowking: did i actually hear a ripping noise earlier or was i imagining it

spoopyfry: ,,,,,,,,,,,

hallowking: oh my g o d

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short and dumb but i like it so shrug  
> hey so like if yall have ideas or wanna see something in this fic or have a prompt for like a seperate fic (i can do hamilton, ith, and harry potter thus far) hmu writing.gale16@gmail.com


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk it's cute and i like it so i'm putting it in woo

Wed., Nov. 2, 11:44 pm  
locoparentis is online

locoparentis: hey you know that kid sonny?

hamleton is online

hamleton: yes?

locoparentis: heiscute.jpg

hamleton: omg he is

jlau is online

jlau: he’s like my height holy shit

hamleton: aw you’re not the smolest!

lancelot is online

lancelot: damn.mov

jlau: he can rap????? freestyle????? really well?????

hamleton: herc i’m going to the studio i need to fight him

locoparentis: please don’t engage the child in a rap battle

hamleton: tOO LATE I’M IN THE ELEVATOR

locoparentis: in the name of the father

lancelot: and the son

jlau: and the holy spirit

lancelot: amen

jlau: amen

locoparentis: amen

 

Thurs., Nov. 3, 6:48 pm

locoparentis: i just came home to see alex coughing and john laughing

locoparentis: laf is nowhere to be found

locoparentis: what is happening

jlau: ALEX WAS HPLDING HIS BREATH AND THZN STARTE DCOUGHING BECAUSE HE HELD IT FOR TOO LPNG ANF I ASKED WHY HE WAS HOLDING HIS BREATH AND HE SAID “GRAPEFRUIT AND GRAPEFRUIT-SCENTED THINGS LITERALLY CAME OUT OF SATAN’S ASSHOLE” AND I JUST C A N T

lancelot: i’m terrified and hiding in the bedroom

lancelot: i have sushi

locoparentis: coming

hamleton: FUCK EVERYTHING

lancelot: honestly tho grapefruit makes me want to set things on fire

jlau: arsonist

lancelot: shhhh

locoparentis: m gonna eat all this sushi

hamleton: NO I’M COMING

jlau: hE JUST TRIPPED ME?????

lancelot: HE JUST TAcKLED ME AND SPILLED WASABi SAUCE ON MY W H I T E SHORTS WhAT THE FuCK

locoparentis: babe

lancelot: alex did you eat at all today?

hamleton: ,,,,,,,,,,

hamleton: no,,,,,,,,

jlau: fUCK

lancelot: ????

locoparentis: are you okay

jlau: ALEX I JUST FOUND THE LUNCH I WAS SUPPOSED TO BRING YOU TODAY THAT I FORGOT ABOUT I’M SORRY

lancelot: WAIT I THOUGHT IT WAS MY DAY TO BRING HIM LUNCH WHAT I WAS GONNA TAKE HIM ON A LUNCH DATE BUT I HAD A FUCKING MEETING

locoparentis: YOU TWO SKIPPED ME LAST TIME SO IT WAS ACTUALLY MY TURN WHAT ARE YALL TALKING ABOUT I WAS GONNA PICK HIM UP

hamleton: you guys,,,,,, take turns,,,,,,, feeding me,,,,,,,,,,

jlau: YEAH AND IT’S OUR FAULTS THAT YOU DIDN’T EAT TODAY

lancelot: WE’RE SORRY TODAY WAS JUST A BUSY DAY

locoparentis: BUT WE’LL GO ON A LUNCH DATE TOMORROW

hamleton: IT’S NOT YOUR GUYS’ FAULT I JUST CAN’T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND I HAD A SNACK HERE AND THERE SO I WASN’T STARVING ALL DAY IT’S FINE

lancelot: AAAHH

jlau: okay but can we still go on that date tomorrow

locoparentis: ye

lancelot: hell ye

hamleton: ye pls

jlau: oh my god i love us


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was in a sappy mood and i just ran with it

Sun., Nov. 6, 6:15 pm

lancelot: we’ve all changed a lot

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: what do you mean?

lancelot: well take alex for example

lancelot: he was a twig because he ate an actual meal maybe once a week and just had granola bars the rest of the time

lancelot: he also hardly bothered with yknow hygiene

locoparentis: i’m so glad he’s gotten better

locoparentis: he actually acknowledges that he’s hungry now

jlau is online

jlau: i’m proud of him yesterday he told me that he was hungry and i said if he could wait like twenty minutes i’d take him to lunch and he said that he was bringing food for me and laf

lancelot: it was nice we had a mini party in my office

locoparentis: he also knows how to Chill more and maybe he needs a push sometimes but he’s still so much better

jlau: remember that month that he got so stressed during finals and trying to graduate that he just shut down

locoparentis: that was the month that he wouldn’t talk to laf wasn’t it

lancelot: during the three months he only wanted my attention

jlau: did we ever learn why

lancelot: i didn’t even learn why

lancelot: but as i was saying

lancelot: it isn’t just alex, though he’s changed most noticeably

lancelot: we’ve all changed quite a bit

jlau: how???

lancelot: well like herc used to be very !!!!! and scream about 106 things at a time

lancelot: now he only screams about fabric and cute customers

jlau: yeah it’s cute

locoparentis: yeah you’re right

locoparentis: john’s changed a lot too

locoparentis: remember how he’d get excited about art or a singer and he’d light up and then catch himself and try to downplay his Intense Interest

jlau: ugh that was such a shitty time

lancelot: or how he’d sing really nicely in his dorm but pretended to be tone deaf in any other setting and the only reason we knew he could sing was because of the time we burst into his dorm unannounced

locoparentis: good times

jlau: well almost

lancelot: yeah we didn’t have alex

jlau: where is he anyway

locoparentis: here.jpg

lancelot: awe you precious babes

jlau: i love our relationship

locoparentis: laf has changed a lot too

lancelot: lol yeah i learned almost proper english

locoparentis: not just that

locoparentis: you also used to be !!!! but in a different way

jlau: you and alex were this especially fiery duo of rebels in our group of Revolutionaries

lancelot: remember when we used to call ourselves that

locoparentis: remember the tshirts

jlau: i love alex to death but some of his ideas were Not the best

lancelot: i kinda miss the college days when we were all p much walking !s

jlau: i miss the atmosphere of college when we tried to change the world via our college

locoparentis: i miss the fact that we didn’t know what we were doing both individually as people and together as a relationship but still knew that it was gonna be 1) a hell of an adventure and 2) something to remember for eternity

lancelot: i don’t miss not being able to understand half of what anyone was saying tho

locoparentis: ugh i hated when i was trying to figure myself out and i thought i was gay then straight then bi then pan then aro then demi and then landed on bi

jlau: i hate(d) my father and his stupid fucking rules that he drilled into me

lancelot: rt

locoparentis: rt

lancelot: if i had to go back to any time ever i’d probably go back to the time that i lived with gwash and alex didn’t but basically did

jlau: we never really learned about that time did we

lancelot: no but it was basically a summer and two weeks

hamleton is online

hamleton: i had 99% of my stuff at the washington’s place

hamleton: which to be fair wasn’t much but still

lancelot: i was so in love with you by then

hamleton: i couldn’t even think when you were in the room jesus christ

jlau: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE

locoparentis: DID YOU GET VERY FAR

lancelot: i was so into alex that i would buy him things if i thought he’d like them

hamleton: laf literally bought me a necklace $200 because i said, and i quote, “that would look nice on anyone that isn’t me”

lancelot: i wANTED TO SHOW YOU THAT YOU WERE WRONG

hamleton: yeah they totally showed me

lancelot: i did he looked pretty

hamleton: i still have the necklace

lancelot: I THOUGHT YOU LOST IT MOVING OUT OF GWASH’S CAUSE YOU NEVER WORE IT AFTER LIKE TWICE

hamleton: NO I HAVE IT I’M GONNA PUT IT ON

lancelot: YEY

lancelot: is herc asleep

hamleton: no but he keeps looking at me in this necklace, grinning, and then returning to his phone

jlau: we’re being giggly shits over how cute you two are

locoparentis: it’s literally so gross i’ll show you but let’s go and cuddle laf and john

hamleton: okey


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the world has gone to shit so i bring you an update in the hopes that it'll make you feel better no matter what your mood is

Mon., Nov. 7, 4:25 pm

lancelot is online

lancelot: SO TODAY I LEARNED THAT JOHN CAN PLAY GUITAR

jlau is online

jlau: NOT REALLY I CAN’T PLAY ANYTHING WITH CHORDS

hamleton is online

hamleton: why didn’t i have this information before????????

jlau: cause it’s dumb and embarrassing

lancelot: it’s literally so cute???????? i love that you can play???????

jlau: i can’t really play a lot of actual songs

hamleton: what can you play

jlau: the most complex thing i know is greensleeves

jlau: i’m in the process of learning danny boy

lancelot: you and alex should come to my office so you can play for us!!!!

jlau: do i have to

hamleton: not if you really don’t want to

jlau: i have a guitar hidden at home so i’ll play there

jlau: i want hercules to hear me play too

lancelot: how did you hide a guitar

hamleton: where did you hide a fUckign gUITAR in our TINY APARTMENT

jlau: the Room of Requirement

lancelot: ?????

lancelot: you mean the stuff closet?????

jlau: ye

hamleton: why the room of requirement

jlau: why did i hide it there or why do i call it that

hamleton: yes

jlau: 1) because yall literally never go in there so there was 0 chance of any of you finding it and 2) because there’s always something that i need in there

lancelot: that’s adorable

jlau: ty ^u^

 

Mon., Nov. 7, 6:57 pm  
theodogeia has started a group chat  
chat name: babes  
theodogeia has added ninarose, datpeg to the chat

theodogeia: okay so question

ninarose: yes?

datpeg: what’s up?

theodogeia: actually several

theodogeia: first one: all three of us have already kissed each other (which is an out of this world experience btw), so just out of curiosity, are either of you ready for anything ~physical~?

theodogeia: you can say no or not yet or anything to these questions as long as you’re honest

datpeg: i’m actually down for ~~physical~~ things honestly

theodogeia: nina?

ninarose: i

ninarose: i don’t know

ninarose: the concept is scary to me, but i wanna do it with you two

ninarose: but also with benny

ninarose: and i feel like i’m ready with you two, but not with benny yet

datpeg: should we go into the other chat or is this a between us three thing for now?

ninarose: between us three for now

ninarose: i just feel like if i have sex with you two first, i’ll be leaving benny out or he’ll get jealous when i tell him cause there’s no way i’m going to not tell him

theodogeia: we don’t expect you not to

datpeg: if you’re uncomfortable or uncertain, we’ll wait, nina

ninarose: you’re the best

datpeg: we should go on another date soon

ninarose: not to a bar?

theodogeia: not to a bar

ninarose: huge date or us date?

datpeg: us date

theodogeia: us date

ninarose: i could introduce you guys to my parents, maybe not as girlfriends, but just as close friends

ninarose: and i could make dinner

theodogeia: that sounds cool!

datpeg: sounds fun!

theodogeia: when would we come over?

ninarose: next weekend?

datpeg: yeah i’m free then

theodogeia: me too

ninarose: great!

theodogeia: okay so i had more questions

theodogeia: the second question which was are all three of us together has been answered

theodogeia: the third one was how does benny feel about this?

ninarose: he’s fine with it

ninarose: he said that he was more worried that we would regret whatever it was that we did when we sobered up

datpeg: a needless worry but sweet nonetheless

theodogeia: okay just wondering

theodogeia: i asked him earlier but i have minor trust issues so ye

ninarose: whOOPS my dad wants me to go buy food

datpeg: talk to you later nini!

ninarose: nini?

datpeg: my brain hecked up a bit sorry

ninarose: it’s fine

theodogeia: nini is such a cute name

ninarose: do i have a nickname now

datpeg: probably

theodogeia: ttyl nini!

ninarose: ^u^

ninarose is offline

 

Mon., Nov. 7, 8:33 pm

hamleton: alex you grabbed my phone - herc

locoparentis: sorry - alex

lancelot: what were you doing that you mixed phones up???

hamleton: totally not,,,,,,, making out,,,,,, on the roof,,,,,, - herc

jlau: we can go on the roof??????

locoparentis: yes???????? - alex

lancelot: WHAT

lancelot: JOHN COME HERE YOU’RE GETTING DOLLED UP AND WE’RE HAVING A PHOTOSHOOT ON THE ROOF

hamleton: should i go get dressed up too

lancelot: YES

jlau: where’s alex?

locoparentis: absolutely not buying Things - definitely herc

hamleton: alex what are you getting and is it gonna be on/in any of us - herc

locoparentis: on me - alex

jlau: wHAT ArE YOU GeTTING???

locoparentis: YOU’LL SEE

locoparentis: also it’ll fit in nicely with this photoshoot

jlau: that’s it i’m gonna find the Shirt

locoparentis: oh god

lancelot: i’m putting on the purple dress

locoparentis: oh gOD

hamleton: i don’t have clothes that make me cute but also sexually frustrating

locoparentis: um false

lancelot: herc my love all of your clothes are cute and/or sexually frustrating

jlau: you can choose literally anything herc and we’ll be all over you

hamleton: OH I KNOW WAIT WAIT WAIT

hamleton: LAF DON’T GO INTO THE BEDROOM YET

lancelot: i’m concerned

locoparentis: what is happening even

jlau: herc ran into our room, threw stuff around in the closet, then ran into the bathroom with a bundle of clothes and locked the door

lancelot: okay well i’m dressed and now it’s time to accessorize

jlau: I FOUND THE SHIRT HELL YES

lancelot: he looks adorable

locoparentis: darkened parking lots are a very sensual place to get into cute ass clothes

jlau: don’t get stabbed please

locoparentis: i’m on the way home it’s fine!!!

lancelot: thank god

hamleton: yall are not ready for this

jlau: I CERTAINLY WASN’T OH MY GOD

locoparentis: oh no

lancelot: i just,,,,,,, need a moment,,,,,,,, i’m v lightheaded rn,,,,,,,

locoparentis: i’m still like a few minutes away don’t do this to me

jlau: okay so

lancelot: we’re not saying

jlau: that you’re gonna die from this boy

lancelot: but we’re currently planning our funerals

locoparentis: I CAN SEE OUR BUILDING I’M COMING

jlau: you probably will be soon

locoparentis: JO H N A TH A N

jlau: not mynnananandnxkskdkncng

lancelot: HELELFKSBAKPXKSKANW

locoparentis: I’M COMING IN

 

Mon., Nov. 7, 9:49 pm

jlau: it’s almost 10 laf

jlau: photoshoot or no?

locoparentis: i’m down i just need like a soda or something with caffeine

locoparentis: it’s actually herc btw

jlau: good to know

hamleton: my soul needs to like

hamleton: return to my body

lancelot: i’m still up for a photoshoot

jlau: i have mtn dew

locoparentis: lets!!! get!!! wasted!!!

lancelot: ‘’’’’wasted’’’’’

hamleton: lets!!! chug!!! soda!!! so!!! we!!! can!!! have!!! a!!! rooftop!!! photoshoot!!! then!!! go!!! tf!!! to!!! sleep!!!

lancelot: better

lancelot: also alex i never said but you look fUcking adorable in that skirt

hamleton: thank you

 

Mon., Nov. 7, 10:34 pm

lancelot: i’m posting half of these to instagram and putting the rest on tumblr

jlau: and also sending every one of them to me

locoparentis: and me

hamleton: and me

lancelot: of course ^u^

hamleton: leT’S GO TO SLEEP

locoparentis: i gotta get out of this suit first

hamleton: OH i also bought cute ass pajamas

lancelot: i saw them and i love them

jlau: i approve greatly of those shorts

locoparentis: I HAVE A TANK TOP THAT SHRANK LIKE HELLA BUT IT WOULD FIT YOU AND YOU’D LOOK FuCKING ADORABLE COME HERE ALEX

lancelot: oh no band tank top and planet shorts

lancelot: that’s it i’m deleting apps to get pictures

jlau: sAME

locoparentis: AAAHHHH

hamleton: nice to know that my style choices have this effect

hamleton: but i would also love to sleep

lancelot: okay i have 147 pictures of you the universe is at peace again

hamleton: goodnight

jlau: goodnight!

locoparentis: goodnight

lancelot: i love you so much!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i  
> i don't know what happened


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my dearies i am still alive! it's been hectic, aka i've been in a slump and finally got out of it  
> anyway here's a chapter woo have fun

Wed., Nov. 9, 10:57 am

lancelot is online

lancelot: we should move the furniture around at home

hamleton is online

hamleton: why

lancelot: because i keep getting the feeling that

lancelot: yknow when you stir up dust or glitter or something at the bottom of a container of water?

hamleton: yes?

lancelot: whenever i watch something like that i get this Feelin and it’s just not awesome

lancelot: and that’s what i feel like rn in our house but like lowkey

hamleton: oh okay yeah we can move the furniture around when we get home

lancelot: yey

jlau is online

jlau: this meeting is dragging on so i drew a turtle on this paper

hamleton: can you get a picture

jlau: sneakyphotographerye.jpg

lancelot: awwwwwe it’s so small

lancelot: just like you!

jlau: um rood

jlau: they have cookies at this meeting and i waaaaaas gonna bring you some but now i’m not sure

lancelot: :(

jlau: i just grabbed six cookies off the plate for you

lancelot: yay ty i love you!

jlau: i love you too

Wed., Nov. 9, 12:59 pm

hamleton: jEFFERSON JUST SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME

lancelot: what

hamleton: I WALKED DOWN TO THE BREAK ROOM FOR MORE COFFEE AND I OPENED THE DOOR AND JEFFERSON JUST POPPED OUT OF NOWHERE IN FRONT OF ME

jlau: omg what did he say

hamleton: “hwat the f u c k jefferson”  
“... i drank all the coffee earlier now i can smell colors”  
“where’s madison”  
“hiding”

hamleton: keep in mind that he’s bouncing up and down through all of this and also talking really quickly

jlau: free him

hamleton: hE JUST MOVED REALLY QUICKLY TOWARDS ME AND IS NOW VERY CLOSE AND I JUMPED AND BACKED UP AGAINST THE DOOR IN FEAR AND IT SLAMMED SHUT AND NOW MY HEAD HURRRRTS

hamleton: oh my g o d

hamleton: o h m y g o d

lancelot: hon?

jlau: babe are you okay

jlau: he just ran into my office and is currently screaming into my chest

hamleton: gwash was coming down the hall when i accidentally slammed the door shut

hamleton: apparently all the saw was me against the door and a puff of hair very close to my face

hamleton: so he pushed the door open and started ranting about how he’s sick of me and laf making out in the break room/closets/empty conference rooms and gets all !!!!!

hamleton: and jefferson coughs

hamleton: and gwash stops, looks at him, and then leaves

lancelot: gWASH JUST TEXTED ME

hamleton: f U CK

Wed., Nov. 9, 1:09 pm

georgewashingtub: Lafayette.

lancelot: Yes?

georgewashingtub: Did I just catch you and Alex in the break room?

lancelot: No, sir.

georgewashingtub: I think I caught Alex and Thomas in there.

lancelot: He explained what happened to us. It’s not what it looked like apparently.

georgewashingtub: Oh thank god. I don’t know what I would’ve done if Jefferson and Alexander were dating.

lancelot: Can I leave this conversation?

georgewashingtub: Yes you can.

Wed., Nov. 9, 1:20 pm

lancelot: lol.jpg

jlau: alex is screaming again

hamleton: WHY @ GOD

hamleton: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

locoparentis is online

locoparentis: i just read through the conversation

locoparentis: i just

locoparentis: am really glad i don’t work with you.

lancelot: rood

Wed., Nov. 9, 6:31 pm

hamleton: HOOOOOME

jlau: FOOOOOOOD

locoparentis: CUDDLESSSS

lancelot: MOVING FURNITUUUUUUURE

hamleton: we should eat and then move shit

lancelot: sounds good

jlau: ooh herc we should reorganize the closet

locoparentis: i’m down

Wed., Nov. 9, 7:02 pm

hamleton: private chat!!! private chat!!! private chat!!!

lancelot: why

hamleton: idk it just felt right

lancelot: okay

lancelot: so we should take the tv and the dvd player and put them in the kitchen for now

lancelot: then we can switch the stand and that bookshelf

hamleton: wouldn’t the tv stand be more logical on the back wall

lancelot: oh and then the bookshelf can go by the door!

hamleton: and that stupid shoe thing that we don’t even use can go where the bookshelf was and we can put our little plants by that window

lancelot: what window?

hamleton: the window behind the bookshelf????

lancelot: what????

hamleton: you’ll see when we move it

lancelot: let’s goooo!

Wed., Nov. 9, 7:16 pm

locoparentis: where do we start

jlau: take out all the clothes

jlau: and then the shoes

locoparentis: oh god the shoes

jlau: @laf your shoes are gonna kill us

lancelot: rude

hamleton: dON’TJUST DROP THE DVD PLAYER

lancelot: DID YOU NOT SAY YOU WANTED TO GET RID OF IT

hamleton: I DO BUT FOR MONEY TO BUY YOU NICE THINGS

lancelot: aw that’s so cute

hamleton: i try

jlau: help i’m suffocating

lancelot: my shoes are literallt not that bad

jlau: no herc just dropped like twenty pounds of clothes on me

locoparentis: i thought you were at the back of the closet????

jlau: no i wanted to scare you so i hid under the blanket

locoparentis: rood

jlau: i’m wiggling free!

locoparentis: i’m putting more clothes down

jlau: lord almighty on high help me now

Wed., Nov. 9, 7:37 pm

jlau: i hear giggles what are you fuckers doing

hamleton: THISISGOLD.jpg

locoparentis: IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS

hamleton: YES

lancelot: ALEX AND I ARE DOING DRAMATIC READINGS

lancelot: I’M CRYNG

jlau: fUckIgn ShaRE

lancelot: I WILL JUST HOLD ON

hamleton: I HAVE DIED

hamleton: THIS IS AN ART FORM

locoparentis: I DEMAND A VIDEOS

lancelot: ALEXsTURN.jpg

hamleton: LAFsTURN.jpg

locoparentis: “”””his giAnt mEAt wand”””” ALEX MY DEAREST DARLING LOVE

jlau: WHAT THE FUCK MY DUDE

locoparentis: LIKE BOTH YOUR VOICES ARE PERFECT FOR DOING DRAMATIC READINGS BUT THIS IS /SO/ R I D I C U L O U S

jlau: “””” her orgasm hit her like a train”””” is she okay????

locoparentis: john and i are legitimately crying this us fyckign gold

jlau: i thought you guys were moving the furniture tho

lancelot: we finished already

jlau: oh well okay

hamleton: LAF

lancelot: YES

hamleton: IDEA

lancelot: HIT ME

Wed., Nov. 9, 7:42 pm

hamleton: WE SHOULD GET THE RADIO

lancelot: doesn’t it like not work

hamleton: no it works i fixed it

lancelot: oh

lancelot: okay

lancelot: wait why

hamleton: because i may or may not have gotten like a billion cds from that tiny shop that was closing down like a month ago and that may or may not have been the reason i ordered radio building parts to fix the radio

lancelot: you’re so precious i fucking love you yes get the radio

Wed., Nov. 9, 8:06 pm

locoparentis: we’re dooone!!!

jlau: finally!!!!

locoparentis: let’s go tf to sleep!!!!

jlau: where are alex and laf?

locoparentis: idk

jlau: i’m gonna go look for them

locoparentis: what was that

jlau: me screaming then realizing that i’d ruin the cute if i did

locoparentis: what cute

jlau: THIIIS.jpg

locoparentis: why are our signifs so precious

jlau: idk

jlau: i don’t wanna wake them up

locoparentis: then just come to bed, babe

jlau: okay

jlau: goodnight alex and laf

locoparentis: we love you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please feel free to leave me a comment, even if it's just "omg this is cute" because i thrive off validation


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *singing* what am i doiiing with my liiife  
> i'm trying to keep up with ~real time~ which means i'm gonna be timeskipping around n stuff  
> this one is so gay i love it

Fri., Nov. 18, 10:22 am  
hamleton is online

hamleton: hey so like

hamleton: what if i told you that i have lots of things planned for tomorrow?

lancelot is online

lancelot: i’d be confused and a little concerned but also excited

locoparentis is online  
jlau is online

jlau: same

locoparentis: me too

hamleton: i have a date planned for the four of us and then stuff for each of you individually and then something for each one of you and me as a one-on-one date thing

hamleton: it’ll be fun trust me

jlau: always

lancelot: forever

locoparentis: till the end of the world

hamleton: i didn’t aSk for thIs cUTENess

jlau: do you ever?

hamleton: honestly, yeah i do

jlau: oh well then i’m just gonna shut the fuck up then

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 12:51 pm

hamleton: let’s!!!! go!!!! to!!!! lunch!!!!

lancelot: i’m in the literal most boring meeting in the world for the next two hours at least

hamleton: :(

hamleton: john?

jlau: whateventhefuck.jpg

hamleton: do you ever organize your desk

jlau: lol no

hamleton: same

hamleton: lunch?

jlau: i have like six things that gwash needs Urgently

jlau: sorry babe

hamleton: :((((

locoparentis: i can go

hamleton: yay!!!!

locoparentis: i’ll pick you up in like five minutes

hamleton: okey!!!

locoparentis: see you soon!

hamleton: i love you!

locoparentis: i love you too!

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 1:42 pm

locoparentis: haha okay so,,,,,

lancelot: oh god

locoparentis: alex may or may not completely destroy you when he gets back

jlau: HE JUST WALKED IN I’M DEAD HOW DARE HE

locoparentis: I DRESSED HIM ISN’T HE CUTE

jlau: I’M SCREAMIN THIS ISN’T ALLOWED

locoparentis: IKR

hamleton: i’m not that cute!!!!! stop screaming!!!!!

lancelot: um false

lancelot: you’re always cute

hamleton: :/

lancelot: :(

lancelot: ALEX

lancelot: MY BEAUTIFUL HUSBAND

lancelot: YOU LOOK SO FUCKING CUTE

lancelot: OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU

hamleton: thANKS BUT ALSO THANK HERC BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONE THAT CHOSE THE SWEATER AND TIGHTS

locoparentis: he chose his own shoes

lancelot: IM STILL SCREAMING

hamleton: YOU COULD SCREAM MORE OR YOU COULD COME AND KISS ME

lancelot: rIGHT

jlau: I’M COMING TOO

locoparentis: have fun?

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 6:21 pm

locoparentis: hey so,,,,,

hamleton: we’re coming to pick you up in a little, are you okay?????

locoparentis: i may or may not have let one last customer in because she looked desperate and now i have to measure her and draw up a dress design and also let her choose fabric because this dress is needed by next monday

locoparentis: which means that i have to work tomorrow

hamleton: :((((((

locoparentis: i’m sorry babe

hamleton: it’s fine

locoparentis: i can tell that it’s really not. i can put it off until sunday, and she’s not gonna come in until late on monday

hamleton: no, that’s too much stress

hamleton: don’t worry, herc, i can postpone our day

locoparentis: but i don’t want you to do that! you planned everything and i want to do it because i love you!

hamleton: but it won’t be fun if you’re stressed!!!!

locoparentis: i’ve made six dresses in one night before!!! i can make a single dress in a day and a half!!!!

hamleton: :/ if you’re sure

locoparentis: i am, i promise

locoparentis: and anyway, she’s already chosen the fabric, so i can get started tonight

hamleton: okay

locoparentis: i love you. thank you for worrying

hamleton: hah what else do i do

hamleton: i love you too

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 8:40 pm

hamleton: i am coming to get you herc you need to eat

locoparentis: i was about to message you

locoparentis: i already have the left half sewn????????? what is this efficiency??????

hamleton: i’m proud of you

hamleton: i’ll be there in like twenty minutes

jlau: DoN’T JUsT SToP KIsSInG mE???¿¿¿????¿?

hamleton: see you soon herc!

jlau: fuck you alex

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 9:12 pm

locoparentis: how many pictures do you have?

hamleton: 108, you?

locoparentis: 167

hamleton: nice

hamleton: wanna bake something?

locoparentis: !!! I HAVE A RECIPE FOR EGGLESS/NO-SALMONELLA COOKIE DOUGH!!!!

hamleton: LET’S DO ITTTT

 

Fri., Nov. 18, 9:52 pm

lancelot: did you eat all the cookie dough

locoparentis: no we ate some then i booped some on alex’s nose and then we started kissing and then,,,,,, stuff,,,,,, happened,,,,,

lancelot: rood you didn’t even wait

locoparentis: lol nah

hamleton: we made so much cookie dough we fucktupled the recipe cause damn it was so good

lancelot: how are you even alive

hamleton: just came back

lancelot: ah

lancelot: babe.jpg

locoparentis: i love him so much ahhh

hamleton: john’s so cute i can’t

lancelot: he’s literally curled up on my chest and i’m silently screaming because he’s so cute

locoparentis: how many pictures do you have

lancelot: so far? 67

lancelot: i just took like 49 more tho

hamleton: send them allllllll

lancelot: okey!

locoparentis: i’m tired af and we have exciting alex dates tomorrow so gn!!! i love you!!!!

hamleton: ily2!!!!

lancelot: ily3!!!!!

locoparentis: ily @john

lancelot: same

hamleton: we love you john!!!! goodnight!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i'm leaving john out :/  
> give me suggestions! leave em in the comments, email me (writing.gale16@gmail.com), hmu at smol-gay-bean.tumblr.com  
> anything  
> please  
> i'm running out of ideas


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahaha  
> this is late  
> don't throw things at me i'm trying

Sat., Nov 19, 9:22 am  
jlau is online

 

jlau: laf and herc are still asleep why are you up it’s saturday

 

hamleton: because we four are having a breakfast date!!!

 

jlau: RIGHT

 

jlau: color scheme?

 

hamleton: happy colors

 

jlau: i have the perfect shirt for this

 

jlau: are you wearing that shirt that you got in the weed shop like three weeks ago?

 

hamleton: mebbe

 

jlau: i am excite

 

hamleton: same

 

hamleton: if you wanna get ready rn, there’s a full bottle of green apple bubble bath that hasn’t been opened yet

 

jlau: LOUD GASP

 

jlau: I’LL BE IN THE BATH FOR THE NEXT THIRTY MINUTES

 

hamleton: ^u^ okay!

 

hamleton: i’ll make breakfast!Sat., Nov 19, 10:01 am

 

lancelot: what smells so good?????

 

hamleton: breakfast!!!

 

lancelot: you,,,,, made breakfast,,,,,, for us???

 

hamleton: yes, of course!!!! what else would i do for the three loves of my life???

 

lancelot: i didn’t expect to cry this early in the morning

 

hamleton: that fact that that’s not all in caps kinda worries me

 

lancelot: come and cuddle me please

 

hamleton: omwSat., Nov 19, 10:49 am

 

locoparentis: is there coffee

 

jlau: yes

 

locoparentis: and creamer?

 

hamleton: your favorite!

 

locoparentis: i’m coming

 

lancelot: and alex made the most fucking delicious-looking breakfast

 

locoparentis: looking?

 

jlau: he wouldn’t let us eat until you got here

 

locoparentis: well let’s eat

 

lancelot: yay!

 

jlau: yay!Sat., Nov 19, 11:36 am

 

jlau: when you said that you had something individual for each of us,,,,,

 

lancelot: we didn’t know you meant like

 

locoparentis: actually individual

 

hamleton: if you don’t want to do it, i can cancel!!!

 

lancelot: i mean i’m chill

 

locoparentis: same

 

jlau: me too

 

hamleton: you sure?

 

locoparentis: yes

 

hamleton: okay

 

lancelot: whERE DID YOU GET THE MONEY FOR T H I S ALEX WHAT EVEN THE HECK

 

locoparentis: OH MY GOD ALEX DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I’VE WANTED TO COME HERE????

 

jlau: I AM LITERALLY IN TEARS THERE ARE SO MANY T H I N G S ALEX I CAN’T BELIEVE

 

hamleton: nice to know you all like your surprises!

 

lancelot: WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING

 

jlau: I’M IN THE PRETTIEST GARDEN EVER AND THERE’S LIKE A MILLION DIFFERENT TYPES OF PAINTS AND THERE’S CANVASES AND PAINT BRUSHES AND I’M LITERALLY CRYING THE COLORS

 

jlau: THE C O L O R S

 

locoparentis: IT’S LIKE A GADGET SEMINAR BUT FOR LIKE SUPER COOL SPY STUFF THIS IS INCREDIBLE AND HOLY FUCK I JUST SAW THE COOLEST THING EVER I’M GONNA CHECK IT OUT BYE I LOVE YOU ALL

 

jlau: BEFORE I GET WRAPPED UP IN THE COLORS WHAT ARE YOU DOING LAF

 

lancelot: IT’S LIKE A SUPER SPA DAY THING BUT PEGGY’S HERE AND I CAN’T SHE’S SO PRECIOUS THANK YOU

 

hamleton: hi @ peggy

 

lancelot: ALEX MY LOVE DID YOU PAY FOR PEGGY TOO?????

 

hamleton: NO SHE WOULDN’T LET ME EVEN THOUGH I HAD ENOUGH MONEY BUT I’M ONLY A LITTLE BITTER BECAUSE NOW I CAN USE THAT MONEY TO MAKE TODAY EVEN BETTER

 

lancelot: aaaAAAAAHHHHHH

 

jlau: THIS PINK IS SO PRETTY AND SO IS THE PURPLE AND

 

jlau: T H E R E ‘ S A P O N D

 

jlau: I LOVE YOU BYE

 

lancelot: PEGGY AND I ARE GOING INTO THE SAUNA BYEEE I LOVE YOU!!!!

 

hamleton: I LOVE YOU ALL TOO!!!Sat., Nov 19, 2:03 pm

 

hamleton: i’m picking herc up rn and i’m coming to get you next, laf!

 

lancelot: i just finished drying myself off and i wanna live here it’s actually so nice

 

hamleton: did you enjoy it?

 

lancelot: definitely! it was so nice! there was the sauna but they had this cool machine instead of like a bonfire pit and it had the special oils that had different effects and the ones they used were for stress relief and happiness and then peggy and i went into this pool thing that was basically a giant bathtub and they had bubbles and huge bath bombs and then we got our nails done and mine look bomb af and then we went into another room for massages and the lady that did mine had godly hands like dAMn and then they served us food in the massage room and it was so incredible and there were like six more rooms and i stg alex have never been more relaxed in my life

 

hamleton: i’m glad you enjoyed it!

 

hamleton: it’s herc now cause alex is driving

 

lancelot: how was your seminar?

 

hamleton: it was so awesome! there were so many cool things and i may or may not have gotten a lot of free stuff and also the demonstrations blew my mind there was a laser lock pick that i wanted to see up close! and a super cool army knife type thing except it had about a hundred tools and was half the size! and then i got a signed book during the lunch break buffet thing! and like a billion tips on how to do spy things from the presenters and the people there! and like a million other things! i have pictures! and like six build it yourself kits!

 

lancelot: sounds like you had a great time!

 

hamleton: so do you!

 

hamleton: it’s alex now we’re to your right

 

lancelot: i see you!

 

hamleton: yey now we can go pick up john!Sat., Nov 19, 2:34 pm

 

hamleton: we’re here!

 

jlau: i just finished my last painting!

 

hamleton: does it need to dry or is it okay to bring into the car?

 

jlau: one of the ladies is drying it for me

 

jlau: i’ll be out in a moment!

 

hamleton: okay!

 

lancelot: how’d your art session go, john!

 

jlau: it was great! i wandered around for a little to look at all the plants and then i went back onto this little white gazebo thing and i drew a few things and then a man offered to show me the ~refreshments room~ and i had tea and a tiny adorable dessert and then i went back outside and they had m o r e art supplies so i did a chalk painting of the pond and another quick sketch but with the charcoal pencils and then two paintings

 

locoparentis: it sounds like you really enjoyed yourself!

 

jlau: i did! it seems like you two did as well

 

lancelot: i certainly did

 

locoparentis: i have so many things to show you guys

 

jlau: i can’t wait for you to see my paintings and my drawings!

 

lancelot: i bought like six bath bombs and two bottles of bubble bath

 

hamleton: john we’re to the left!

 

jlau: i see you!

 

hamleton: hooome to where i have things plaaaanned!Sat., Nov 19, 2:59 pm

 

hamleton: herc, our date is first!

 

locoparentis: yay!

 

lancelot: what are john and i gonna do while you two are out?

 

hamleton: go look in the kitchen

 

jlau: FUCK YES I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS STUFF!

 

lancelot: oh my god i am so excited

hamleton: :)

hamleton: herc, there’s an outfit for you in the closet

locoparentis: i saw it

 

locoparentis: i’m wearing it

locoparentis: i love it

hamleton: i hoped you would!

locoparentis: you look like a dream

hamleton: aw, thank you!

hamleton: let’s go!

locoparentis: whoo!

jlau: have fun!

lancelot: stay safe!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 3:34 pm

jlau: laf i told you not to start the movie!

lancelot: i didn’t! i just turned on music because

jlau: because?

lancelot: yknow how they always have like soft music playing in art museums to like accentuate the beauty of the art?

jlau: yes????

lancelot: you’re the art

jlau: oh my god i’m coming to kiss you

 

Sat., Nov 19, 5:52 pm  
locoparentis has started a chat  
chat name: so about alex’s dates  
locoparentis has added jlau, lancelot to the chat

locoparentis: i have died

lancelot: so have i

jlau: same

jlau: how was your date!!!

locoparentis: it was

locoparentis: magical

lancelot: what happened!!!! where did he take you!!!

locoparentis: we went to this nice restaurant and ate a bunch of little pretty food things and then there was a boat ride that was covered in flowers and graffitied hearts that we added to and!!! alex!!! sang!!! a!!! love!!! song!!! to!!! me!!! i actually started crying i am so fucking in love with him!!! and then the boat stopped and we got out and there was a garden maze thing and alex and i strolled through it and then we sat down and he started telling me every reason why he loved me and i cried again and we cuddled and we picked flowers from the hedges and made flower crowns and he looked!!! so!!! good!!! i’m!!! so!!! in!!! love!!!

jlau: !!!!!!!!

lancelot: that’s so cute!!!

locoparentis: i know!!!

locoparentis: we’re pulling up now see you soon!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 6:13 pm

hamleton: john!!!

jlau: alex!!!

hamleton: put your stuff on for our date!!! your outfit is in the closet!!!

jlau: what even are we doing alex

hamleton: it’ll take about 30 mins for us to get there but i promise it’s gonna be cool!!!

jlau: okay

hamleton: just trust me

jlau: always

hamleton: ^u^

lancelot: gaaaaaaay

jlau: okay, mx. spa day

lancelot: hey that was a pleasant ass time

locoparentis: when even was the last time i heard you say ass?

hamleton: john!!! we gotta go!!!

jlau: okay!!!

lancelot: bye, have fun stay safe!

locoparentis: we love you!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 6:13 pm

locoparentis: laf come hither

lancelot: “hither”

locoparentis: come here!!! i wanna kiss you!!

lancelot: oh my god we haven’t kissed at all today

locoparentis: i know!!! come here!!!

lancelot: coming!!!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 7:41 pm

jlau: oh! my! god!

lancelot: DETAILS

locoparentis: NOW

jlau: alex drove us out to nowhere and then suddenly there were these muted lights and i was like !!wow!! and then alex was like “look ahead” and it was an observatory!!! and so he parked and we went up and up into the dome thing and the lady was like “ah yes, the couple under hamilton?” and lead us around the room and explained stuff and then i read a description of the lore of a constellation and then the lady was like “would you like to know more, mr hamilton?” and i turned and she was staring at me and then alex bribed the lady to let us up on top of the observatory to look at the stars and we cuddled and she brought us hot chocolate and i might’ve cried because i was looking at the stars and then i heard alex talking and i looked at him and he was staring at me and reciting poetry and i fell in love with him again

locoparentis: I KNOW RIGHT

jlau: oh my god i just love him so much

locoparentis: same!!!!

jlau: we’re pulling up!!!! see yall in a bit!!!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 7:58 pm

hamleton: laf, it’s your turn now, if you don’t mind!

lancelot: i could never mind!

hamleton: i put something in the closet for you

lancelot: can i go see it

hamleton: of course! i hope you like it

lancelot: ALEX I LOVE IT

lancelot: OH MY GOD IT’S SO PRETTY

lancelot: I’M GONNA PUT IT ON

hamleton: okay! i’m gonna go get ready!

locoparentis: oh no laf is gonna look like a deity aren’t they

jlau: oh!!! i got pictures of us being cute on our date and just

jlau: starprince.jpg

locoparentis: our alexander

locoparentis: he’s so beautiful

jlau: and considerate

locoparentis: and caring

jlau: and affectionate

locoparentis: i love him with every particle of my being

hamleton: i can see these

jlau: we know honey

locoparentis: that’s the point, sweetie

hamleton: you’re so cute!!!

lancelot: alex come and zip me up please!

hamleton: coming!

locoparentis: oh god it’s a dress which means they’re gonna look fUcking beatiful

jlau: i am not ready

locoparentis: are we ever?

jlau: fair point

lancelot: prepare yourselves, i’m coming down the hall

jlau: nope wasn’t ready at all

locoparentis: oh my fucking hell

hamleton: see i could’ve given them a banana suit and they would’ve still looked incredible

locoparentis: true

jlau: yeah

hamleton: we’re off!

jlau: be safe!

locoparentis: have fun!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 8:45 pm

jlau: my hercules!!!

locoparentis: my john!!!

jlau: have you seen my onesie?

locoparentis: it’s in here

jlau: coming!

locoparentis: the toll is six kisses

jlau: wow

locoparentis: i know, the economy these days, right?

 

Sat., Nov 19, 10:02 pm

lancelot: *L O U D S C R E A M I N G*

jlau: how was it!!!

locoparentis: what did you do!!!

lancelot: we went dancing!!!!

locoparentis: WHAT

jlau: W H A T

lancelot: i know! 

lancelot: it was amazing alex took us to this dance hall anf it was so elegant that i got confused because i thought i was back in france for a moment but anyway we walked in and the man at the front was like “which of you is alexander?” and alex was like “what would be me” and the man said “mr and… mrs? hamilton? this way please” and i nearly cried and we sat at a table that had a really pretty centerpiece and i was so startstruck by all of it and then alex was talking so i turned and he had the warmest look in his eyes and he was like “i know you said how much you loved all the dances they had in france and i figured this was as close as we could get” and i almost cried again and then we danced six dances and the last one was a slow dance and he dipped me at the end and then kissed me and i swear to god i fell in love with him all over again and then we sat and ate little things and talked and it was like college and i was a giddy kid who had a thick accent and was head over heels for a boy with the most soulful eyes ever and then we danced again but it was salsa music so alex and i danced and he was so into it that he laughed and then i spun him and he giggled and then there was kareoke and of course alex went up and i stood by our table and waited for him to go up and then he got up, giggled, did the Thing, then he dedicated!!! the song!!! to me!!! and started singing and i fell in love more and so did everyone else and then i kissed him again

jlau: the thing?

lancelot: the thing where he smiles and bites his lip at the same time and his eyes get wide and it makes you want to just kiss him forever

jlau: oh the thing

lancelot: ye

locoparentis: can we just

locoparentis: all scream about how much we love alex for a moment

jlau: yES HE’S THE MOST LITERAL PERFECT PERSON ON EARTH HE WILL LITERALLY TRAVEL AROUND THE GLOBE TO MAKE SURE WE’RE SAFE I FUCKING LOVE HIM

lancelot: HE TRIES SO HARD TO MAKE SURE WE’RE HAPPY AND HE’S SO TOUCHED WHEN WE DO THE SAME I LOVE HIM

locoparentis: HE’S GROWN UP SO MUCH YET IS STILL OUR BEAUTIFUL ALEXANDER OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM

jlau: okay now we have to say this kinda stuff to him irl

locoparentis: laf do your feet hurt

lancelot: yes

locoparentis: bath when you get home

lancelot: okay

lancelot: we’re in the parking lot now, see you in a bit!

 

Sat., Nov 19, 10:37 pm

hamleton: did you all enjoy your dates?

jlau: definitely!

locoparentis: absolutely!

lancelot: bien sûr!

locoparentis: oh my god @laf @john i just looked at alex’s face he was so worried that we wouldn’t say yes our poor baby

hamleton: i just wanted you guys to do something you’d like

locoparentis: should i show him

jlau: yes

lancelot: yes

hamleton: show me what

 

Sat., Nov 19, 10:51 pm

locoparentis: come cuddle alex!

lancelot: is he crying

locoparentis: yes

jlau: coming

 

Sat., Nov 19, 11:22 pm

locoparentis: i didn’t realize how tired alex would be

jlau: he’s so beautiful. i love him

lancelot: he deserves all the love in the world.

locoparentis: why do you think he has us?

lancelot: true.

jlau: goodnight, my alexander. i love you.

locoparentis: goodnight alex. sweet dreams.

lancelot: goodnight, my prince charming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rent is such a good musical


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SO SHORT BUT I HAVE A PLAN  
> also just as a preliminary warning, this fic is gonna include jamilton in the near future

Mon., Dec. 20, 10:51 am

hamleton: my loves! gwash called us all into his office!

lancelot: john is still sick remember

jlau: tell me how it goes!

locoparentis: wait i want a play-by-play

lancelot: okay!!!

hamleton: come onnn!!!!

lancelot: alex just started pulling me by the hand he’s so cute

lancelot: oh

lancelot: my

lancelot: god

lancelot: CACKLING

locoparentis: what!!!

lancelot: we got so many looks going into gwash’s office because alex was still holding my hand

lancelot: alex and i stopped in the doorway and my hand was on his shoulder and he was holding it and gwash just like cleared his throat so alex let go of my hand and everyone suddenly became very interested in the carpet

lancelot: also jefferson is looking really red in the corner and i don’t know why

jlau: this is like a fucking movie i love it

lancelot: WE’RE HAVING AN OFFICE SECRET SANTA

jlau: WHAT!!!

lancelot: “we’re having a secret santa”  
*groaning*  
“shush all of you, this is martha’s idea, not mine. i wouldn’t care otherwise. i even have to participate”

lancelot: oh my god we’re picking names out of a fucking santa hat i am t h r i v i n g

lancelot: eyy!!!!

jlau: wHO’D YOU GET

lancelot: i’m not telling

lancelot: although i know who you got, john

hamleton: WHY GOD

hamleton: WHAT DID I DO TO YOU

hamleton: WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME IN THIS WAY

lancelot: C A C K L I N G

locoparentis: WHO DID YOU GET

hamleton: FUXCKINGNGNGNG JEFFERSON

hamleton: WHY

hamleton: WHY GOD

hamleton: WHAT HAVE I DONE

lancelot: alex is curled up on the floor

lancelot: he’s staring at his piece of paper like he’s gonna fucking burn a hole through it

lancelot: jefferson just stepped over him really gently

lancelot: alex is glaring at jefferson

lancelot: correction: at jefferson’s ass

hamleton: I AM NOT GLARING AT HIS ASS

hamleton: I AM GLARING AT HIS BACK

lancelot: right

lancelot: alex i’m abandoning you on the floor

hamleton: oh good maybe i’ll die here

jlau: babe

 

Mon., Dec. 20, 11:29 am  
lancelot has started a group chat  
chat name: EMERGENCY ABOUT ALEX  
lancelot has added locoparentis, jlau to the chat

lancelot: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

jlau: WHAT’S WRONG ARE YOU OKAY????

locoparentis: DO I NEED TO PICK YOU UP

lancelot: NO THIS IS ABOUT ALEX. I JUST

lancelot: I’M SO EXCITED AND ALSO NERVOUS FOR SOMEONE’S LIFE

jlau: WHAT

locoparentis: WHO

lancelot: JEFFERSON

locoaprentis: is this about the secret santa thing

lancelot: KIND OF

lancelot: OKAY SO I WANTED TO KNOW WHO JEFFERSON GOT AND ALSO WARN HIM THAT ALEX MIGHT A C T U A L L Y KILL HIM

lancelot: SO I GO INTO HIS OFFICE

lancelot: AND 1) I SEE HIM SITTING IN MADISON’S LAP and madison was braiding jefferson’s hair it was super cute AND 2) THE S E C O N D I WALK IN, JEFFERSON SAYS “WHAT DO I GET FOR SOMEONE THAT I HAVE A CRUSH ON, LET ALONE ALEXANDER?” AND I AM STANDING IN THE DOORWAY AND THEN THEY BOTH NOTICED ME AND JEFFERSON IS F R O Z E N AND MADISON IS STUTTERING AND I’M TYPING BEHIND MY BACK RN SO THEY DON’T ATTACK ME

jlau: OH MY GOD

lancelot: “uh, hello lafayette. i’m sorry that you heard me say that”  
“i’m not”

locoparentis: L A F A Y E T T E

lancelot: “...”  
“...”  
“...”  
“so am i gonna tell him or are you?”  
“how about neither”  
“that’s not an option”

jlau: laf i stg

lancelot: “what if i can’t tell him. he’ll kill me”  
*cue me laughing*  
“what”

lancelot: “jefferson have you seen the way he looks at you?”  
“no?”  
“he’s into you as well”  
“since when???¿¿¿¿??”  
“probably since you two started working together and you kept leaving his favorite flavor of coffee ready in the pot”  
“no one else knew it was me”  
“i’m not anyone else”

lancelot: “so are you telling him?”  
“well… i was planning on giving him a letter when we swap gifts”  
“ah, right. he got you too”  
“whAt”  
(madison) “no he did not”  
“he did. i haven’t lied to you”  
“oh my god”

lancelot: jefferson just gave me a really hopeful/despairing look who hurt him

jlau: alex

locoparentis: alex

lancelot: i just backed out of the room while madison rubbed jefferson’s back

lancelot: i heard madison whisper "i'm scared of lafayette" omfg

jlau: jesus christ

locoparentis: so jefferson has a crush on alex and alex has a crush on jefferson

jlau: and jefferson knows about his crush on alex but alex doesn’t know about his crush on jefferson

locoparentis: and they pulled each other’s names in the secret santa

jlau: and jefferson’s gonna give alex a letter with his secret santa gift confessing his attraction

locoparentis: have we got this right?

lancelot: yup

jlau: this friday is gonna be fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEERE IT IIIIIS  
> MY PRIDE AND JOY  
> MY FAVORITE FUCKING CHAPTER so far  
> ENJOY

Fri., Dec 23, 12:01 pm

hamleton: let’s go tf to lunch!!!!

jlau: i am so fucking down for that

lancelot: same

jlau: let’s go!!!

lancelot: i would like you to know that alex is currently bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet

jlau: are you cold alex?

hamleton: no i’m just excited to see you guys

lancelot: you saw us like an hour ago?

hamleton: i know

lancelot: you’re adorable

jlau: let’s go get herc!!!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 12:07 pm

lancelot: john and alex are pulling me down the stairs

lancelot: john’s hand is around my wrist

lancelot: he looks so cute

locoparentis: this man will not stop flirting with me and it’s getting annoying

locoparentis: i want him to LEAVE

lancelot: don’t worry, we’re coming to rescue you

locoparentis: why is it always me

lancelot: alex nearly tripped and my first instinct was to pick him up

lancelot: i’m holding him now

locoparentis: is john doing the face

lancelot: hello it’s alex now cause laf is carrying me and yes he’s doing the pouty face

locoparentis: that is so cute omg

lancelot: car time gtg!

locoparentis: see you in a bit!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 2:45 pm

marthastewart: hello

jlau: hello? who are you?

marthastewart: john laurens?

jlau: yes i’m john laurens

jlau: who are you??

marthastewart: martha laurens. your sister.

jlau: oh my god

jlau: what.

marthastewart: i know you’re probably confused, but i’ve wanted to message you for so long. ever since you left.

jlau: martha? what

jlau: how?

marthastewart: we’re all in new york. me and henry and james and mary. we’re looking at apartments.

jlau: why?

marthastewart: me and henry are taking mary and james in

jlau: why what happened

marthastewart: well

marthastewart: henry came out as bi and james cames out as gay and i finally told dad about my girlfriend and mary came home one day talking about how there were two boys and two girls at school that she liked

jlau: oh my god

jlau: none of you are straight?

marthastewart: nope

jlau: that’s incredible

jlau: how did he react?

marthastewart: probably how you imagine

jlau: he kicked y'all out?

marthastewart: you still say y'all oh my god

jlau: i do

jlau: my husband laughs at me for it

marthastewart: you have a husband!

jlau: yes

jlau: actually i have two

jlau: and a spouse

marthastewart: oh my god can we meet them???

jlau: of course!!!

marthatstewart: also yeah he kicked us out

jlau: i’m sorry martha

marthstewart: it’s fine. i took a ton of money and packed mary up and we all left in dolley’s car

jlau: dolley is your girlfriend?

marthastewart: yep! she’s pretty incredible. she drove all the way from new york to pick us up

jlau: that’s so cute

marthastewart: hey, i should’ve asked, but are you still john?

jlau: yup

jlau: still john, still a boy

jlau: three years ago i got top surgery!!!

marthastewart: oh my god!!!! how did you pay for it????

jlau: my signifs and i are pretty well off

marthastewart: oh wow

jlau: yeah

jlau: speaking of, do you wanna join a group chat with them?

marthastewart: yes!!!!

jlau: okay one moment!!!!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:00 pm

jlau: my loves!!!

lancelot: my john!!!

hamleton: my darling!!!

locoparentis: my dearest!!!

jlau: aw that was super cute

jlau: ANYWAY

jlau: i have huge news

hamleton: what what what!!!

jlau: my sister messaged me!!!

lancelot: WHAT

hamleton: WHICH ONE??? MARTHA?????

jlau: YES

locoparentis: OH MY GOD JOHN

jlau: i’m making a group chat with her! come meet her!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:13 pm  
jlau has started a group chat  
chat name: marthaaa!!!  
jlau has added locoparentis, lancelot, hamleton, marthastewart to the chat

jlau: hi!!!

marthastewart: ahh!!! hi john’s signifs!!!

hamleton: hi martha! i’m alexander

lancelot: i’m lafayette

marthstewart: oh i’ve heard of you!

lancelot: probably not me specifically

marthstewart: shrug

locoparentis: i’m hercules!

marthastewart: nice to meet you all! also if you break my brother’s heart i will break your faces!

jlau: martha please

lancelot: it’s fine, love

hamleton: i’d do the exact same thing

locoparentis: i did do the exact same thing once to one of hugh’s girlfriends

jlau: have we ever met hugh?

hamleton: no

locoparentis: i thought you did?

lancelot: no, we didn’t go cause we were all sick, remember?

lancelot: ohhhh

jlau: ANYWAY

jlau: my sister’s here

marthastewart: i am

lancelot: what happened? why are you just now messaging him?

marthastewart: it never felt right before, but now we’re all in new york

jlau: henry and martha are looking for apartments so they can take in the younger two

lancelot: aw!

hamleton: did your dad kick you out?

marthastewart: ye

locoparentis: why?

jlau: literally none of the laurens children are straight

hamleton: that is amazing

jlau: rt

locoparentis: rt

lancelot: rt

marthastewart: can i add james and henry?

jlau: ye

marthastewart has added bond, henrald to the chat

bond: DID YOU FIND HIM

marthastewart: YES

henrald: JOHN!!!!

jlau: HENRY JAMES HI OH MY GOD

bond: HI

henrald: HI

jlau: HOW ARE YOU DOING

bond: WE’RE DOING GREAT JOHN

henrald: IT’S SO AMAZING TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN

henrald: ALSO MARTHA THIS APARTMENT IS SO PRETTY

marthastewart: DID YOU HEAR MARY

bond: “did someone die in here?”  
“no??”  
“then why does it smell funny?”

henrald: oh my god

jlau: tell mary jack says hi!!

bond: AAAHHH.mov

lancelot: the video didn’t load what did she say!!

jlau: SHE CALLEDFEF ME JACKYBOY AAAAHHHH

bond: who is that

lancelot: i’m one of john’s significant others

hamleton: i’m another

locoparentis: i’m the last one

henrald: oh

henrald: hi!

bond: hello!

jlau: are y'all gonna be able to find a place by christmas?

bond: oh my god you still say y'all

henrald: mary has the thickest accent of all of us it’s so cute

jlau: that’s adorable omg

jlau: also like

jlau: how? because france and school so

jlau: how

bond: that’s what all of us have been asking

marthastewart: ughghghghgh

marthastewart: at this rate, we might have to stay in a hotel room for a bit

bond: :/

henrald: :(

marthastewart: sorry guys

jlau: my loves!

hamleton: i’m fine with it but i don’t know about the other two

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:24 pm

jlau: we should let my siblings stay at our place!!!

jlau: we have the room!!!

lancelot: our house is a disaster???¿¿¿¿??????

jlau: it’s fine!!!

hamleton: like i said, i’m down

locoparentis: same

jlau: laf?

lancelot: yes of course! they’re your siblings!

lancelot: but we'd need to clean

jlau: yay!!!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:29 pm

jlau: martha henry james!!!

bond: john!!!

marthastewart: john!!!

henrald: john!!!

jlau: you can stay at our place if you don’t find an apartment!

marthastewart: really?

jlau: yes!!! of course!!!

henrald: martha just started crying in the living room of this apartment

jlau: hum her lullaby

bond: you remember that?

jlau: yes???¿¿?

jlau: i actually use it to calm myself down when i wanna punch someone

hamleton: he’s mellowed out over the years

henrald: ??????¿¿?¿??¿¿¿?? are we sure this is our brother?

bond: hENRY COME TO WHERE YOUR S I S T E R IS C R Y I N G

henrald: sORRY

lancelot: your family is a mess

jlau: just like i am

locoparentis: um??? false???

jlau: have i really mellowed out that much?

lancelot: yes

locoparentis: yes

hamleton: yes

jlau: oh

marthastewart: OMG.jpg

lancelot: i like that color scheme???

jlau: rt

hamleton: rt

locoparentis: rt

henrald: myroom.jpg

marthastewart: um you are Not getting the master bedroom???

henrald: :(

marthastewart: i am literally gonna be putting a roof over your head if we get this one

marthastewart: if you get your own it’ll be a different story but we agreed that i would find an apartment first because you just barely learned how to do taxes and you don’t even have a job

henrald: yes martha

jlau: martha, we can take someone in

jlau: give us mary or james over christmas, or until you find an apartment

marthastewart: Hi Jacky! It’s Mary!

jlau: polly! hi! how are you!

marthastewart: I’m okay! Martha says that we might buy this house, but we also need to buy clothes and beds and stuff.

jlau: okay. tell martha that if any of you need to, you can stay at my house.

marthastewart: I did!

jlau: thank you!

marthastewart: Martha wants her phone back, so bye, Jacky!

jlau: bye polly!!!

locoparentis: why is she polly?

lancelot: and why are you jack?

marthastewart: our dad is strange

jlau: yeah james is jemmy and henry is harry

hamleton: oh my god

marthastewart: okay so i’ve just signed the papers on this apartment

marthastewart: pollywhateven.jpg

hamleton: i love how she literally screamed “i’m gonna stab you in the butt” your neighbors are gonna love you

marthastewart: ikr

marthastewart: our little mary, who loves to speak her little mind

jlau: god i’ve missed you guys so much

jlau: hEy christmas is in two days! you should come over!!!

marthastewart: yes!!!!! we can have dinner!!!!!

marthastewart: also CONFESSION: i’ve been buying you christmas gifts since you left so prepare for like a billion more this year

jlau: CONFESSION: same

marthastewart: !!!!!!!!!!

jlau: !!!!!!!!!!

hamleton: john!!!! we have a meeting!!!

jlau: but

jlau: alex

jlau: my siblings

jlau: hmsnfajjsnx

marthastewart: are you okay???

lancelot: alex probably is cuddling him

jlau: he is

jlau: “i saw your face and you looked so sad that i had to hug you or the world would end” - alexander hamilton 2016

lancelot: our alex

lancelot: so sweet

jlau: “i’ll come up with an excuse for you to get out of the meeting and keep talking to your siblings”  
“well you can just say that i’m not coming since gwash caters to almost every need of yours”  
“shush let me love you”

locoparentis: our lovely alexander

locoparentis: i love him so much

hamleton: wAIT IT’S THE SECRET SANTA MEETINg

jlau: take my gift? it’s for madison

hamleton: can do

jlau: also don’t kill jefferson please

hamleton: :/ fine

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:48 pm

jlau: LAF WE NEED A PLAY-BY-PLAY

lancelot: I’LL DO THAT WHILE YOU TALK TO YOUR SIBLINGS

jlau: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU

lancelot: I LOVE YOU TOO

 

Fri., Dec 23, 3:50 pm

jlau: martha!!

marthastewart: john!!!

jlau: so you should come over around 6 for dinner!!!

jlau: bring everyone!!!

marthastewart: can my girlfriend come!!!

jlau: yes!!!

marthastewart: yay!!! then dolley and your signifs can all meet at once!!!

jlau: yay!!!

henrald: hey so like

henrald: i may or may not have had a boyfriend for like a year and he totally coincidentally lives in new york

marthastewart: oh my god is that why you wanted to come here

henrald: maybe,,,,,,

marthastewart: oh my god henry

marthastewart: what’s his name?

henrald: peter

marthastewart: how old is he

henrald: ,,,,,,,,,,

henrald: 21,,,,,,,

marthastewart: you’re romantically involved with someone who’s 3 years older than you????????

jlau: if i may interject

marthastewart: fine

jlau: hercules is four years older than i am

marthastewart: yes but you’re like 27!!!!

jlau: we met in college. hercules was graduating when i was a freshman. i was 18

marthastewart: oh.

marthastewart: well i guess we’re gonna meet him at dinner, henry

henrald: yay

marthastewart: but i am gonna interrogate him

henrald: i’m fine with that

henrald: i trust him

marthastewart: that should be comforting but it’s not

jlau: age difference starts to not Matter the older you get

marthastewart: it’s on the cusp of mattering when you’re like 18-24

jlau: fair

bond: my boyfriend is 18

marthstewart: two years at 16 is more acceptable than three years at 18

bond: that sounds fake but okay

jlau: are we meeting your boyfriend at dinner?

bond: no, he lives in arizona

jlau: aw

bond: he used to go to our school in south carolina last year, but the his parents got a divorce and his dad got custody and they moved to arizona

bond: he’s super cute i should skype him

jlau: that’s adorable

jlau: holy fuck laf just sent me like a million messages

jlau: brb

 

Fri., Dec 23, 4:32 pm

lancelot: THIS IS FUCKING WILD

lancelot: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN ALEX SO FLUSTERED

lancelot: THEY’RE SO RED I AM THRIVING

lancelot: HOW GAY CAN ALEX BE

lancelot: HIS GIFTS I CAN’T

lancelot: ONE IS SUPER SWEET AND ONE IS JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS HOLY S H I T

lancelot: I TYPED OUT EVERYTHING THAT WAS HAPPENING SO I’M JUST GONNA COPY AND PASTE OKAY

locoparentis: OKAY

jlau: OKAY

lancelot: so alex and i reach the conference room right

lancelot: jefferson is already there and he sees me and gets red and shaky but he holds up this pretty gold and purple envelope and nods at me and i nod back and he’s squeezing james’s hand

lancelot: then gwash goes to the front of the table and does the Voice and says “alright everyone there’s food on the table go wild” and sits down all grumpy

lancelot: like six people stand and hand presents off which starts everyone else off and i hand mine to seabury who loves it (i got him a v pretty pen and nice paper) and then i get one from madison (it’s a scarf it’s warm i love it) and then alex hands madison john’s gift (he laughed it was cute) and then jefferson is like awkwardly standing behind alex and fidgeting

lancelot: he taps alex on the shoulder and alex blushes and i got pictures

lancelot: and then jefferson blushes too and he hands alex this box with the envelope on top and says “read the letter first please” and alex hands jefferson his gif and then jefferson goes and stands by madison who throws an arm around his shoulders like a bro thing but then he discreetly starts rubbing jefferson’s shoulder to calm him down

lancelot: so jefferson opens his gift to distract himself and he pulls out this super cute pair of socks which alex TOTALLY didn’t put ANY effort into choosing and he like hugs them

lancelot: and then he looks over

lancelot: and sees that alex is reading the letter

lancelot: he starts shaking even more visibly and by now the entire room is watching so i’m like “what are you all looking at” and they all turn away in fear and gwash is nodding and then alex stands and leaves and we follow him into the hallway and he’s crying but in the scary quiet way not the normal way and jefferson is like “alex?” all soft and he reached out like he wanted to touch alex but then he stopped himself

lancelot: so alex folds up the letter and just says “me too” and then jefferson starts crying into madison’s shoulder

lancelot: and then alex opens his gift

lancelot: the first one was serious it was a feather quill and ink pot set and it was super pretty

lancelot: the second one was definitely a joke

lancelot: it’s a tie

lancelot: that says “daddy’s boy” on it

lancelot: so alex starts laughing so hard that he chokes and so does jefferson

lancelot: aND THEN HE FUUCKUCKUCKFING SAYS “you’re more of a bottom than i am, thomas” AND I STG THOMAS WENT REDDER THAN FUCKING BLOOD

lancelot: the end

jlau: GET IT ALEX

locoparentis: FUCK YEAH

lancelot: madison and i went into my office to discuss/scream so alex and jefferson could have some alone time

lancelot: i think thomas is gonna ask alex out

lancelot: aahhh i love our little husband

jlau: he’s so precious i love him too

locoparentis: we just helped our husband get a boyfriend

lancelot: mission accomplished!!!!!

 

Fri., Dec 23, 4:50 pm

hamleton: so

hamleton: i have a date tomorrow

lancelot: WOOO!

locoparentis: KNEW IT!!!

jlau: CONGRATS!!!

hamleton: i don’t know what to wear

hamleton: or do

locoparentis: you don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to

jlau: i’m sure thomas will understand if you don’t wanna do it

hamleton: it’s not that. it’s just

hamleton: i have a date with a man that up until like an hour ago i was on chilly terms with

hamleton: i don’t wanna mess this up

lancelot: i don’t think this situation is as fragile as you’re making it out to be

lancelot: he’s had a crush on you for a very long time, and he’d definitely be willing to wait

hamleton: how do you know

lancelot: well.jpg

lancelot: this.jpg

lancelot: andthis.jpg

lancelot: alex?

hamleton: aomweone comm e hu g me

lancelot: coming

jlau: i’m sprinting

 

Fri., Dec 23, 5:36 pm

locoparentis: is alex okay?

jlau: he and laf are asleep

locoparentis: do you have pictures

jlau: lol yes of course

locoparentis: i need them how many do you have

jlau: 137

locoparentis: not enough take more

jlau: on it

 

Fri., Dec 23, 6:22 pm

locoparentis: i’m outside

jlau: i don’t wanna wake them up

locoparentis: i’ll do it

lancelot: we’re coming

jlau: lafayette is carrying alex again

locoparentis: i’ll pull the car closer to the curb

jlau: alex is curled up into laf’s chest it’s adorable

hamleton: i cna se e these

locoparentis: good

jlau: go back to sleep alex

hamleton: dnot aaveh to tekl me twoce

jlau: where are you

locoparentis: i see you

jlau: we’re coming

 

Sat., Dec 24, 1:42 am

hamleton: what am i gonna do about my date?????

jlau: think about it later alex

jlau: come back to bed

hamleton: but i’ve gotta get ready!!!!

jlau: alexander hamilton

jlau: it is 1 am

jlau: you have time to think about it later

hamleton: but

jlau: no

hamleton: okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY PRECIOUS GAY BABIES I LOVE THEM  
> I HAVEN'T STOPPED CHANTING JAMILTON  
> MY BEST FRIEND GAVE ME THE IDEA FOR THE DADDY'S BOY TIE  
> I'VE WRITTEN LIKE 17 VERSIONS OF THIS CHAPTER  
> I TOOK THE HENRALD IDEA FROM THE 1-800-DID-I-ASK SERIES BECAUSE THAT ENTIRE THING IS G O L D  
> I HAVEN'T STIPPED SCREAMING  
> IT'S MIDNIGHT  
> I HAVE TO WRITE ANOTHER CHAPTER FOR TOMORROW NIGHT  
> AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 1:40 am  
> i just watched almost two hours of dan and phil playing the end of undertale  
> i cried  
> i finished writing this today  
> here

Sat., Dec. 24, 7:31 am

lancelot: alex

lancelot: what the fuck

hamleton: i have to find the right sweater!

hamleton: why are you up so early

lancelot: nightmare

hamleton: aw. what was it about

lancelot: seabury dating angelica????

hamleton: ??????????

hamleton: i mean that does sound horrifying but why on earth were you dreaming about that

lancelot: i have no idea

hamleton: okay so

hamleton: thomas likes purple

hamleton: so he’ll definitely be wearing purple and probably that silver necklace/bracelet set that james got him last year

hamleton: what should i wear

lancelot: green and gold

hamleton: ooh i have the perfect jacket for this

lancelot: that jacket and the black skinny jeans that you’ve worn like twice and the scarf i got you for your birthday

hamleton: okay so we’ve got the outer layers

hamleton: what shirt should i wear under the jacket

lancelot: I HAVE A SHIRT

jlau: something just hit me in the ribs

hamleton: that was laf

jlau: laf why did you hit me

lancelot: i’m sorry, ma chérie, but i have to make sure alex looks 100/10 for his date tonight

jlau: a l e x a n d e r

jlau: it is seven in the morning

jlau: your date is in t w e l v e h o u r s

hamleton: actually thomas texted me last night to tell me that he was gonna pick me up at 6:30

jlau: e l e v e n h o u r s

hamleton: that’s just enough time for me to get dolled up

lancelot: you're getting dolled up for thomas this is adorable

hamleton: calling him thomas feels weird

jlau: ??? it’s his name????

hamleton: i know but i’ve only ever called him jefferson

lancelot: that’s fair

hamleton: he calls me alexander and it gives me tummy tingles

jlau: you’re so adorable

lancelot: none of us have casually called you alexander in about a million years

hamleton: it would give me tummy tingles if any of you called me alexander too

lancelot: you’re!!! so!!! cute!!!

jlau: omg martha just texted me

hamleton: !!! what did she want!

jlau: she asked if i’m free for lunch

lancelot: we have no plans

jlau: so i’ll tell her yes?

hamleton: ye

lancelot: ye

lancelot: ALEX I FOUND THE SHIRT

hamleton: HECK YEAH

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 8:17 am

locoparentis: where did everyone go

lancelot: alex and i are in the kitchen

jlau: i’m getting into the shower

lancelot: alex made breakfast

locoparentis: coffee?

lancelot: just made a pot

locoparentis: i love you so much

lancelot: aw i love you too

hamleton: get down here and drink this coffee before i chug it all!

locoparentis: coming

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 10:11 am

jlau: herc what should i wear!

locoparentis: to what

jlau: i have a lunch date with my sister and james!

locoparentis: a tshirt, jeans, and that cute blue coat that you’ve literally never worn

jlau: ty!

locoparentis: np!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:01 pm

marthastewart: john!

jlau: martha!

marthastewart: we’re here!

jlau: coming! i’m so excited

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:09 pm

jlau: my loves! i’m going to lunch!

locoparentis: wait come and kiss me!

jlau: alex laf where are you!

hamleton: shower

jlau: where’s laf

lancelot: … shower

jlau: i’ll send you both kisses from the doorway

jlau: stay pure in my absence

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:23 pm

macbitch: alexander!

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: i made a group chat for you and me and our collective signifs!

hamleton: add us to it!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:24 pm

lancelot: did thomas just text you

hamleton: yes

hamleton: how did you know

locoparentis: your face lit up

hamleton: why didn’t you assume it was john?

lancelot: because we’re past the blushy ‘light up at a text from them’ phase

locoparentis: you just make faces at your phone

hamleton: thomas is adding us to a group chat

lancelot: cool

locoparentis: neato

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:31 pm  
chat name: dear alexander  
macbitch has added hamleton, locoparentis, lancelot, jlau, jamesbond to the chat

macbitch: alexander!

hamleton: thomas!

jamesbond: that was adorable

lancelot: ikr

macbitch: so this is the laurens/mulligan/lafayette/hamilton/jefferson/madison group chat

macbitch: aka the ‘scream about alexander’ chat

lancelot: why do you call him alexander?

macbitch: it’s???? his name????

locoparentis: yeah but none of us call him alexander

lancelot: we call him alex

macbitch: oh

macbitch: should i call him alex too?

hamleton: i’m fine with both of them

macbitch: i think i’ll carry on with ‘alexander’ for a while

jlau: i acknowledge this chat, but i’m also putting it on Do Not Disturb for a bit because i’m at lunch with my siblings rn

hamleton: how’s it going!

jlau: great! i’ll text you later i love you all!

lancelot: ily2!

hamleton: ily3!

locoparentis: ily4!

jlau is offline

macbitch: #relationshipgoals

hamleton: omg

lancelot: are we really goals?

locoparentis: of course we are have you seen us

lancelot: tru

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: alexander!

hamleton: what’s the dress code for our date tonight!

macbitch: nice but not super fancy

hamleton: okey!

macbitch: i’m excited

hamleton: me too

macbitch: okay it’s my turn to make lunch so

macbitch: see you later alexander!

hamleton: see you later!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 12:48 pm

lancelot: you and thomas are so cute i ship it!!!!

locoparentis: actual first date goals!!!!

hamleton: the date hasn’t even happened yet! 

locoparentis: that doesn’t matter! i ship it!

hamleton: i just!!!!!

hamleton: i!!! am!!! so!!! excited!!!

lancelot: can i do you hair?

hamleton: yes!

lancelot: ye!!!!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 6:25 pm

hamleton: he’s coming he’s coming he’s coming he’s coming!!!!!!!!!!!

locoparentis: alex

hamleton: i’m so excited but oh my god i’m am definitely gonna say something stupid

jlau: alexander

hamleton: do i look okay is my hair fine oh my god i want him to like me i sound like a middle schooler

lancelot: ALEXANDER

hamleton: YES

lancelot: if i have to redo your hair a third time i will actually skin you

hamleton: please do Not

lancelot: then calm down

hamleton: i’m sorry i’m nervous

locoparentis: we can tell

jlau: you’re gonna be okay alex

lancelot: he’s so into you that you could literally be wearing a garbage can and he’d have heart eyes

hamleton: you’re probably right

hamleton: wait he texted me

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 6:31 pm

macbitch: alexander!

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: i’m outside!

hamleton: coming!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 6:32 pm

hamleton: H E ‘ S H E R E

jlau: go!

locoparentis: get your man alex!

lancelot: good luck we love you!

hamleton: i love you too!

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 6:32 pm

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: alexander!

hamleton: where are you?

macbitch: ???? i’m in front of the building

hamleton: front as in front or Front?

macbitch: ????

hamleton: can you see the name of the building

macbitch: no?

hamleton: i’m coming

macbitch: oh there you are

hamleton: hello

macbitch: hello

hamleton: let’s go

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 6:40 pm

hamleton: thomas stared at me for like 30 seconds before we actually went anywhere

hamleton: also his car is super nice

lancelot: well he is rich af

hamleton: true

hamleton: i just took my scarf off because he has the heat blasting and he legit almost crashed the car because he was watching me

hamleton: this boy i stg

lancelot: so smitten smh

hamleton: wow i didn’t realize how legitimately nervous i was until now

hamleton: also i know nothing about him fuck

hamleton: i don’t even know his favorite color

lancelot: um????¿¿¿¿???

jlau: have you seen a single thing he’s worn ever?

hamleton: he probably just looks the best in purples!

lancelot: i bet you twenty literal actual american dollars that his favorite color is actually purple

jlau: i’m on laf’s side

locoparentis: me too

hamleton: you’re on! if i win you three owe me twenty bucks each

jlau: deal!!!!

locoparentis: deal!

lancelot: deal!

hamleton: oh my god

hamleton: this place is so nice

hamleton: i am NOT dressed well enough for this

hamleton: “thomas…”  
“don’t worry, alexander, you look fine”  
“i can’t afford this place, thomas”  
“good thing i’m paying then, huh?”

hamleton: he’s super courteous i love it

hamleton: okay we’re going in talk to you later!

lancelot: herc john let’s make hot chocolate

jlau: i’m down

locoparentis: i’m putting the polar express on

lancelot: yaas

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 8:01 pm

hamleton: HAH.mov

jlau: SHIT

lancelot: SHIT

locoparentis: why is it blue????

hamleton: he says because it’s pretty

locoparentis: aw that’s cute

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 9:10 pm

hamleton: laaaaaf

lancelot: yes?

hamleton: open the door pls

lancelot: are you drunk

hamleton: no

jlau: he’s tipsy

hamleton: no

locoparentis: alex

hamleton: yes

locoparentis: where is thomas

hamleton: driving home

lancelot: was he tipsy too

hamleton: 1) no or else i would’ve driving him to his place 2) i’m not tipsy i just left my key at work

hamleton: open the door it’s cold out here

lancelot: the toll is a kiss

hamleton: i can do that

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 9:24 pm

hamleton: thomas

macbitch: alexander

hamleton: thanks for taking me out tonight

hamleton: i had fun

macbitch: i did too. thanks for agreeing to come

hamleton: do you and james wanna come over for dinner at our place tomorrow?

macbitch: jemmy says he’s down for it and so am i

hamleton: okay! i’ll see you around 6?

macbitch: we’ll be there

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 9:56 pm

hamleton: i might have fucked up

jlau: what do you mean?

hamleton: i invited thomas and james to dinner tomorrow

lancelot: oh my god are we gonna have space

hamleton: idk! should i tell him not to come?

jlau: no they can come

locoparentis: they can meet your siblings john!

jlau: it’s gonna be a casual thing anyway because siblings and we’ve already made an impression on them

hamleton: okay

hamleton: oh god we have to cook

lancelot: i already prepared everything so technically all we have to do is season things and put them in the oven

locoparentis: you are a literal deity laf

jlau: i’m tired let’s go to sleep!

lancelot: i am right behind you

locoparentis: same

hamleton: i’ll be there in a minute

 

Sat., Dec. 24, 10:01 pm

hamleton: goodnight thomas

macbitch: goodnight alexander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,,,,,,,, this is gay,,,,,,,,, i'm really gay,,,,,,,,,  
> i'm also tired and emotional and i have to start writing the christmas day chapter in the morning  
> why am i like this  
> anyway, please leave me comments, i live off validation


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C H R I S T M A S

Sun., Dec. 25, 6:15 am

hamleton: IT’S CHRISTMAAAAAAS

jlau: CHRISTMAAAAAAAS

hamleton: JOHN COME ON LET’S GO

jlau: WAIT WE GOTTA WAKE HERC AND LAF UP TOO!

hamleton: where is laf

jlau: laf honey where’d you go?

lancelot: kitchen

hamleton: why? also why did you try to hide the fact that you’re not in bed

lancelot: cause if you woke up any earlier you’d yell at me

jlau: when did you wake up?

lancelot: like 5 am

hamleton: wH Y

lancelot: THIS MEAL IS GONNA TAKE LIKE SEVEN YEARS TO COOK

jlau: i’m coming downstairs to kiss you

hamleton: i’m gonna stay here with herc

lancelot: okay!

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 8:21 am

lancelot: come eat!

hamleton: coming!

jlau: is herc awake

locoparentis: now i am

hamleton: food!

lancelot: i made three types of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon

lancelot: and coffee for our resident addict

locoparentis: you are a blessing

jlau: who knew there was someone on earth that drank more coffee than our alexander?

hamleton: when did you put up the tree?

locoparentis: yesterday when you were on your date

hamleton: oh! that reminds me!

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 8:25 am

hamleton: merry christmas thomas!

macbitch: merry christmas alexander!

hamleton: i got you a christmas present

macbitch: i got you one too

hamleton: !!!!!!!

macbitch: !!!!!!

hamleton: what are you and james doing right now

macbitch: unwrapping a few presents before we eat

macbitch: you?

hamleton: laf made us breakfast, and then we’re gonna open presents

hamleton: speaking of, laf is shoving a plate of food at me

macbitch: i’ll let you eat. see you later, alexander

hamleton: see you later, thomas

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 8:32 am

skyhighliza: merry christmas alex!

hamleton: merry christmas eliza! what are you and maria doing today

skyhighliza: we’re just gonna chill, watch movies, and then later, peggy, theo, nina, benny, and aaron are coming over for lunch. wbu?

hamleton: we’re gonna go to that little market i showed you last month and probably spend Too Much Money, and then john’s siblings and thomas and james are coming over for dinner

skyhighliza: 1) jOHN’S sIBLIngs??? 2) which thomas? jefferson?

hamelton: 1) yES JOHN’S SIBLINGS THEY’RE IN NEW YORK 2) yes thomas jefferson. we’re kind of a thing now

skyhighliza: 1) hOLY SHIT THAT’S AMAZING 2) wtfthefuck when did that happen????

hamleton: i’m really shit with my own emotions, so i didn’t realize how hard i’d been crushing on him, and then he pulled my name and i pulled his at an office secret santa thing and we kinda confessed to each during the secret santa which was friday, then went on our first date yesterday

skyhighliza: wow

skyhighliza: so you’re into thomas jefferson

skyhighliza: and now you’re dating him

skyhighliza: and you dIDN’T THINK TO TELL ME????

hamleton: I’M SORRY I WAS GONNA TELL YOU AFTER THE HOLIDAYS BECAUSE STRESS AND ALSO THINGS HAPPENING AND I GOTTA GO BECAUSE HERCULES WANTS TO UNWRAP GIFTS BUT I SWEAR THAT WE’LL TALK ABOUT THIS SOON, OKAY BETSEY?

skyhighliza: it has been literal years since you called me that

skyhighliza: fine

skyhigliza: merry christmas, alex

hamleton: merry christmas, eliza

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 8:46 am

hamleton: presentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresentspresents

lancelot: alex do you have any chill

hamleton: nope!!!!

locoparentis: PRESENTS

jlau: PRESENTS

hamleton: PRESENTS

lancelot: PRESENTS

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 9:01 am

lancelot: john…

jlau: yes dear?

lancelot: is this what i think it is?

jlau: go put it on and we’ll see ;))))

lancelot: i see jewels laurens

lancelot: this better be what i think it is

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 10:22 am

locoparentis: john’s present to laf was really a gift to all of us

lancelot: ;))))

hamleton: rt

jlau: rt

locoparentis: you don’t get to rt you’re the one that gave the present

lancelot: i literally cannot move

hamleton: neither can i

jlau: hercules, my dearest love, the apple of my eye

locoparentis: yes i’ll get you food and water

lancelot: thank you

hamleton: you’re a blessing

jlau: we love you

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 10:41 am

hamleton: so

lancelot: so

jlau: we should watch movies until we have to prepare for dinner

locoparentis: sounds good to me

hamleton: i still can’t move

lancelot: neither can i

locoparentis: i’ve got laf

jlau: i’ll get alex

lancelot: what would we do without you

hamleton: honestly probably not well

lancelot: rt

locoparentis: rt

jlau: rt

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 4:37 pm

lancelot: my loves!

jlau: my lafayette!

locoparentis: my darling!

hamleton: my dearest!

lancelot: i love that

lancelot: anyway you three need to get up and get ready for dinner!

hamleton: wbu?

lancelot: i already showered 

lancelot: i have my clothes set out

locoparentis: oh i put outfits together for us

jlau: is there a color scheme?

locoparentis: shades of blue

hamleton: i assume laf has the lightest shade?

locoparentis: yup. john has the darkest

locoparentis: no wait i have the darkest

locoparentis: from darkest to lightest it’s me, john, alex, laf

lancelot: i did pull the right outfit out then

hamleton: who’s showering with me!

locoparentis: me!

jlau: me!

jlau: dammit!

locoparentis: you snooze you lose

hamleton: let’s go herc!

jlau: laf did you already start heating things up and cooking the side dishes?

lancelot: yes but i need to do my makeup

lancelot: cook while i do?

jlau: sure!

lancelot: you’re a blessing come here so i can kiss you and then do my makeup

jlau: coming

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 5:17 pm

macbitch: alexander!!!

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: do you have a color scheme?

hamleton: yeah, herc chose different shades of blue for each of us

macbitch: what shade are you wearing

hamleton: thisone.jpg

macbitch: oh i have something that’ll look super cute that

macbitch: i think james might as well

hamleton: you’re color coordinating with me?

macbitch: well you and your other signifs present yourselves as a unit and idk i feel like i should join in?

hamleton: i mean, it would be hella cute, but you don’t have to

macbitch: but i want to

hamleton: then go ahead

macbitch: yay!

macbitch: see you soon, alexander!

hamleton: see you soon, thomas!

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 5:38 pm

locoparentis: what did thomas want

lancelot: also i just pulled a pie out of the oven and i’m just checking: he’s not allergic to anything is he?

hamleton: no he’s not and he wanted to color coordinate with me/us

locoparentis: why?

hamleton: he said because we are generally presented as a unit and he wanted to join in

lancelot: awe, that’s adorable

locoparentis: our husband’s boyfriend is always welcome to color coordinate with us!

hamleton: speaking of husbands

hamleton: i know that we’re all engaged, but we really haven’t talked about getting married

locoparentis: we should wait until john gets out

jlau: i’m out, i’m just putting conditioner in my hair

locoparentis: oh okay

hamleton: anyway

hamleton: the petition i talked about and our plans for marriage

lancelot: that petition came and went and nothing came of it

hamleton: well, yeah, but we also have herc’s original plan, which was to have us pair off to get married and just have a double wedding

locoparentis: i’ve been thinking about that, actually

locoparentis: i feel like if we pair off we’d be sectioning the entire relationship off, and i know that all four of us would still be together, but i feel like it’d be less ‘legitimate’, for lack of a better word

lancelot: i get what you mean

hamleton: here’s an idea: what if we had like a symbolic wedding? we’re not gonna legally be able to get married obviously, but if we have a symbolic wedding with all four of us marrying all four of us, it’s not sectioning off our relationship, and we can have a giant ‘totally real’ marriage certificate and frame it and everything, and it’ll feel exactly like a real wedding because it basically will be

jlau: i like that idea

locoparentis: me too

lancelot: so do i

hamleton: so is this it?

hamleton: are we actually gonna get married?

locoparentis: yes

jlau: yes

lancelot: yes

hamleton: okay

locoparentis: yeah we’re all crying aren’t we

lancelot: definitely

jlau: absolutely

hamleton: hell yeah

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 6:32 pm

macbitch: we’re here

macbitch: there’s five other people walking in too

macbitch: we’re all going to your door

macbitch: aLEXANDER

hamleton: sorry!!! i’m coming!!!

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 6:37 pm

macbitch: okay so i understand that these people are john’s siblings, but why are john and lafayette and the rather terrifying lady crying

hamleton: john left home under,,,,, bad circumstances and this is the first time he’s seeing his family in a few years

macbitch: oh

macbitch: so that woman is his sister and the three boys are his brothers and then the little one that asked why i have a cloud for hair is also his sister?

hamleton: no, the kid with the less curly hair and the glasses is henry’s boyfriend peter

macbitch: ah

macbitch: i like the little one, she’s very cute

hamleton: oh my god did you hear her?

macbitch: no?

hamleton: “john why are you dating so many people?”  
“because i love a lot of people”  
“why? people are hard to take care of”

macbitch: i love this child it is decided

hamleton: ikr

hamleton: how is james holding up

macbitch: he’s talking to john’s brother and he seems pretty okay

hamleton: good now come and sit down next to me so i can actually introduce you

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 7:08 pm

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: alexander!!!

hamleton: come into the hallway!!!

macbitch: why?

hamleton: because i said so?

macbitch: pardon me o king of the world

hamleton: i’ve gotta give you your gift come herrrrre

macbitch: coming

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 7:13 pm

henrald: why is alex’s other boyfriend crying in the hallway

jlau: i

jlau: idk i’ll ask

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 7:15 pm

jlau: why is thomas crying

hamleton: i???? gave him????? a pocket watch????? and a scarf??????? and he just burst into tears?????

jlau: cOmFOrt HiM???¿¿¿?????

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 7:26 pm

hamleton: thomas started crying when i gave him his christmas present, which was a pocket watch and a scarf. do you know why

jamesbond: ????? idk?????? what did you say?

hamleton: “i saw these in a shop window and i figured that you could always do with more scarves, and i thought of you when i saw the pocket watch”

jamesbond: ohhhhh

hamleton: ??????????????

jamesbond: idky but thomas always gets emo whenever people say they saw something and thought of him

jamesbond: i know it has something to do with his pretty shit childhood, but every time he tries to tell me, he dissolves into tears, and i don’t wanna push

hamleton: fair enough

hamleton: thanks james

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 9:14 pm

macbitch: thanks for dinner, alexander

hamleton: anytime, thomas!

macbitch: and

macbitch: thank you for the scarf and the watch. it’s really sweet that you thought of me when you saw them

hamleton: my pleasure

macbitch: goodnight alexander

hamleton: text me when you get home

macbitch: i promise

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 9:21 pm

hamleton: today has been very emotional

jlau: how’s thomas?

hamleton: he’s okay now

hamleton: i told him to text me when he gets home

locoparentis: aw i remember when you used to text us that

lancelot: how are things going between you two?

hamleton: i think it’s going well

hamleton: i really like him. he’s funny and clever and courteous. i like him a lot.

locoparentis: i think he likes you too

hamleton: he texted me

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 9:26 pm

macbitch: we’re home

macbitch: goodnight, alexander

hamleton: goodnight, thomas

 

Sun., Dec. 25, 9:21 pm

hamleton: i’m tired

jlau: let’s go to bed

lancelot: goodnight, my loves

hamleton: merry christmas

locoparentis: merry christmas

jlau: merry christmas

lancelot: merry christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are  
> the end of the christmas saga which i probably could've planned better for but hEy who even cares? this turned out okay  
> happy holidays, my lovelies


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to act 2 while writing this and i'm getting angst feels tbh  
> anyway  
> have fun  
> this is longer than usual

Sat., Dec. 31, 10:11 pm

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: alex!

hamleton: come drink with us!

macbitch: can james come?

hamleton: yes of course!

macbitch: we'll be there in ten minutes

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 2:52 am

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: alex!!!

hamleton: can you help me get laf off the bar?

macbitch: how????

hamleton: idk!!! convince them that there's better things to do! tell them i want to kiss them!!! lure them down with more alcohol!!! just get them down!!! i have to make sure john doesn't leave the bar and get run over

macbitch: where is hercules?

hamleton: he and james went into the bathroom a little bit ago

macbitch: shit

hamleton: oh laf is off the bar nvm go find james and hercules pls

macbitch: omw

hamleton: wait where's john

macbitch: i see him he's on the floor with laf

hamleton: oh good jesus fuck

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 3:14 am

hamleton: love did you find james and/or herc?

macbitch: you called me love

hamleton: sorry you're one of my signifs now so it's just hardwired into my brain

macbitch: that is so cute omg

macbitch: anyway yeah i found them

macbitch: james kissed me and hercules tried to

hamleton: he probably thought you were laf

hamleton: it's not a difficult mistake to make

hamleton: i know from personal experience

macbitch: i was in actual shock after that event

hamleton: same

macbitch: how's john?

hamleton: alive and well

hamleton: he and laf are dancing

hamleton: um

hamleton: shit

macbitch: they disappeared didn't they

hamleton: yup

macbitch: where could they have gone???

hamleton: laf was mumbling about fries so i assume anywhere with fries

macbitch: i'm getting into my car

hamleton: me too, i'll call you when i start driving

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 3:38 pm

macbitch: i drove into a deadzone but i found lafayette!

hamleton: i found john!

hamleton: why they split up i will never understand but they're safe and john has fries so it's all good

macbitch: i'll get hercules and james and we can drop them off at your place?

hamleton: yeah, that would probably be best

macbitch: i'll meet you there in like twenty minutes

hamleton: it takes like five minutes to get there?

macbitch: yes but it'll take me around 5 minutes to get james alone into the car, and i'm factoring in some leeway for getting hercules in and for lafayette escaping

hamleton: should i just go and get them?

macbitch: no because the fact that lafayette and i look so similar will throw everyone off enough to get them back home whereas with you they'd know it's you in a moment and distract you

hamleton: you know my signifs so well already what is this magic

macbitch: i care???????????

hamleton: you're so sweet i'm crying

macbitch: don't cry you have to drive

hamleton: okay see you at my place thomas

macbitch: see you at yours, alexander

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 3:52 pm

macbitch: alexander please help me herd our collective signifs into your apartment

hamleton: coming

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 4:07 am

hamleton: well

hamleton: goodnight, thomas

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 8:45 am

macbitch: i'm sorry about the impromptu sleepover

lancelot: thomas, you know i respect you as both a human and my husband's boyfriend, but please

lancelot: shut the fcuk up before i stab you

macbitch: sorry

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 8:49 am

macbitch: where are you?

hamleton: i just got out of the shower because i have five people to take care of

macbitch: you don't need to take care of me, alexander

macbitch: i'm not even hungover

hamleton: well at least come and take a shower

macbitch: clothes?

hamleton: laf will gladly let you borrow something

macbitch: okay

macbitch: good luck with everyone while i'm in the shower

hamleton: i'll make breakfast

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 9:21 am

macbitch: wtf your house is so nice?

hamleton: ??? i mean

hamleton: it's not an expensive house

hamleton: it's also falling apart a little

macbitch: it's super pretty

macbitch: who decorated?

hamleton: laf and herc

hamleton: technically john did but he did that thing where he makes suggestions in the form of questions and psyched out laf and herc

macbitch: i would've thought that laf and herc decorated on their own because laf is a deity and hercules is a tailor

hamleton: john is an artist

macbitch: ??????

 

hamleton: yeah that painting in the bathroom of the pond is john's

macbitch: i

macbitch: i didn't know that

hamleton: not a lot of people do

hamleton: anyway, john is an artist and lowkey an interior decorator, but laf and herc took the credit for the decorating

macbitch: what even is your relationship

hamleton: magical is what

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 9:56 am

jamesbond: i smell bacon

jamesbond: i am not in my own house

lancelot: you're in our house

jamesbond: wHY AM I IN YOUR HOUSE

jamesbond: WHERE'S THOMAS

macbitch: i'm in the kitchen sorry sorry sorry

jamesbond: ??????

macbitch: alexander and i are making breakfast

hamleton: by the way, we have waffles

locoparentis: hello i'm alive

jlau: i am not

jlau: whoever is wiggling or whatever needs to Not i am actually in pain

lancelot: i know we both fell over at one point

hamleton: thomas and i were the Least drunk

jlau: what happened last night

hamleton: we got to the bar, we all got a drink, danced a bit, and then laf disappeared with john and james and hercules went into the bathroom, and then i heard someone yell shots and then john was Somewhere and laf was dancing the coyote ugly dance on the bar and people varied from intrigued to fucking in love and then i texted thomas to help me 

macbitch: and then i found james and hercules and then john and laf went dancing and then disappeared and then alex and i had to drive around for like an hour trying to find y'all and then i found lafayette and alexander found john and you had split up for some reason but we found you and then it took me actually twenty minutes to herd james and hercules into the car and then there was like two minutes where everyone in my car is confused as to why there's two lafayettes in the car and then we came here and fell asleep

jlau: oh

lancelot: we are An Inconvenience

macbitch: it was amusing to say the least 

jlau: well shit

jamesbond: i slept,,,,,, on the floor,,,,,,, of my boyfriend's boyfriend's house,,,,,,,,

macbitch: it sounds incredibly weird when you say it like that

hamleton: but he's not wrong

macbitch: true

hamleton: COME EAT

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 11:43 am

macbitch: this is nice

hamleton: what, just hanging around?

macbitch: hanging around with you and your signifs

hamleton: did you notice that they paired up to have a 'conversation' so we'd be alone

macbitch: did they?

hamleton: yes

macbitch: why? we're going on another date in a few days

hamleton: are we?

 

macbitch: .......

macbitch: shit i forgot to ask you

hamleton: oh my god thomas

macbitch: i'm sorry i'm actually a mess

hamleton: no time like the present?

macbitch: so

macbitch: alexander

macbitch: do you wanna go to a party with me this weekend?

hamleton: definitely!

macbitch: really?

hamleton: yes! of course!

macbitch: uh oh lafayette just looked over here

hamleton: let's pretend we weren't texting each other instead of speaking

macbitch: whOOPS

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 1:12 pm

macbitch: we made it home

hamleton: good

macbitch: see you tomorrow, alexander

hamleton: see you tomorrow, thomas

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 1:17 pm

lancelot: ugh i don't wanna go back to work tomorrow

jlau: i remember that at my first ever job, i had to come in on new year's day, but it was literally just me and no one else

locoparentis: why

jlau: i think my boss just hated me in general, but he was like fifty and i was seventeen and he would drink super much and then tell me to cover his shift because he was too hungover to come in

hamleton: oh my god that sounds fucking awful

jlau: it was actually chill normally because if we messed up an order or something, we could eat it so i basically ate my bodyweight in fries that day  
locoparentis: as much as i love talking about this, can we sleep?

lancelot: we woke up like four hours ago

locoparentis: your point???????

jlau: let's go to sleep!

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 4:37 pm

macbitch: hey alex?

hamleton: yse??

macbitch: do you wanna hang out tonight?

hamleton: yeah, sure

hamleton: when/where?

macbitch: meet me in the park at like 7?

hamleton: """"the park"""" thomas my dear that is not specific enough for tired alex to comprehend

macbitch: the park by your place

hamleton: yeah sure

macbitch: yay

macbitch: see you then

hamleton: wait

macbitch: yes?

hamleton: you called me alex

macbitch: i did

macbitch: should i not have?

hamleton: no it's fine

hamleton: it's just new

hamleton: you seem a little less !!!! than usual

hamleton: is anything wrong?

macbitch: kind of

hamleton: wanna talk about it

macbitch: yeah, kinda

hamleton: i'm all ears love

macbitch: james has been kinda moody since you and i started dating and i've asked him a billion times if he's still okay with it and every time he says he wants whatever will make me happy and i'm just worried that he's doing the thing he used to do where he'd be so focused on making other people happy that he forgets that he also needs to be happy

hamleton: should i talk to him? should both of us at once talk to him?

macbitch: maybe but i'm not done yet

hamleton: oh sorry

macbitch: it's fine

macbitch: so today as we were heading home he was silent which was weird and i tried to start conversations with him but he became mr one-word-answer and wouldn't engage and then we parked in the parking lot and i asked him what was wrong and he was silent for a moment and then he blows up at me is yelling about something idek i couldn't catch most of it because he was coughing and stuttering and screaming intermittently and he finishes yelling and storms out of the car and now i'm just in the lobby with sally and wondering if i should go upstairs

hamleton: what parts could you catch

macbitch: idk he said your name a lot and my name and i caught the words affection and starving

hamleton: well that's dramatic

hamleton: maybe he's feeling left out?

macbitch: left out?

hamleton: that happens sometimes in poly relationships

hamleton: sometimes the focus is on one person and another feels left out

hamleton: it's all about the communication, whether it's verbal or not

macbitch: should we text him?

hamleton: that would be best

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 5:19 pm  
macbitch has started a group chat  
chat name: my loves  
macbitch has added jamesbond, hamleton to the chat

macbitch: james?

jamesbond: i'm sorry i yelled at you

jamesbond: are you okay?

macbitch: i'm fine. sally made me tea. are you alright?

jamesbond: yes

macbitch: is that honesty?

jamesbond: no

macbitch: tell me the truth, love

macbitch: are you really alright?

jamesbond: honestly? i have no idea

jamesbond: i wanna be supportive of you because i love you and want you to be happy, but something in my brain is just telling me that this isn't gonna work out with all three of us, and that alex is gonna steal you away

jamesbond: i know that sounds dumb, but i just can't shake this feeling that i'm no longer enough for you

macbitch: jemmy...

hamleton: james, even if i wanted to, i couldn't steal thomas from you. have you seen the way the boy moons over you like you're a god? and have you heard how much he talks about you?

hamleton: he's head-over-heels for you. i don't think he could actually fall more in love with you but i'll bet every last dollar i have that on our next date, he's gonna spout more poems about your hair and your eyes and the fact that you're apparently ripped

hamleton: he wants you to be happy to, james

hamleton: you've gotta learn to take care of yourself

macbitch: alexander hamilton, you fucking hypocrite

jamesbond: coming from you, that's sweet, funny, and kind of concerning

jamesbond: when the person who eats granola bars daily for a week straight and often passes out from exhaustion tells you you need to get your life together, you done fucked up real bad

hamleton: actually compared to me you're not that bad

hamleton: but it scares thomas when you don't talk to him

jamesbond: i'm sorry tommy

macbitch: it's fine, jemmy. just talk to me in the future, please

jamesbond: i promise

macbitch: good

macbitch: now i have an idea

hamleton: oh joy

jamesbond: no attempted felonies and no excessive amounts of foods

macbitch: i was thinking that alex could spend the night at our place since we crashed at his and we could have a movie marathon and try to do this right

hamleton: omg james!

jamesbond: yes!

hamleton: we could be a jefferson sandwich!

jamesbond: we both cuddle thomas??

hamleton: yeah!!!!!

jamesbond: yes!!!!!!

macbitch: so sleepover?

jamesbond: yeah!

macbitch: ye!

hamleton: when am i coming over?

jamesbond: in like two hours because we need to clean

macbitch: shit

hamleton: okay! see y'all in twoish hours!

jamesbond: see you, alex!

macbitch: bye, alex!

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 5:19 pm

lancelot: is something wrong? you looked worried

hamleton: thomas and james were having a bit of an issue and i helped them and now i'm going to their place in like two hours to help them Do the polyamory Thing

lancelot: oh you should wear the planet shorts and wear one of john's band tshirts

hamleton: i'm gonna do it

lancelot: are you and james gonna cuddle thomas

hamleton: yes :3

lancelot: that's adorable

hamleton: i have to make a stop at the convenience store though

lancelot: why?

hamleton: i am willing to be convinced that james knows the joys of gas station snacks but thomas is a Rich Boi and i don't trust him to get good snacks

lancelot: you're so ridiculous

hamleton: who's the one that bought gourmet hot chocolate one winter because you couldn't find 'anything fancy'

lancelot: damn u right

hamleton: i gotta pack!!!!!

lancelot: omg what if james falls in love with you too

hamleton: then i'll date him too

lancelot: do you have a crush on james

hamleton: a little bit. he's funny and cute and he's incredibly caring

lancelot: you're just full of love aren't you

hamleton: hell yeah

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 7:22 pm

macbitch: alex!

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: are you here?

hamleton: i'm walking up!

macbitch: okay!

 

Sun., Jan. 1, 7:52 pm

jlau: how's your sleepover going

hamleton: we're watching the polar express and drinking hot chocolate

hamleton: thomas tried to serenade me and james in french and james was swooning but i'm giggling because it's so butchered

locoparentis: i thought james spoke french?

hamleton: no he speaks latin and greek

lancelot: i greeted him in french once and he panicked

hamleton: thomas is asking me why i'm giggling

hamleton: his french is awful but his singing voice is significantly Not awful

hamleton: i'm intrigued

hamleton: gay.mov

locoparentis: "thomas sing for me"  
"anything for my alexander" that is so gay holy shit

lancelot: "sing a love song" *INSTANT BLUSHING*

jlau: thomas is so into you it's wonderful

hamleton: thomas wants to play a game so see you tomorrow! i love you all!

jlau: ily2

lancelot: ily3

locoparentis: ily4!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thomas has no chill and i love him for it
> 
> oN ANOTHER NOTE 2016 DIES TODAY AND I AM EXCITED FOR IT  
> BEGONE HELL-YEAR


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is late i'm sorry

Mon., Jan. 2, 9:33 am

jlau: alex! are you awake?

hamleton: yes!

hamleton: suchcutes.jpg

jlau: omg you do have a crush on james don't you

hamleton: i kinda do. i do really like him, but i don't know how thomas would feel about me dating james too

jlau: he'd probably be fine with it! probably super excited actually!

hamleton: yeah, but i've also been dating thomas for like three weeks and i don't think that's enough Time

jlau: fair enough

hamleton: i think i'll wait to tell him

jlau: but you are going to tell him?

hamleton: yes, definitely, but not now

jlau: as long as you tell him eventually

hamleton: james makes really good coffee btw it's actually like magic

jlau: how was your sleepover!

hamleton: it was so fun! we played a game that i don't remember the name of, but the players think of a word and count to three and then say the words at the same time, and it's repeated but the players have to think of words that connect what they said in the previous round until everyone says the same word

jlau: how'd that go

hamleton: in the first round, thomas and i said 'wine' and james said 'alcohol' and then it took us like twenty turns to get to the same word which ended up being martini

jlau: wow

hamleton: ikr

hamleton: are the other two awake?

jlau: not yet

jlau: i'm gonna be That Husband and make them breakfast

hamleton: you're so adorable i love you

jlau: i love you too!

hamleton: whOOPS thomas is trying to talk to me

hamleton: bye love!

jlau: bye!

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 10:12 am

locoparentis: okay so this has been bugging me but since the holidays are dOne i feel like i can bring it up now

jlau: ???

locoparentis: our wedding

lancelot: we need to plan

locoparentis: exactly

hamleton: you're not allowed to make your own suit, and also not allowed to make mine

locoparentis: why not!!!

hamleton: becAUSE

hamleton: you are going to want to change the color scheme a billion times and if i let you make my suit, you'd want to make it look fantastic and we'd have to postpone the wedding until you do and it'll take fucking forever because you're a perfectionist when it comes to clothes

locoparentis: shit ur right

hamleton: SO

hamleton: i may or may not have been looking for suits online

locoparentis: you are NOT buying a suit from online

hamleton: why not

locoparentis: do i have to remind you about The Christmas Party

hamleton: oh

locoparentis: i may not be able to make your suit but that doesn't mean i'm not going to get someone else to

hamleton: that's cute omg ty

lancelot: i don't know what i should wear

jlau: what do you mean

lancelot: idk if i'm wearing a suit or a dress

hamleton: i've noticed you've been more into ''''masculine'''' clothes recently

lancelot: i have been

lancelot: i am conflicted

jlau: we'll set that aside for now

lancelot: okay

locoparentis: date?

hamleton: i was think sometime in spring but idk now

jlau: we could do it for next year

lancelot: that's so far away!!! i wanna marry you now!!!!!

locoparentis: i mean i've been pinning things on pinterest for our wedding since like a year into our relationship

hamleton: herc omg

lancelot: i have too and it's mostly spring-wedding stuff

locoparentis: same

jlau: wow

jlau: i mean i once thought about doing an independance day wedding because laf is literally more patriotic than most non-immigrants

hamleton: tru

locoparentis: i assume the color scheme would be red white and blue

jlau: yeah it would

lancelot: but hopefully in a non-tacky way?

jlau: why are we seriously entertaining this idea

hamleton: it's amusing

lancelot: i mean it would be like an alliance thing because france + america

locoparentis: okay yes but i was born in ireland

hamleton: i was born in the west indies

lancelot: but both of you consider yourselves american over anything else, yes?

hamleton: i mean

hamleton: i'm never gonna forget where i came from especially since i was old enough to remember, but yeah

locoparentis: same

lancelot: whereas i consider myself a french-american

lancelot: equally french and american

lancelot: and john is full-on american

jlau: accurate

lancelot: so it would be like an alliance kinda thing

locoparentis: okay but knowing alex he'll impulse-buy a ton of red white and blue party favors and it'll end up being tacky

hamleton: rood

locoparentis: i love you

hamleton: :/ i love you too

jlau: so! spring wedding?

lancelot: yes

hamleton: yes

locoparentis: yes

jlau: next year?

hamleton: yes

locoparentis: sure

lancelot: :/ i guess

hamleton: having a spring wedding this year would be extremely stressful

lancelot: fair enough

jlau: so we have that herc is Not making his own or alex's suit and that our wedding will be spring of next year

hamleton: laf would look great in light pink, so we should do a color scheme like that

locoparentis: i have several ideas

hamleton: light pink and white?

locoparentis: and possibly light yellow?

jau: pastel wedding!

lancelot: yes!

lancelot: so i'm wearing a dress, unless i say otherwise

locoparentis: can i make that?

lancelot: i think you can make my dress, but i'm also going to get a suit made in case Dysphoria™

locoparentis: i'm fine with that

hamleton: i am too

jlau: pastel pink/pastel yellow/white color scheme, laf has a dress and a suit, herc will be makiong laf's dress, but not his own or alex's suit, wedding in spring

locoparentis: we have so long until we really Need to plan

jlau: yeah i kinda just want to watch movies for the rest of the day

hamleton: same

lancelot: nail-painting party?

locoparentis: yes!

jlau: yes!

hamleton: i demand a shade of black/dark grey

lancelot: i have glittery and non-glittery pls come choose

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 4:58 pm

macbitch: alex!!!!

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: do you and your signifs wanna come to lunch with me and james tomorrow!

hamleton: yes!

macbitch: okay! see you tomorrow, alex!

hamleton: see you tomorrow, thomas!

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 5:16 pm

henrald: john can i stay at your place tonight

jlau: yes why are you in trouble?

henrald: no it's just that martha has dolley over and they've been drinking

jlau: where are polly and james?

henrald: james is with mary at her friend's house

jlau: wait isn't your boyfriend here in new york? couldn't you stay with him

henrald: i feel like i can't ask him that yet

jlau: you've been dating for like a year

henrald: i know but i just don't feel comfortable enough to ask him if i can stay the night

jlau: that's kinda funny to me cause i know a kid who met a kid, was friends with him for a week, then started going over to his house when his guardian was too insufferable

henrald: i am Not like that

jlau: i know

jlau: where are you, i'll go get you

henrald: i'm,,,,, outside,,,,,,,, your apartment

jlau: jesus fuck

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 5:27 pm

lancelot: wHY IS YOUR BROTHER HERE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US HE'S HERE

jlau: DID HE SEE A L L OF YOU NAKED

hamleton: not me, i stayed in the bathroom

locoparentis: alex pulled me back into the bathroom so he might've only seen my leg behind laf wrapped in a towel

hamleton: honestly i don't think he'd noticed your leg because of laf

locoparentis: tru

jlau: oh my god

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 5:36 pm

jlau: i'm sorry

henrald: i

henrald: i'm not,,,,,,,,, complaining,,,,,,,,, necessarily,,,,,,,,,,

henrald: i'm sorry that's your significant other

jlau: it's fine

jlau: herc and laf got together before i joined in, and i saw laf in even less than you did before they asked me out

henrald: fuck

jlau: anyway it's fine as long as you don't like,,,,,,,,,,, ask laf to fuck you,,,,,,,

henrald: oh my god no i still have peter

jlau: okay good

henrald: i'm gonna sleep on the couch?

jlau: i will too because you're my brother and i wanna hang out with you

henrald: i haven't slept with another person since i was like 7

jlau: oh

henrald: sorry

jlau: no it's fine

jlau: let's watch movies

henrald: marvel!

jlau: you've been raised well

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 9:34 pm

marthastewart: henry where are you?

henrald: i'm still at john's house

marthastewart: whEn dId you lEAve????

henrald: when you started straddling dolley

marthastewart: oh

marthastewart: i'm,,,,,,,,,,, sorry,,,,,,,

henrald: it's fine

jlau: hello i'm here

marthastewart: thanks for keeping henry

jlau: anytime! he's my brother, i'll take any chance to hang with him!

marthastewart: are you staying for the night?

henrald: yeah, i was actually just about to go to bed

marthastewart: okay

marthastewart: goodnight!

henrald: goodnight!

marthastewart: goodnight john!

jlau: goodnight, martha!!!! tell james i say goodnight!

marthastewart: will do!

 

Mon., Jan. 2, 9:53 pm

hamleton: goodnight, thomas!

hamleton: goodnight, james! thanks for letting me stay over!

jamesbond: no problem, alex! we're both sucked into making thomas happy at this point

hamleton: true

macbitch: rood

macbitch: goodnight, alex!

hamleton: goodnight!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school starts again for me tomorrow so my updating schedule will be even less regular than it is now, but i'll try to do a chapter a week


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GAAAAAAAAAAAy

Fri., Jan. 7, 8:22 am

hamleton: thomas!!!!

macbitch: alex!!!!

jamesbond: i'm here too!!!!

hamleton: hi james!!!

jamesbond: hi alex!!!

macbitch: what did you want hon!!!!

hamleton: do you and james have plans for next weekend?

macbitch: i mean

macbitch: i wasn't planning anything. james?

jamesbond: i was planning on asking you if you wanted to do anything, but then i looked and there's nothing to do

hamleton: so do you two wanna come over and have a sleepover at our place???

macbitch: i'm down!

jamesbond: me too!

hamleton: just a warning: laf will ask to paint your nails/do your hair/dress you (especially you, thomas) in their clothes about a billion times

macbitch: i am 17000% okay with that

hamleton: and james, herc will absolutely want to dress you in his clothes

jamesbond: that sounds great cause herc always dresses like an american apparel/gucci lovechild mannequin

hamleton: i just told him you said that and he laughed really hard

jamesbond: oh joy your husband likes me

hamleton: i mean if i like you, they're probably gonna like you too

jamesbond: oh well that's good to know

hamleton: thomas is silent what is he doing

macbitch: i'm stealing Several bags of chips and a bottle of green tea

macbitch: and also screaming because the way you two interact is adorable

jamesbond: share the tea?

macbitch: yes of course

macbitch: alex come to james's office, we're gonna feast

hamleton: herc baked cookies last night

hamleton: i stole the rest of them from laf and john before they could eat them

hamleton: i'll be there in like two minutes

jamesbond: godspeed

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 10:42 am

peggypeg: ALEX

hamleton: pEGGY

peggypeg: I NEED ASSISTANCE

hamleton: oh god did you get arrested again

peggypeg: no not this time

hamleton: what's up that you couldn't ask angel or eliza about?

peggypeg: poly stuff

hamleton: ask away, my young poly child

peggypeg: okay so yknow how theo and nina and i have been dating for a few months?

hamleton: yes?

peggypeg: nina just asked me if i have a crush on benny and i think??????? i might??????????

peggypeg: but like i don't know if i'm """"allowed to"""" for lack of a better word

peggypeg: like we've never specified if we want it to just be us three and then theo and nina have their boys or if we'd let each other go on other dates

hamleton: tALK TO THEM

peggypeg: okay yeah i'm going to but first

peggypeg: is this a normal/common situation

hamleton: i'm actually in that situation rn

peggypeg: ???? but you're dating all of your signifs already?

hamleton: oh yeah i forgot to tell you

hamleton: i

hamleton: uh

hamleton: thomas jefferson and i are dating now

peggypeg: alexANDER HAMILTON

peggypeg: WHAT THE FUCK

peggypeg: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???????

hamleton: I'M SORRY

hamleton: HOLD ON A MOMENT

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:00 am  
hamleton has created a group chat  
chat name: MY SCHUYLERS  
hamleton has added peggypeg, littleliz, angelbaby to the chat

hamleton: FOR THE FORGETFUL/UNINITIATED

hamleton: I, ALEXANDER HAMILTON, AM DATING THOMAS JEFFERSON

angelbaby: WHAT

angelbaby: ALEXANDER F U C K I N G HAMILTON YOU BETTER SPILL THE BEANS R I G H T FUCKING N O W

littleliz: YOU TOLD ME WE'D TALK ABOUT THIS SO FESS UP, HAMILTON

hamleton: OKAY SO WE HAD AN OFFICE SECRET SANTA WHICH YOU WEREN'T HERE FOR @@@@angelbaby AND I PULLED THOMAS'S NAME AND MY WORLD WAS ENDING BUT THEN APPARENTLY THOMAS ALSO PULLED MY NAME AND THEN I CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR HOPING THAT DEATH WOULD FIND ME APPEALING AND THEN LAF DID LIKE A RECON MISSION TO WARN THOMAS THAT I MIGHT KILL HIM AND HEARD HIM ASK JAMES WHAT TF HE'D GET SOMEONE HE HAS A CRUSH ON, ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT SOMEONE IS ME

littleliz: same

hamleton: SO THEN LAF, LIKE THE DEITY THEY ARE, DID A LITTLE FINAGLING AND BASICALLY FIGURED OUT THAT MY FRUSTRATION TOWARD THOMAS WAS NOT ACTUALLY UNFRIENDLY AND THEN WE SWAPPED GIFTS THAT FRIDAY ANd thomas wrote me a beautiful letter and i cried and then he asked me out

angelbaby: oh

littleliz: my

peggypeg: god

hamleton: i'm sorry that i didn't tell you, but it just slipped my mind

littleliz: at least you told us now

hamleton: anyway that's all i wanted to say

angelbaby: i have questions

hamleton: later, i'm dealing with a crisis

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:21 am

hamleton: anyway

hamleton: i'm dating thomas and i kind of have a crush on james

peggypeg: madison?

hamleton: yes

peggypeg: aw that's cute because you never really hated him and you were Bros at one point, yeah?

hamleton: yeah

hamleton: so you're not alone, peg

peggypeg: i have an idea

hamleton: hit me

peggypeg: i ask benny out and you ask james out and then whoever gets a sate first wins a prize of some sort

hamleton: i like where this is going but can i make this more interesting

peggypeg: yes

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:27 am  
hamleton has created a chat  
chat name: BET TIME U FUQS  
hamleton has added peggypeg, lancelot, jlau, locoparentis to the chat

lancelot: i see the word bet and i am excited

hamleton: so peggy and i are making a bet on who can get a date from our current not-a-datemate-but-still-a-love-interest

jlau: ooh who can we know who?

hamleton: well my goal is james

jlau: i knew it

peggypeg: mine is benny

locoparentis: ooooooh~

peggypeg: shush you

peggypeg: anyway place your bets

hamleton: i bet $10 that i'll get my date first

peggypeg: same

jlau: i'm betting $20 on alex

hamleton: that is a lot of money

jlau: i want you to win

hamleton: aw

locoparentis: okay being realistic here

locoparentis: i'm putting $10 on peggy because she'll probably punch benny on the arm and say "that's how i say 'i love you'"

peggypeg: aw herc you're so sweet

hamleton: okay but one of us is inevitably gonna end up with more people on our side

peggypeg: u right

peggypeg has added littleliz, angelbaby to the chat

hamleton: well fuck lemme get one other person in on this

hamleton has added macbitch to the chat

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: alexander!!!

hamleton: so i kinda sorta definitely have a crush on james!

macbitch: i fUcking knEW It

peggypeg: hello jefferson

macbitch: hello

peggypeg: if you hurt alex i will break your face

littleliz: and i will burn all your clothes

angelbaby: and i will paint your 'nice french furniture' in the ugliest shade of yellow i can find

macbitch: duly noted

peggypeg: now that that's out of the way, the reason we brought you three here is because of a bet

peggypeg: alex and i are running against each other to see who can get a date with their crush first

hamleton: james is my crush

peggypeg: and benny is mine

littleliz: ooooh~

locoparentis: lol same

hamleton: on my side, i have john

peggypeg: i have herc so far

hamleton: pick a side

macbitch: $20 on alex!

hamleton: oh so much money oh my god

littleliz: $10 on alex!

hamleton: eliza my wonderful amazing wife

peggypeg: lizzie you fucking traitor

littleliz: i wanna see you both happy i promise!

angelbaby: $20 on my baby sister

peggypeg: yey

lancelot: fuck it

lancelot: $20 on peggy

peggypeg: excellent

hamleton: let the games begin

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:46 am

macbitch: soooo

macbitch: can i tell james you have a crush on him

hamleton: no that defeats the purpose of the bet

macbitch: but i wanna see my boyfriends get together because i love you both a lot and i wanna see y'all happy and if being together will make you happy then gdi i support it 400000%

macbitch: also yall are super cute already that dating seems like the most logical Next Step

macbitch: alexander?

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:50 am

jlau: alex?

lancelot: honey are you okay?

locoparentis: what happened?

lancelot: alex's office is right above mine and i heard a loud thump

jlau: mine is right above his and i heard it

lancelot: alex i'm coming upstairs

hamleton: don't it's fine i'm fine

jlau: are you gonna tell us what's going on?

hamleton: i will but in a minute

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 11:57 am

macbitch: hon are you alright?

hamleton: yes, i'm fine

macbitch: did you fall or something?

hamleton: kind of

macbitch: are you okay?

hamleton: yes i'm fine

macbitch: how'd you fall

hamleton: i

hamleton: read back through your messages

hamleton: jesus you can really shake the floor

macbitch: I'M SORRY IT WAS JUST IMPULSE

hamleton: IT'S FINE

macbitch: really?

hamleton: yes it's fine, love

macbitch: aaaahhhh

macbitch: okay

macbitch: would you mind Not telling your signifs about this?

hamleton: anything for you, thomas

macbitch: thank you

macbitch: do you wanna go to lunch

hamleton: yes please

macbitch: excellent

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 6:12 pm

lancelot: it's friday

hamleton: that it is

lancelot: we don't have work tomorrow

jlau: nope

locoparentis: i'm gonna be home late

jlau: :(

locoparentis: i'll be home soon

locoparentis: just late

hamleton: :(

locoparentis: i love you all

lancelot: :(

locoparentis: stop that i'm imagining your faces and that's just making sewing this shirt 700 times harder

hamleton: but we want you hooome!

locoparentis: i'll come home in like two hours

lancelot: what do you two wanna do

jlau: each other?

hamleton: jOHN

jlau: what? i can be blunt if i want to

lancelot: i know you can

hamleton: i like it

jlau: shall we?

locoparentis: fuck all of you

lancelot: you better

locoparentis is offline

hamleton: oh i have lingerie that laf would look divine in

lancelot: what color

hamleton: it's a really pretty pink color

jlau: where did you get it

hamleton: the mall

hamleton: someone asked me if it was for my wife and i said no and he backed away super quick

lancelot: isn't it funny (heteronormative) that when a man sees another man buying lingerie he thinks there's a woman involved but when he hears that it's a man he runs away like the other man is gonna try and hook up with him

hamleton: hilarious

jlau: i wanna see laf in pink lingerie!

hamleton: it's lacy too

lancelot: dark alex show me the forbidden lingerie

jlau: fitting

 

Fri., Jan. 7, 7:41 pm

locoparentis: can i come in yet

lancelot: i mean we haven't cleaned up yet so you might scream but yeah if you want

locoparentis: are you up for a round 2

jlau: actually round 3 because we had our round two just now

locoparentis: okay round 3?

lancelot: yes

jlau: yes

hamleton: i have other Things if herc wants to use them

locoparentis: the Things i showed you on amazon?

hamleton: yes :3

locoparentis: prepare yourselves

hamleton: already did

jlau: ALeX

locoparentis: i want a divorce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ended up much more sexual than expected


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is late but so is everything in my life so w/e at least i'm consistent  
> speaking of, i realized that there are in fact several inconsistencies in this story but it's fine  
> enjoy!

Wed., Jan. 11, 7:16 am

lancelot: happy birthday ma cherie!

jlau: happy birthday alex!

locoparentis: happy birthday my love!

hamleton: ANOTHER YEAR AND I AM DYING

locoparentis: honey we all are

jlau: come downstairs for breakfast!!!

hamleton: we never eat breakfast

lancelot: but it's your birthday!

hamleton: i

hamleton: i love you all

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 7:29 am

littleliz: happy birthday alex!!!!

peggypeg: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NERD

angelbaby: happy birthday!

hamleton: aw thanks guys!

littleliz: angelica's gonna give you our presents when you get to work!

hamleton: aw thanks angel!

angelbaby: np alex!

littleliz: love you alex!

hamleton: love you too betsey!

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 8:10 am

hamleton: HEY guess what!

macbitch: what!

jamesbond: should i be here too

hamleton: if you want it's not that important

macbitch: what's up!

hamleton: today's my birthday!

macbitch: WHAT

macbitch: ALEXANDER HAMILTON HOW IS THAT NOT IMPORTANT

macbitch: SHIT I DIDN'T GET YOU A PRESENT

hamleton: HOW COULD YOU HAVE GOTTEN ME A PRESENT IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY THOMAS

hamleton: LIKE YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL BUT HOW COULD YOU HAVE DONE THAT THOMAS

macbitch: I DON'T KNOW, INTUITION????????

macbitch: I COULD'VE GOTTEN YOU SOMETHING JUST AS A GENERAL PRESENT FOR BEING A WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND AND THEN WRAPPED IT UP LIKE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT

hamleton: BUT YOU DIDN'T AND IT'S FINE THOMAS

hamleton: THAT'S WHY I INVITED YOU OVER THIS WEEKEND

hamleton: SO THAT YOU AND JAMES COULD CELEBRATE WITH US

hamleton: it's not gonna be big since it's just gonna be us but it'll be fun either way

jamesbond: why'd you invite me?

jamesbond: that sounded rude, it's just that i'm not dating you and i'll be the only one not dating you at the sleepover thing so like why

hamleton: because i didn't want thomas to be the only one there not dating my other signifs

jamesbond: aw you're so sweet

jamesbond: i might want to date you myself

macbitch: okay but like imagine that

macbitch: if you two were dating too we could all be a big cuddle party and shit that would be so cute

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 8:52 am

jlau: alex you've gotta get out of the car

hamleton: just giv eme a secondd

lancelot: are you okay?

hamleton: no not at all

jlau: did something happen with thomas and james?

hamleton: yes.jpg

lancelot: oh my god

lancelot: do you want to avoid seeing them face to face right now?

hamleton: yes

hamleton: especially james

jlau: no problem

jlau: thomas's car is at the other end of the parking lot which means they probably used/are going to use the back door

lancelot: alex you have to pass their offices to get to yours

hamleton: shit

hamleton: shitshitshit

jlau: alex look at me and not your phone please love

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 9:12 am

bossman: Where are you three?

lancelot: Sorry, monsieur. Alex is having a rough morning and we're trying to calm him down outside.

bossman: Oh. Is he alright? Do you need anything?

lancelot: If you could find some way to distract James and Thomas, that would be lovely.

bossman: any particular reason why?

lancelot: He really doesn't want to see James specifically right now, but Thomas will say something because he's not discreet.

bossman: Of course. There's something I was meaning to speak with them about anyway.

lancelot: Thank you, monsieur.

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 9:34 am

locoparentis: is alex alright?

lancelot: we're cuddling in his office rn

jlau: i'm braiding his hair into pigtails

locoparentis: is he asleep

hamleton: no i'm here

locoparentis: how are you, love?

hamleton: stressed out now and also screaming

locoparentis: you can't avoid him forever, love

lancelot: you really need to talk to the both of them

hamleton: shit

hamleton: why is that our only piece of advice

locoparentis: because as a poly relationship we know that it works

hamleton: FUCK

lancelot: alex please get up

jlau: ALex

lancelot: aLEX YOU NEED TO GET UP RIGHT NOW

locoparentis: what's happening

lancelot: james just came into the room with a funny look on his face

locoparentis: dark laf show me the forbidden play-by-play

lancelot: "uh,,, hey alex"  
"hi,,,, james,,,,"  
"thomas sent me,,,, to give you this?" *holding a note out*

lancelot: "he wouldn't let me read what it says"  
"(john) why didn't you read it in the hallway?"  
"he was watching from the door of his office"

locoparentis: oh my god what is happening

lancelot: "(alex) you can read it now if you want"  
"i mean i'm already here so i might as well give it to you"  
"i'm not in a fit state to read so please read it out loud for me"

locoparentis: omg

lancelot: "dear alexander, i'm sorry about the dating thing in the group chat. i meant it in just a teasing way but now i know you're having a meltdown. however, james and i talked in my office and he said he'd actually like to date you for real if you and your signifs wouldn't mind. i hope i didn't ruin the bet. love, thomas"

locoparentis: it's been two whole minutes laf what is going on

lancelot: WHY ISN'T THERE CAPITAL EXCLAMATION POINTS

lancelot: "....."  
"james please say something"  
"i…"  
"something other than that"  
"thomas wasn't supposed to tell you about that"  
"thomas is also not supposed to be able to tell when i'm having a breakdown but he just does"  
"(me) there is a far more important topic at hand than thomas's breakdown-sensing abilities"

lancelot: "(alex) do you really feel that way about me?"  
*james is just nodding*  
"would you like to go out on a date with me next friday?"  
*more nodding*  
"is seven thirty okay with you?  
*nodding*  
"come here so i can hug you"

locoparentis: YAS

lancelot: aw james just came over to our cuddle pile and flopped onto the floor

locoparentis: that's adorable

lancelot: "alex i have a question"  
"what is it?"  
"what bet"  
*LOUD SWEATING*

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 10:28 am

macbitch: alex?

hamleton: thomas fucking jefferson

macbitch: uh oh

hamleton: you are one of the most undeniably

hamleton: unequivocally

hamleton: unfathomably amazing people i know

macbitch: what

hamleton: i asked james out

macbitch: BABE

macbitch: BABES

macbitch: MY LOVES

hamleton: I'M SO EXCITED

macbitch: AAAHHH

hamleton: AAAAHHHH

macbitch: wait we gotta get james in on the screaming

hamleton: he's napping

hamleton: his head is in my lap

hamleton: he's so cute

hamleton: socute.jpg

macbitch: do you have any pictures of me sleeping

hamleton: of course

macbitch: for only having been dating for like three weeks we've been asleep in each others' presence a lot

hamleton: i am either sleepy or fUcking energized

macbitch: i'm a tired being

macbitch: just ask james

hamleton: SCREM.jpg

macbitch: omg all your signifs are so cute

hamleton: ikr

hamleton: this is the best birthday present ever

hamleton: oH I WON THE BET

macbitch: CLAIM THE PRIZE

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 10:28 am

hamleton: PEGGY

peggypeg: IWON.jpg

hamleton: WHAT

hamleton: IS THAT BENNY

peggypeg: YES

hamelton: AND HE IS ASLEEP IN Y O U R BED

peggypeg: YEP

hamleton: IS THAT ACTUALLY IMPLYING SOMETHING OR AM I JUST READING INTO THIS

peggypeg: I AM IMPLYING SOMETHING WITH THAT PICTURE

hamleton: W H A T

hamleton: WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN

peggypeg: well it's been a bit whirlwind bUT

peggypeg: it starts with the fact that nina was sUper ready for sex things with me and theo but not with benny yet and a whole mess of emotions

peggypeg: so flash forward, theo nina and i went to a bar and benny drove us and we both had a few drinks and we found theo and nina making out on the dance floor so we dragged them back and drove them to our apartment building and we all crashed in my place and nina and theo went into the kitchen to cook but then we heard a thing fall so we went to check and nina and theo were drunkenly making out against the counter but theo's hand was Traveling so i was like "nina, theo, take it upstairs if you're gonna do it" so nINA takes theo's hand and they go upstairs and then i Realized my mistake because i was left alone with benny and then we heard nina and theo going at it and so i was like "hEy wanna watch a movie" and he was like "sure" so i just chose a random movie and then i was like "do you want something to drink?" and then we had more drinks dm we started talking and he was like "maybe it's just the alcohol but i don't feel like i have to hide the fact that i like you anymore" and i was gonna ask him to clarify cause my heart sped up but then he leaned over on me and fell asleep and slept for like and hour and the he was just so cute that i couldn't resist and i kissed his head and then he sat up and looked at me and i was like shIT and then he was like "did you kiss me" and i was red so he was like "i see" and then he leaned in and i was frozen and then!!!! he!!!!! me!!! on!!! my!!!! lips!!!

hamleton: AAAAAAHHHHH

peggypeg: AND THEN

peggypeg: he was like "can this happen more often" and i was like "hEll yes" and then we made out on my couch and he was like "theo and nina had the right idea" and then Looked at me and i was like "i mean i'm down if you don't mind my extra parts" and he was like "why should i care? i like girls and you're a girl" and i fell in love with him i stg alex so then we did the do and it was awesome and then last night nina and theo joined in and i am so excited that this is how my life is going alex i am so happy

hamleton: I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU PEGGY HOLY S H I T

peggypeg: BUT YOU TEXTED ME FIRST FOR A REASON

hamleton: RIGHT

hamleton: i have a date with james this friday :3

peggypeg: AAAHHH

peggypeg: DETAILS N O W

hamleton: so james and thomas and i have a group chat to just Scream in and we were all talking this morning because i casually forgot to tell them when my birthday was and thomas was being all !!!!! about the fact that i didn't tell him and then called my birthday unimportant and i was like "i invited you to my place so we could celebrate and also Chill" and he was like "oh" and then james asked why i invited him and i was like "well i didn't want thomas to be the only one that wasn't dating my other signifs" and he was like "aw that's sweet i might want to date you myself" and i just Broke Down and then he came in with a note from thomas that apologized about teasing about my crush and i asked james to read it cause i was still Broken™ and he DID and then he was like "really" and i was like "yes do you wanna go on a date with me next friday" and he nodded and now we're cuddling and thomas is a fucking angel i stg i am #blesst

peggypeg: I AM HAPPY FOR US

hamleton: ME TOO

hamleton: AAAHHHH

peggypeg: AAAAAHHHH

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 6:05 pm

hamleton: a list of cute things james has done:  
fallen asleep on me  
played with my braids while i worked  
brought me snacks and coffee  
blushed after i kissed his hand  
curled up on the sofa in my office  
hugged me from behind and read a thing over my shoulder

macbitch: S M I T T E N

hamleton: i admit it

macbitch: he just sent me a list of cute things you've done and i just

macbitch: you're both so cute

hamleton: i gotta go home and eat the dinner that my beautiful amazing signifs are going to make me!

macbitch: text me when you get home

hamleton: you too

 

Wed., Jan. 11, 6:10 pm

hamleton: I!!! AM!!! SO!!! HAPPY!!!

lancelot: GOOD

jlau: AAAAHHHH

locoparentis: I'M ALREADY AT HOME AND MAKING DINNER SO HURRY UP!!!!

lancelot: we're on our way!!!!

hamleton: i love you all so much this is the best birthday ever

locoparentis: aw we love you too

lancelot: we're glad that today made you so happy

hamleton: let's go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy belated birthday alexander hamilton  
> you piece of shit


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter takes up 27 and an quarter pages in my google docs  
> i am proud

Tues., Jan. 17, 10:43 am

jlau: martha!

marthstewart: john!

jlau: i have a question

marthastewart: hit me

jlau: so my signifs and i are planning our wedding and i wanted to ask if 1) we could make mary our flower girl and 2) you, henry, and james would be my groomspeople

marthastewart: yes oh my god absolutely

jlau: yay!

marthastewart: i thought you were already married?

jlau: no it's just that i referred to laf as my spouse once and then we all started doing it so now we call each other husband/spouse

marthastewart: that's adorable

jlau: thank you

marthastewart: when's the wedding

jlau: probably april of next year

marthastewart: john laurens are you actually planning something far in advance

jlau: i know it's a shock

jlau: we didn't wanna stress alex out more by having it this spring and we're willing to wait to be married

marthastewart: y'all are so goals oh my god

jlau: so! question 2

jlau: actually question 2a: do you wanna wear a dress or suit

marthastewart: what's the color scheme

jlau: pastel yellow, pastel pink, and white

marthastewart: HAH i have the perfect dress in my wishlist

jlau: coolio

marthastewart: omg james says he wants to try on a dress i'm so excited i have the cutest dress for him to try on

jlau: james?

marthastewart: yes

jlau: our james? james laurens?

marthastewart: yes

jlau: holy shit

marthastewart: also mary just said that she wants to wear a suit and a flower crown if she's gonna be the flower girl

jlau: i love our queer family

marthastewart: i do too

jlau: QUESTION 2B BEFORE WE GET DISTRACTED: will you be my best woman

marthastewart: yes

jlau: haha i'm not crying cause i actually got to ask my sister if she'll be my best woman at my wedding

marthastewart: jOHN YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED

marthastewart: AND I'M HERE TO SEE IT

jlau: AAAAAHHHH

marthastewart: AAAAAHHHHH

jlau: i can just imagine dad grimacing at my wedding and i just can't stop laughing

marthastewart: god that's a terrifying idea

jlau: i think it's funny

marthastewart: oh my god

jlau: what?

marthastewart: i just had a realization

jlau: what is it

marthastewart: i'm free

jlau: ???

marthastewart: i'm free

marthastewart: from dad

marthastewart: he can't control me

marthastewart: he can't get mad at me for holding dolley's hand in the street or walk in on me kissing her

marthastewart: oh my god

jlau: it's exciting right?

marthastewart: i need a drink

jlau: no vodka martha i stg

marthastewart: novodka.jpg

jlau: good

marthastewart: i didn't know i could chug a full glass of whiskey but lookie here

jlau: martha you are allowed one more glass and no more

marthastewart: but joooooohn

jlau: no

jlau: one more glass and that's it patsy

marthastewart: flashbacks to eighth grade

jlau: jesus why did i let you drink then

marthastewart: idk but thank you for not telling dad about the one time i got hella drunk

jlau: i would never, my dear patsy

marthastewart: remember our code names for your boytoys

jlau: they weren't my boytoys they were crushes martha

marthastewart: fight me jack

jlau: ew

marthastewart: delete that message i hate the name

jlau: gladly

marthastewart: are you gonna tell mary to stop calling you jacky?

jlau: no cause she calls me jackyboy more often than not

marthastewart: fair enough

marthastewart: did you ever tell your signifs what your dead name was?

jlau: no and i don't really want to

jlau: i feel like they don't need to know who i used to be because that's almost like i was playing a character

jlau: they know me as john, and that's who i am now

jlau: john loves them

marthastewart: nice

jlau: we were supposed to be screaming about me wedding not going "john…. you have problems…"

marthastewart: fine

marthastewart: is dolley invited to the wedding?

jlau: of course

marthastewart: yesss

marthastewart: i don't know if she's gonna wear a dress or a suit but either way be ready

jlau: i'm so excited she was super nice when we met her

marthastewart: she's always like that

marthastewart: did you see her and lafayette zone in on each other

jlau: yeah laf told me they loved dolley and that they'd never met anyone that rivaled their godly beauty

marthastewart: also did you see how tall she was

jlau: yes

marthastewart: she's actually only like an inch taller than i am

jlau: how tall were her heels

marthastewart: very

jlau: jesus

marthastewart: okay so! henry just told me that he wanted peter to come with him to the wedding

jlau: he can come

marthastewart: okay so everyone's signifs are invited?

jlau: yes

marthastewart: good cause i just told james that and he's gonna go and tell his boyfriend

jlau: who even is his boyfriend

marthastewart: his name is also john but he goes by morty because his middle name is mortimer

jlau: oh good there won't be any confusion

marthastewart: OURLITTLEBROTHER.jpg

jlau: TELL HIM HE LOOKS CUTE

marthastewart: he said thank you and that he likes it and might wanna wear a dress to the wedding but he's gonna have to get used to them first

marthastewart: he ran out of the room and then came back in wearing a pair of gold high heels what even

marthastewart: morty got them for him what the fuck

marthastewart: he's so much better at wearing heels than i am??????

marthastewart: i'll be back i have questions to ask him

jlau: talk to you later

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:06 am

jlau: i have martha henry and james as my groomspeople and mary as our flower girl

jlau: mary wants to wear a suit and a flower crown and i am so happy that my entire family is queer/non-conforming

hamleton: yay!

lancelot: that's adorable

jlau: so laf

lancelot: yes

jlau: we decided that you should walk down the aisle

lancelot: why me

locoparentis: cause you'll slay walking down the aisle and also why not

lancelot: but john i thought you said you wanted want to

jlau: but i'd have no one to walk me

jlau: you'd at least have m/gwash

hamleton: john i'm coming to hug you

jlau: thank you

lancelot: okay so i'm walking down the aisle

locoparentis: yes

lancelot: anything else?

locoparentis: fUck i have to tell my parents that i'm engaged

hamleton: hercules mulligan i stg

locoparentis: i'll message them now

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:11 am

locoparentis: hey guys i have news

hughman: what's up

momigan: do you need money

dadigan: are you in trouble

locoparentis: why do you assume i'm in trouble but when hugh told us about his girlfriend you assumed he got a raise

momigan: because he didn't get in trouble as often as you did as a child

dadigan: and also he lives nearer to us so we'd hear if he got in trouble

locoparentis: hugh i'm disowning you

hughman: how rude

dadigan: hercules you had news

locoparentis: oh yeah

locoparentis: i'm engaged

momigan: really!

locoparentis: yes!

dadigan: who is she

locoparentis: dad you've met all of my significant others

hughman: you told me about them

hughman: john and alexander and lafayette?

locoparentis: yeah them

hughman: awesome!

momigan: wait so which one are you engaged to

locoparentis: all of them????

momigan: how does that work?

locoparentis: i proposed to all three of them??? and all three of them said yes????

dadigan: but you can't legally get married to more than one person

locoparentis: we're not getting legally married. we're just gonna have a symbolic wedding, but we wanted to invite everyone because it's still our wedding

hughman: can i bring my girlfriend

locoparentis: yes of course

dadigan: when is it

locoparentis: april of next year

locoparentis: we've just started planning but i figured you'd want to know that your youngest (favorite) child is engaged

momigan: well congratulations, hercules

dadigan: we're very proud of you

hughman: i still need to meet them at some point

locoparentis: you will and probably soon tbh

hughman: coolio

locoparentis: also, hugh

hughman: yes

locoparentis: will you be my best man

hughman: of course!

locoparentis: excellent

locoparentis: okay i've gotta get back to planning

locoparentis: bye!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:19 am

hamleton: schuylers!

angelbaby: oh god what now

littleliz: hi alex!

peggypeg: what's up nerd

hamleton: so you know that me and john and laf and herc are engaged

littleliz: yes

hamelton: will you three be my bridesmaids

peggypeg: idk who's laf having as their grooms/bridespeople

hamleton: we don't know yet

angelbaby: i'll be your bridesmaid

littleliz: so will i

peggypeg: i'll wait to see if laf asks me cause they're Priority

hamleton: fair enough

hamleton: thanks!

littleliz: no problem alex!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:24 am

lancelot: martha!

goddess: yes?

lancelot: i'm engaged!

goddess: oh my god really

lancelot: yes!

goddess: does george know?

lancelot: no i haven't told him yet

goddess: he's gonna wanna know

lancelot: i know but i wanted to ask if you and him will walk me down the aisle?

goddess: oh my god laf

goddess: of course, honey

lancelot: thank you

goddess: anything for you, dear

lancelot: now i have to ask george

goddess: should we make a group chat?

lancelot: no i think it'll be fine

goddess: okay

goddess: best of luck to you

lancelot: thank you martha

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:37 am

lancelot: Monsieur?

bossman: Yes?

lancelot: I have a rather important question to ask you.

bossman: Fire away.

lancelot: My signifs and I are engaged.

bossman: Really?

lancelot: Yes.

bossman: When did that happen?

lancelot: A while ago, actually.

bossman: Oh. Well. Congrats, Lafayette.

lancelot: Thank you, Monsieur.

bossman: What was your question?

lancelot: I was wondering if you and Martha would want to walk me down the aisle?

lancelot: Monsieur?

bossman: Well, Martha just told me that she already said yes, so yes.

lancelot: Thank you!

bossman: Of course, Lafayette. Congratulations.

lancelot: Thank you!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 11:54 am

lancelot: dolley, ma chérie!

queendolley: lafayette, mon chou!

lancelot: i have a question!

queendolley: hit me!

lancelot: so my signifs and i are engaged,,,,,

queendolley: oh my god! congratulations, lafayette!

lancelot: thank you, ma belle fleur

lancelot: i was wondering if you'd want to be my maid of honor?

queendolley: of course!

queendolley: my god we're gonna slay

lancelot: our color scheme is pastel pink/yellow and white

queendolley: are you gonna wear a suit or a dress?

lancelot: i'm thinking dress but i'm having both made just in case

queendolley: ooh i have an idea

lancelot: we could use ideas

queendolley: you're gonna have a reception, right?

lancelot: yes

queendolley: so if you wear the dress to the ceremony, you could wear the suit to the reception because you and your signifs are going to dance your first dance as ~married people~

lancelot: THAT'S A GOOD IDEA DOLLEY YOU'RE AMAZING

queendolley: thank you!

lancelot: i gotta go tell my signifs but we'll let you know about the bridesmaids dresses

queendolley: okay! congratulations lafayette!

lancelot: thank you!!!!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 12:06 pm

hamleton: let's go to lunch and we can talk more!

lancelot: come to me my loves!!

jlau: i'm craving subway

hamleton: herc do you wanna come

locoparentis: i'm pressed for time on this order

jlau: :(

lancelot: do you have lunch?

locoparentis: a new cafe opened across the street and i haven't gotten the chance to try it so lunch is sorted

hamleton: okay

jlau: we love you

locoparentis: i love you too

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:17 pm

hamleton: peggy!

peggypeg: nerd!

hamleton: laf only has one bridesmaid so you can be with them

peggypeg: excellent

hamleton: any other requests?

peggypeg: yeah are nina theo and benny invited

hamleton: absolutely

peggypeg: my god we're gonna slay

hamleton: this wedding is gonna be full of beautiful people and poly relationships i am so excited

peggypeg: oh i guess aaron needs to come too

hamleton: he can come but i don't want to talk to him too much

peggypeg: theo might make him congratulate you but other than that she Knows

hamleton: yessss

peggypeg: my boytoy is calling me gtg

hamleton: benny is your boytoy?

peggypeg: no i'm not - benny

peggypeg: (he totally is)

peggypeg: bye!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:17 pm  
lancelot has created a group chat  
chat name: bridesmaids  
lancelot has added queendolley, peggypeg to the chat

lancelot: peggy meet dolley

peggypeg: hi dolley, nice to meet you

queendolley: lovely to meet you peggy! lafayette tells me that you're one of his bridesmaids?

peggypeg: i am

queendolley: i'm looking forward to getting to know you better

peggypeg: likewise

lancelot: dolley is my maid of honor, peggy

peggypeg: cool!

queendolley: a glorified title in my opinion

peggypeg: i like you already

queendolley: you're not so bad yourself, peggy

lancelot: flirting aside, i need to know if you want to wear suits or dresses or what

peggypeg: dress

queendolley: dress

lancelot: that was easy

lancelot: also i need one more bridesmaid because john is going to have his sister and two brothers be his groomspeople and we need balance

peggypeg: do the others have brides/groomspeople?

lancelot: alex has angelica and eliza and hercules only has his brother

peggypeg: you are severely lacking

peggypeg: benny could be your bridesperson

lancelot: ooh good idea

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:25 pm  
littleliz has created a group chat  
chat name: alex's bridesmaids  
littleliz has added angelbaby, hamleton to the chat

littleliz: group chat!!!

angelbaby: ooh good idea

hamleton: my betsey, always thinking ahead

littleliz: now we have a place to ~discuss~

hamleton: i need another bridesmaid

angelbaby: why

hamleton: because john has three groomspeople and we need to balance it out

littleliz: maria!

hamleton: yeah i'm gonna ask maria

littleliz: yay!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:32 pm

hamleton: maria!

reignolds: yes!

hamleton: would you do me the honor of being my bridesmaid!

reignolds: omg really

hamleton: yes of course

reignolds: aaaAAAAHHH

reignolds: ABSOLUTELY

hamleton: YAY

reignolds: YAY

hamleton: OKAY I GOTTA ADD YOU TO THE GROUP CHAT

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:34 pm  
hamleton has added reignolds to the chat

littleliz: hi babe!

reignolds: lizzie!

angelbaby: hi maria

reignolds: hey angel

reignolds: so alex

hamleton: me

reignolds: we need a color scheme and also like

reignolds: a date

hamleton: our color scheme is gonna be pastel pink/yellow and white

reignolds: ooh i look great in yellow

littleliz: you really do ;)))

angelbaby: pls Stop i'm here

hamleton: the date is Sometime in april of next year

littleliz: please remember to give us regular updates alex!

hamleton: i will

hamleton: john wants me rn so bye

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:49 pm  
locoparentis has started a group chat  
chat name: questions  
locoparentis has added sunrise, deartheo to the chat

locoparentis: so

sunrise: so

deartheo: so

locoparentis: you know i'm engaged but now we're actually planning the wedding and i was hoping you two would be groomspeople?

sunrise: omg herc

deartheo: awwww herccc!

locoparentis: are those yes's?

deartheo: ye

sunrise: of course!

deartheo: what's your color scheme

locoparentis: we're doing pastel yellow/pink and white

sunrise: that sounds so pretty

deartheo: i'm so excited

locoparentis: i already know what kind of dress i might want the maids to wear but idk i'd have to talk it over with my signifs

deartheo: tell us when you decide!

locoparentis: will do!

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 1:55 pm

jlau: SO

lancelot: SO

jlau: how's the hunt for brides/groomspeople going

hamleton: i have angelica eliza and maria

locoparentis: i have hugh nina and theo

jlau: you're friends with nina?

locoparentis: yeah we bonded over books and now we're friends

lancelot: that's adorable

hamleton: laf do you have your bridesmaids

lancelot: i have dolley and peggy and i wanna ask benny but idk if i know him well enough to do that

hamleton: get peggy to ask him

jlau: better yet, just add him to the group chat

lancelot: GOOD IDEA

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 2:01 pm  
lancelot has added pbt to the chat

peggypeg: lol benny you still haven't changed your username

pbt: no

pbt: tbh i think it's kinda funny

lancelot: benny

pbt: yes

lancelot: i'm getting married

pbt: congratulations

lancelot: thank you

lancelot: will you be my bridesperson

pbt: yes

lancelot: good

lancelot: meet dolley, my maid of honor

queendolley: hi benny!

pbt: hello dolley

queendolley: what does your username mean?

peggypeg: GUESS

lancelot: pretty blue things?

queendolley: peggy's best

queendolley: toy?

peggypeg: you're close dolley

lancelot: peggy's biggest toy?

peggypeg: warmer

queendolley: peggy's boy toy?

peggypeg: DINGDINGDING

queendolley: oh my god

pbt: fuck you peggy

peggypeg: maybe later hon

lancelot: alex just asked me why i'm laughing so hard

lancelot: should i tell him

pbt: NO

pbt: HE'LL TELL USNAVI AND THEN I'LL NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT

lancelot: i mean i have ways to swear him to secrecy

pbt: fine

lancelot: GET IT PEGGY - alex

pbt: fuck you alex

queendolley: i wanna join this friend group holy shit

lancelot: you're my maid of honor dolley

lancelot: you are definitely part of the friend group ma moitié

queendolley: yay

lancelot: okay u have to update my signifs

lancelot: play nice mes chers

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 2:13 pm

lancelot: I HAVE MY BRIDESMAIDS

hamleton: EXCELLENT

jlau: so dates

locoparentis: john and i thought that saturday the 21st of next year would do

hamleton: and then we take like two weeks off?

jlau: ye

lancelot: ooh i like that idea

locoparentis: are we having a honeymoon?

hamleton: can our honeymoon be us locking ourselves in our apartment and refusing to leave for the entire two weeks?

jlau: i'm down for that

lancelot: !!!!!!!

lancelot: we could take trip to france!!!!!!!

locoparentis: omg our first trip to france together would be as married people

hamleton: holy shit

jlau: i still can't get over the fact thAT I'M GONNA GET MARRIED TO YOU

lancelot: AAAAHHHH

locoparentis: AAAAAHHHH

jlau: AAAAAHHHHH

hamleton: AAAAAHHHHH

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 3:38 pm

hamleton: screaming and cuddling aside, what are we actually doing for our honeymoon

jlau: i'd like to go to france

locoparentis: me too

lancelot: i would love to go back and show you all my favorite place in paris

hamleton: but i also wanna shut ourselves in

jlau: paris for a week?

locoparentis: and then a week recuperating from jet lag and whatever else we may do?

lancelot: i can do a week

hamleton: then it's settled

hamleton: our honeymoon will be in paris for a week and then our place for a week

hamleton: fUck

jlau: ??????

hamleton: oh my god i haven't told thomas or james that i'm getting married oh no what am i doing how could i forget

lancelot: alex calm down

hamleton: i'm gonna message them right now

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 3:40 pm

hamleton: haha so

macbitch: oh god are you in trouble

jamesbond: alex i stg if you got in trouble before our date

hamleton: nO i'm not in trouble

hamleton: i have some news

hamleton: i'm engaged

hamleton: hello?

macbitch: alexander hamilton there is no rest for the wicked with you is there

jamesbond: i assume you mean to your other signifs

hamleton: yes of course

jamesbond: are we invited?

hamleton: why wouldn't i invite my boyfriends to my wedding?

macbitch: do you have groomspeople yet?

hamleton: yeah i have angelica eliza and maria

macbitch: why not peggy?

hamleton: peggy's with laf

macbitch: ah

jamesbond: who else is invited

hamleton: we haven't really invite people formally because it's gonna be next year but you guys, herc's family, the washingtons, john's siblings signifs, burr

hamleton: plus some of our other friends

hamleton: so in total 16 people that are minimally or not at all involved in the actual ceremony

jamesbond: and including everyone that isn't you and your signifs?

hamleton: 29

macbitch: wowwie not a giant wedding

hamleton: i mean john doesn't get along with his dad and laf and i don't have parents to invite

jamesbond: that's so sad

macbitch: we're coming to cuddle you

hamleton: laf and john are already here

jamesbond: we demand entry into the cuddle party

hamleton: okay

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 3:51 pm

hamleton: herc get your ass over here

locoparentis: why is something wrong

hamleton: cuddleparty.jpg

locoparentis: i'm coming

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 5:29 pm

jlau: we should all go out to dinner

macbitch: i'm imagining the waiter's face if we all came in holding hands

locoparentis: we've gotten that look so many times

hamleton: once laf was the only one Not sick and we all went to the store by our place to get cough drops and medicine and i was curled around herc's arm and john's hand was in my pocket and laf had an arm around john's shoulders when we walked up to the cashier

jamesbond: that sounds appealing because that would entail you and i being physically comfortable enough with each other to hold hands and that makes me super happy

locoparentis: we are just one giant gay pile aren't we

macbitch: i like this this is nice

jlau: on an unrelated note there's like twenty minutes until we can leave

lancelot: nail-painting party?

jlau: you read my mind

jamesbond: oh good mine's starting to chip off

lancelot: i'll be back with my nail polish stash

macbitch: i like how they managed to wiggle out without any of us actually moving

locoparentis: they're weirdly flexible and terrifyingly graceful

jamebond: rt

hamleton: rt

jlau: rt

macbitch: rt

lancelot: i can see these

jamesbond: good

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 6:45 pm

macbitch: lol i called it

hamleton: okay but @james can we please hold hands more often i v much enjoyed it

jamesbond: absolutely

lancelot: screams because my husband and his boyfriend are so frickin cute together

jlau: rt

locoparentis: rt

hamleton: thomas that waiter is eyefucking you hardcore

macbitch: what

macbitch: no he's not

jamesbond: as someone who has experience in eyefucking thomas and alex, i can safely say that he's probably confused as to who he likes more

hamleton: if only he understood how taken i am

lancelot: are you saying you don't want to date another six people

hamleton: nO

hamleton: i am very happy with my situation but jesus i can barely take care of myself let alone twelve other people

locoparentis: it's not like you'd be single-handedly supporting them

jlau: did the waiter just give both of you his number

hamleton: yes

macbitch: yes

hamleton: it's written in lipstick that's kinda cute

macbitch: i love the color but also

macbitch: i have two boyfriends

macbitch: i feel like i don't need any more

hamleton: i have five signifs

hamleton: i one-up you jefferson

hamleton: wow it's weird calling you by your last name again

jamesbond: gUyS THE WAITER IS TRYING TO TAKE YOUR ORDER AND YOU TWO ARE JUST FLIRTING OVER YOUR PHONES AND SMILING AT EACH OTHER

lancelot: at least it's not the same waiter

jlau: i

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 7:28 pm

jamesbond: alex you're not paying for our dinner

hamleton: jemmy darling

hamleton: yes i am fukckign fight em

jamesbond: 1) please call me either of those things more often 2) alex you are so drunk what the fuck you had like a single glass of wine

lancelot: *LOUD SWEATING*

macbitch: *EVEN LOUDER SWEATING*

jamesbond: you two gave him your wine didn't you

lancelot: it was nasty

macbitch: but he liked it

lancelot: so we gave him our glasses

hamleton: jaaaaamesyyyy

hamleton: this our unnofficsil fisrt date

jamesbond: these pet names are giving me life but ALeX plEAse

hamleton: nooipe i alreddy paid

lancelot: james let it go

locoparentis: alex is ridiculously stubborn

jlau: he will not relent

jamesbond: fine

hamleton: lets go hooooome

macbitch: i second that motion

jlau: rt

locoparentis: rt

lancelot: rt

 

Tues., Jan. 17, 7:50 pm

macbitch: alex love did you make it home safe

hamleton: ye

jamesbond: good

hamleton: goodnight jemmy

hamleton: goodnight tommy

macbitch: goodnight my alexander

jamesbond: goodnight my dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i'm super proud of this mostly cause it's super cute  
> also for the groom/bridespeople i actually have a diagram on my wall to keep track of them


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know what the fuck this is

Thurs., Jan. 26, 2:42 am

hamleton: thomas?

macbitch: what's up?

hamleton: do you wanna go to the park?

macbitch: sure

macbitch: are you okay?

hamleton: kind of?

hamleton: i miss you

macbitch: do you want me to pick you up?

hamleton: yes please

hamleton: i don't trust myself not to wander away

macbitch: i'll be there in a minute

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 3:31 am

jlau: alex? where are you?

hamleton: i'm with thomas

jlau: and where is thomas?

hamleton: we're near his place

hamleton: don't worry, we're safe

hamleton: thomas is taking care of me

jlau: i trust him to take care of you, it's just that i'm worried that he has to

hamleton: i'll tell you about it if i can

jlau: okay

hamleton: i love you

jlau: i love you too

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 3:39 am

macbitch: who was that?

hamleton: john

macbitch: was he asking about you?

hamleton: yes

macbitch: should i take you home?

hamleton: no

hamleton: i just wanna stay here with you

macbitch: earlier it seemed like you wanted to talk about something but then you got choked up

hamleton: i did but it's dumb

macbitch: if it's bothering you then it's clearly not dumb

hamleton: are you sure you don't mind?

macbitch: with you, i could never mind

hamleton: i just feel trapped

hamleton: i feel like i always have to get things done the second they're given to me even if they don't actually need to be done until a long time later

macbitch: like what?

hamleton: like

hamleton: like when i first moved to america, i learned english within a year because i knew i'd need to learn it, even though i hated trying to force myself to understand it

hamleton: in college i always did my homework in one or two days, even big projects that should've been done over the term i completed in a few weeks

hamleton: even now, at work i finish everything i have to do as soon as possible because i just constantly have this feeling like i'm gonna run out of time to do it

macbitch: i see

hamleton: do you really

macbitch: no

macbitch: explain it to me?

hamleton: yknow how most people wait until the last minute to get things done?

macbitch: yes

hamleton: i do the opposite

hamleton: i do it in the very first minute

hamleton: it's like on the Other end of the spectrum of time-management problems

hamleton: i get things done in almost too timely a manner because i feel like if i don't do it immediately, i'll wait too long and then never get it done

hamleton: everyone thinks that it doesn't weigh on me and they even say they wish they could get things done as quick as i do but it stresses me out and i wish i just had Good Time Management, not crazy obsessive time management

macbitch: is there anything i can do to help you?

hamleton: hug me

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 4:27 am

macbitch: if any of you are awake, alex is alright. he fell asleep in the park. i don't know if he'd allow me to tell you what's going on, so i'm just going to say that i've got him and i'm taking him home. i'll take care of him

jlau: thank you, thomas

jlau: tell him we love him

macbitch: i will

jlau: goodnight

macbitch: goodnight

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 9:24 am

hamleton: thomas?

macbitch: i'm in the kitchen

hamleton: thanks for taking care of me

macbitch: anything for you, alex

hamleton: i think i'm sick

macbitch: i'm not surprised. we were in the park for a while and you didn't have a thick enough coat

hamleton: why were you awake?

macbitch: i thought you'd want some breakfast

hamleton: no i mean last night

hamleton: you answered really quickly when i first messaged you which means you were already awake

hamleton: was it something with james?

macbitch: no

macbitch: actually yes

macbitch: i couldn't sleep so i started listening to music and then i fell into this weird hole in my mind so i was just sitting in bed, wondering how i'd gotten so lucky as to be in a relationship with james

hamleton: oh so like me every night

macbitch: same

hamleton: speaking of james

hamleton: where is he

macbitch: at work

hamleton: PANIC

macbitch: alex you are not going to work

hamleton: but

macbitch: no

hamleton: why not

macbitch: because i can tell that you're not emotionally ready to go back to work

hamleton: but john and herc and laf

macbitch: i already messaged them that you wouldn't be at work

hamleton: i've gotta go to work

macbitch: alex you are ill

macbitch: take time to relax

macbitch: really and truly relax

hamleton: idk how to do that lol

macbitch: adding a lol at the end doesn't make it less serious alex

macbitch: i'll teach you

hamleton: you'll teach me how to relax?

macbitch: yes

macbitch: lesson one: eat breakfast

macbitch: i'll bring you a plate

hamleton: i

hamleton: okay

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 8:21 am

lancelot: alex

hamleton: hi love

lancelot: are you alright?

hamleton: yes

lancelot: thomas told us you have a cold

hamleton: i do because i didn't wrap up warm enough last night

lancelot: i have a meeting. i'll check in on you later?

hamleton: if you want

lancelot: i love you

hamleton: i love you too

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 9:43 am

hamleton: thomas?

macbitch: yes love?

hamleton: please come and cuddle me

macbitch: are you okay?

hamleton: i just need someone to cuddle

macbitch: okay

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 1:47 pm

jamesbond: hey babe

macbitch: hi jemmy

jamesbond: how are you?

macbitch: i'm okay

macbitch: alex and i are cuddling right now

jamesbond: how is he holding up?

macbitch: he's only cried once so far

jamesbond: should i bring you two lunch?

macbitch: no, we had pizza

jamebond: okay

macbitch: i'm tired so goodnight

jamesbond: sweet dreams, babe

hamleton: hi james

jamesbond: hi alex

jamesbond: how are you

hamleton: dead on the inside but cute on the outside so that's all that matters

jamesbond: me

hamleton: thanks for letting me stay over

jamesbond: anything to make you and thomas happy

hamleton: yeah we're both too invested in making him happy now aren't we

jamesbond: well, now i can say that i'm invested in you too

jamesbond: i'm sorry was that too much?

hamleton: that

hamleton: wow

hamleton: i'm crying again

jamesbond: is thomas cuddling you

hamleton: yes

jamesbond: is he making The Face

hamleton: relaxed little smile, looks super soft, want to kiss?

jamesbond: thAt ONe

hamleton: yEs

jamesbond: did you get pictures yet????

hamleton: yes

hamleton: i have like actually 200 pictures of him just from today

jamesbond: send them all to me pls

jamesbond: how many do you have of me

hamleton: will do

hamleton: like 200 total but we haven't been asleep in each other's presence a lot

jamesbond: we should more often

hamleton: as an incredibly sleepy person, i agree wholeheartedly, jamesy

jamesbond: i love that

hamleton: what

jamesbond: you calling me jamesy

jamesbond: it's so cute

hamleton: i'll do it more often

jamesbond: yes please

hamleton: i'm still tired and thomas is so cozy and he just curled around me tighter so i'll talk to you later

jamesbond: goodnight alex

hamleton: goodnight jamesy

 

Thurs., Jan. 26, 3:49 pm

hamleton: jamesy!

jamesbond: alex!

hamleton: watchthis.jpg

jamesbond: did he really say mama's here

hamleton: yes

jamesbond: that is fucking amazing

hamleton: i gotta cuddle him

jamesbond: are you feeling better?

hamleton: yeah

jamesbond: good

hamleton: i'll see you when you get here?

jamesbond: count on it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this madness  
> also yeah i'm not dead i was in portugal for a bit


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCREAMING  
> Y'ALL ARE NOT READY

Fri., Jan. 27, 7:23 am

hamleton: hey i'm gonna come back home today

jlau: yay!

lancelot: good we can cuddle!

locoparentis: good cause laf didn't have you to cuddle so they ended up hitting me in the face

jlau: i nearly suffocated

hamleton: i didn't realize that a lack of me caused so much trouble

jlau: it does

hamleton: i'll see you at work!

hamleton: i love you!

locoparentis: we love you too!!

jlau: !!!!

lancelot:!!!

 

Fri., Jan 27, 11:52 am

hamleton: i'm going to lunch with thomas!

locoparentis: is this like a Thing now?

hamleton: ???

jlau: you thomas and james go to lunch every thursday and also sometimes friday?

hamleton: i mean james stayed home today but yeah kinda

lancelot: that's adorable

hamleton: i gotta go!!!! i love you!!!

lancelot: we love you!!!!

jlau: !!!!

locoparentis: !!!!

 

Fri., Jan 27, 12:45 pm

lancelot: i literally cannot stay in my own lane how’s it going?

jlau: so apparently we had meeting @alex

hamleton: whoops

jlau: i am going to cry seabury will not shUT UP

jlau: please tell me something interesting is happening alex

hamleton: we just ordered and thomas is getting our drinks

lancelot: you just ordered?

hamleton: yeah he wanted to drive and we got lost

jlau: lol your boyfriend is a mess

hamleton: great minds think alike

hamleton: this lady next to our table is flirting with me thomas needs to come back Quick

lancelot: i'll fight her

jlau: give me a play-by-play i need some entertainment

hamleton: he has returned!

hamleton: the lady is flirting with both of us now what even i am Taken ma'am

lancelot: tell me how it goes

jlau: good luck!

 

Fri., Jan 27, 12:51 am

macbitch: that girl is flirting with you

hamleton: i know. she’s flirting with you too

macbitch: what are we gonna do

hamleton: we’re both too polite to ignore her

mabitch: wHY IS SHE SAYING THESE THINGS

hamleton: what do we do?????

macbitch: i have an idea

macbitch: i have no idea how you’ll react tho

hamleton: should i be worried

macbitch: maybe

 

Fri., Jan 27, 11:58 am

hamleton: i am crying

lancelot: what’s wrong are you okay

jlau: what happened

hamleton: thomas kissed me on the mouth and called me honey to get that girl to stop flirting with us and i’m dead

lancelot: OH MY GOD

jlau: YAS

hamleton: the girl’s face went super red and now she’s just focusing really intently on her food 

hamleton: thomas and i are talking and he’s blushing super hard

hamleton: he’s so cute oh my god

lancelot: can you get a picture

hamleton: “thomas smile”  
“what why”  
“cause you’re pretty”

hamleton: fUck.jpg

jlau: aw he’s blushing so hard

hamleton: okay gtg because i am Not eating and he’s starting to worry i love you

jlau: love you bye!

lancelot: good luck i love you!

locoparentis: if you really wanted to make him sweat you should’ve worn the “daddy’s boy” tie

hamleton: hERC

locoparentis: am i wrong

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 1:05 pm

lancelot: are you back alex

hamleton: yes

hamleton: thomas kissed me again before running to his office

hamleton: i could start a fire with my face

jlau: BABE

hamleton: he's so cute i love him

lancelot: you should probably tell him that

hamleton: i will

locoparentis: now?

hamleton: now

jlau: !!!!!

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 2:12 pm

hamleton: thomas!!!

macbitch: alex!!!

hamleton: your lips are super soft you should kiss me more often

macbitch: i absolutely will

hamleton: my face is so red right now

macbitch: i've been waiting to kiss you for a while

hamleton: why

macbitch: cause i didn't wanna leave james out but i couldn't wait anymore and the perfect opportunity presented itself

hamleton: ngl i really wanna kiss james too

macbitch: if you do please tell me because then i can scream

hamleton: i will

hamleton: in fact i'm gonna ask him on a date soon

macbitch: i made him stay home today because he had a bad headache so you could probably ask him on a date this weekend

hamleton: i love that you're like our biggest supporter i love it

macbitch: you're adorable and getting to kiss both of you would be a dream come true

hamleton: fair

macbitch: i've got a meeting in a bit so i'll talk to you later

hamleton: okay

hamleton: oh thomas!!

macbitch: yes!!

hamleton: one more thing

hamleton: i love you!!

macbitch: i love you too!!!!

hamleton: !!!!!!!!!!

macbitch: !!!!!!!!!

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 2:35 pm

hamleton: haha so

lancelot: dID YOU DO IT

hamleton: YES.jpg

jlau: YAAAS

locoparentis: YES BABE

hamleton: I GOTTA ASK JAMES OUT HOLD ON

jlau: GO GET YOUR (other) MAN

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 2:41 pm

hamleton: jemmy!

jamesbond: alex!

hamleton: do you wanna go out tomorrow?

jamesbond: sure!

hamleton: yay there's a movie i wanna see

jamesbond: is it fantastic beasts

hamleton: yES

jamesbond: ME TOO

hamleton: what house are you in

jamesbond: ravenclaw

hamleton: you can borrow herc's scarf!

jamesbond: what house are you in?

hamleton: slytherin

jamesbond: really?

hamleton: yes?

jamesbond: i would've thought you were a ravenclaw

hamleton: nah slytherin all the way

hamleton: i have so many slytherin things

hamleton: !!!!! hercules could make you a ravenclaw sweater!

jamesbond: omg can he pls i literally only have a pin

hamleton: yeah he made all our sweaters and also made his brother a weasley themed sweater

jamesbond: that's amazing

hamleton: i know i love him so much

jamesbond: what time should i expect you?

hamleton: the movie starts at like 7:30 so we should get dinner before that

jamesbond: what theater is it playing at?

hamleton: one in lincoln square

jamesbond: there's a really good burger place that thomas told me about that's either in lincoln square or near it, i don't actually remember

hamleton: so i'll pick you up at like 6 and then we get food and then we go see the movie?

jamesbond: sounds good to me!

hamleton: yay!

jamesbond: i can't wait omg

jamesbond: i love movie dates

hamleton: same

jamesbond: thomas is calling to check up on me again so i'll talk to you later, alex!

hamleton: bye!

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 2:59 pm  
hamleton has created a group chat  
chat name: SCREAMING  
hamleton has added macbitch, locoparentis, lancelot, jlau to the chat

hamleton: SO I'M GONNA KISS JAMES TOMORROW

macbitch: YES

jlau: HAHAAAAAAAA

locoparentis: DO IT BABE

lancelot: THIS IS SO EXCITING

hamleton: also @herc james wants a ravenclaw sweater

locoparentis: wow i would've guessed that he was a gryffindor

macbitch: same

hamleton: ANYWAY

hamleton: i also have a crazy idea but let's go into the other chat for it because james needs to see this one too

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 3:04 pm

hamleton: IDEA

jamesbond: WHAT

lancelot: do i need to get up for this?

hamleton: no

hamleton: we (meaning me james and thomas) go on a lot of dates and stay over at each others houses quite a lot

locoparentis: true

jlau: continue

hamleton: so what if we all moved in together

macbitch: like all of your signifs under one roof????

hamleton: ye

jlau: but we don't have space

locoparentis: are you suggesting we move to a bigger house

hamleton: yes!

lancelot: i would be super down for that tbh

jamesbond: i'm down!

locoparentis: fuck it this house is falling apart anyway

jlau: can i decorate?

hamleton: ye

jlau: yessssssss

macbitch: i wanna decorate too!

jlau: we can both decorate!!

macbitch: yay

hamleton: okay so since there's gonna be six of us in one house, we're gonna need two bathrooms, probably

jlau: true

hamleton: two bedrooms since there's james and thomas and then us four?

lancelot: and you can switch between who you sleep with!

jamesbond: we're gonna need somewhere for guests to sleep

hamleton: oh god right

hamleton: can we just get a sofa bed and whoever's parents.family wants to stay over can sleep in our bed and we can sleep on the sofa bed?

jlau: also sometimes my siblings like to stay over so there's that too

macbitch: does the littlest one ever stay over?

jlau: mary?

jlau: no but in case she ever does

macbitch: i'm fine with that

lancelot: yesss

locoparentis: sofa bed! sofa bed! sofa bed! sofa bed!

hamleton: so two bedrooms, two bathrooms, one sofa bed

lancelot: a giant living room for movie nights

hamleton: right

hamleton: what do you want just for yourselves in the new house

lancelot: i want a bigger closet!

jlau: lots of windows with a pretty view!

locoparentis: a big kitchen i can bake in!!!

jamesbond: i just want a comfy place to read

macbitch: we're gonna need a dining room

hamleton: i guess i should've asked this first

hamleton: are we getting an apartment or a house house

lancelot: uh

jlau: shit

macbitch: i mean i'd like to live in a house house

locoparentis: in what still-reasonably-priced apartment are we gonna find what we want anyway

jamesbond: haha so i totally coincidentally have been looking at houses for the past like ten minutes and i've found 32 houses that have some of what we're looking for

hamleton: SEND TO ME PLEASE

jamesbond: i'll send links in our private chat so you can look through them

hamleton: ooh i know send them to everyone's private chat and then we all can look through them and choose the ones we like and see if any overlap

lancelot: good idea!

jamesbond: i'm sending them now

 

Fri., Jan. 27, 4:42 pm

jamesbond: are we all taking a very long time choosing or have yall been preoccupied

lancelot: martha texted me and i had to answer her

jlau: same but with james (my brother)

locoparentis: i still have clients

jamesbond: have you chosen a house?

jlau: ye

locoparentis: ye

lancelot: ye

jlau: alex? thomas?

hamleton: haha i totally didn't,,,,,,, get sidetracked,,,,,,,,,,, by thomas's wonderful kissing ability,,,,,

jamesbond: oh same honey

hamleton: ""honey""" oh my god i'm so gay

macbitch: @laf @john @hercules is kissing alex always like that????

lancelot: a wild ride????

locoparentis: makes you believe in a higher being????

 

jlau: feels like literal actual magic?????

 

macbitch: yeah that

locoparentis: yes

jlau: yes

lancelot: yes

macbitch: I AM BLESSED

hamleton: i am right here

jamesbond: here's the real question: who's the better kisser, me or alex

macbitch: i can't decided because you're both equally good in different ways that completely destroy me

jamesbond: diplomatic answer

hamleton: lol

lancelot: HOUSES

jamesbond: RIGHT

jlau: mine.jpg

locoparentis: hercschoice.jpg

macbitch: mychoice.jpg

hamleton: THISONE.jpg

lancelot: this.jpg

jamesbond: sopretty.jpg

hamleton: so i guess we have a consensus

lancelot: how much is the house

jamesbond: $4,000

locoparentis: we could absolutely afford that

jlau: we're gonna be a six-income household goddamn

macbitch: and we all chip in for rent, yes?

hamleton: i've booked a house viewing for wednesday

lancelot: i'm so excited i've wanted to move for like months

hamleton: that feeling?

lancelot: yeah kinda

locoparentis: so we're all moving in together?

macbitch: yup

hamleton: yes

locoparentis: i'll makes us matching sweaters to commemorate the occasion

hamleton: aaah james and thomas's first sweaters from hercules this is so exciting

jamesbond: thomas i'm gonna start cleaning stuff out

macbitch: james don't you touch my nightstand drawers i stg

jamesbond: i promise

lancelot: look through the drawers james

jlau: find his secrets

locoparentis: expose him

macbitch: dON'T tEMPt hIm

hamleton: living together is gonna be so much fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M REALLY READY FOR THIS TO HAPPEN  
> I NEED TO POST A CHAPTER ON WEDNESDAY  
> ALSO PLEASE LEAVE ME IDEAS I NEED MORE EXCITEMENT IN THIS FIC


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short but i thought y'all would wanna know how the james/alex kiss went down in my head

Sat., Jan. 28, 5:30 pm

hamleton: I GOTTA GET READY FOR MY DATE WITH JAMES

jlau: yOU CAN'T JUST STOP KISSING ME ALEX THAT'S NOW HOW IT WORKS

hamleton: I GOTTA GET READY

lancelot: herc and i are just gonna listen to you two scream while we eat popcorn

hamleton: NO YOU HAVE TO COME AND TELL ME WHAT TO WEAR SO I CAN LOOK KISSABLE

locoparentis: okay but have you considered: everything makes you look kissable???

hamleton: SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME LOOK THE M O S T KISSABLE

lancelot: again

lancelot: everything

locoparentis: alex honey please look at me

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 5:42 pm

hamleton: i am significantly calmer

lancelot: good i picked an outfit for you

jlau: it's really cute you're gonna slay

locoparentis: oh no you're not even in it and i wanna kiss you

hamleton: ooh i like it

locoparentis: now i Really wanna kiss you

hamleton: i have like twenty minutes before james comes

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 6:31 pm

lancelot: how's it going!

hamleton: do you ever just,,,,,,, fall in love with someone,,,,,,,

jlau: aww alex!

locoparentis: how long have you two been dating?

hamleton: i don't remember

jlau: aka he's distracted by james

lancelot: i bet james is distracted by him too

lancelot: i'm gonna text thomas

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 6:34 pm

lancelot: thomas i have a question

macbitch: yes?

lancelot: have you tried to text james since he and alex left?

macbitch: yes. he won't tell me anything

lancelot: same with alex

macbitch: but!!!

macbitch: james texted me and he was like "wow so this is what falling in love with alex feels like"

lancelot: !!!!! alex just texted us the same thing!!!!

macbitch: really!

lancelot: well he said 'do you ever just fall in love with someone' but yeah basically

macbitch: !!!!!!

lancelot: !!!!!!

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 6:52 pm

hamleton: we're in the theater i'll text you when the movie's over

lancelot: wait what are you watching

hamleton: fantastic beasts

jlau: have fun!

locoparentis: stay safe!

lancelot: we love you!!!!

hamleton: i love you too!!!

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 9:34 pm

hamleton: we're coming home!

lancelot: finally

locoparentis: DID YOU KISS HIM

hamleton: yes

jlau: YAAAAAAAS

locoparentis: HELL YEAH

lancelot: GIVE ME DETAILS

hamleton: the movie ended and then while we were walking out he grabbed my hand and my heart skipped and then he was like "alex" in this really soft voice and i turned and he was like "thank you for taking me out" and then he leaned in and kissed me and my heart is soaring oh my god

lancelot: AAAHH

jlau: THAT'S SO CUTE

lancelot: AAAAAAAAHH

hamleton: he's dropping me off

locoparentis: DID HE KISS YOU AGAIN

hamleton: yes

jlau: AAAH

hamleton: i'm like

hamleton: in a daze

hamleton: someone open the door please

 

Sat., Jan. 28, 9:48 pm

macbitch: james?

jamesbond: i'm sitting in the parking lot

macbitch: are you okay?

jamesbond: i kissed alex so i'm just waiting for my soul to return to my body

macbitch: i feel that

macbitch: get your soul to hurry up i have hot chocolate

jamesbond: coming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy this little filler thing!


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COME READ THIS GAY SHIT

Wed., Feb. 1, 10:19 am

hamleton: james we gotta go!

jamesbond: SHIT I FORGOT

hamleton: LET'S GO WE GOT A REALLY PRETTY HOUSE TO LOOK AT

jamesbond: I'M SPRINTING

hamleton: please don't die on the way here

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 10:32 am

lancelot: she's so nice wtf

macbitch: are you??? unused???? to people???? being nice????

locoparentis: our current landlord is super grumpy on the best of days

jamesbond: oh

hamleton: this house is so much prettier irl holy shit

jlau: ALEX DID YOU SEE THIS ROOM

hamleton: what's so wonderful about this one

macbitch: space for lots of shelves and cabinets

jlau: lots of shelves and cabinets

jlau: EYYY

macbitch: YOU TOO?

jlau: alex james i'm stealing your boyfriend

macbitch: alex hercules laf i'm stealing your boyfriend

hamleton: um excuse you he's our fiance

macbitch: alex hercules laf i'm stealing your fiance

hamleton: thank you

macbitch: john we gotta plan

locoparentis: james is he always like this

jlau: i just asked the landlady she said we can paint

macbitch: y e s

jamesbond: yes he is

jlau: so hallway

macbitch: painting baseboards is horrible so let's just leave them white

lancelot: dear lord

jlau: i wanna say the hallway should be like a pinky-yellow color

macbitch: oh that'll look so pretty in the summer with the light

jlau: ye

macbitch: so what about the bathroom

jlau: dear god that is the worst color i've ever seen

macbitch: CACKLING

hamleton: what just happened

macbitch: the landlady asked what was wrong because john made a face and a little 'oh…' noise and just

macbitch: c a c k l e s

jamesbond: what did you tell her???

jlau: i said that i just remembered that there was something that smelled weird in our bathroom 

jlau: I CAN HEAR YOU THREE LAUGHING FUCK YOU

lancelot: I'M SORRY LOVE I JUST

locoparentis: WE'RE IMAGINING HOW THAT WENT DOWN 

hamleton: "is everything alright sir?"  
"no i just remembered that there's something that smells weird in our bathroom"  
",,,,,oh,,,,"

jlau: i pANICKED OKAY

jamesbond: living together is gonna be an adventure

hamleton: okay but @thomas @john have either of you been upstairs yet

jlau: ,,,,,,,, no

macbitch: we've been planning sorry

hamleton: just get up here and look at the bedrooms

jlau: ooh very pretty

macbitch: john!!!! come into the room with me and james!!!!

jlau: coming!!

hamleton: !!!!!!

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 10:58 am  
hamleton has created a group chat  
chat name: TWO OF MY BOYFRIENDS  
hamleton has added locoparentis, lancelot to the chat

lancelot: we have so many dead group chats is this gonna be one of them

hamleton: did!!! you!!! see!!! that!!!

locoparentis: see what

hamleton: thomas and john!

lancelot: yoU SAW IT TOO

locoparentis: saw what

hamleton: YEAH

lancelot: YEAH

locoparentis: SAW WHAT

hamleton: laf lied that one time when they said that we're past the light-up-at-texts phase of our relationship

hamleton: we all absolutely light up, but only at each other's texts

hamleton: john lights up at us and his siblings

locoparentis: what's your point

lancelot: did you see john's face when thomas messaged him to come to him?

locoparentis: no?

locoparentis: dID HE LIGHT UP?????????

hamleton: YES

lancelot: HE DID

locoparentis: AAAAAAAAAAAAH

locoparentis: he just messaged our group chat

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 11:06 am

jlau: haha so

hamleton: why do you look guilty

lancelot: where even are you???

jlau: front door

jlau: thomas and i are going shopping for things

jlau: mainly paint

locoparentis: right now?

jlau: ye

lancelot: okay!

hamleton: it's like a date lol

jlau: we're leaving bye!

locoparentis: bye!

lancelot: stay safe!

hamleton: we love you!

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 11:09 am

hamleton: hERC DID YOU SEE IT

lancelot: WE SAW IT

locoparentis: I SAW IT DID YOU SEE THOMAS'S FACE

hamleton: NO DID HE LIGHT UP TOO??

locoparentis: YES

lancelot: AAAAAAHHH

hamleton: AAAAAHHHH

locoparentis: AAAAAAHHHH

locoparentis: should we get james in on this

hamleton: yes!

locoparentis has added jamesbond to the chat

lancelot: hi james

locoparentis: hi james

jamesbond: hi?

hamleton: thomas and john are absolutely into each other

jamesbond: yoU SAW IT TOO I THOUGHT I WAS IMAGINING THINGS

hamleton: NO ME AND LAF SAW IT AND THEN WE TOLD HERCULES AND HE SAW IT

jamesbond: AAAAAAH

hamleton: AAAAH

locoparentis: SCREAMING ASIDE HOw are we gonna get them together

lancelot: i vote lock them in a closet together for at least an hour

hamleton: can we Not maybe???

lancelot: why not

jamesbond: thomas is slightly claustrophobic

lancelot: oh

jamesbond: yeah so scrapping that idea

hamleton: why don't we just

hamleton: yknow

hamleton: talk to them

locoparentis: okay but john doesn't do well with interrogation, even from us

jamesbond: thomas is the king of denial

hamleton: hm

lancelot: okay so i know that this is an incredibly important discussion but the lady has asked us six times what we think and i am the only one answering while you two look at the walls then stare furiously at your phones

locoparentis: i'm coming to save you

lancelot: thank you

hamleton: I KNOW

jamesbond: what

hamleton: earlier i said "it's a date" and john got kinda blushy

hamleton: what if we keep making remarks like that to make them realize that they're into each other

jamesbond: that seems like a good idea but i don't think it's gonna work

hamleton: why

jamesbond: thomas studied psychology, you can't psych him out

hamleton: shit

hamleton: well i'm all out of ideas

locoparentis: are you out of pens?

hamleton: no?

locoparentis: then bring me one so i can sign the lease

hamleton: wE'RE GETTING THIS HOUSE?

lancelot: ye

jamesbond: YES

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 6:12 pm

macbitch: yall should come over to our place

hamleton: it's wednesday

macbitch: i know what day it is

jlau: i'm down!!!

locoparentis: me too!

lancelot: yeah why not we all work at the same place

hamleton: sure

 

Wed., Feb. 1, 6:12 pm

hamleton: john answered so quickly damn

jamesbond: boy's got it bad

locoparentis: @james did thomas invite us over just so we can help you start packing

jamesbond: probably

lancelot: i'm cooking dinner at your place because thomas has super fancy ingredients

jamesbond: yessss

 

Thurs., Feb. 2, 1:19 am

jlau: alex

hamleton: what's wrong

jlau: i'm sorry alex

hamleton: what?

jlau: i betrayed you even though i didn't mean too

hamleton: slow down john

hamleton: what do you mean you betrayed me

jlau: i kisssed thomas

hamleton: what? when?

jlau: jst now

jlau: he kissed me bakc

jlau: i'm sorry. he's just so charmign and so pretty and i drank too much

hamleton: no no no john it's fine!

jlau: ????/

hamleton: we know that you like thomas! we could see it earlier today

jlau: but he's yuor boyfriend

jlau: james willl hatenme??

hamleton: he won't

jlau: promise???

hamleton: i promise

hamleton: go to sleep, love

hamleton: we're gonna have to talk in the morning

jlau: okay

jlau: i'm gonna cuddle thomas

jlau: i love you

hamleton: i love you

 

Thurs., Feb. 2, 7:01 am

lancelot: LOOKLOOKLOOK.jpg

hamleton: oh thomas is gonna freak out and john is probably gonna freak too

lancelot: what why

jamesbond: well now they're awake

locoparentis: why are they yelling

locoparentis: oh that's why

jamesbond: should we calm them down

hamleton: i'll kiss john you kiss thomas?

jamesbond: on it

 

Thurs., Feb. 2, 7:11 am  
hamleton has created a group chat  
chat name: TALK  
hamleton has added jlau, jamesbond, lancelot, locoparentis to the chat

jlau: i'm sorry

lancelot: don't apologize for have emotions, john

jlau: but i kissed thomas and i shouldn't have

jamesbond: it alright, really!

hamleton: john we had this conversation last night

locoparentis: we're super okay with you dating thomas if you want

jamesbond: that includes me btw

jlau: i kinda do want to

jlau: but your relationship is still in its early stages and i don't wanna mess it up

jamesbond: i mean, when i don't think me dating alex messed up anything with him and thomas

hamleton: and me dating thomas didn't mess us four up, did it?

jlau: no, i guess not

hamleton: you and thomas dating isn't gonna mess us up

hamleton: it'll probably actually make it better

jamesbond: i concur

jlau: okay

hamleton: okay? so you're gonna date him

jlau: yeah, if he wants to

locoparentis: aaaah i love you so much

jlau: i

jlau: i love you too

 

Thurs., Feb. 2, 7:11 am

macbitch: i'm really sorry

jamesbond: i don't feel betrayed or anything. alex?

hamleton: i don't feel betrayed either

macbitch: i know because you're my wonderful boyfriends and i love you so much

macbitch: but i know that it was wrong either way

jamesbond: i love you too and it wasn't wrong, thomas

hamleton: i love you too

hamleton: you acted on your feelings for someone. are we supposed to hate you for that?

macbitch: no it's not that i acted on my feelings, it's that i didn't ask if you were okay with it

jamesbond: okay but you're talking about it now so there's really no problem

hamleton: except for that fact that you and john are hella into each other and not Doing anything about it

macbitch: i

macbitch: john likes me?

hamleton: yes

hamleton: why do you think he kissed you??

macbitch: cause he was drunk and thought i was laf

hamleton: go talk to him thomas smh

macbitch: okay

jamesbond: i love you

hamleton: i love you

macbitch: i love you both

jamesbond: so was your i love you directed at me and thomas or just thomas

hamleton: i mean, if you're fine with it, it was directed at you

jamesbond: i'm fine with it

jamesbond: i love you

hamleton: i love you too

hamleton: !!!!!

jamesbond: !!!!!

 

Thurs., Feb. 2, 7:20 am

macbitch: john

jlau: thomas

macbitch: are you okay?

jlau: a little bit dazed, really

jlau: alex was right, you do have amazing kissing skills

macbitch: thank you?

jlau: sorry that was weird

macbitch: no it's fine

macbitch: do you wanna go to lunch with me later?

jlau: sure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to the lovely person that made a chart of relationships: i'm sorry  
> to the person who made a comment about making one giant gay pile: your wish is my command
> 
> i spent all of today screaming because one of my favorite youtubers came out as nonbinary adn i'm literally so fuckin proud of them holy shit
> 
> i have a tumblr! spicy-molotov.tumblr.com  
> send me ideas, come and talk, ask questions, anything


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel i'm getting a little better at this  
> also there's some serious gay shit in here like dAMN

Mon., Feb. 6, 11:52 am

macbitch: john!

jlau: thomas!

macbitch: do you and/or alexander wanna go to lunch with me and james?

jlau: sure!

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 11:54 am

hamleton: laf!!!! john and i are going to lunch with thomas!!!

lancelot: okay!!!! have fun!!!

locoparentis: hey laf wanna go on an impromptu date/eat lunch in my studio so you can keep me company while i make this weird suit?

lancelot: sure

lancelot: weird suit??

locoparentis: the guy wanted it in not-shiny blue fabric with some fucking embroidered fancy shit in shiny-ish blue thread

lancelot: yes i'll keep you company

locoparentis: excellent

jlau: we're leaving bye!

hamleton: we love you!!

locoparentis: we love you too!

lancelot: stay safe!!!

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 12:43 pm

jlau: okay so that was fun

hamleton: ikr

hamleton: omg!!! i can add you to the dating james and/or thomas chat!

jlau: ooh exclusive access

hamleton: you're such a dork i love you

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 12:46 pm  
hamleton has added jlau to the chat

jlau: just fyi i'm here now

macbitch: yay!

jamesbond: i love that this chat/this relationship is growing

jamesbond: i also love how happy we are as a relationship it's fucking wonderful

hamleton: rt

macbitch: rt

jlau: rt

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 12:50 pm

jlau: haha speaking of a growing relationship

hamleton: omg do you have a crush on someone else

jlau: *loUD SWEATING*

hamleton: WHO

jlau: no i'm not telling you yet i just wanna focus on me and thomas

hamleton: i'm fine with that

jlau: but seriously thomas is a babe

hamleton: he really is i love him

jlau: i kinda wanna kiss his face but it hasn't even been a week

hamleton: how long have you liked him?

jlau: i mean i'd always seen that he has good qualities that i'm hella gay for, but you and him were at odds constantly and i am a Supportive Boyfriend™ so i never pursued it

jlau: but when you and him started dating, i was just kinda like "oh look it's thomas,,,,,,, f Uc k"

hamleton: aw so you've liked him for a while

jlau: why did you even hate him?

hamleton: because he said one horrible thing once and i can hold a grudge

hamleton: i don't even remember what he said, but past that one mess up, he's super courteous and sweet and i love him with all my heart

jlau: that's adorable holy shit

hamleton: i can't wait until you and thomas are Super Chill with each other you're gonna be super cute

jlau: i know i'm excited

hamleton: james just sent me an all-caps message i gotta answer

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 12:59 pm

jamesbond: ALEX I HAVE SOMETHING I VERY MUCH NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT

hamleton: what's up love?

jamesbond: okay so this is probably Too Soon and also not as !!!!! as i'm making out to be but i just feel like i need to tell you

jamesbond: i think i might have a crush on john

hamleton: AH

hamleton: THAT'S SO CUTE

jamesbond: you're not mad?

hamleton: james

hamleton: darling

hamleton: of course not that's so adorable

hamleton: but you'll have to ask the others

jamesbond: so,,,, if i asked john out,,,,, you wouldn't be opposed?

hamleton: i wouldn't, but john really wants to focus on his growing relationship with thomas rn

jamesbond: i guess i'll hold off on asking him then

hamleton: that's probably best

hamleton: sorry love

jamesbond: it's fine. i completely understand. i just

hamleton: what is it?

jamesbond: ever since you and i started dating, i've realized that i have so much love to give, and that i wanna give it to certain people. a few months ago, i didn't really think i'd ever date anyone but thomas, and i was kinda okay with it. then you whirlwinded into our lives and now look at me.

jamesbond: i'm dating two people and i have a crush on another. college james is screaming at me

hamleton: it'll feel like that until you settle into being poly

hamleton: i was added into our relationship last, but even when it was just herc and laf, i knew that i wanted to love all three of them, and maybe more

hamleton: it took a little push, but i finally got to a place where i'm happy and comfortable

jamesbond: how did you four start dating anyway?

hamleton: oh, if i'm gonna tell the story, thomas needs to hear it too

jamesbond: okay!

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 12:59 pm

hamleton: thomas!

macbitch: alex!

hamleton: james wanted to know how me laf herc and john met and i got together thought you'd wanna hear it too!

macbitch: ooh i do wanna hear it

hamleton: sit back and relax my loves because you're in for a wild fuckin ride

hamleton: it all started in college

hamleton: i immigrated when i was 17, which was junior year, so i needed a sponsor. my sponsor ended up being the washingtons, who were wonderful people of course. i applied for harvard, but i didn't get in because the people at harvard are asses, and by then, it was too late to apply to literally any college except for the community college, so i went there. i was walking to my first class when someone (herc) tripped on the stairs. i caught him by his shirt and he and i were Very Close, and i was like "f Uc k sorry" and he was like "no it's fine i'm just clumsy" and then we kept talking and he was like "you're pretty cool, do you wanna be friends" and i was fucking elated because most people don't like me so i was like "sure".

hamleton: john and i met when we sat next to each other in our chemistry class and i thought 'heyyy they're cute'. we started chatting about the teacher, who was Not Kind, and then the teacher made a comment and i got pissed and fucking annihilated him with a rant about how he was wrong and i looked back and john and he had fuckin heart eyes

hamleton: so john and i were friends, then the terrifyingly beautiful and intimidating deity that was laf came up to john and we got introduced and then hercules came up to me and was like "oh hey alexander! who are your friends" and i introduced john who introduced lafayette and laf and herc's eyes met and i sAW the sparks i stg and i had this like flash of jealousy but i was like 'woah chill'

hamleton: so a couple weeks pass and we four are friends, and then laf and herc tell us that they're dating and i was hELLA jealous like damn and then they asked john to date them and john was like "hey alex do you wanna date us too" and i was like woah i don't wanna mess this up so play it cool hamilton and then i played it tOO COOL AND I SAID NO but then so did john because he was still kinda iffy on his sexuality since he'd barely been able to express himself as a man and he didn't wanna rush into anything

macbitch: john is trans?

hamleton: ye

macbitch: oh okay

hamleton: anyway then summer came

jamesbond: oh god

hamleton: at the beginning of summer laf got a call from his sponsor family and they were like "come home we miss you" and then laf was like "sure also hey this kid alex needs a place to stay so can he chill at your place" and their sponsor family was like "sure" and their sponsor family ended up being the washingtons and i didn't really ~live~ there because i had my own place but i spent the night a lot and laf and i shared a room and one night i wake up and i'm like sobbing because the first thing i see is laf with the moonlight on their face and they looked so beautiful that i literally cried and then i got up and wandered around the washington's' house and then i ran into martha and she was like "i can hear what you're thinking alex come to martha we can drink tea and talk" so we go into the kitchen and make tea and this is the second time martha and i have been up at like 2 am crying about our lives and then i go back to bed and laf is getting in to bed and we have this surreal moment where i'm like "hi laf" and they're like "hi alex" and then i realize how fUckin tired i am so i get into bed next to laf and we don't talk we just start dozing off and then their arms are around me and i heard them whisper "you too?" super quietly i so i whispered back "me too" but they had already fallen asleep

jamesbond: aaaaaaaaaaaawwwww

macbitch: that's adorable holy shit

hamleton: thank you

hamleton: NAYWAY

hamleton: so school starts again and me and laf head back and hercules had graduated but he was like "so john and i have been talking and wHAT IF WE LIVED TOGETHER" and laf was like "sure" but i was like "eh how about not cause like we're not Best Friends" so they moved in together and like two weeks later laf was like "so john our offer still stands" and then john was like "yes" and then a couple months passed and it was october and the three of them were like "alex we're all hopelessly in love with you" and my brain was like "acCUSE THEM OF LYING" and i was like "what no how about i just say that i'm not Down" and then i did and then a month and a half later i got fired and ran out of money and also i was A Mess™ so the dorm inspectors were like "wow no get out" and i had nowhere to go so i blew a lot of what money i had left on booze and got wasted and then i looked in the mirror and my drunk-ass brain was like "AlEX YOU BLIND FUCK" and then i was like "fuck u right" so i got a near-pointless job as a barista and made like no money almost but i saved up and bought christmas presents for john herc and laf, and i wrote them letters.

hamleton: on christmas day, like two weeks before i was gonna legitimately gonna get kicked out i went to their door and i had their gifts and i was like "i know you're people of honor, and i'm so sorry to bother you at christmas, but i'm getting kicked out of the dorms and i don't have anywhere to go" and laf just hugged me and was like "i knew you'd come around" and then i gave them their gifts and told them to read the letters when they were alone and then a couple days later i was chilling on their couch and then they all pounced on me and hugged me and then Stuff,,,,, happened,,,,,,, and then they asked me if i wanted to date them and i said yes

hamleton: and the rest is history

jamesbond: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW THAT'S SO CUTE

macbitch: AAAAAH

hamleton: same

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 7:46 pm

jlau: herrrrc where are youuuu and laaaaf

locoparentis: i'm making laf's wedding dress and they're giving me """"pointers""""

hamleton: so they're yelling about something then telling you that your work is beautiful???

locoparentis: yes that

lancelot: EXCESUSSUE YOU

locoparentis: i love you

lancelot: i love you too

jlau: i drew a cactus on my arm

locoparentis: why,,,,,

jlau: why not?

hamleton: i have a tiny planet

lancelot: pictures

jlau: wesocute.jpg

locoparentis: ,,,,,,, is something smoking in the background

hamleton: oh yeah we kinda set some cookies on fire

lancelot: are they,,,,, still on fire?????

jlau: no

jlau: wait

jlau: yeah

hamleton: they're out now

locoparentis: are either of you okay

jlau: not really

hamleton: at this point we're just losing our minds

jlau: but like we're having fun with it

lancelot: we'll be home soon please don't set anything else on fire

hamleton: honestly, no promises

 

Mon., Feb. 6, 8:10 pm

locoparentis: they're asleep on the sofa

lancelot: that looks cute but Not Comfy at all

locoparentis: true

locoparentis: should we move them?

lancelot: no they'll wake up and i think they need all the sleep they can get

lancelot: what if we got a futon or smth

locoparentis: that sounds wonderful but in case you forgot, we're moving in like a month

lancelot: shit you're right

locoparentis: why haven't we started packing

lancelot: because we meant to help james and thomas pack but then john and thomas were cute and then we got distracted

locoparentis: fair enough. let's go tf to sleep so we can start planning how we're gonna pack this weekend

lancelot: okay

lancelot: goodnight, i love you

locoparentis: i love you too

 

Tues., Feb. 7, 6:23 pm

lancelot: HOOOME

locoparentis: so we can paaaaaack

lancelot: heck i forgot

hamleton: do we have to pack

hamleton: can't we just like

hamleton: move our shit slowly from this house to that house

jlau: no because we don't have that long

locoparentis: can we try at least

lancelot: we don't have keys

jlau: thomas does

lancelot: wtf when did thomas get keys

jlau: yesterday

lancelot: oh

hamleton: slow moving?

locoparentis: slow moving!

jlau: slow moving!

lancelot: HOW ABOUT A COMPROMISE

locoparentis: no compromise only blood

lancelot: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

lancelot: anyway

lancelot: how about we pack things like our clothes and dvds and smaller things in boxes so they don't get destroyed but then we can just get a moving van for our bed and couch

jlau: yeah i'm fine with that

hamleton: same

locoparentis: we're gonna need help packing

lancelot: we have many friends

locoparentis: u right

hamleton: yay!!!!

 

Tues., Feb. 7, 7:37 pm

jlau: thomas!

hamleton: james!

jamesbond: yes!

macbitch: hwat

jlau: we're packing this weekend we're gonna need help

macbitch: anything for you two

jamesbond: sure!

jlau: yay!

hamleton: woo!

 

Tues., Feb. 7, 7:39 pm 

hamleton: hey peggy

peggypeg: sup loser

hamleton: we're moving in like a month and we're gonna need help packing

peggypeg: yeah we'll help

hamleton: by we do you mean you angel and eliza or you theo nina and benny and possibly burr

peggypeg: yes

hamleton: no that's not an answer peggy

hamleton: wE DON'T NEED THAT MANY PEOPLE HERE PEGGY

 

Tues., Feb. 7, 7:41 pm  
peggypeg has created a group chat  
chat name: alex is moving  
peggypeg has added sunrise, deartheo, pbt, a.burr, reignolds, littleliz, angelbaby to the chat

peggypeg: so alex is moving

littleliz: he told me

angelbaby: wtf why

a.burr: what am i doing here

pbt: why tho

peggypeg: idk but he asked me for help and i thought it would be a good way for everyone to meet

peggypeg: also i'm assuming that alex's other boyfriends will be there

sunrise: other boyfriends?????? how many boyfriends does he have?

peggypeg: four and a significant other i think

sunrise: oh

peggypeg: also who are you to judge, nini? you're literally dating three people

sunrise: i know and i love each of you

deartheo: aw i love you too nini

peggypeg: ily2

pbt: i love you

angelbaby: we were talking about alex and how he's moving

peggypeg: rIGHT

peggypeg: so him moving would be a great was for the crews to meet each other

pbt: okay but how many people are actually gonna be there

peggypeg: assuming that they're only asking close friends and also assuming that they haven't started packing at all and are gonna need a lot of help,,,,,

peggypeg: lizzie, angel, me, nina, benny, theo, burr, jmads, tjeffs

peggypeg: probs usnavi and vanessa

peggypeg: not sonny and pete cause sonny just got top surgery, right?

sunrise: yeah, pete just told me that they're back home actually

deartheo: aw tell him we say congrats

sunrise: i did!

a.burr: that doesn't seem too bad, especially since theo will be there

peggypeg: so you'll all help?

pbt: yeah, i'll ask usnavi

sunrise: i'll ask vanessa!

peggypeg: yay everyone's gonna meet!

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 9:14 am  
peggypeg has added cafeconleche, champagne to the chat

peggypeg: alex told me that we can come over like now since they're all awake

cafeconleche: 10 bucks says benny gets lost

peggypeg: you'll wanna eat those words when you get lost and owe me ten dollars

deartheo: i'm on usnavi's side, benny gets lost a lot

champagne: wait i'm on benny's side

cafeconleche: mY OWN FIANCE

cafeconleche: BETRAYING ME

peggypeg: woah woah woah

peggypeg: fiance????

champagne: usnavi!

cafeconleche: oops?

sunrise: i jhust got here and benny is driving vANESSA YOU'RE ENGAVED?????

champagne: yes

sunrise: CONGRATULATIONS VANESSA OH MY GOD

champagne: thanks nina!

champagne: usnavi says thank you too

peggypeg: @a.burr where's theo?

sunrise: she's with us

peggypeg: oh

littleliz: we're coming to pick you up

peggypeg: oh cool

littleliz: we're off!

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 9:48 am

macbitch: alex

hamleton: yes

macbitch: wHO THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE

hamleton: i mean obviously you know the schuylers

hamleton: the girl in dark red is maria, eliza's girlfriend, the girl with really curly hair is nina, who is dating peggy, and the tall guy that looks like gwash is benny, who is also dating peggy

hamleton: the guy that looks like me but more nervous is usnavi, and the intimidatingly pretty girl next to him is vanessa

jamesbond: they're all really nice wtf

hamleton: omg john is talking to usnavi and nina in spanish

jamesbond: john speaks spanish?

hamleton: yes

macbitch: that's so cute i wanna kiss his face

macbitch: forget i said that

hamleton: nEVER

jamesbond: mwahahahaha

macbitch: i thought you two love me

jamesbond: we do

hamleton: we also love seeing you and john be cute

macbitch: fUck we gotta get packing

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 1:12 pm  
peggypeg has added hamleton to the chat

peggypeg: alex

hamleton: we literally have a giant group chat in which we all could talk

peggypeg: but this one is specifically for the people that helped you pack

hamleton: why

peggypeg: i didn't want sonny or pete to feel left out

hamleton: have you met everyone on usnavi's side?

peggypeg: yes

hamleton: has everyone else except us?

 

peggypeg: yeah pretty much

hamleton: oh

a.burr: alexander, why is john cuddling with thomas?

hamleton: you're so unobservant, burr

hamleton: john and thomas are dating

a.burr: WHAT

hamleton: oh my god he typed in all caps

hamleton: yeah also thomas and james and i are dating

a.burr: W H A T

hamleton: you can't judge, burr, your girlfriend has two girlfriends and two boyfriends

a.burr: i know that! i just never thought that you and thomas, of all people, would end up dating.

hamleton: i know, it's amazing

deartheo: aw are you two bonding

hamleton: yes

deartheo: how cute

a.burr: theo, did you know that alexander, john, thomas, and james are all dating?

deartheo: i thought john wasn't dating james @alex?

hamleton: he's not

a.burr: you knew?

deartheo: peggy told us when she made this chat

a.burr: i ignored it because we started talking about alexander

deartheo: you don't have to be here

a.burr: but you're here...

deartheo: that's cute, but little theo might need to be taken for a walk right about now anyway

a.burr: true.

hamleton: how is little theo anyway?

deartheo: she's grown

hamleton: i thought she was full grown when you got her?

deartheo: no, apparently she was still in her puppy stage

hamleton: can we go over and see her sometime?

deartheo: of course!

hamleton: also @angel how's your kitty

angelbaby: she's fine! she settled in really and now she lounges on the back of my couch in the sun

hamleton: that's adorable

angelbaby: i have pictures, i'll send them to you later

hamleton: yesss

littleliz: alex we're making a burger king run and you can't stop us

hamleton: '''us''' being who?

littleliz: me, john, thomas, james, and maria

hamleton: get me either one giant burger or two medium ones and i'll pay you back later?

littleliz: okay!

hamleton: yess thank you best of wives

lovergirl: stop hitting on my wife

hamleton: hey i was here first

lovergirl: we literally met her at the same time alex

hamleton: yeah but she was friends with me first

lovergirl: rude

deartheo: maria, when did you change your name?

lovergirl: yesterday

deartheo: i like it!

lovergirl: thank you

hamleton: we gotta keep packing until eliza gets here with food

peggypeg: well burr went home

peggypeg: right now it's you, me, angel, laf, herc, usnavi, vanessa, benny, and nina

hamleton: we don't have much left to do, actually

hamleton: laf wanted is gonna pack up all their clothes later, and their shoes are already in boxes

peggypeg: great so we'll probably get done by the time eliza and them get back

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 2:01 pm

macbitch: i feel too lazy to get up anymore

jlau: good cause you're comfy

jamesbond: i guess me and alex will be here

hamleton: just cuddling each other

jamesbond: when we could be cuddling you two

locoparentis: come here and i'll cuddle you, james

hamleton: me too?

locoparentis: yes of course

hamleton: yay

jlau: wait that's rude

hamleton: well you left me and james out in the cold

jamesbond: this is just karma

macbitch: i thought you loved me

jamesbond: i do

jlau: can we join you?

macbitch: let us into the giant cuddle pile

lancelot: your names aren't on the list

jamesbond: maximum capacity has been reached, sorry

locoparentis: restricted access

hamleton: you need an invitation to get into this cuddle party

jlau: FORCEFUL TAKEOVER

locoparentis: RESIST THEM

hamleton: KEEP THEM OUT

lancelot: VIVA LE REVOLUTION

macbitch: mwahahaha

hamleton: hahaha you've played right into my trap, thomas

locoparentis: ow wtf someone just hit me in the face

macbitch: sorry n O ALE X

lancelot: sTOP KICKING THOMAS

macbitch: BLAME ALEX

jlau: i've trapped him!

hamleton: i'm suffocating

jlau: he's ticklish! get him!

jamesbond: waIT NO NOT YEt

jamesbond: fUCK

macbitch: HOSTILE TAKEOVER

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 2:34 pm

hamleton: sorry to whoever i accidentally grinded on earlier

jamesbond: that was me… 

hamleton: sorry

jamesbond: i'm not,,,,, complaining,,,,, exactly,,,,,,

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 6:22 pm

lancelot: do james and thomas really have to go home? i like our cuddle party

hamleton: why don't you message them?

lancelot: cause i'm not dating them

hamleton: would you like to be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

lancelot: little bit

hamleton: omg really

lancelot: kind of?

hamleton: i meant that as a joke but holy shit this is great

lancelot: shush you!

hamleton: that's so cuuute!

hamleton: laf has a crUUUUUuuush

lancelot: my god now i know how you felt

hamleton: revenge is sweet

lancelot: rude

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 7:47 pm

macbitch: let's drink!

locoparentis: why?

jlau: cause we actually got all our packing done in one day

macbitch: ye!

lancelot: we have wine, thomas, and whiskey and other things for the rest of you

macbitch: yesssss

hamleton: shots?

jamesbond: shots!

locoparentis: alex

hamleton: just one? please?

locoparentis: fine, just one

hamleton: yay!

jlau: i want whiskey!

lancelot: don't drink too much please

jlau: i won't

jamesbond: what are we gonna do about our house

jlau: i can ask my siblings if they can help

macbitch: will they say yes?

jlau: probably

jamesbond: okay

hamleton: no time to worry! we have alcohol!

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 10:28 pm

macbitch: aaaaalex

hamleton: how much wine did you have

macbitch: not enough

hamleton: are you gonna sit with john so we can watch the movie?

macbitch: sure! i love john! he's so cute!

hamleton: i know this. go cuddle him, thomas

macbitch: okay! i love you!

hamleton: i love you too

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 10:31 pm

jamesbond: ALEX

hamleton: ME

hamleton: where are you

jamesbond: i don't knoww?

hamleton: what does it look like?

jamesbond: theers a bed

hamleton: you're in our room

jamesbond: oh

hamleton: come out here james

jamesbond: I FOUND ANRNIA

hamleton: i????

hamleton: i think you're in our closet james

jamesbond: NOO

hamleton: thomas is about to leave the house i'm sending john to help you

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 10:39 pm

jlau: alex are you as Not Drunk as i am

hamleton: well i'm definitely gonna remember this tomorrow if that's what you mean

jlau: i have a buzz and i might have a hangover tomorrow but i'm not Dead like james or thomas

hamleton: how are herc and laf?

jlau: idk they locked themselves in the bathroom like thirty minutes ago

locoparentis: heyyyyyy

lancelot: herc is verey drunk

hamleton: what about you

lancelot: more drunk than i caret o admit

jlau: alex can you handle thomas and james?

jlau: or i'll handle them

lancelot: what happened

jlau: thomas and james are sandwiching me

hamleton: laf go and watch the movie, i'll take care of herc

lancelot: i love you

hamleton: i love you too

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 10:56 pm

jamesbond: PNAIC

hamleton: ???

jamesbond: P A N I C

hamleton: what did you do

jamesbond: i gaeve john a kisss

hamleton: why?

jamesbond: becausese he's srelly cyte

hamleton: did he say anything?

jamesbond: no he wentq quiet nad then tomy kisssed him too

hamleton: oh god okay

hamleton: jsut watch the movie and i'll deal with john okay?

jamesbond: okay :(

hamleton: i love you

jamesbond: !!!!!!!!! i love youbtoo

 

Sat., Feb. 11, 11:06 pm

hamleton: john?

jlau: did he tell you?

hamleton: james? yes

jlau: what do i do?

hamleton: nothing

jlau: wHY

hamleton: he's drunk, john. he's not 100% in control of his impulses.

jlau: i guess you're right

hamleton: he said that thomas kissed you too?

jlau: ye

hamleton: are they asleep

jlau: yeah

jlau: they're super cute

hamleton: you should go to sleep too

jlau: but you're gonna stay awake

hamleton: only long enough to put some of the bottles away

jlau: promise?

hamleton: i promise

jlau: good

jlau: goodnight alex

hamleton: i love you

jlau: i love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so basically the next four chapters are gonna be the revset telling various people how they met from their own perspectives, as well as some necessary plot shit that's probably happening wAy too early but hey who gives a damn


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so short  
> i lied about the next four chapter btw @_@

Tues., Feb. 14, 6:09 pm

macbitch: john!

jlau: !!

jlau: thomas!

macbitch: do you wanna go on a valentine's date?

jlau: yes!

macbitch: yay! i'll pick you up in an hour?

jlau: sounds good

macbitch: see you then!

jlau: see you then!

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 6:11 pm

jlau: thomas asked me on a valentine's day date!

hamleton: ooh, where are you going?

jlau: no idea

lancelot: when is he picking you up?

jlau: an hour

locoparentis: I'M HERE GET IN THE CAR SO WE CAN RUSH TF HOME

jlau: YOU ARE WONDERFUL

locoparentis: LET'S GOOOO

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 6:39 pm

jlau: herc come shower with me!

locoparentis: coming!

jlau: yay!

hamleton: laf did you grab that stack of papers that was on your desk?

lancelot: """"that stack of papers"""" you'll need to be a little more specific, mon chaton

hamleton :the one that had the bright blue sticky note that said "important" in all caps?

lancelot: oh no i didn't

hamleton: heck okay

lancelot: did you need them?

hamleton: well they were the notes for gwash's ~critical meeting~ with the supervisors that i needed to look over but i can just do it tomorrow

lancelot: sorry love

hamleton: it's fine the meeting is this weekend so i have time

lancelot: wanna eat the cookies that i got like three billion years ago that we never opened?

hamleton: sure

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 6:48 pm

jamesbond: alex!

hamleton: james!

jamesbond: since thomas is taking john on a date, wanna go on one with me? there's a dance at the community center near the office

hamleton: do we have to pay?

jamesbond: nope. free entry. also free food

hamleton: sure! i'll pick you up

jamesbond: okay!

hamleton: see you in like half an hour

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 6:51 pm

hamleton: james and i are going on a date!

macbitch: is he taking you to that dance?

hamleton: ye

lancelot: what dance?

hamleton: there's a dance in the community center by the office

locoparentis: ooh, laf, wanna go?

lancelot: idk i kinda just wanna stay wrapped up in my blanket

locoparentis: i'll make hot chocolate and we can watch movies then

lancelot: yesss

hamleton: i gotta go get ready

macbitch: have fun! i love you!!!

hamleton: i love you too!!!

lancelot: herc i'm gonna grab your giant knitted blanket and we can cuddle

locoparentis: hell ye

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 7:06 pm

macbitch: i'm here!

jlau: coming! i just need to finish doing my hair

macbitch: how are you doing it

jlau: i was thinking a ponytail and then i was like bUN so now i have a messy bun

macbitch: i jsut thought about you with a messy bun and just

macbitch: holy wow i am gay

jlau: my face is on fire thomas i can't handle this

macbitch: come out here we're gonna be late!

jlau: coming!

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 8:32 pm

lancelot: how's your date going

hamleton: who are you talking to

lancelot: both of you

jlau: thomas is being super cute and i'm crying

hamleton: james is a really good dancer i'm swooning tbh

lancelot: herc is getting stuff to give me a massage i love him with every particle of my being

hamleton: is it weird that i don't feel weird about not getting yall valentine's day gifts?

jlau: i mean i didn't get anything either

lancelot: same here

hamleton: okay good cause i was like scared

lancelot: my phone is exploding with messages from peggy

jlau: same

hamleton: same

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 8:39 pm  
peggypeg has added jlau, hamleton, lancelot, locoparentis to the chat

peggypeg: hELP

lancelot: are you okay???

 

peggypeg: kind of????

hamleton: what's wrong?

peggypeg: okay so everyone (nina/benny/theo) was being super sweet to me today and i had no idea why and then just now they handed me this piece of paper and i screamed cause

peggypeg: ASDFGHJKL.jpg

jlau: AAAAAAHHH YAAAAAAS PEGGY

locoparentis: HOLY SHIT

lancelot: P E G G Y M Y L O V E

hamleton: it's not focusing for me what does it say

locoparentis: PEGGY IS GETTING HER TOP SURGERY CONSULTATION IN TWO MONTHS

hamleton: HOLY SHIT PEGGY

peggypeg: I KNOOOOOOOOW I'M SO EXCITED ALBEIT A LITTLE SCARED BUT MOSTLY HELLA FUCKIN EXCITED GUYS HO L Y S H I T

locoparentis: WE'RE SO EXCITED FOR YOU PEGGY AAAAH

hamleton: I'M ON A DATE WITH JAMES CAN I TELL HIM

jlau: cAN I TELL THOMAS

peggypeg: YES AND YES

hamleton: JAMES SAID CONGRATS

jlau: THOMAS IS SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU

peggypeg: THANX

locoparentis: i'm so happy for you, peggy!

locoparentis: i'm gonna give laf a massage now

peggypeg: nina wants me to cuddle her so bye guys!

locoparentis: bye!

lancelot: bye!

hamleton: bye!

jlau: bye!

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 8:47 pm

lancelot: so since it's valentine's day and we're all(?) in a relationship, what are you doing for valentine's day?

prettyboy: pete and i are just having a night in since i'm still recovering somewhat from surgery

jlau: congrats on that by the way!

prettyboy: thanks!

improvisando: carla and i had dinner and now i'm taking her to see a movie

lancelot: what are you seeing?

improvisando: hidden figures

improvisando: not the most romantic of movies, but she's wanted to see it for a while so i thought i'd take her

prettyboy: you and carla are so cute

improvisando: thank you sonny

pbt: me, nina, peggy, theo, and aaron are at a bar

jlau: we all know how well that went the first time around

sunrise: we're not getting more than three drinks each

lancelot: gOOD

champagne: usnavi made me dinner

prettyboy: what kind of candles did he put on the table

champagne: tall ones

prettyboy: ooh tell me how the night goes

champagne: okay???

cafeconleche: sonny don't you say anything

prettyboy: my lips are zipped, cuz

cafeconleche: good

lancelot: herc is really good at giving massages wtf

jlau: he gave a massage one (1) time since college and i want one again

lancelot: i'll put in good word but for now focus on your date with thomas

jlau: okay!

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 10:43 pm

jlau: alex thomas is so romantic i'm actually in love

hamleton: what are you doing?

jlau: thomas paid for dinner and then we were walking and he grabbed my hand and i'm crying and now we're going ice skating

hamleton: i

hamleton: you can't ice skate

jlau: i know

jlau: we're getting skates and i am currently fearing for my life

jlau: "john i promise you won't fall and die"  
"just don't let go of my hand ever at all okay?  
*laughs* "okay, john"

hamleton: holy shit i love james so much oh my god

jlau: before i go on the ice and die what are you doing

hamleton: james and i are sitting on top of a building drinking starbucks hot chocolate and he wrote a poem in latin for me and i'm falling in love i stg

jlau: aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

hamleton: aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 11:39 pm

macbitch: i'm taking john back to mine

hamleton: i'm taking james

macbitch: oh okay

hamleton: yeah we're closer to our place anyway

macbitch: john hurt his ankle while skating

hamleton: oh my god is he okay?

macbitch: yeah it's just that someone bumped into him and then a little kid tripped and landed hard on his ankle and he really doesn't wanna have to walk all the way up the stairs

hamleton: okay

hamleton: james is falling asleep on my shoulder and my soul is crying he's so cute i want to protect him

macbitch: sEND ME PICTURES PLEASE

hamleton: hah babe i have 345 pictures how many do you want

macbitch: A L L O F T H E M

hamleton: on it

 

Tues., Feb. 14, 11:56 pm

hamleton: have fun cuddling john

macbitch: have fun cuddling james

hamleton: i love you

macbitch: i love you too!

lancelot: alex come and kiss me before you go to sleep

hamleton: okay! i'm gonna sleep with james tho

lancelot: i know but come kiss me first and also get extra blankets because it's cold in the living room

hamleton: okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS REALLY JUST A FILLER. I HAVE NO INSPIRATION AS I AM EMO ABOUT BEING A SINGLE TRASHBOY.  
> I AM VERY SORRY ;_;


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started writing last weekend when i came home dYING  
> jk i had like mild flu and it was awful but not awful enough that i couldn't write

Thurs., Feb. 16, 3:13

hamleton: i hAVE A SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I CAN'T REMEMBER THE TITLE AND I ONLY REMEMBER ONE LINE

lancelot: what's the line?

hamleton: 'i was just supposed to be an hour or two' and then something in the middle and then 'but it feels so good, so good'

jlau: I KNOW WHAT SONG YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

hamleton: wHAT'S IT CALLED

jlau: FUCK IDK

locoparentis: THAT SONG WAS JUST PLAYING IN THE FABRIC SHOP AND I MISSED THE NAME

hamleton: f UC K

lancelot: this is gonna haunt us forever isn't it

hamleton: yeah

lancelot: good to know

 

Thurs., Feb. 16, 6:36 pm

jlau: i look really cute rn

lancelot: ????

lancelot: i mean you always look cute but why specifically now

jlau: idk i just feel like i feel really cute

hamleton: he looks really cute i kinda wanna kiss him

jlau: i'm wide open

locoparentis: i can't pinpoint why but john really does look super cute

lancelot: i'm gonna come and see it for myself

 

Thurs., Feb. 16, 8:16 pm

macbitch: john! alex!

hamleton: thomas!

jlau: dON'T JUST STOP KISSING ME ALEX

macbitch: I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY ME

jlau: NO HE'S DONE THAT TO ALL OF US

hamleton: I'M SORRY I JUST GET EXCITED ABOUT THE IDEA OF TALKING TO ANY OF YOU

macbitch: aw that's so cute

jlau: ,,,,,,,,,, i guess i'll forgive you,,,,,,,,

hamleton: thomas! what did you want!

macbitch: i wanna have a sleepover this weekend

jlau: can we just take a minute to realize that we are fully grown Adults with Taxes and Office Jobs and Responsibilities and we're still having sleepovers

macbitch: ,,,,,,,,,,,,, so does that mean you're coming over

hamleton: are we all invited?

macbitch: idk i kinda just want it to be the people i'm dating

jlau: i'm okay with that

hamleton: me too but we're also gonna have to go on a date with laf and herc soon

jlau: okay!

macbitch: SLEEPOVER

hamleton: SLEEPOVER

jlau: SLEEPOVER

 

Fri., Feb. 17, 7:30 pm

macbitch: are you okay love?

hamleton: herc laf and john are taking care of me so i'm alright

hamleton: i could always be better tho

macbitch: i'm sorry babe :( i didn't know james was gonna get sick

hamleton: it's not your fault

macbitch: i know but i still feel bad

hamleton: it's okay! i promise!

macbitch: okay fine but if you're still sick in a few days i'm gonna come by and pamper the fuck out of you

hamleton: but what about james?

macbitch: as long as i take care of him, he'll be fine in a day or two.

hamleton: :/ fine

macbitch: good

macbitch: james said hi

macbitch: no i didn't i said that we can suffer together - james

hamleton: heh

hamleton: i love you jemmy

macbitch: i love you too - james

 

Fri., Feb. 17, 10:28 pm

hamleton: tHE SONG IS SO GOOD BY LOUISA JOHNSON

jlau: alex you are ill go tf to sleep

hamleton: I GOTTA WRITE THAT DOWN

lancelot: alex please

hamleton: I GOTTA TEXT JEMMY AND TOMMY

locoparentis: gO ThE FUcK TO SLeEP pLEaSE

hamleton: fine

 

Sat., Feb. 18, 10:48 am

jamesbond: are you still alive

hamleton: kinda not really

jamesbond: i'm feeling about 50% better than i did yesterday, so thomas is probably gonna come by and force medicine and soup down your throat

hamleton: but my other three signifs have already been doing that since yesterday

jamesbond: do you have a fever?

hamleton: probably

hamleton: i'm cold and also hot

jamesbond: bundle up and get someone to take your temperature

hamleton: okay

jamesbond: i love you

hamleton: i love you too

 

Sat., Feb. 18, 10:53 am

jamesbond: how's alex holding up?

locoparentis: he's very hot and shivering

lancelot: he's eaten some food and taken medicine

jlau: he took a very long nap

jamesbond: so basically he's going through the motions of being sick?

locoparentis: yes but he's also adding his own alexander-ness to it because his anxiety has been ramped up by like 20 levels

jamesbond: why?

jlau: he lost his mother to a bad flu when he was 12

locoparentis: they went to sleep and the next morning, she was dead

lancelot: he's been scared of illness ever since

jamesbond: oh

lancelot: thomas is here with a pot and seveveral boxes and bottles

jamesbond: yeah he pretty much emptied out medicine cabinet

jamesbond: he's worried

jlau: we can tell

lancelot: he's shoving things in our hands we'll talk to you later james

jamesbond: keep me updated!

locoparentis: we will

locoparentis: also

locoparentis: "seveveral"

lancelot: lsistenenen here you little shit

 

Sat., Feb. 18, 11:03 am

hamleton: were you talking to james?

lancelot: yeah, how could you tell

hamleton: you were blushy

lancelot: alex i stg now is not the time

hamleton: LAF HAS A CRUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUSH

jlau: i????

locoparentis: Plot Twist

hamleton: oh whoopsie

lancelot: fuck

 

Sat., Feb. 18, 1:04 pm

locoparentis: okay but @laf explain pls?

jlau: i want my tell-all!

hamleton: mwahahahaha

lancelot: i kinda sorta have a crush on james

jlau: aaaaaaaaaw that's adorable

locoparentis: are you gonna ask him out?

lancelot: maybe?

hamleton: can we all just date thomas and james? they're adorable and also we're gonna be living together so why tf not

jlau: i

jlau: that doesn't sound too bad actually

locoparentis: well there is the little problem of Emotions

hamleton: hercules

hamleton: my love

hamleton: it's really difficult to Not catch feelings for thomas and james

jlau: true

lancelot: i can vouch

locoparentis: you three can date them if you want, but i really don't feel anything romantic toward them

hamleton: are you sure?

locoparentis: very

hamleton: :/ okay

locoparentis: they are very nice and if i was interested i'd probably date them, but i'm content with you three

jlau: aww we love you herc

lancelot: <3

hamleton: i know that you said you're not interested, but i just want you to know that it's okay for you to have crushes on someone else, herc

locoparentis: i know that

locoparentis: it's just that i don't

hamleton: okay

locoparentis: now come here i made cookies

lancelot: yessss

jlau: i call dibs on the biggest one

hamleton: coming

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 9:23 am

hamleton: thomas darling

macbitch: yes?

hamleton: i love you but whY DO YOU HAVE T H R E E BOX SETS OF AVATAR??????

macbitch: it's good!!!!

hamleton: i understand that but T H R E E B O X S E T S

macbitch: well cause i got one and james got one but we didn't know and james said that he wanted a box set of something for his birthday and we'd watched avatar on netflix and he loved it so i was like 'hEy i know which one he'd like' and then he told me he'd already gotten a box set of avatar

hamleton: you are a Disaster

macbitch: you're gonna have to deal with this when we move

hamleton: wE'RE GONNA COLLECTIVELY OWN SIX AVATAR BOX SETS

macbitch: AND YOU WERE JUDGING ME FOR HAVING THREE

hamleton: well yeah but it's you and james, two (2) people with three (3) box sets, and then us, four (4) people with three (3) box sets

hamleton: also me john and herc owned a box set before we met and we just haven't gotten rid of them yet

macbitch: oh my god

hamleton: maybe when i die i'll leave them to someone in my will

macbitch: as long as i don't have to own six box sets

hamleton: rude

macbitch: i love you

hamleton: ,,,,,,,,,,, i love you too

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 11:33 am

gordonramsay: john!

jlau: martha!

gordonramsay: we're here(???)

jlau: we're on the fourth floor

gordonramsay: UGH

jlau: ikr

gordonramsay: henry and james are sprinting up the stairs

gordonramsay: morty and peter are being nice and hanging back with me

jlau: omg do we all get to meet them

gordonramsay: have you met both of them before?

jlau: i don't remember

gordonramsay: well too late now we're here

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 1:09 pm

macbitch: holy shit are we done

hamleton: i think so

jamesbond: wow i thought that'd take longer

jlau: well there were a lot of people helping

macbitch:

jamesbond: your siblings and their signifs are so nice

jlau: i know :3

hamleton: where did martha say dolley was?

jlau: she said that dolley was taking care of mary cause she's sick

hamleton: where was i when she said this

macbitch: making out with james in the closet

hamleton: oh right

jamesbond: ;))))))))

macbitch: i just realized that we're literally fucking done packing and we can move in now if we want

jlau: do we want?

macbitch: i mean i kinda do

jamesbond: same

hamleton: same

jlau: big chat?

jamesbond: big chat

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 1:18 pm

macbitch: we could move in now if we wanted and we (alex james john and i) kinda do want to

lancelot: yeah i can do that

locoparentis: same

hamleton: omg are we really doing this

locoparentis: ye

jamesbond: yay!

macbitch: I HAVE KEYS

hamleton: I CAN HAVE A MOVING VAN HERE IN AN HOUR LET'S START HAULING BOXES INTO THE LIVING ROOM

locoparentis: WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER

lancelot: AAAAAAAAAAAHHH

jamesbond: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

jlau: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 8:33 pm

macbitch: it's???? so late?????

locoparentis: it's literally 8:30 thomas

macbitch: i know but like

macbitch: we started moving mine and james's stuff into the house at like 1 in the afternoon

lancelot: he's right

hamleton: yeah but we took your closet and bedframe apart

macbitch: true

jamesbond: also everyone kept stopping to make out like at one point we were moving stuff in shifts so we could take turns making out with alex

hamleton: i enjoyed that

jlau: what if we had a schedule of when we could kiss alex?

locoparentis: i'd hate it

hamleton: rt

macbitch: rt

lancelot: rt

jamesbond: rt

jlau: you're almost moved in @thomas @james

jamesbond: i know it's so exciting

hamleton: we're gonna have to move our stuff in tomorrow

lancelot: this is sooner than expected

locoparentis: but it's fun because now we don't have to pack clothes and drive to each others' house to have a sleepover

jamesbond: holy shit we're moving in together

macbitch: this is so exciting

jlau: okay this is fun but i'm tired and hungry so can we get dinner and go tf to bed

lancelot: OH GOD WE GOTTA GO HOME

macbitch: or you could stay here. this is your house too yknow

jlau: omg you're right

locoparentis: where would we sleep tho

jamesbond: did you see how big our bed is? we could just move our mattress here, then send two people to get food while the rest of us build the frame and put the mattress down and then we all could probably fit if we squish

hamleton: ,,,,,,,, i mean,,,,,,,, i wouldn't mind,,,,,,, sleeping with thomas and james,,,,,,,,,

macbitch: omg we could have james on the end then alex then me then john then lafayette then hercules

lancelot: yes this sounds good

jlau: my face is very red rn because i'm just thinking about cuddling thomas

hamleton: aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHH YOU'RE SO CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

jlau: I LOVE YOU TOO

macbitch: holy shit

hamleton: ????

macbitch: i am gAy

jlau: :3

jamesbond: i'm fine with cuddling/squishing

locoparentis: same

lancelot: same

macbitch: who's going to get food

jamesbond: mE

jlau: ME

hamleton: I AM

hamleton: FUCK

jlau: H A H

hamleton: but that's myyyyyyyyy boyfriend!!!!

jamesbond: you snooze you lose, alex

hamleton: :(((((

jamesbond: i'll kiss you when we get back

jlau: so will i

hamleton: ,,,,,,,,,,, fine

jlau: let's go james!!!

jamesbond: we're going to dq

macbitch: stay safe

lancelot: have fun

locoparentis: don't die

hamleton: i love you!

jamesbond: love you too!!!

jlau: i love you too!!!!

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 8:54 pm

lancelot: alex the suspense is gonna kill me can i tell them yet?

hamleton: i mean i guess

lancelot: i don't want i guess i want you to be certain that you're ready!

hamleton: i am ready! i'm just nervous

lancelot: why's that love? you know that everyone will love you either way

hamleton: i know!!! it's just!!!! i've questioned my sexuality since time began, but i never really thought about my gender until you brought up so long ago and now i've identified what my gender is kinda but it's only been a week and idk i'm just scared

lancelot: can i tell you a secret?

hamleton: always

lancelot: i felt the exact same way when i told you and john and herc that i was nonbinary, and i feel the same way now. i'm terrified, but even if we happen to live in the one shit alternate dimension where our signifs stop loving us, we have each other

hamleton: you're right. i'm just

hamleton: this is the first time i've ever seen myself as anything other than male

lancelot: it's scary, but under the fear, it's exhilarating, right?

hamleton: i

hamleton: yeah, it is

lancelot: if worse comes to worst, you have me

hamleton: i love you

lancelot: i love you too

lancelot: let's go come out

 

Sat., Feb. 19, 9:16 pm

jlau: james is driving why did thomas just text me a video of alex and laf and hercules crying

locoparentis: i don't feel like it's my place to tell you but alex and laf are so fucking brave and i love them with all my heart

jlau: omg james just said 'same'

jlau: we're talking about that later

hamleton: you could've told him, herc

locoparentis: but it's not my thing to say

jlau: what is the thing!!!! i wanna know!!!!

lancelot: so a couple months ago, me and alex were talking and i brought up a story i was reading and alex and i both read this very well-written scene and it hit us hard and we've been discussing for months now 

lancelot: i've come to the conclusion that i, marie-joseph paul yves roch gilbert du motier, marquis de lafayette, am actually demiboy

hamleton: and i've realize i, alexander hamilton, am nonbinary

jlau: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jlau: i told james and he's screaming we're super proud of you!!!!!!!

locoparentis: thank you!

jlau: so obligatory question: pronouns?

hamleton: they/them

lancelot: they/them for now, but i might try he/him as well in the future

jlau: okay!

jlau: tell alex i love them - james

hamleton: !!!!!!!

hamleton: i love you too!

jlau: are either of you changing your names?

hamleton: no, but i'd like it if you would just call me alex?

lancelot: i'm not

lancelot: lord knows i've got enough names to choose from

jlau: we're coming up to deliver food and cry

hamleton: good cause i can feel more tears starting

jamesbond: SPRINTING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLOT TWIST DUNDUNDUUUUUUN  
> so just bit of an explanation: i read something on tumblr that rang pretty true about how people headcanon lafayette and peggy as the genderqueer ones in nearly every fic ever. it was convincing, to say the least. so now we have demiboy lafayette and nonbinary alexander. evidence of this: "don't call me son".
> 
> i have more ideas btw so just a warning
> 
> also i was looking things up for this story because Accuracy and i didn't want any irl new yorkers yelling at me and just  
> wHY DON'T THEY HAVE WHATABURGER IN NEW YORK WHAT THE F U C K


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is self-indulgent

Sun., Feb. 20, 9:38 pm

jlau: okay so this is a little Odd but can we talk about yesterday when herc was screaming about how much he loved alex and laf and how i read it out loud and james said 'same'

hamleton: we should

lancelot: but we should talk about it idk With james?

locoparentis: he's not in bed

locoparentis: wait

hamleton: i was waiting for you to notice

lancelot: ????

 

locoparentis: laf i thought i was cuddling you but i'm cuddling thomas

lancelot: AAW THAT'S ADORABLE

hamleton: I HAVE PICTURES

jlau: CAN I HAVE THEM

hamleton: YES OF COURSE

lancelot: ME TOO

hamleton: I GOT YOU BABE

jlau: okay so picture sharing aside, we do need to talk about this

lancelot: i'm here with him, i'll talk to him

hamleton: tell us how it goes!

locoparentis: thomas's hair smells really good

jlau: ikr it's amazing

hamleton: i think it's his shampoo

locoparentis: i think it's just who he is

jlau: omg herc

hamleton: thomas is a deity

locoparentis: i am very quickly realizing this is true

hamleton: omg herc are you,,,,,,

locoparentis: i

locoparentis: maybe? idk

hamleton: if you are lemme know pls

locoparentis: i will

hamleton: so @john where even the heck are you

jlau: getting something to celebrate thomas and james moving in

locoparentis: it's not anything overly Wild right?

jlau: no it's just donuts but like

jlau: A Lot of donuts

hamleton: yessssss

locoparentis: i'll wake thomas up???

jlau: do it i'm coming home like now

hamleton: """""home""""" i'm in love

jlau: this is our home now!!!!

hamleton: i know but you're just super cute

locoparentis: there's gonna need to be a lot of Conversations happening here

hamleton: what why?

locoparentis: thomas kissed me

hamleton: i mean i don't feel betrayed or whatever

locoparentis: no no thomas kissed me and my heart is racing

hamleton: HERRRRC YOU'RE IN LOOOOOOOOOVE

locoparentis: I KNOW

hamleton: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

locoparentis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

 

Sun., Feb. 20, 5:06 pm

lancelot: okay so like

lancelot: a lot happened this weekend and i just wanna make sure i have a recap

lancelot: this weekend, john's siblings and their signifs minus dolley met thomas and james and loved them, alex and i came out, james kind of accidentally confessed his love for me, then really confessed his love for me, herc kissed thomas, both of whom were shocked then came down holding hands, and then we all decided to go on a date with everyone dating everyone

lancelot: is this right?

hamleton: yeah basically

jlau: you forgot donuts

lancelot: i felt like donuts were not 100% important

jamesbond: donuts are always important

locoparentis: hi im here

macbitch: so am i

hamleton: were you two making out

macbitch: ,,,,,,,,,,, no

locoparentis: yes

macbitch: wow i was going for a funny sort of ironic subtlety but noooo you just smashed that

locoparentis: thomas dear

locoparentis: your hair and shirt are in a wonderful state of "yes-i-was-making-out-no-i-don't-care-how-i-look" disheveled

locoparentis: there was no point in any form of subtlety

macbitch: wowwie i am gAy

hamleton: hercules is the Most romantic

macbitch: he is i hate him so much

jlau: it's great i hate how perfect he is

jamesbond: oh god i will not survive this relationship you all are too fucking bEAUTIFul

macbitch: who tf are you people who said you were allowed to be this pretty

hamleton: honestly

lancelot: right?

locoparentis: rt

jlau: okay so like

jlau: we're going a date tonight, yes? 

locoparentis: yes

jlau: and we're moving in 100% on saturday?

jamesbond: yes

jlau: where are we going tonight

hamleton: a park! laf and thomas and i can cook and then pack dinner and we could have a park picnic

lancelot: or we could go on the roof of the building and have what i hope will be the first of many rooftop picnics

locoparentis: rooftop picnic!

jamesbond: rooftop!

jlau: rooftop!!!

macbitch: rooftop it is then

hamleton: yesssss

 

Sun., Feb. 20, 10:48 pm

locoparentis: ,,,,,,,,,, so who else is hopelessly in love with thomas and james

hamleton: mE

jlau: ME

lancelot: ME

locoparentis: they're amazing

locoparentis: you know who else is amazing?

lancelot: alex and their cooking?

locoparentis: yES

jlau: I AGREE

locoparentis: GOD THAT FUCKING BRUSCHETTA WAS SO G O O D

jlau: AND THEIR GODDAMN FAJITA SALAD THING THAT WAS A M A Z I N G

lancelot: AND THEIR LITTLE ICE CREAM THINGS I WANT SEVENTEEN BILLION

hamleton: stOP PLEASE I'M BLUSHING SO HARD

hamleton: are thomas and james asleep?

locoparentis: yes they look so cute

lancelot: pICTURES NOW MR I WON'T CATCH FEELINGS

locoparentis: on it

 

Sat., Feb 25, 8:18 am

hamleton: TIME TO MOVE

lancelot: my god we haven't been in here a lot in the last week

locoparentis: we haven't mostly because we've been busy falling in love

jlau: my gOD we're adorable

locoparentis: rt

hamleton: rt

lancelot: rt

 

Sat., Feb 25, 10:27 am

lancelot: @alex dear when you said you'd be back 'soon' did you really mean over an hour later

hamleton: not really but the people at the moving van place are sO STUBborn

hamleton: this person has been arguing with the man for like thirty minutes and he is Not listening to them

lancelot: give me the drama

hamleton: so basically this person gets to the front of the line and tells the guy that they need a large van because they're hauling several beds and a large chest of drawers and the guy behind the desk is like "sure lemme get the paperwork and shit" and he leaves for like five minutes and comes back with a stack of papers and the person glances at them and says "sir this says a small van, i asked for a large one" and the guy's like "this is all we have"

hamleton: the person says "okay well i have to move between today and monday, will you have a larger van tomorrow" and the guy is sitting back in his chair picking at his nails and he says "i don't know" and the person gets VISIBLY IRRITATED but they keep their cool and are like "would you mind checking for me" and the guy Looks are them and says "i can't disclose the personal information of our other customers" and the person is like "what's personal about it? i'm not asking for an address, i'm just asking about availability"

hamleton: then they started arguing and then the guy said something about them even coming to u-haul in the first place and about being a lesbian and they say "yknow, so what if lesbians like u-haul? maybe they like the company because it has the best service. looks like that's changing now" and the guy got offended and went in the back to get the manager and the person turns to the people behind them and says "yall can tell i'm a guy right" and everyone nods and they're like "oh good then it's just him that's an idiot"

lancelot: jesus christ

hamleton: in the time it took me to write all that, two more people have been served and i am neither of them

lancelot: go somewhere else

hamleton: no the guy got fired and now the manager is being Not An Asshole

lancelot: oh good

hamleton: sOMEONE HAS A JACKET WITH A PATCH THAT SAYS "GOODNIGHT WHITE PRIDE" I WANNA TALK TO THEM

locoparentis: DO IT

macbitch: alex has found the sixth love of their life

jamesbond: be free to love anyone alex

jlau: we support you

lancelot: especially with a "goodnight white pride" patch like tbh

jamesbond: rt

locoparentis: rt

jlau: rt

hamleton: hi i'm back no i'm not in love with them

hamleton: but like

hamleton: they have more patches and they all say things like that

hamleton: iwantthisone.jpg

jamesbond: wtf i can't even read that

hamleton: it says "who needs racism when you could have friends"

hamleton: another patch says "assume nothing" with a white border and the border is made of pronouns this is great

macbitch: i want all of them

hamleton: JOHN THEY SPEAK SPANISH

hamleton: oh my god they're from christiansted too

lancelot: alex?

macbitch: are you alive?

hamleton: I KNEW THEM THEY WERE THE PERSON THAT HELPED ME GET MY FIRST JOB IN CHRISTIANSTED

hamleton: brosnow.jpg

jlau: they actually have found the sixth love of their life

 

Sat., Feb 25, 12:01 pm

hamleton: @james @thomas are either of you there

jamesbond: i'm here what's up

hamleton: let us in

jamesbond: one moment

hamleton: ????

jamesbond: i gotta get clothes on

hamleton: i

 

Sat., Feb 25, 12:11 pm

lancelot: alex? you okay love?

hamleton: yeah sorry i was making out with james

lancelot: we have a lot of boxes to move babe

hamleton: coming

lancelot: i don't doubt you did

hamleton: EXCUSUEUEUES YOU

lancelot: am i wrong tho

hamleton: :/

 

Sat., Feb 25, 2:17 pm

macbitch: jesus christ almighty on high how many more boxes are left

locoparentis: once john and i bring up these last two, none

macbitch: THANK GOD

lancelot: oh good then i can actually get started on lunch

jamesbond: dO YOU /ALL/ JUST STOP KISSING WHOEVER YOU'RE KISSING

jlau: really alex

hamleton: i am not that bad

jamesbond: OH NO. IT WASN'T THEM THIS TIME

macbitch: ????? then who was it???

 

lancelot: *loUD SWEATING*

jamesbond: come back here and kiss me this instant you ass

lancelot: i am quickly learning that james is very talented

jamesbond: ;)))))))

jamesbond: i'm glad you like me

jamesbond: nOW COME AND KISS ME AGAIN

lancelot: coming

macbitch: @john come kiss me?

jlau: omw

locoparentis: alex?

hamleton: if you'll come here then yes

locoparentis: coming :)

 

Tues., Feb 28, 10:29 am

hamleton: fuck how do we explain this to gwash

hamleton: oh my god i have to come out to gwash and the schuylers and usnavi and sonny and fUCK

lancelot: take a deep breath darling

macbitch: you don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with

locoparentis: we're here for you

hamleton: yall are so wonderful

hamleton: but i really should message them

jlau: so you want us to be in the chat/room?

hamleton: if you could come to my office that would be wonderful

jamesbond: we're on our way

locoparentis: i'm there in spirit

hamleton: i love you

locoparentis: i love you too

 

Tues., Feb 28, 10:31 am

hamleton: i have news

angelbaby: oh god what is it now

littleliz: i stg alex if you got arrested

peggypeg: is this important or can i go back to watching this movie

hamleton: it's kinda important

hamleton: 1) all of my signifs and i are dating thomas and james

littleliz: wHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???????

hamleton: ,,,,,,,,this weekend,,,,,,,,,,

angelbaby: do i have to do the angelica schuyler intimidation™

hamleton: no

angelbaby: just checking

littleliz: i fucking knew yall would come to your senses

peggypeg: i assume you have another announcement

hamleton: ye

peggypeg: spit it out buddy

hamleton: i'm nonbinary and use they/them pronouns

angelbaby: ALEX I SWEAR THERE IS NO REST WITH YOU IS THERE

peggypeg: A L E X

littleliz: I?????? FEEL SO OUT OF THE LOOP?????? WHEN???????

hamleton: i kinda sorta figured it out a few months ago but i didn't really know what to call myself until like last week

hamleton: also i'm demiboy - lafayette

peggypeg: i

peggypeg: congrats??? to both of you???? i'm so proud?????

hamleton: thanks peggy

angelbaby: have you or laf changed your names?

hamleton: no, but i'd prefer if you didn't call me alexander

angelbaby: okay

littleliz: i'm glad you're happy alex!

hamleton: thanks guys!

 

Tues., Feb 28, 11:34 am

jamesbond: thomas why did you delete the other chat?

macbitch: because the scream about alex chat has everyone we're dating in it

jamesbond: you right

lancelot: I HAVE AN IDEA

hamleton: THEY WANNA TORTURE GWASH

macbitch: please no washington already hates me

hamleton: if he hasn't killed you at this point, he absolutely will not kill the rest of us

locoparentis: am i coming by for this

lancelot: that would be good but not rn

locoparentis: coolio

jlau: i just got out of a meeting with gwash what's happening

hamleton: laf explain

lancelot: SO BASICALLY

lancelot: gwash likes to hang around the coffee machine during the last like 10 minutes of work so i was thinking that during the last 10 minutes alex could go and talk to gwash about a finance thing that they've been screaming about for like ever and while they're talking each of us comes by in turn to ask alex/gwash something and when each person leaves they kiss alex until all of us have kissed alex and then they act like nothing happened while gwash implodes

macbitch: let's do it

lancelot: rEALLY

macbitch: yeah

lancelot: oh my god come kiss me

macbitch: wait really

lancelot: yes i'm coming to your office now

macbitch: oh okay

 

Tues., Feb 28, 5:42 pm

lancelot: herc are you almost here

locoparentis: i'm in the parking lot listening to some chill music

lancelot: good

lancelot: is everyone else ready?

macbitch: yup

jlau: yup

hamleton: ye

jamesbond: yesss

lancelot: alex go at 5:45

hamleton: i already packed up my shit and now i'm playing with a rubiks cube

locoparentis: left brain plays with toys! look at you mx….. toy-player

hamleton: bo burnham deserves better

jlau: @james did you watch the bo burnham thing i sent you

jamesbond: ,,,,,,, no,,,,,

jlau: why not!!!

jamesbond: it's literally called kill yourself why would i wanna watch that?????

lancelot: you really sent him kill yourself as his intro to bo burnham?

jlau: it's my favorite song

locoparentis: james i'm sending you a bo burnham song that isn't kill yourself

hamleton: I'M GOING

lancelot: text us when the first of us should go

hamleton: okay

macbitch: who's going first

lancelot: me

jamesbond: then me

jlau: then me

locoparentis: then it's you thomas and i go last

macbitch: right

macbitch: also alex is gonna be talking to gwash how are they gonna text us??

locoparentis: ??????? with their hands???????

macbitch: no i mean how are they gonna know what they're typing?

jlau: oh we all can type without looking at our phones

jamesbond: i?????

hamleton: first person come down quickly please!!!

lancelot: coming!

lancelot: it's a talent we all learned in college

macbitch: i?????????????

locoparentis: it's how we communicate(d) in class/on dates/during meetings

jamesbond: tommy we gotta learn

macbitch: we really should

macbitch: i'm gonna try to type something with my eyes closed

macbitch: hi jemmy it's your boyfriend thomas

macbitch: holy fuck i did it

jamesbond: my turn!

jamesbond: i really want popcorn right now also let's fo on another datr

jamesbond: hey that's pretty good

lancelot: next person go!!!

jamesbond: going!

lancelot: lemme tell you something loves. when you get to the level of not looking at your phones that we're at you're gonna wanna write paragraphs without looking at your keys and if you'll notice i just walked in to john's office and i'm currently kissing him which by the way is an Experience to say the least. also gwash looks so tired that i almost feel guilty

jlau: i can confirm that laf was in fact kissing me

macbitch: we're all in awe

jamesbond: next person!

jlau: coming!

lancelot: do you think gwash is dead yet

jamesbond: when i left he looked really really confused and i heard him stutter at alex

hamleton: gwash is currently stammering at me rn in case you were wondering

macbitch: how do they do that

jlau: what know what we're talking about right as we're talking about it even when they're not here?

macbitch: yeah that

locoparentis: Magic

macbitch: fair enough

jlau: thomas! your turn

macbitch: yesss

locoparentis: i wanna kiss alex!!!

jlau: you gonna wait herc

locoparentis: i know but i don't waaaaant tooooooo!

jlau: too bad

jlau: what were yalls excuses for going to the break room

lancelot: mine was that i needed to know if we're going on a date tonight

jamesbond: i asked if gwash knew who was going on that business trip yet

macbitch: hercules! go go go!

jamesbond: is gwash dead yet

macbitch: he looked really really confused when i kissed alex

hamleton: just fyi hercules is now being interrogated by gwash

lancelot: they did it again

hamleton: herc is stuttering really loud and trying to tell gwash that we're gonna be late for our dinner reservations

hamleton: "it's at a pretty expensive restaurant and we haven't been on a date in a really long time"  
"and by 'we' do you mean thomas and james as well"

jlau: shit how are they gonna get out of this one

hamleton: laf please come save us

lancelot: coming

hamleton: herc is stalling but please hurry

jamesbond: is this how this relationship is gonna work?

jlau: tbh probably

macbitch: oh joy

lancelot: "oh good lafayette has joined us"  
"if you'll pardon me, sir, i was just looking for my significant others."  
"did you find all of them?"  
"yes?"  
"oh so you have thomas and james with you?"

jlau: I'M GOING DOWN

hamleton: "well? are you all just gonna stay silent?"  
"with all due respect, sir, you are rather intimidating"

jamesbond: my god this is a mess

locoparentis: john just ran in, grabbed alex and laf's arms, and dragged them out

locoparentis: alex grabbed my arm and is dragging me along

macbitch: good lord

lancelot: that was amusing

hamleton: let's go home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha i didn't forget to post or anything  
> who even does that
> 
> i'm sorry for not updating please forgive me


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a chapter please don't kill me

Sat., Mar. 25, 6:31 pm

macbitch: how long do sugar cookies take to bake?

lancelot: i??????

locoparentis: depending on the density of the dough, 8 to 14 minutes

locoparentis: just keep an eye on them and they should be fine

strawberryjem: thomas had to deal with seabury talking shit today and he needs to do something

hamleton: why doesn't he go tend to the flowers he put on the roof?

strawberryjem: "plants will die if i let out my frustration to them"

hamleton: oh

jlau: can i go water them

strawberryjem: "yes but use the squeezy bottle don't just dump water in there like a heathen"

jlau: will do

lancelot: wow john really wanted to water tommy's plants

macbitch: that sounds like a euphemism

lancelot: it could be if you want it to be

macbitch: this relationship is just too much

hamleton: okay but cani just say that we all act differently depending on who we're with in this relatinship

hamleton: i made a chart

jlau: wait how do i act

hamleton: around me laf or herc you're very relaxed and comfortable and will make weird noises or say random things that just pop into your head and you do Spontaneous Kisses

hamleton: around thomas you're getting to the Relaxed level but it's slow which is really cute btw and you ask a lot of questions for some reason

hamleton: around james you're still super blushy and you kinda skirt around him emotionally and sometimes physically and you get all !!!! if you touch him even though yall have already kissed and done Things before

jlau: that's so weird because now that i think about it you're right

strawberryjem: speaking of those Things would you like to join me in the bedroom

jlau: idk i kinda wanna just chill up here with the plants

macbitch: cookies are in the oven

macbitch: @jemmy and anyone else interested if you'd like to help me clean up i wouldn't be opposed

lancelot: i'm going up with john cause i'm just not in the mood

hamleton: i'm gonna stay down here

locoparentis: i'm staying too

lancelot: if you fall asleep before we come down then sweet dreams

macbitch: <3

locoparentis: <3

strawberryjem: <3

hamleton: <3

lancelot: have fun

locoparentis: we will ;)))))

 

Sat., Mar. 25, 9:27 pm

lancelot: are you done

macbitch: yeah we're all just laying here now

jlau: can i get pictures?

strawberryjem: none of us are dressed

jlau: so i can't get pictures?

hamleton: i'm chill

locoparentis: rt

macbitch: rt

strawberryjem: rt

jlau: coming

lancelot: btw @tommy your cookies almost burned you fool

macbitch: whoopsie

lancelot: while yall were doin the do john and i danced in your little rooftop garden then came down and made dinner

jlau: by the way all of you making Noises together makes a very interesting effect

locoparentis: i don't know what to do with this information

jlau: i have a recording, do you want it

strawberryjem: yes

hamleton: yes

macbitch: yes

locoparentis: yes

jlau: thebestmusic.rec

strawberryjem: oh i can tell you exactly what happened at 00:36

hamleton: who made that noise

strawberryjem: hercules :3

lancelot: hOW

strawberryjem: that is my only secret from you people

locoparentis: you say 'you people' like you're not part of the family

lancelot: well i've got news for you buddy

macbitch: you're already on the christmas card

strawberryjem: i???????

macbitch: we'll show you

lancelot: after you come down and eat please food has been ready for like and hour and a half

locoparentis: james and i are dragging alex and thomas down

lancelot: good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello yes sorry for not updating for so long, school's been kicking my ass  
> please leave me comments with yknow validation and maybe possibly what yall wanna see in this fic


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> polysquad gets Kinky
> 
>  
> 
> i'm sorry

Sun., Mar. 26, 10:46 am

strawberryjem: alex dear

hamleton: yes?

strawberryjem: can you come into the bedroom please?

hamleton: omw, are you okay?

strawberryjem: i'm fine

hamleton: coming

 

Sun., Mar. 26, 11:34 am

hamleton: okay so i know you're all on dates but can i jsut say that james's hands are a Blessing?

locoparentis: i

locoparentis: what brought this on? do i wanna know?

hamleton: james is very talented i gotta go love you

locoparentis: love you too???

 

Sun., Mar. 26, 11:56 am

macbitch: okay i just read the chat and like

macbitch: yeah

macbitch: james is really talented

strawberryjem: but when you bite alex on their shoulders they make this really nice noise

lancelot: omg wait really

strawberryjem: yes ;3

locoparentis: i'm gonna have to hear them make this noise

jlau: they also get an adorable accent if you pull on their hair

hamleton: stOP EXPOSING ME

lancelot: oh but did you know that alex lowkey has a pain kink

strawberryjem: i mean they let me bite them so yeah

hamleton: why am i being exposed like this

jlau: they also like it when you refer to them as your little anything

strawberryjem: iS THAT WHY YOU MOANED REALLY LOUDLY WHEN I CALLED YOU MY LITTLE ROYAL

hamleton: LAF LIKES IT WHEN YOU SPANK THEM

lancelot: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

hamleton: I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY PAIN KINK IN CONFIDENCE, MARIE

lancelot: DID ANYONE BUT ME KNOW THAT JOHN GETS HELLA TURNED ON WHEN ALEX OR I SPEAK FRENCH OR WHEN ALEX SPEAKS SPANISH

jlau: MARIE-JOSEPH

macbitch: who doesn't

lancelot: no not just like normal

lancelot: like

lancelot: he will pin you to the wall if he has the ability and opportunity to

macbitch: holy shit

jlau: W H Y

jlau: HERC IS A HARDCORE MASOCHIST

locoparentis: my god are we in college again

henren: hello yes it's henry laurens and i'd just like to say that i dID NOT NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS PLEASE KEEP TRACK OF YOUR GROUPCHATS

hamleton: OH MY GOD HENRY I'M SO SORRY

jlau: pLEASE DON'T TELL MARTHA

gordonramsay: I AM HERE AND I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS EITHER

bond: HI YEAH THE LAURENS FAMILY IS HERE AND COLLECTIVELY REGRETS EVERYTHING

strawberryjem: wow i never thought i'd get yelled by my boyfriend's siblings

jlau: it's really scary irl cause martha gets this Look and james will cut your argument in half with three words

hamleton: jesus that sounds awful

macbitch: rt

gordonramsay: CAN WE GO BACK TO ME YELLING AT YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT YOUR KINKS IN THE W R O N G C H A T

jlau: sorry martha

lancelot: sorry martha

hamleton: i mean we might as well get them out now

gordonramsay: alexander i swear to god i will kick your ass

hamleton: don't call me alexander

gordonramsay: i??????

hamleton: shit

hamleton: i'm nonbinary, use they/them pronouns, and don't really like being called alexander anymore

hamleton: aW FUCK I HAVE TO TELL GWASH

hamleton: i'll be back

gordonramsay: i????????????

 

Sun., Mar. 26, 12:02 pm

hamleton: Sir, I have something I need to tell you.

washingdad: What is is, son?

hamleton: With all due respect, I would not like to repeat the 'son' talk again.

washingdad: Of course. What did you want?

hamleton: I am nonbinary and I use they/them pronouns.

hamleton: Sir?

washingdad: Well that explains your aversion to being called 'son'.

hamleton: It somewhat does.

hamleton: Monsieur, I am demiboy, but still use they/them pronouns - Lafayette

washingdad: Congratulations on figuring something out.

hamleton: Thank you, sir.

 

Sun., Mar. 26, 12:09 pm

hamleton: that was less stressful than i thought it would be

macbitch: you've been out to us for like a month, love

hamleton: i know but i just kept forgetting to tell gwash

jlau: forgetting or avoiding

hamleton: ,,,,,,,,, avoiding,,,,,,,,,,,

strawberryjem: babe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all,,,,,,, i've lost my touch,,,,,,,,, i can't write long chapters anymore,,,,,,,,,,,,


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this just in: author, recently labelled as MIA, returns with a less-than-adequate chapter of his fanfiction  
> more at 10

Fri., Mar. 31, 7:22 am

hamleton: assist???? please??? i’m gonna throw myself out the window?????

jlau: what’s wrong? are you okay?

strawberryjem: morning dear where the fuck are you

hamleton: i’m in my office

strawberryjem: wtf why

jlau: why are you there so early????

hamleton: i forgot about a v important meeting i had with gwash’s bosses so i came early to get everything set up and i was blasting heathers to try and get myself hyped and dead girl walking came on and being me i started to sing but apparently they came early as well and basically the people that have the ability to destroy gwash’s entire career walked in on his ‘’’’’’’right hand man’’’’’’’ screaming SLAP ME PULL MY HAIR TOUCH ME THERE AND THERE AND THERE

jlau: i cant stop laughing oh my god honey

strawberryjem: i'm fucking cackling alex

hamleton: DON’T LAUGH AT ME WHEN I’M ACTUALLY DYING

jlau: the others are waking up james and i are gonna go make coffee and breakfast and then we all can figure out what to do with you

hamleton: i have my meeting in like ten minutes but afterward can you bring me breakfast

strawberryjem: of course

hamleton: i love you both

jlau: we love you too! 

strawberryjem: :3

 

Fri., Mar. 31, 9:37 am

hamleton: where's thomas

macbitch: i'm????? in my office?????

hamleton: oh i didn't see you walk in

macbitch: i mean you were facedown in laf's lap again

strawberryjem: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

jlau: wtf were you giving laf a blowjob?

hamleton: no i was screaming into their thighs again

jlau: wait you do that too????

hamleton: ye

jlau: holy shit

strawberryjem: why do you scream into laf's thighs

jlau: soft

hamleton: hides my shame

hamleton: oh

strawberryjem: you two are so ridiculous i love you both so much

hamleton: aw we love you too

jlau: <3

locoparentis: marthaistalented.mov

jlau: look at my sister!!!! she's so wonderful!!!! i love her!!!!

locoparentis: look at my brother!!!! he's so sappy!!!! i love him!!!! - m

macbitch: damn i wish me and my siblings got along like that

hamleton: you have siblings?????

macbitch: yes???

locoparentis: since when????

macbitch: since i was b o r n, hercules

locoparentis: i can feel the sarcasm dripping off your text that is a talent

macbitch: thank you, i learned from years of talking to jemmy

strawberryjem: speaking of me can yall come to my office cause i fucking rAIDed the convenience store near our house and stashed a lot of food here

lancelot: jemmy i just saw thomas john and alex run past my window

lancelot: they looked so cute i'm in lvoe

strawberryjem: f U CK

locoparentis: godspeed

 

Fri., Mar. 31, 11:18 am

lancelot: #letgwashlive2k17

locoparentis: i????

hamleton: gwash is so done with our shit oh my god

locoparentis: i'm submitting a resume to gwash as we speak so i can be there for yalls shit

strawberryjem: gwash walked in on our midmorning feast and he just looked so disappointed

lancelot: i'm texting mwash now and she's sending me his texts

lancelot: "i'm so done with them martha. i can't handle it"  
"oh it can't be all that bad"  
"MARTHA. THERE ARE TEN PEOPLE ON MY FLOOR. SIX OF THEM ARE IN ONE RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER AND AREN'T DISCREET. TWO OF THE REMAINING FOUR ARE ALSO DATING. THE LAST TWO ARE CONSTANTLY EYE-FUCKING. I'M IN HELL MARTHA."  
"hush george they're adorable and you know it"

locoparentis: Give The Man A Break Please

macbitch: we really should cause i want him to like me

hamleton: oh please babe he already likes you

lancelot: how did he survive with me and alex sleeping in the same room on a regular basis without us dating

strawberryjem: OH BY THE WAY I STILL WANT MY TELL-ALL ABOUT YALLS RELATIONSHIP

macbitch: sAME

jlau: i thought alex already told you

strawberryjem: well yeah but it was from their point of view!!!

macbitch: we wanna hear all sides!

jlau: FINENENE

locoparentis: it all started with alex

hamleton: um false

lancelot: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, anyway, it all started with alex

hamleton: wait can i backstory

lancelot: yeye

hamleton: relevant backstory™: i was in my second year of Not Harvard, herc was in the midst of questioning his sexuality during his last year of college, laf got dumped by an asshole who didn't understand how wonderful they are (also in their second year), and john was very !!!!!!!!! because that was the first time he was able to Express Himself (and his fisrt year of college).

locoparentis: BACKSTORY ASIDE

locoparentis: alex and i had met first because i tripped down the stairs and they caught me and i was like "oh,,,,,, i am no heterosexual,,,,,," and i asked if they wanted to be friends with me and they said yes and my heart exploded

lancelot: john and i met when he and i were both literally crying about our lives in the bathroom and he helped me look like i wasnt cryin and i told him that if no one else wanted to be friends with him, i would

locoparentis: john and i had our first class together and got paired up to work on a thing and i realized that i was most definitely Not straight and somehow i managed to tell john that i was single and Not Straight

hamleton: john and i met after class when i was trying to find food and realized that i was too fucking broke and then he ran headfirst into my shoulder (he was smol back then) and thwn he offered to buy me food as an apology

lancelot: i too was looking for food when i noticed john in our campus Not burger king and went in to greet him and get introduced to his very cute friend (that i absolutely didn't have an instant attraction to hush)

locoparentis: same situation except i was like "woah is john friends with an actual deity?" (yes) and i went in to get introduced to all of johns (very attractive) friends

jlau: i introduced herc to laf and i didn't!!! know!!!! anything!!!! about them!!!! so i was just like "laf's single and herc's not straight? be friends?" and somehow they hit it off and bought our food for us and then we all agreed to meet in the tiny campus shopping center again and that's how we all became friends

macbitch: that is amazing wtf

strawberryjem: so at this point, john knew laf was Not Straight, laf knew john was Not Straight, and laf and john and alex knew hercules was Not Straight

strawberryjem: no one knew about john being trans or laf being nonbinary

macbitch: or alex being Not Straight?

locoparentis: nope

hamleton: nah

jlau: we are all Oversharers

lancelot: we are all A Mess

macbitch: TELL ME MORE TELL ME MORE

lancelot: so!!! we're all living in separate dorms with kinda shit roommates but ''''somehow'''' we always ended up sleeping over in each others dorms

locoparentis: literally we shared beds so fucking often that i don't know how we didn't catch on earlier

hamleton: so fucking winter break happened (after finals week which was Hell™) and i remember i said something like "aw i'm gonna need extra blankets" and somehow herc sherlocked that shit out that i had the cheapest, draftiest dorm ever and i didn't really have anywhere to go

strawberryjem: wait weren't your sponsors the washingtons?

hamleton: listen

hamleton: i was really stubborn

hamleton: and i didn't like intruding on people

macbitch: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, they're your sponsor family

hamleton: ON WITH THE STORY

lancelot: i went home to my sponsor family (also the washingtons) and i had asked alex to come with me but they were very adamant about staying

locoparentis: i made alex a thicker blanket so that they wouldn't freeze to death

jlau: i '''''''missed'''''''' my flight home and ''''''couldn't book another'''''' so i stayed on campus and alex and i hung out a lot

lancelot: herc and i ended up confessing to each other over winter break and there were A Lot of skype calls where we were both blushy and Yelling

locoparentis: then we started dating but we didn't know how to tell john and alex because we thought they'd judge us since we all had been friends for Not That Long

jlau: then we all came back and laf and herc were like "heyyy we're dating" and alex who is really bad at hiding their feelings had this Look on their face and said that they had to study

macbitch: they used the excuse that they had to study only a few days after the break????

hamleton: don't drag me like this thomas

macbitch: sorry love

strawberryjem: continue pls

lancelot: NAYWAY

lancelot: there was A Lot Of Shit going down in our little group, Including But Not Limited To: eliza trying to get over her short-but-strong Crush on alex; herc trying on different Sexualities; me coming out as nb; alex almost Dying because he didn't eat for almost two whole weeks; john's dad making a surprise visit one weekend and fucking john up for like 300 years afterward; john coming through herc's door just as i got out of the shower; and herc and i realizing that we Both had a crush on john

jlau: they asked me to date them during lunch and i turned to alex like "can i" and alex had this Look on their face again and i was like "i really like you two but i don't think i'm ready for that" and they were like "we're chill with that"

hamleton: and then summer came

jlau: my summer was just shitty because my dad was and remains to this day An Asshole and threatened to kick me out like 100000 times over the three months. however, martha had bought me an actual Good binder as opposed to the really shitty too-big one i'd been wearing

locoparentis: mine was pretty okay except i missed laf A Lot

macbitch: and then there was alex and laf's summer at the washington's right?

hamleton: yeah you already know about that

locoparentis: nayway then school starts up again and i came to visit all of them at lucnh (and laf and i were likE 'bABE' and did the cheesy run and hug thing) and i told them about how i'd started a sort of online store thing and i had an apartment

jlau: i hugged alex and i was like 'YES COMFORT FINALLY' and we all hung out for like three thousand years during lunch and on weekends and shit and it was great

hamleton: then a few weeks later john and herc were like "hey what if we all moved in together since we already spend so much fuckin time together" and because i'm a genius i was like "no"

jlau: but ¾ of us moved in together

lancelot: and you know the rest

strawberryjem: alex ended up getting kicked out and needing a place to stay and then moved in with you three

jlau: ye

macbitch: you four really are a mess aren't you

locoparentis: yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Is So Bad I Want To Die


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm????????? sorry?????? i don't?????? know??????

Sat., Apr. 8, 5:17 pm  
macbitch is online

macbitch: ughghghghghgh

getburrned: did you mean to type your extended 'ugh' in the giant chat?

angelbaby: sup thomas

peggypeg: hey loser

littlelizard: hi thomas

macbitch: @getburrned yes cause i wanna complain @schuylers hello

hamilham: i heard complain i am Here now

hamleton has changed their name to hamilham

macbitch: hi love

hamilham: hi tommy! how's virginia?

macbitch: UGHGHGHGHGHGH

locoparentis: what's wrong tommy

macbitch: when your siblings will not stop arguing

macbitch: and your wifi is shit

macbitch: and the neighbors are bible thumpers

deartheo: ew

sunrise: oh god those people are Awful

macbitch: and you really just wanna go home and cuddle all your signifs until you stop wanting to Scream Always

angelbaby: you should scream when ur siblings argue

littlelizard: maybe they'll stop arguing if you scream Every Time They Argue

peggypeg: i'm not saying i suggest murder

lancelot changed their name to bonjourbitch

peggypeg: but we are rich enough individually and collectively to Bail You Out

champagne: i actively suggest murder

peggypeg: lol we need to Chill Out Together more

bonjourbitch: we could go and steal you tommy

macbitch: no one but james has ever been able to steal me away and he's with his family rn :(

locoparentis: @hamilham @bonjourbitch @jlau we have a mission

macbitch: i?????

bonjourbitch: we'll be back but for now just keep Yelling

lovergirl: ey sup thomas

macbitch: maria my siblings are driving me wild what do you suggest i do

lovergirl: Scream

macbitch: screaming - ||| murder - || theft of Me - |||

prettyboy: i condone murder

macbitch: screaming - ||| murder - ||| theft of Me - |||

cafeconleche: there are too many people in this chat to keep track of

macbitch: sound off yall

pbt has changed their name to beepbeep

lovergirl: maria like carey, dating lizzie

littlelizard: eliza/lizzie, dating maria

angelbaby: angelica/angel

peggypeg: you know me and everyone in my relationship

beepbeep: you better know me

cafeconleche: i do

getburrned: aaron burr, dating theo

deartheo: i'm the theo

champagne: you better know me cause if not we're gonna have Problems

cafeconleche: i know you and i love you

champagne: i love you too

bonjourbitch: we're packing rn but we'll be there in a few hours

macbitch: i??????

hamilham: we're packing u a sweater too

angelbaby: so i've been talking to this person on tumblr for like three months now  
and i just learned that they're against abortion   
they asked me what my opinion was  
and in all my genius  
i was like "lol I don't have an opinion" and then I was like  
ANGEL. YOU HAVE AN OPINION. YOU TH R I V E OFF GIVING YOUR OPINION. WHAT THE F U CK

champagne: lol me tho

champagne: wait what's ur tumblr

angelbaby: thewittiestangel

champagne: imma follow you

angelbaby: i apologize in advance for my disaster of a tagging system

prettyboy: wait i'm gonna follow you too!

champagne: sonny your queue is running out

prettyboy: i know i've gotta add stuff to it

angelbaby: i'll follow both of you

macbitch: does everyone have a tumblr cause we should just follow each other

graffitipete: hi i'm here we should follow each other on all our social medias cause tbh we need to get this group Together

deartheo: true

deartheo: twitter and insta @tbartow  
tumblr help-me-get-laid (don't ask)

pegypeg: everything is just theprettiestpeggy cause i'm a Loser

prettyboy: twitter @thebarriosbest  
tumblr letmedieplease

graffitipete: insta graffitiArtist

macbitch: twitter and insta tjeffs  
tumblr theloserwiththehair

champagne: insta pepsiandpackingtape  
tumblr pinkchampagne  
also usnavi's insta is momnpopshop cause he's a nerd

cafeconleche: excuse you madam you're the one that helped me choose

champagne: but you're still a nerd

beepbeep: i don't have any of this

deartheo: !!!!

peggypeg: WE'RE MAKING YOU ACCOUNTS NOW BENBEN WE HAVE TO

beepbeep: pray for me

champagne: in the name of the father

cafeconleche: and the son

prettyboy: and the holy spirit

macbitch: amen

angelbaby: amen

cafeconleche: so are we not gonna mention the benben orrrr

champagne: i already have screenshots don't worry love

cafeconleche: i knew i could count on you for blackmail

angelbaby: ugh get your romance outta here

champagne: you wanna go angel?

angelbaby: yeah i do let's go vanessa

champagne: meet me at bennett park in 15 minutes

angelbaby: wait really

champagne: yeah

angelbaby: excellent

 

Sun., Apr. 9, 11:37 pm

hamilham: @macbitch

jlau: @macbitch

bonjourbitch: @macbitch

locoparentis: @macbitch

hamilham: @macbitch babe!!!

macbitch: whatndo you wnat 

bonjourbitch: to kiss you

macbitch: ubless ur willign to drive 6+ hrs to mw ur gonna have to wait

macbitch: wtf something just hit my window

locoparentis: check it out?

macbitch: oh my god what the fuck guys

jlau: we came to get you!!!

macbitch: ?????? why is herc dressed like james???

locoparentis: we expected to come earlier but there was Traffic

hamilham: pack your shit and get down here!!!!

macbitch: why

bonjourbitch: we're taking you home

macbitch: why

jlau: cause when you called us earlier this week you sounded Stressed™

macbitch: i'm sobbing help

locoparentis: fuck it i'm going in

bonjourbitch: godspeed

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 12:03 am

macbitch: herc and i are coming down now

jlau: oh good cause your yard is Not Fun to sit in tbh

macbitch: why did you sit in it

hamilham: tired

bonjourbitch: tired my ass alex you chugged like three cups of coffee before we could stop you

macbitch: alex darling don't overdose on caffeine please

hamilham: tbh no promises

macbitch: did you see the group chat

jlau: yeah and my money's on angel winning

hamilham: really cause vanessa's really tough and can hold her own very well

locoparentis: just message the groupchat and find out???

macbitch: oh yeah

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 12:18 am

hamilham: @angelbaby @champagne

macbitch: @angelbaby @champagne

jlau: @angelbaby @champagne

bonjourbitch: @angelbaby @champagne

locoparentis: @angebaby @champagne

strawberryjem: i love all of you but wHY ARE YOU SPAMMING THE CHAT SO LATE

jlau: sorry baby

strawberryjem: you're forgiven <3

macbitch: whipped

strawberryjem: oh yeah call me whipped for loving my boyfriend

jlau: !!!i love you too!!!

strawberryjem: !!!!

hamilham: nAYWAY

hamilham: we're spamming because angel and vanessa were gonna duke it out and we wanna know how it went

angelbaby: I'M BUZZING AND READY TO TELL TBH

locoparentis: please do

champagne: I'M HERE TOO AND SCREAMING

cafeconleche: i'm here as well and not screaming but i am happy

jlau: wHAT HAPPENED

hamilham: TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL

champagne: so we get to where we're gonna fight right

angelbaby: and i have lizzie maria and theo to back me up

champagne: i come up with usnavi nina and benny

angelbaby: and eliza and usnavi immediately gravitate and start talking to each other in the corner while everyone else gets us hyped tf up

champagne: then usnavi and eliza face us and are like y'all have thirty seconds to rough each other up and then this stops because ur acting like children

angelbaby: so we throw punches for thirty seconds and vanessa has a very good right cross fyi

champagne: aw thanks

champagne: anyway neither of us are ~really~ trying to hurt the other but like

angelbaby: we both have Minor Injuries

champagne: i could give you a different kind of bruise if you want ;)))

angelbaby: ;))))

bonjourbitch: oh my god did what i think happened actually happen

strawberryjem: wait who's driving

lancelot: me but i'm having alex read me the texts and john is typing while thomas and herc cuddle

champagne: can we continue

lancelot: yes

angelbaby: SO

champagne: we throw punches, angel gets a split lip and i get a bruise on the cheekbone for that which tbh was fair

angelbaby: and our not-fight ends

cafeconleche: at this point eliza and i are both biting our nails cause we think that they're really gonna try to hurt each other

champagne: and then i feel bad about the cut on angel's lip

angelbaby: and i feel like shit for bruising vanessa's face

champagne: so we start patching each other up and angel was very sweet about it and gave my a butterfly kiss on my bruise

angelbaby: and vanessa cleans up my lip with very soft fingers like wow am i into girls

strawberryjem: wait are you actually into girls

angelbaby: i am bisexual james

strawberryjem: i'm not an observant man sometimes

champagne: anyway i saw angel wincing at the pain and i wanted it to Stop so i kissed her

angelbaby: and then we talked bout it with usnavi and now vanessa and i are going on a date this weekend

jlau: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO

strawberryjem: CONGRATS

hamilham: FUCKIN FINALLY ANGEL

macbitch: WOOHOO

locoparentis: THAT MAKES THREE POLY RELATIONSHIPS IN THE GROUP THIS IS GREAT

bonjourbitch: hAH PEGGY OWES ME FIVE BUCKS

champagne: you bet on whether or not angel and i would get together?

bonjourbitch: no we bet on whether or not you'd have a normal cute story or an angel-and-vanessa cute story

angelbaby: oh

locoparentis: we're really happy for you guys

champagne: thanks herc! angel and usnavi and i are going to sleep now

angelbaby: goodnight

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 5:36 am

bond: haha okay so

henren: we're not saying that we're currently in your house

bond: cause our boyfriends dumped us for each other

henren: but don't scream when you walk in because it's been a shit dya and we're both sensitive to noises and light and shit rn

jlau: wHY ARE YOU IN OUR HOUSE HWY ARENT YOU AT MARTHAS

bond: yeah henry why didn't we go to martha

henren: Martha Will Literally Murder Our Exes

jlau: fuck

jlau: fine

jlau: how did you even get in

bond: *lOUD SWEATING*

jlau: you picked our lock didn't you

bond: yeah sorry

jlau: when did you even learn to Do that????

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 5:36 am

jlau: don't scream when we walk in cause james (laurens) and henry are in our house

bonjourbitch: honey we are right next to you

locoparentis: you could've told us instead of texted us

jlau: texting takes less energy

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 5:36 am

henren: that one year he tried to impress the same boy over and over with cheap tricks and even cheaper candy

bond: okay to be fair i was 12 yrs old and didn't have my own money

henren: We Are Rich James

bond: but dad would've murdered us if we took any money without reason

henren: wooing a boy is reason

jlau: …..

bond: …..

henren: what

bond: do you not remember who our father is

henren: stfu i'm tired and sad

jlau: we're in the parking lot give us like 10 minutes to wake up enough to carry alex and thomas in

bond: okay

jlau: is james home from virginia yet

henren: idk

henren: oh

henren: yeah he's here

bond: Jesus Thems Some Lungs

jlau: is he screaming

bond: yes

henren: ThemsSomeLungs.mov

jlau: oh i already know how loud he can scream

jlau: we've gotten noise complaints from three floors up

henren: oh my god

bond: idk if i needed to know that but i know i definitely didn't want to

jlau: okay alex and thomas are being carried we're coming in

henren: where even were you

jlau: virgina

bond: ew why

jlau: stealin thomas from his family cause they're all assholes

henren: coolio

jlau: has james stopped screaming

jlau: hello

jlau: wtf are you like dead now or something

henren: ur bf was confused because apparently james looks a lot like you

jlau: the fact that something like this has happened more than once is really really weird

bond: he's going back to bed

jlau: great come open the door

henren: coming

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 6:15 pm

prettyboy: help us please

hamilham: do you need money

jlau: did you get arrested

graffitipete: sonny we could always ask usnavi

prettyboy: he'd get lost trying to find us

graffitipete: u right

locoparentis: what do you need help with

graffitipete: sonny dragged me out to play pokemon go and then we got lost

prettyboy: we think we're near you but we're not sure

lancelot: describe the street

prettyboy: lots of buildings???? there's a subway restaurant???? a subway station??? it's like pretty much every other street in new york

hamilham: real helpful guys

graffitipete: wait i think i see your building follow me sonny

jlau: door's unlocked if you are near us

prettyboy: which floor are you on

hamilham: 4

prettyboy: why god

graffitipete: @ death hmu buddy

locoparentis: if we have to walk up those stairs tired, drunk, and/or emotionally distraught, then you have to as well

prettyboy: rude

 

Mon., Apr. 10, 7:56 pm

hamilham: okay so it's not that i don't adore your siblings and sonny and pete, but where are they gonna sleep john

macbitch: can't sonny and pete go back to the heights?

hamilham: you think i'm gonna send a couple of kids walking home in the dark?????

macbitch: you're so sweet i love you so much

hamilham: i love you too

strawberryjem: that aside, we all sleep in one room alex

locoparentis: and we got this place because it had sufficient bedrooms for two relationships and a guest room

macbitch: stop with the riddles we have two extra rooms where they can sleep alex

hamilham: oh right

jlau: oh my god sonny pete henry and james have seriously hit it off

strawberryjem: what are they doing right now

bonjourbitch: they're watching youtube videos????????

locoparentis: they have one of those things where you can plug in two sets of headphones i am Jealous

hamilham: i'll get you one for your birthday

locoparentis: yesss

jlau: oh my god they're watching i don't dance videos/animations

strawberryjem: did you see how pete immediately warmed up to james

hamilham: holy shit that was so cute

locoparentis: do you think pete has younger siblings

bonjourbitch: maybe

jlau: either that or he wants some

strawberryjem: let's make dinner so we can feed these children and then go to sleep

locoparentis: way ahead of you babydoll

strawberryjem: wow,,,,,,, i'm so gay,,,,,,,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting gayer  
> thank god tbh  
> nayway if y'all have things you wanna see or anecdotes that you'd graciously allow me to use as inspo for this, please feel free to leave them in the comments


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so i've decided to start putting group chat names with the dates/times cause it can get a lil confusing

~~~the schUYLER SISters~~~ - Fri., Apr. 14, 10:27 am

littleliz: hey angel!

angelbaby: hi lizzie

angelbaby: wait where's peggy?

peggypeg: i'm here!

littleliz: my favorite sister!!!

angelbaby: binch?????

peggypeg: hah fuck u angel

littleliz: NAYWAY

littleliz: how are you two doing

peggypeg: a lil depressed cause my consultation got moved to next week but it's fine cause it's not that far off

littleliz: aw that sucks

angelbaby: at least you don't have to wait another month

peggypeg: shrug

peggypeg: how's ur life angel?

peggypeg: i saw u got ur girl ;))))

angelbaby: i'm,,,,,,,, very into girls,,,,,,

littleliz: !!!!i'm so happy for you!!!!

peggypeg: you're so cute!!!!!

angelbaby: aaaah!!!! vanessa is super sweet!!! she brought me lunch just now and she had to run but she left me a note that says 'getting into fights always seems to get me what i want. so glad you like fighting people' and a heart

littleliz: that's so weird and sweet

angelbaby: ikr

angelbaby: how's ur life going liz

littleliz: uh

littleliz: i've actually been thinking that maybe i want to break up with maria???

angelbaby: wHAT?????

angelbaby: WHY

peggypeg: why's that, lizzie?

littleliz: i think i need some change in my life

angelbaby: BUT LIZZIE

peggypeg: angel stfu

angelbaby: EXVUSUEUSUUE YOU

peggypeg: no, really. shut the hell up. you know your relationship advice is less than adequate.

angelbaby: fine

peggypeg: anyway

peggypeg: lizzie, when you want change in your life, you dye your hair, or change your wardrobe around, or move house. you don't break up with the girl who just yesterday you were saying you wanted to marry

peggypeg: what's going on?

littleliz: fine

littleliz: i'm getting bored

peggypeg: ???

littleliz: i'm getting bored of being lizzie the sweet one, or lizzie the nice one

littleliz: i just

littleliz: alexander has more facets to their personality than i do. they're sweet and funny and really smart, and we all see different sides of them

littleliz: no matter who it is, people always see nice lizzie, sweet lizzie.

peggypeg: i get that, actually

littleliz: what do you mean?

peggypeg: people look at angel and see a smart and pretty and ambitious and passionate and wonderful fighter

peggypeg: then they see me and you behind her and all they see is a nice girl and a trans girl

littleliz: i never knew you felt like that!

peggypeg: ikr it could've totally been a wine night topic

littleliz: all that bonding

littleliz: lost

angelbaby: wait

angelbaby: you guys think you're nothing but the nice girl and the trans girl?

littleliz: no of course we don't think that about ourselves!!!

peggypeg: everyone else thinks that about us

angelbaby: i

peggypeg: you've always been the 'cool' one angel

littleliz: no wonder why really. you're the oldest and the wittiest

peggypeg: and the gossip in new york city is insidious

angelbaby: what

littleliz: what

peggypeg: what

angelbaby: ,,,,,,

angelbaby: anyway, this needs to be remedied immediately!!!

angelbaby: lizzie, i know you have so many opinions about everything but you don't say anything!!!!!! speak your mind!!!!!!! scream your opinions until people listen!!!!!!!

littleliz: but what if the others aren't heard

angelbaby: lizzie

angelbaby: my darling sister

angelbaby: who gives a shit? they always talk over you, so think of them shutting up and listening to you as payment

littleliz: i guess you're right

angelbaby: and you also are an artist???? don't think i haven't seen your watercolors??????

littleliz: I'VE BEEN HIDING THOSE FOR YEARS HOW DID YOU FIND THEM

angelbaby: that's beside the point

littleliz: i?????

angelbaby: you've got talents and feelings and a life!!!!!! yell about you and maria!!!!! or about your job!!!!!! anything!!!!

littleliz: thanks angel

angelbaby: np

angelbaby: and peggy!!!! you speak binary code and russian!!!!! you reprogrammed your laptop so that you could have 9000 things running at once and not have it crash!!!!

peggypeg: yes?

angelbaby: that's really cool!!!!! and you're in a relationship with a bunch of people!!!!! talk about them!!!! talk about your jobs at the pet store last year and the people you meet at the shop!!!!!!

angelbaby: we let the ot6 rule everything, and it's really an imbalanced hierarchy

peggypeg: but what if they stop liking me?

angelbaby: if they stop liking you because you're more than just trans, then they can say goodbye to the schuyler sisters as friends

littleliz: ye

peggypeg: okay

peggypeg: i'll try

angelbaby: now let's meet up at my office cause we haven't hung out in so fuckin long

 

peg's babes - Fri., Apr. 14, 10:55 am

sunrise: peggy's going to hang with her sisters, so do you two wanna go on a date?

deartheo: aaron and i have a meeting that's gonna run kinda long. sorry, dear

sunrise: it's fine. benben?

beepbeep: yeah, let's go on a date! i'll pick you up in 10?

sunrise: ye!

deartheo: have fun!

beepbeep: good luck with your meeting

deartheo: seabury and alex are presenting today. pray for me

sunrise: in the name of the father

beepbeep: and the son

sunrise: and the holy spirit

beepbeep: amen

sunrise: amen

deartheo: amen

 

Fri., Apr. 14, 10:55 am  
prettyboy has started a group chat  
prettyboy added bond, henren, graffitipete to the chat  
chat name: ♥BOYS♥ SQUAD

henren: why is the name of this chat so gay

prettyboy: we all like boys

prettyboy: right?

bond: ye

graffitipete: ye

henren: ye

prettyboy: there you go

bond: we should hang today

graffitipete: sonny and i have class

henren: damn

prettyboy: the joys of almost adulthood

henren: what college are y'all at

graffitipete: sonny goes to CUNY professional studies, and i go to parson's

bond: i thought you two lived together?

prettyboy: i wish

graffitipete: we both live on campus, but we visit each other a lot

prettyboy: we can walk from my dorm to pete's and it gives us good exercise and also leaves us several hours to hang even if it's a class day

henren: what you two studying

graffitipete: majoring industrial design, minoring fine arts

prettyboy: double majoring urban studies and youth studies, minoring psychology

bond: jesus sonny you've got a really full plate

prettyboy: i try

graffitipete: that's a lie he just couldn't choose which course he wanted more

prettyboy: hush pete we can't all be a driven one-track mind like you

graffitipete: hey i wanted youth studies too, but i like art much better than anything else

graffitipete: and anyway, i found a few textbooks online, so i'm teaching myself urban and youth studies, and you ask me to help you study anyway

henren: goals

prettyboy: thanks henry!

graffitipete: you're going to college soon, right? what are you gonna do?

henren: i got accepted to peter's college cause he wanted me to be near, but because of,,,,, recent events,,,,,,, i'm going to the art institute in august for an associate's in graphic design

prettyboy: hey that's really cool!

henren: yeah, martha's glad that i'll be staying in the city

graffitipete: martha's your sister?

henren: ye

prettyboy: you and your siblings should come hang at the park with us later

bond: yeah she'll probably wanna meet you

henren: we'll see you probably around 3:30

graffitipete: we'll be there!!

 

Fri., Apr. 14, 6:29 pm  
angelbaby has created a group chat  
chat name: the babe squad  
angelbaby has added champagne, cafeconleche to the chat

angelbaby: this is where we talk about what we're comfortable with

champagne: what do you mean

angelbaby: obviously usnavi and i are not together, and tbh i'm fine with that

cafeconleche: same

cafeconleche: you're cool but i'm not interested

angelbaby: same

angelbaby: so there's that squared away: usnavi is dating vanessa, and i am dating vanessa, but usnavi and i are not dating

angelbaby: we've been together for a few days so there's really not too many things we need to talk about past that

champagne: okay but like

champagne: if/when group cuddle sessions happen, would i be in the middle

cafeconleche: probably

angelbaby: probs

champagne: cool

cafeconleche: angelica are you off work yet

angelbaby: yeah why

cafeconleche: official group date 1

angelbaby: i'm down

champagne: me too

angelbaby: i'll pick you up?

cafeconleche: sure!

champagne: we'll be expecting you

angelbaby: this is so exciting!

 

~~~the schUYLER SISters~~~ - Thurs., Apr. 20, 11:52 am

peggypeg: i'm heading to my consultation!

angelbaby: fUck is that today?

peggypeg: yes?

littleliz: do you want us to go with you?

peggypeg: nah, nina's going with me

angelbaby: okay

littleliz: good luck peggy!

peggypeg: thanks!

 

peg's babes - Thurs., Apr. 20, 11:54 am

sunrise: you ready?

peggypeg: my stomach is doing somersaults but yeah i feel pretty ready

sunrise: i'm so excited for you peggy!!

peggypeg: ahhh!

sunrise: ahh!!

peggypeg: oh i see the car

peggypeg: !!!!!!!

sunrise: !!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and thus we leave off with peggy's ambiguous consultation, a new polysquad, and sisterly interventions to spare  
> i hope y'all are enjoying this!


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday mary laurens  
> idk what this is but i thought that it would be  
> interesting?????  
> I Have No Idea

team laurens - Thurs., Apr. 27, 9:38 am

gordonramsay: JOHN

jlau: MARTHA

gordonramsay: please tell me you remember what today is

jlau: i didn't like,,,,,, misremember mary's birthday, right? she is turning 12 today?

gordonramsay: ye

jlau: yesss i have like 99 presents for her

gordonramsay: how are you not broke

jlau: gwash bribes us to go on business trips

gordonramsay: what the fuck is that even legal

jlau: i mean gwash has a lot of pull and we're the most successful company like ever for it being a really young company so they don't mess with our system

gordonramsay: oh okay

jlau: NAYWAY

jlau: is mary having a party?

gordonramsay: yeah, and some of her friends have come up from virginia for it!

jlau: omg really

gordonramsay: yeah she has this really cute friend named rowan who also happens to be one of her crushes >:))))

jlau: oh my god martha

gordonramsay: look i know that being in a relationship this early on would most definitely yield negative consequences but there's nothing wrong with encouraging her to explore her sexuality in the most innocent ways possible

jlau: this is one of those weird moments where you make a lot of sense

gordonramsay: cool

gordonramsay: also i bought mary a phone

jlau: hah she's gonna love you

gordonramsay: did you know that she's a writer?

jlau: wtf no i didn't

gordonramsay: neither did i until she came up to me yesterday super shy like "hey martha can you read this i wrote it for school" and it was a really???? good???? story???? about a witch that likes cooking but always accidentally puts magic into her food and makes all these crazy things happen

gordonramsay: she's really really good at writing

jlau: i wanna read it!!!

gordonramsay: i'll ask her if she wants to send it to you

gordonramsay: with her new phone >:))))))

bond: sTOP MAKING MY PHONE GO OFF THE TEACHER JSUT CALLED ME UP TO TELL ME THAT HE COULD HEAR IT

gordonramsay: why is your phone on at school huh????

jlau: why are you texting during class

henren: if my precalc test is torn up because you asses wouldn't stop texting i will skin you both and make shoes from your flesh

gordonramsay: put the chat on mute then tf

jlau: whY ARE BOTH OF YOU TEXTING DURING CLASS???

bond: my teacher told me to put the chat on mute which i'm doing now bye

henren: oh the test is done and my calc teacher lets us derp around after tests cause we 'need to decompress'

gordonramsay: don't get in trouble for anything

jlau: martha when should we come over

gordonramsay: you and your billion signifs can come over at like 7:30 so you can have a chance to clean up from work and also wrap presents

bond: coming back real quick to ask if sonny and pete can come over cause they love you and mary

gordonramsay: yes sonny is a sweetheart and pete is precious

bond: damn okay chill tf out

gordonramsay: listen here child i support your entire life right now i will scream about your friends if i want

henren: she's right dude

bond: gdi

 

Polysquad One (1) - Thurs., Apr. 27, 10:37 am

jlau: today's mary's birthday! we're going over to martha's to celebrate at like 7:30! also don't worry about presents cause i have enough for each of you to give her one

hamilham: aw how old is she turning!

jlau: 12!

macbitch: yes i get to see mary!!!

jlau: also martha got her a phone and most definitely will give mary all of our contact shit so please don't add her to a groupchat and start swearing or talking about our sex life

locoparentis: we promise

strawberryjem: yeah if martha went off on us about talking about our kinks when james was there, she'd definitely kill us if it was mary

bonjourbitch: yeesh

jlau: yeah don't do that please

jlau: also what's up with everyone changing their names

bonjourbitch: idk we all got bored of our lame names and decided to change them at the same time

hamilham: we are a hivemind

strawberryjem: we've all had the same usernames pretty much as long as we've known each other

locoparentis: shit u right

locoparentis has changed their name to tailormade

macbitch: fuck it fine

macbitch has changed their name to tomfoolery

tomfoolery: there

hamilham: stares at john

jlau: no

tomfoolery: stares at john

jlau: nope

bonjourbitch: stares at john

jlau: I AM RESILIENT

strawberryjem: please?

jlau: ugh fine

jlau has changed their name to notjohnathan

tailormade: why is is that james can always get john to do things

strawberryjem: i'm his favorite ;))))))

tomfoolery: wait okay real talk

tomfoolery: are faves a thing that happens in poly relationships?

tailormade: yeah

bonjourbitch: ye

hamilham: sometimes

notjohnathan: more often than you think

strawberryjem: wait @notjohnathan am i really your favorite?

notjohnathan: yeah :3

strawberryjem: omg

strawberryjem: are the rest of you okay with that?

hamilham: yeah of course

tailormade: i'm fine

bonjourbitch: rt

tomfoolery: do the rest of you have favorites?

tailormade: sometimes laf, sometimes alex, john is constanly A Favorite

bonjourbitch: thomas, alex, hercules, john

hamilham: thomas, james, herc

tailormade: ALTHOUGH

tailormade: the first time we developed favorites, laf was Hella Salty™ because they didn't seem to be anyone's favorite

bonjourbitch: i wasn't salty i was Depressed

hamilham: wait what

hamilham: when was this

tailormade: like 7 or 8 years ago?????

hamilham: w h a t

bonjourbitch: hush darling

hamilham: i

tailormade: nayway alex was laf's fave but alex's fave was me and laf was Sad

bonjourbitch: i began to Try Too Hard to get alex's attention

notjohnathan: oh yeah cause alex had that scare with their classes cause the teacher was a giant fuckwit

bonjourbitch: yeah

bonjourbitch: nayway i started catering solely to their needs aka i started wearing shorter clothes outside the house and less clothes in it

tomfoolery: i

strawberryjem: wow

bonjourbitch: yeah it wasn't great for me and alex didn't even notice because they were trying to stay in that one teacher's good graces

hamilham: i am really really sorry laf

bonjourbitch: you had a lot of shit going on then and anyway you've gotten better at actually noticing what's going on around you

tomfoolery: motherfucker alex darling our meeting got moved to Now

hamilham: MOTHERFUCKER

hamilham: okay i've got my shit about as done as i can

tomfoolery: we don't even handle related things why are we going to the same meeting

hamilham: i have no clue but let's go before everyone else gets there

notjohnathan: good luck!

tailormade: don't stab anyone

bonjourbitch: we love you!

strawberryjem: !!!!!

 

bitch squad - Thurs., Apr. 27, 6:01 pm

notjohnathan: QUITTIN TIME LETS GO WE HAVE TO GET READY

tomfoolery: We're Going Slow Down

bonjourbitch: he's excited let him live

hamilham: james fell asleep on my couch btw and he's adorable

tailormade: we can share pictures later! let's go!

hamilham: we are using the elevator because james will Die

bonjourbitch: who tf renamed this chat btw

champagne: probably usnavi

cafeconleche: excuse you

champagne: jk i love you

angelbaby: why are you guys rushing to leave work

notjohnathan: my sister mary's 12th birthday party

littleliz: ooh cool!

peggypeg: aw can we come?

hamilham: we as in Schuylers or we as in Polysquad

peggypeg: yes

notjohnathan has added gordonramsay to the chat

notjohnathan: peggy wants to know if her sisters and her signifs can come to the party

gordonramsay: We Don't Have Space

peggypeg: just me and my sisters?

gordonramsay: :/ i suppose

peggypeg: yay!

nothjohnathan: also @peggypeg @littleliz @angelbaby i have presents that you can give to her

littleliz: yessss

nothjohnathan: okay we gotta get ready bye!!!

angelbaby: i guess we should get ready too

peggypeg: tbh i'm a little scared of john's sister

littleliz: same

angelbaby: rt

 

Polysquad One (1) - Thurs., Apr. 27, 7:17 pm

notjohnathan: i have presents wrapped!!!

bonjourbitch: oh good

notjohnathan: someone knocked on the door please stay in the room

tailormade: wait let me go over there

tailormade: okay go

notjohnathan: it's the schuylers

tomfoolery: i'm coming out

strawberryjem: we already know ur gay

tomfoolery: f u

notjohnathan: have i ever mentioned how much i love lizzie?

hamilham: no that's my wife >:((((

nothjohnathan: ur poly alex u should know how to share - lizzie

hamilham: fite me lizzie i'll kick ur ass

notjohnathan: she said square up punkass and flopped on our couch

hamilham: she called me punkass defend my honor

tomfoolery: john just flopped on the couch next to eliza and said what honor do you have left to defend

tailormade: the betrayal

hamilham: how dare

notjohnathan: hurry please we have to go in a bit!

bonjourbitch: we're coming keep ur panties on

starwberryjem: please do Not mention joh in panties i really don't need that rn

notjohnathan: oh don't worry jemmy, i have a surprise for you when we come home

strawberryjem: i

notjohnathan: but first WE HAVE TO GO

tailormade: we're coming

 

team laurens - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:37 pm

gordonramsay has added marywatson to the chat

gordonramsay: and now the squad's all here

marywatson: Yay! Now I can be here for all the shenanigans!

bond: what 12-year-old says ''''shenanigans''''

marywatson: Only the best.

marywatson: Thomas told me that there's a really big chat you have with Sonny and Pete and everyone else. Can I join it?

gordonramsay: i've gotta clear it with everyone else hold on

marywatson: Okay!

 

marywatson, tomfoolery - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:40 pm

marywatson: Martha's gonna yell in that giant chat you told me about. Be prepared.

tomfoolery: haha now you can really see all the crazy stuff we do

marywatson: This is why you're my favorite!

marywatson: Don't tell the others, though.

tomfoolery: i won't

tomfoolery: get back to your party, mary

 

dick squad - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:40 pm

gordomramsay: listen here u fucks my little sister is joining this chat so if u started screaming about kinks or swearing profusely i will not hesitate to kill you in the most painful way possible

cafeconleche: i'll rename the chat

angelbaby: binch no i'm gonna do it

angelbaby has renamed the chat  
chat name: NEEEEW YOOORK

cafeconleche: that's so shitty wtf angel

champagne: shush it'll do for a child

gordonramsay has added marywatson to the chat

gordonramsay: say hi to all our friends, mary

marywatson: Hi!

angelbaby: nyello

champagne: have we met yet mary? i'm vanessa

marywatson: I remember! You were the character design for one of my characters.

cafeconleche: vanessa is staring at her phone with her mouth open

cafeconleche: she just placed a hand over her heart really softly

champagne: don't expose me like this usnavi

cafeconleche: :P

marywatson: I'm gonna text Rowan!

 

marywatson, rowantheboat - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:43 pm

marywatson: hi rowan!!!

rowantheboat: mary!

rowantheboat: how are you enjoying the phone life?

marywatson: it's fun now i don't have to zone out to ignore someone

rowantheboat: lol

rowantheboat: are you gonna type like you do at school around the adults still?

marywatson: yes lol i want them to think i'm sweet and innocent

rowantheboat: but now that they're not around

rowantheboat: h e n t a i

marywatson: no bad rowan

rowantheboat: i'm kidding mary

rowantheboat: omg did you watch that anime i told you about?

marywatson: it's not on netflix!

rowantheboat: but now that you have ~private access~ to the internet you can go on like kisscartoon or something and watch it

marywatson: YOU'RE RIGHT

marywatson: i know what i'm doing until 4 am tonight

rowantheboat: no we have school

rowantheboat: i support late school nights but not that late

marywatson: ur a good hooman

rowantheboat: thnx lol

marywatson: also i love your gift!!! it's so cool i'm gonna wear it tomorrow

rowantheboat: yay!

rowantheboat: my dad is ready to leave but i wanna stay here :( :( :( :( :( :(

marywatson: :( :( :( :( :(

marywatson: we can text each other when you're back in virginia

rowantheboat: okay :(

marywatson: wait let me hug you first!

 

Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:43 pm

hamilham has created a groupchat  
chat name: Adults™  
hamilham has added notjohnathan, littleliz, tomfoolery, strawberryjem, bonjourbitch, tailormade, gordonramsay, champagne, cafeconleche, peggypeg, angelbaby, deartheo, sunrise, beepbeep, getburrned to the chat

hamilham: and now we have a place to yell that martha won't get annoyed at since none of the children are here!

gordonramsay: i'll still find a way to come after your ass hamilton

gordonramsay: also you forgot the most important person

gordonramsay has added queendolley to the chat

queendolley: hi?

gordonramsay: hey babe

queendolley: hi martha!

getburrned: why do you add me to your circus act?

getburrned: what did i do to deserve this?

deartheo: date a girl who's friends with/dating these clowns

peggypeg: THEO

deartheo: YES

peggypeg: DID YOU GET THE MAIL

deartheo: no not today

beepbeep: i think nina got the mail

sunrise: i did

sunrise: there was just some biblical thing

peggypeg: :(((((

deartheo: we're sorry babe

sunrise: <3

beepbeep: <3

deartheo: how's the birthday party?

peggypeg: it's cool mary's super sweet

gordonramsay: yeah apparently peggy's her favorite

tomfoolery: WHAT

 

marywatson, tomfoolery - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:48 pm

tomfoolery: TRAITOR

marywatson: Oh, did Martha give it away?

tomfoolery: i thought i was your favorite!!!

marywatson: You are!

marywatson: You're my boy favorite, Peggy is my girl favorite, and Alex is my not-boy-or-girl-what's-the-word favorite.

tomfoolery: nonbinary

marywatson: Alex is my nonbinary favorite.

tomfoolery: :/ fine

marywatson: <3

 

Adults™ - Thurs., Apr. 27, 8:50 pm

tomfoolery: disaster resolved

gordonramsay: why are you like this

tomfoolery: because your sister is so precious and i love her

gordonramsay: that's adorable

beepbeep: she gave me a hug when she saw me kiss peggy on the cheek because peggy's her favorite

beepbeep: and then she said that if i was mean to peggy she would break my shins

gordonramsay: i'd be horrified but i'm used to

gordonramsay: she threatened to cut off all of dolley's hair when we first started dating

hamilham: how long have you two been together

gordonramsay: three years

tailormade: that's adorable

strawberryjem: where did john go? i can't find him

gordonramsay: @notjohnathan

hamilham: @notjohnathan

strawberryjem: @notjohnathan

bonjoirbitch: @notjohnathan

tailormade: @notjohnathan

angelbaby: @notjohnathan

littleliz: @notjohnathan

peggypeg: @notjohnathan

notjohnathan: JESUS CHRIST KEEP YOUR THONGS ON

tailormade: where'd you go?

notjohnathan: i'm in the stairwell

notjohnathan: someone called me

gordonramsay: was it who i think it is

notjohnathan: yeah

 

gordonramsay, notjohnathan - Thurs., Apr. 27, 9:02 pm

gordonramsay: what did he want

notjohnathan: to wish mary a happy birthday

notjohnathan: and to visit this weekend

gordonramsay: no

gordonramsay: what did you tell him

notjohnathan: i told him that i wouldn't advise it seeing as none of his kids want anything to do with him

gordonramsay: you should've come to get me

notjohnathan: it would've been suspicious if the two of us left as opposed to just me leaving

gordonramsay: >:/

gordonramsay: how many times did he deadname you

notjohnathan: once

notjohnathan: then he corrected himself?

notjohnathan: it was weird

notjohnathan: i don't want him to come by and slip up in front of my signifs

gordonramsay: he corrected himself?

notjohnathan: yes

gordonramsay: we keep this from henry james and mary, okay?

notjohnathan: okay

gordonramsay: call him back sometime and tell him that he can visit only if he calls you by your real name n pronouns and doesn't make his Ew Look Gays face when mary/james/henry talk about their crushes/exes or when we talk about our signifs

notjohnathan: okay

gordonramsay: are you alright?

notjohnathan: kinda of. are you?

gordonramsay: not really

gordonramsay: wanna stay the night so we can have a drink?

notjohnathan: i have work in the morning

gordonramsay: i'll drive you

notjohnathan: sure

 

hamilham, peggypeg - Fri., Apr. 28, 3:27 am

hamilham: hey peggy

peggypeg: hey

peggypeg: what's up?

hamilham: i feel like i don't talk to you enough. like we talk about being poly n shit but we never just hang out and talk about dumb shit

peggypeg: like what?

hamilham: like

hamilham: idk

hamilham: anything

peggypeg: ?

hamilham: what's ur favorite ice cream flavor?

peggypeg: strawberry

hamilham: oh my god are you kidding me

peggypeg: no strawberry ice cream rules

hamilham: strawberry is The Worst Flavor

peggypeg: oh ur a mint chocolate chip person aren't you

hamilham: ye

peggypeg: mint chocolate chip is awful why do you like it

hamilham: mint + chocolate = happiness

peggypeg: ew

hamilham: fite me

peggypeg: do you like mint chocolate on its own?

hamilham: no i only like the ice cream because otherwise it feels too Out Of Place

peggypeg: hm

peggypeg: i suppose i can accept that

peggypeg: chocolate in general is so good

hamilham: i'm in the kitchen trying not to wake anyone up but i'm also trying to make food because i'm fucking starving

peggypeg: what are you making?

hamilham: grilled cheese

peggypeg: ooh

hamilham: i???? just opened a container???? of what i thought was cheese???? but it's not???? it's slime?????

peggypeg: that's probably hercules

peggypeg: we made slime together over skype like three weeks ago

hamilham: did you tell him to put it in the fridge????

peggypeg: no?

hamilham: i have questions

peggypeg: benny just kissed me Somewhere i've gotta go

hamilham: bye peggy! have fun, stay safe!

peggypeg: bye!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drama and bonding makes me happy  
> also i've been weirdly depressed lately and writing this has helped me out a little so  
> yay  
> i guess


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this episode is brought to you by the music i used to desperately cling to my good mood

hamilham, tomfoolery, strawberryjem - Wed, May 10, 5:34 pm

hamilham: we have problems we need to address

tomfoolery: my stomach just dropped

strawberryjem: same

hamilham: sorry

tomfoolery: what's wrong babe

hamilham: how long have we three been dating?

tomfoolery: u and i is like 4 months give or take a week

strawberryjem: i was added in like 3 ish months ago

hamilham: and how long have all 6 of us been dating?

strawberryjem: 2 months

hamilham: and we've gone on two dates total as a group

tomfoolery: is that the problem?

hamilham: the problem is i feel like we're too separate

hamilham: imagine it like a chart

hamilham: all six of us are lined up and we've got lines connecting us to each of the rest

hamilham: but they're just outlines. nothing's filling in the spaces

hamilham: i feel like i'm dating you two and then my other signifs, and that john is dating you two and then the rest of us, etc.

tomfoolery: i've felt like that too

strawberryjem: what should we do to fix it alex?

hamilham: let's go out tonight

hamilham: let's wander around new york. i wanna feel the way i did in college but about all of you together

tomfoolery: there's a carnival in town! they're here for the rest of the week! let's go to dinner/wander around tonight and go to the carnival this weekend

hamilham: that sounds great!

hamilham: ooh and for the carnival we could dress up so we lowkey look like we belong in a melanie martinez video

strawberryjem: yess i have an outfit that i've been dying to wear

tomfoolery: should we tell the others?

hamilham: no let's keep it a secret!

strawberryjem: ye this is gonna be great

 

WOOP WOOP GET SOME SOUP - Wed, May 10, 6:28 pm

hamilham: 1) who tf renamed this chat 2) why to that of all things 3) let's go on a date tonight

nothjohnathan: 1) me 2) i'll send you the picture 3) i'm down

tomfoolery: i am also down

strawberryjem: same

bonjourbitch: rt

tailormade: rt

hamilham: coolio

bonjourbitch: is this like a go to a casual place and just Hang date or a get dressed up fancy restauraunt date

hamilham: something in between because this was Short Notice

notjohnathan: is there a dresscode for this date

hamilham: something nice but also comfy

notjohnathan: very wide range there love

hamilham: herc's typical work clothes

tomfoolery: i have the perfect clothes

bonjourbitch: you mean i have the perfect clothes and you're just gonna steal from me again

tomfoolery: i won't if it bothers you

bonjourbitch: i'm just teasing tommy

tomfoolery: okay then i am gonna steal ur clothes for tonight

bonjourbitch: wait can i do your makeup

tomfoolery: yES PLEASE

strawberryjem: i think i'm gonna need help coordinating @tailormade @hamilham @notjohnathan

notjohnathan: i gotchu baby

strawberryjem: <3

hamilham: @tailormade i vote john dresses us for this date

tailormade: i concur

notjohnathan: i have about 90 million ideas already

 

WOOP WOOP GET SOME SOUP - Wed, May 10, 6:28 pm

hamilham: LET'S GO!!!!

strawberryjem: THOMAS WE'RE STEALING YOU FROM YOUR OFFICE

tomfoolery: JOHN LAF COME HITHER

notjohnathan: COMING

bonjurbitch: WE'RE RUNNING

tailormade: i'm outside!!!!

hamilham: BLAST THE HEATHERS LET'S GOOOO

tomfoolery: alex you're humming with excitement

hamilham: cause i'm going on a date with you! all of you! and we're all dating each other and i just love you a lot!

strawberryjem: i'm so in love right now

notjohnathan: the universe is totally rooting for you, little one

bonjourbitch: they're blushing and hiding in tommy's hug i am so in love

tomfoolery: the universe is definitely rooting for us cause every single light has been green

hamilham: i'm so excited!!!!!

 

a Hive of Bees - Wed, May 10, 6:28 pm

deartheo: hey let's go on a date

beepbeep: yes please we haven't gone out in so long

sunrise: where should we go?

peggypeg: does it matter?

deartheo: let's just drive around and scream songs at the top of our lungs

beepbeep: we could have a dance party on the roof!

sunrise: that sounds awesome!!!

deartheo: @getburrned baby come on a date with us!

sunrise: @getburrned

beepbeep: @getburrned

peggypeg: @getburrned

getburrned: okay

beepbeep: nina and i are running to the kitchen

sunrise: peggy my dearest love where are you

peggypeg: changing

deartheo: into what?

peggypeg: The Dress

deartheo: !!!!!!!!

peggypeg: i think it's time

deartheo: i do too

beepbeep: can we know?

peggypeg: not yet!

sunrise: benny let's cook!!!

 

♥BOYS♥ SQUAD - Wed, May 10, 6:36 pm

prettyboy: hey we should hang out tonight

henren: is something up?

prettyboy: well pete is staying with his parents for the next few days and i'm Lonely

henren: yeah we can hang

bond: i have homework :/ sorry

prettyboy: it's fine

henren: where should we go?

prettyboy: there's a market that has like the most varied possible setup i've ever seen

henren: sure let me get some money from martha

prettyboy: cool i'll start walking to your place

henren: see you in a bit!

 

There was a different mood than usual over the city. There was magic in the air, coating everything in a layer of fun and mischief. The six could feel it as they ran into their apartment to get ready for their date.  
"Alex, I have your dress," Hercules called.  
"Stop giggling, Tommy," Laf said, voice laden with laughter.  
"I can't help it! You look so cute when you scrunch your nose up like that," Thomas replied.  
"Wait, Jemmy, what about this shirt," John asked as he pulled another top from the closet. Everyone was hopping, excitement whizzing through the air. They all emerged from the apartment dressed in more fun outfits than their work clothes, bright colors playing against dark. Alex fiddled with the hem of their dress before letting it fall. Everyone piled back into the car, giggling like giddy teenagers going out for the first time.  
"Alex, I'm the driver. I'm gonna need directions," James said to his significant other. Alex leaned over and whispered in James's ear.  
"Do you know where that is?"  
"I do," James said, his eyes lit up in joy. "They're gonna love it." With that, the group sped off, laughter trailing from the open windows as Alex blasted the radio.  


 

Peggy took a deep breath, smoothing down the front of her dress. Tonight was an important night. Theo came in, her blue skirt contrasting with Peggy's light yellow.  
"You look beautiful, baby," Theo said.  
"Thanks, Theo. I want to look good him," she replied. Theo came and rested her chin on Peggy's shoulder.  
"You're gonna kill it, baby girl." Theys left the room, hand-in-hand. Benny was in the living room, cuddling with Nina.  
"You ready," Nina asked, smiling at her girlfriends.  
"Yup," Peggy affirmed. There was a knock on the door. Theo opened it to see Aaron standing there, an unplaceable look on his face.  
"Hey babe," she greeted. Aaron came in, greeting everyone in the room. Benny grinned, picking up the black bag by the sofa.  
"Let's go fuck shit up," he said, drawing laughter from everyone as they made their way upstairs.  


 

Sonny stood outside the apartment building, waiting impatiently for Henry to come down. He was aching to get out and wander, but Pete was gone for the next few days. He was glad that Henry was willing to come with him. They'd really hit it off after Henry and James were dumped so heartlessly. Sonny was just excited that he'd made new friends. He saw movement in the corner of his eye and looked to see that Henry had come down.  
"Hey, Henry," Sonny said.  
"Hey," the younger replied. Sonny offered Henry his arm, a cheeky grin on his face. They made their way to the market, arms linked.

 

Scream Queens - Thurs., May 11, 1:48 am

angelbaby: CAN I JUST YELL ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE BEING IN THIS RELATIONSHIP

peggypeg: CAN I YELL ABOUT THE SAME THING

strawberryjem: ME TOO

angelbaby: YES

angelbaby: ANYWAY I AM SO FUCKING IN LOVE VANESSA IS SO GREAT SHE JUST G E T S IT AND SHE KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND WE WENT ON A DATE TONIGHT AND NOW I'M JUST CHILLING IN BED THINKING ABOUT HER AND HOW SHE'S SO SMART AND PRETTY AND I CAN HAVE A REALLY DEEP CONVO WITH HER OR WE TALK ABOUT ICING FLAVORS AND I JUST

angelbaby: S C R E A M

peggypeg: I'M DATING AARON NOW

strawberryjem: W H AT

angelbaby: S I N CE W H E N

peggypeg: LIKE 40 MINS AGO

peggypeg: WE HAD A DANCE PARTY ON THE ROOF AND BENNY ALSO MADE FOOD AND DRINKS AND WE WERE ALL GETTING REALLY INTO IT CAUSE IT WAS FUN AND THEN I LOOKED AT THEO AND SHE NODDED CAUSE SHE WAS IN ON THIS AND THEN I GRABBED AARON'S HANDS I WAS LIKE "AARON YOU'RE CUTE" AND HE WAS LIKE "THANK YOU" AND I WAS LIKE "THEO SAID SHE FINE WITH US DATING SO LIKE ARE YOU DOWN" AND HE WAS LIKE "YES" AND I YELLED AND THEN A BUNCH OF STRANGERS JOINED US ON THE ROOFTOP DANCE PARTY AND NOW BENNY'S DJ-ING AND I CAN'T STOP YELLING I'M SO IN LOVE

strawberryjem: I ADORE ALEX WITH EVERY PARTICLE OF MY BEING THEY'RE SO GOOD TO US AND OBVIOUSLY I KNOW THAT I AM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH THOMAS

strawberryjem: BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN SO IN LOVE WITH THE OTHERS. JOHN IS SO CUTE AND AFFECTIONATE AND HE LOVES THINGS JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE COOL AND HE'S SO PURE AND PRECIOUS AND I LOVE WHEN HE GETS SO !!!!! ABOUT SOMETHING CAUSE THEN HE GETS THIS LOOK AND I'M SO GAY. AND THEN HERCULES IS SO S O F T HOW DID I NOT CATCH THAT BEFORE AND HE LOVES US SO HARD I'M GAY AND WHEN HE TOUCHES YOU AT ALL HE'S SO GENTLE LIKE YOU'RE THE MOST PRECIOUS THING ON EARTH AND LIKE HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT YOU AAAH. AND LAF IS SO !!!! AND SO UNDERSTANDING AND THEY LOVE YOU SO STRONG AND THEY'RE LOUD ABOUT IT AND THEY WILL HOLD YOU AND FIGHT AGAINST EVERYTHING THAT'S HURTING YOU WITH THEIR OWN TWO HANDS AND I AM SO IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

peggypeg: AAAAAAAAAAAH

angelbaby: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

strawberryjem: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

WOOP WOOP GET SOME SOUP - Thurs., May 11, 9:37 am

notjohnathan: i feel like a teenager i legit can't stop thinking about last night and how much i love all of you so much

strawberryjem: i yelled about it last night to peggy and angel and i just am so glad we decided to go out last night

hamilham: everything feels right and i'm super happy about it

tailormade: honestly i just wanna be with you right now

tomfoolery: who knew i could miss you all when we're mostly working in the same building?

bonjourbitch: let's all go to lunch

tailormade: i'll close up and go pick you up so we can go for a quicknic

tomfoolery: quicknic?

hamilham: we get takeout and sit in the nearest park and just be cute

tomfoolery: i love that yeah let's do it

strawberryjem: i love you all so much

notjohnathan: <3

bonojurbitch: <3

tailormade: <3

hamilham: <3

tomfoolery: <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the carnival chapter is coming soon but wHY CAN'T TIME JUST GO A LITTLE FASTER I HAVE THINGS I WANNA DO
> 
> i have plans to get alex in a dress more often because *insert rant about the toxicity of the gender binary here*  
> also thomas definitely wears nail polish daily and eyeshadow


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end of the year is coming up and it's been really kicking me down  
> this is so late  
> i'm sorry

a squad of Fucks - Thurs., May 11, 9:37 am

hamilham: I AM SUING JOHN

notjohnathan: NO PLEASE JUST HEAR ME OUT

hamilham: NO I WANT A DIVORCE

strawberryjem: I JUST SAW AND I'M SUING TOO

hamilham: JEMMY WE'RE RUNNING AWAY TOGETHER

strawberryjem: PACK UR SHIT WE'RE GOING

bonjourbitch: wait why are you divorcing john

tomfoolery: thismonstrosity.jpg

bonjourbitch: THE HARAMBED JOHN YOU ARE WONDERFUL WE'RE GETTING THREE

strawberryjem: NO

hamilham: NO

tomfoolery: NO

tailormade: yES

strawberryjem: HERC YOU TRAITOR

tomfoolery: ALEX JEMMY CAN I RUN AWAY WITH YOU FROM THESE HEATHENS

hamilham: YES JOIN US MY DARLING

notjohnathan: NO WE LOVE YOU

tailormade: DON'T ABANDON US NONE OF US CAN COOK

bonjourbitch: excuse you

notjohnathan: laf dear you can cook like two things

notjohnathan: and you burn both of those things more often than not

bonjourbitch: rude

tomfoolery: john did i just see you click order

notjohnathan: no

tomfoolery: caNCEL THAT ORDER NOW OR I WILL CHUCK YOU OUT THE WINDOW

notjohnathan: WHY

tomfoolery: I REFUSE TO AHVE THAT MONSTROSITY IN MY HOUSE

notjohnathan: IT'S CANCELLED YOU CAN COME AND SEE

tomfoolery: good

hamilham: gwash texted me i hope yall are happy

 

hamilham, gwasher - Thurs., May 11, 9:42 am

gwasher: Why are you and your signifs yelling?

hamilham: John almost bought a harambed.

gwasher: Oh, I understand. Martha tried to buy one but I cancelled the order when she was asleep.

hamilham: Good to know we share struggles.

gwasher: Silence your signifs, child.

hamilham: Please don't make me copy and paste the offspring talk.

gwasher: Right.

 

gwasher, mwah - Thurs., May 11, 9:45 am

gwasher: mygod.jpg

mwah: O Ff sPrI Ng TaLK

gwasher: martha

mwah: why didn't we adopt them?

gwasher: cause we didn't want to at the time and now it's too late

mwah: shit you're right

 

mwah, bonjourbitch - Thurs., May 11, 9:45 am

mwah: yOU ALSO WANTED A HARAMBED

bonjourbitch: THOMAS WON'T LET US GET ONE

mwah: it's okay my child george thinks he one-upped me but i have another secret amazon account

mwah: my harambed should be on the way

bonjourbitch: yessss

mwah: i'm putting it in your old room

bonjourbitch: yesssssssss

 

a squad of Fucks - Fri., Mar 12, 4:24 pm

hamilham: hey i'm here to remind you that we have a date tonight!!!!

tomfoolery: !!!!i'm so excited!!!!

notjohnathan: the one u said was a surprise?

strawberryjem: ye

bonjourbitch: aaaaahhhhh i'm so excited

tailormade: is there a dress code for tonight

tomfoolery: melanie martinez crybaby aesthetic

notjohnathan: i have Ideas

strawberryjem: !!!!more dates!!!!

 

peggy's babes - Fri., Mar 12, 5:34 pm

peggypeg: do u ever jsut,,,,, hate people,,,,,,,

sunrise: more and more as my online classes go one

peggypeg: !!!!you never told me you were doing online classes!!!!

sunrise: why do you think i've been in new york all this time?

peggypeg: i am not a smart woman sometimes

getburrned: yes people are awful

peggypeg: !!!aaron!!!

getburrned: !!!peggy!!!

getburrned: hey so i found this letter in the slot and it's addressed to you peggy

peggypeg: did u read it

getburrned: no, it's yours

peggypeg: u can read my mail i have nothing to hide

getburrned: well it's on the counter

peggypeg: who'd be at home right now

getburrned: theo said the library closed early so she should be

deartheo: i am

beepbeep: so am i

sunrise: ;))))))

beepbeep: ;)))))))

deartheo: ;))))))))

beepbeep: do u want me to read the letter peggy

peggypeg: yes please

beepbeep: !!!!

peggypeg: what

deartheo: !!!!!

peggypeg: whAT

beepbeep: ur gettin a surprise when u come home

peggypeg: wHAT IS IT I WANNA KNOW NOW

deartheo: nO IT'S A SECRET

peggypeg: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

 

peggy's babes - Fri., Mar 12, 6:10 pm

peggypeg: AARON IS DRIVING ME HOME WHAT WAS THE SECRET

beepbeep: PATIENCE IS KEY

peggypeg: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN BENNY

deartheo: THAT'S THE ONLY HINT YOU GET

peggypeg: MY STOMACH IS DOING FLIPS YOU ASSES WHAT'S THE NEWS

sunrise: i jsut got home and !!!!!!!!

peggypeg: NO NOT YOU TOO

sunrise: WE'RE ALL VERY EXCITED

sunrise: slight tangent benny and theo are adorable when they're excited

peggypeg: aaron asked if theo has that Light around her

beepbeep: yES SHE'S SO CUTE

peggypeg: aaron is smiling really wide

peggypeg: "i thought you guys wouldn't appreciate it but you do and now i have someone else i can yell to about her little cute traits"

beepbeep: anD NOW AARON AND I CAN YELL ABOUT YOU PEGGY

peggypeg: nOOOOOO

peggypeg: HAH WE'RE HOME I'M SPRINTING

getburrned: she really is sprinting

getburrned: there she goes

 

a squad of Fucks - Fri., Mar 12, 6:37 pm

hamilham: !!!!!!!

hamilham: we!!! look!!! so!!! cute!!!

strawberryjem: !!!!!this is so much better than i expected!!!!!

bonjourbitch: where are we going!!!!

tomfoolery: it's a surprise!!!!

tailormade: aaaahhh!!!!!

notjohnathan: aaaahhhh!!!!

 

prettyboy, paintcans - Fri., Mar 12, 7:36 pm

prettyboy: pete i miss you

paintcans: i miss you too

prettyboy: apparently me having a breakdown means reorganizing Everything

paintcans: :/ i'm sorry babe, what's got you all sad?

prettyboy: alex and all their signifs are posting pictures on instagram of their date at the carnival tonight

paintcans: why don't you go down there? you can play games and go on the rides and take your mind off things for a while

prettyboy: but what's the point without you there?

paintcans: taking care of yourself? take yourself on a date, sonny

prettyboy: :/ okay

paintcans: send me lots of pictures! xx

prettyboy: xx i love you

paintcans: i love you too

 

paintcans, hamilham - 7:43 pm

paintcans: alex

hamilham: is sonny gonna come down?

paintcans: yeah

hamilham: i'll keep us away from him cause lbr i will Not keep my mouth shut

paintcans: thanks

hamilham: np

 

Adults™ - Fri., Mar 12, 7:45 pm

champagne: i'd like you all to know that i have gotten a raise at work which means that i will soon be able to rent a bigger apartment and get a dog

angelbaby: eyyy that's so cool!

cafeconleche: she's super excited even if her text makes her seem like she isn't

champagne: don't expose me like this

champagne: especially not to my girlfriend of like two weeks

angelbaby: :3

littleliz: hey we should all hang out at A Park

lovergirl: what's martha doing?

angelbaby: probs her girlfriend lbr 

queendolley: actually martha's currently dealing with an unwanted visitor

queendolley: don't pry or even ask, she'll tell you if she's ready

littleliz: should we be worried?

queendolley: no - m

angelbaby: :/ okay

littleliz: i hope they're okay

cafeconleche: same

champagne: rt

angelbaby: rt

lovergirl: rt

peggypeg: okay i just read the chat and rt

peggypeg: also i'm screaming irl

deartheo: she really is

peggypeg: guess who's on the waiting list for top surgery!!!!

angelbaby: OH MY GOD REALLY

littleliz: YES FUCKING FINALLY

peggypeg: I KNOW

lovergirl: YAAAAS QUEEN

champagne: WHEN DO THEY THINK THEY'LL GET YOU IN?

peggypeg: 6 months at least :/ but at least i got on!

cafeconleche: that's so amazing peggy!

getburrned: i'm so proud!

hamilham: holy shit an emotion

getburrned: you only come into the chat for that?

lovergirl: apparently

lovergirl: we should celebrate!

peggypeg: TO A BAR

lovergirl: THAT'S THE SPIRIT

getburrned: i will be designated driver tonight

beepbeep: thank god time to get #wasted

getburrned: i'm only driving peggy and her collective signifs home by the way

angelbaby: i'll be dd tonight too

angelbaby: wait who's going

peggypeg: me n my signifs make five, all of whom fit in burr's tiny fuckin car

getburrned: i'm not a rich man peggy

angelbaby: bullshit you're paid the best at work literally only because you have to work with the polysquad

getburrned: i'm offended

tomfoolery: so are we tf

lovergirl: they have mentions on or something

lovergirl: angel are you gonna drive me n lizzie?

angelbaby: yeah sure

angelbaby: so burr has peggy n them and i have vanessa, usnavi, lizzie, and maria

getburrned: i thought there were more of us honestly

angelbaby: same

peggypeg: off we go!!!

 

gordonramsay, notjohnathan- Fri., Mar 12, 8:01 pm

gordonramsay: john i know you're on a date but we have an emergency

notjohnathan: what's wrong

gordonramsay: dad's here

gordonramsay: literally in my house

notjohnathan: where are the kids

gordonramsay: asleep

gordonramsay: or at least not close enough to have heard dad coming in

notjohnathan: i'm coming over right now

gordonramsay: no you don't have to

notjohnathan: martha

notjohnathan: i'm coming over

notjohnathan: and i'm bringing my signifs

gordonramsay: okay

 

a squad of Fucks - Fri., Mar 12, 8:20 pm

hamilham: so who knows what the fuck is going on

strawberryjem: idk

tailormade: rt

tomfoolery: rt

bonjourbitch: rt

tailormade: wait this is martha's building

strawberryjem: do you think something happened to one of the kids?

bonjourbitch: maybe one of them is sick

tomfoolery: look at john's face

hamilham: um

bonjourbitch: i've never seen him make that face before

tailormade: that's like 13 different emotions

strawberryjem: we've been standing at the door for like two minutes why isn't anyone answering

bonjourbitch: footsteps

hamilham: oh my god

tomfoolery: what

strawberryjem: wait

tailormade: oh god what

bonjourbitch: holy shit

tomfoolery: is that who we think that is

notjohnathan: guys

notjohnathan: meet my dad

 

Adults™ - Fri., Mar 12, 11:47 pm

notjohnathan: so you're all probably drunk but martha is fine and the visitor wasn't so unwanted after all

gordonramsay: that's not to say that he's welcome anytime but i at least won't kill him if he shows up again

angelbaby: who was your visitor

notjohnathan: is

gordonramsay: our dad

getburrned: wait i thought you both left your father in virignia?

notjohnathan: we did but he realized that it was his fault that he had to wander around an empty house full of sadness

gordonramsay: he's staying for tomorrow because he wants to meet you all and then he's leaving sunday morning

notjohnathan: he wants to keep in touch with all of us

angelbaby: how'd he deal with your signifs and yours and alex's pronouns?

gordonramsay: he was very nice to dolley, though i could see that he was kind of forcing it

notjohnathan: he messed up a few times with my pronouns and alex's but he corrected himself and he didn't deadname me

getburrned: i'm a little sad that i never got to deal with any of that

notjohnathan: but at the same time, you never had a family member that you wanted to trust deadname you repeatedly

getburrned: i suppose you're right

getburrned: but an exgirlfriend of mine did deadname me a lot

notjohnathan: that sucks

getburrned: she later told me that she was a lesbian and was only dating me because, and i quote, "it would be a shame to lose such a cute girl to the dirtier sex"

hamilham: 1) why didn't i know you're trans 2) wow she's a fucking asshole

getburrned: 1) you never pay attention to me 2) yeah i dumped her and blocked her on every form of social media i could find

getburrned: she began to show up at my door late at night so i also ended up transfering dorms, which is how john and i met

hamilham: how did i not know any of this

getburrned: again, you never pay attention to me

angelbaby: i would like you all to know that herding my sister and her girlfriend and my girlfriend and her boyfriend is very very difficult

getburrned: herding theo and her significant others was surprisingly easy

angelbaby: hush you

angelbaby: maria and lizzie keep trying to fuck while usnavi is trapped in the backseat with him

gordonramsay: why didn't you separate them?

angelbaby: vanessa got into the front seat and locked the door

tomfoolery: all of our friends are a mess

 

NEEEW YOOORK - Fri., Mar 12, 11:56 pm

paintcans: okay so like

prettyboy: we're engaged

hamilham; OH MY GOD YOU DID IT?

paintcans: yeah :3

prettyboy: OH MY GOD IS THAT WHY YOU AVOIDED ME ALEX?

hamilham: YES CAUSE I WOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING AND I DIDN'T WANNA SPOIL IT

notjohnathan: DID HE GET YOU A RING

prettyboy: YES.jpg

tailormade: holy shit how did you afford that

paintcans: alex helped me get a few jobs here n there

notjohnathan: wait didn't you say that you wanted to propose to sonny like last year?

prettyboy: what

paintcans: er

paintcans: yeah but i thought it was too early

prettyboy: i'm crying again

tomfoolery: did someone get pictures!

strawberryjem: i just saw one on instagram!

strawberryjem: thatcaptiontho.jpg

bonjourbitch: wait pete did you do that background?

paintcans: yes i did

prettyboy: he's very proud of himself

improvisando: congratulations chiquitos!

chiledominicurican: congrats!

prettyboy: thanks guys!

cafeconleche: my little cousin, all grown up

champagne: oh my god! i'm so glad sonny!

improvisando: i remember when both of you were just toddlers and were using chalk on the sidewalks to make efantasy lands

improvisando: now you're all so OLD

paintcans: excuse you

prettyboy: rude

paintcans: you're the oldest one from the barrio, dani

chiledominicurican: dani! pete! don't be rude!

improvisando: you're thinking it too!

improvisando: mi amor, por favor, apagando las luces

chiledominicurican: you can use your voice, dani

prettyboy: is that gonna be us, pete?

paintcans: you speak more spanish than i do

prettyboy: i know like one more word than you

cafeconleche: so how many people are engaged in this chat?

hamilham: engagement list:  
alex, john, herc, laf  
sonny, pete

cafeconleche: engagement list:  
alex, john, herc, laf  
sonny, pete  
usnavi, vanessa

tomfoolery: since when are you two engaged???

hamilham: rt

tailormade: since like months ago????

strawberryjem: what

notjohnathan: we're really not observant

bonjourbitch: yeah clearly you haven't noticed that herc and i have been out of the car for like five actual minutes

hamilham: we're so bad at existing

strawberryjem: how did we survive this long

tomfoolery: a question for the ages

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone's engaged and my :) thoughts :) are :) Killing :) Me :)


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait what do you mean most authors don't dump all their worries and problems on their characters?

the Mary squad - Fri., June 2, 2:47 am

marywatson: guys i miss you so much

rowantheboat: we miss you too mary!

gahlinda: wait what's wrong mary

marywatson: why would anything be wrong?

gahlinda: it's like 2 am in new york right?

marywatson: yeah?

gahlinda: you don't ever stay up past midnight even on the weekend

rowantheboat: ur right babe

gahlinda: i told you not to call me that and i know i'm right i'm always right

rowantheboat: what's wrong, mary?

marywatson: idk i just feel ick

marywatson: like

marywatson: brain ick

gahlinda: mary

rowantheboat: dear

marywatson: no. we're not talking about it again.

gahlinda: mary.

marywatson: don't 'mary.' me linda

gahlinda: mary pickney laurens listen to me. you are sick. sick people need treatment. it doesn't make you better or worse than anyone.

marywatson: i don't even know a doctor here!!!! the school counselor isn't like mr jeremy!!!! i don't have anyone to talk to!!!!

rowantheboat: um????

rowantheboat: martha???? james???? henry????

rowantheboat: john????

rowantheboat: that purple guy with the poofy hair????

rowantheboat: literally any of your brother's significant others?????

marywatson: ,,,,,,,,,,

marywatson: i'm blocking you i didn't ask for logic

rowantheboat: we're not letting this go mary

gahlinda: not until you get help

marywatson: ughghghghghghgh

marywatson: what if it turns out that there's nothing wrong with me?

marywatson: what if i just get ''''sad'''' for no reason?

gahlinda: then we'll help you when you get ''''sad''''

rowantheboat: we're not gonna stop being friends with you, mary

gahlinda: we love you too much for that

rowantheboat: we're also not gonna stop trying to convince you to see a doctor

gahlinda: yeah we love you too much for that too

marywatson: fine

marywatson: i'm gonna message thomas

marywatson: help me draft it?

rowantheboat: of course!

gahlinda: what do you wanna say?

marywatson: hey thomas, i know it's late and that you won't see this until the morning, but there's something kind of important that i wanna ask you about. please don't freak out, just message me around 10 cause i'll be awake by then.

rowantheboat: i think that's pretty good

gahlinda: same

marywatson: okay

marywatson: messagetothomas.jpg

marywatson: anditssent.jpg

marywatson: god i'm shaking so hard

rowantheboat: we're so proud of you mary

marywatson: thanks guys

marywatson: i know that i make it seem like it's not a big deal but it's been getting really really bad

marywatson: i've had these fleeting thoughts that aren't good

gahlinda: mary why didn't you tell us?

marywatson: i didn't want you guys to worry

rowantheboat: what kind of thoughts??

gahlinda: are you really this thick

rowantheboat: yes i'm sorry i'm not observant

marywatson: i want it all to stop.

rowantheboat: i'm sorry mary

rowantheboat: do you want to talk about it?

marywatson: i'm really tired

gahlinda: of course

rowantheboat: goodnight mary

gahlinda: we love you

marywatson: goodnight

 

marywatson, tomfoolery - Sat., June 3, 9:38 am

tomfoolery: i know you said to message you around 10, but i woke up earlier than usual. are you alright?

marywatson: hi thomas. i'm okay. i just wanted to ask if you know anyone with mental health problems?

tomfoolery: give me a second

tomfoolery has added hamilham, tailormade to the chat

tomfoolery: mary's asking about mental health things

hamilham: what do you want to know

marywatson: do you guys have mental health problems?

hamilham: i developed an anxiety disorder in college, and i still have to take meds for it

tailormade: i get depressive episodes

marywatson: did you get diagnosed on your own?

tailormade: no, john pestered me until i finally wised up and thought "being sad or empty every day isn't good"

hamilham: nah i had a breakdown after finals and hercules had to drag me to the hospital which was awful

tomfoolery: what's wrong, mary?

marywatson: i think i need to get checked out

tailormade: have you told martha?

marywaston: no

marywatson: i don't want to. i'm too scared to ask her. i feel like i'm too weak to.

hamilham: you're asking for help from someone, mary. you're already better off than me.

tomfoolery: we can take you to our mental health clinic if you want. martha doesn't need to know until afterward.

marywatson: that'd be helpful.

hamilham: we'll book you an appointment. who do you want to go with you?

marywatson: you three and john?

tailormade: we can do that. do you want to do it tomorrow?

marywatson: that's probably best.

tomfoolery: we're so proud of you, mary.

hamilham: you're so strong for even bringing this up.

tailormade: we'll help you out as best as possible.

marywatson: thanks.

marywatson has added notjohnathan to the chat

notjohnathan: a secret party i'm so offended

tailormade: we're taking mary to our mental health clinic tomorrow.

notjohnathan: are you okay, mary?

notjohnathan: i don't mean in general, i just mean right now.

marywatson: yeah, i'm okay.

notjohnathan: james made the appointment. noon tomorrow.

marywatson: i'm crying right now, i feel you should know.

tomfoolery: we'll pick you up tomorrow. what are you going to tell martha?

marywatson: she knows you're my favorite. i don't have to tell her anything, really.

tomfoolery: cool.

marywatson: i need to clean myself up and go get breakfast. thanks guys.

hamilham: <3

tomfoolery: <3<3<3<3

tailormade: <3

notjohnathan: <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

 

hardball, sunrise - Sat., June 3, 1: 48 pm

hardball: hello

sunrise: okay i don't know who you are but hardball brings back a lot of memories so if i don't answer for a minute i'm very sorry

hardball: sunrise was my sister's favorite time of day

hardball: hardball was our code word

sunrise: wait

hardball: hello, nina

sunrise: lincoln

sunrise: oh my god

sunrise: where have you been are you coming home have you talked to dad why haven't you messaged me sooner oh my god lincoln i was convinced that you were dead honestly

hardball: nina, querida, relax.

hardball: i'm back in new york for a bit. i'm performing at pride.

sunrise: i'm going to go see you!

hardball: i can't wait to see you again, nina

sunrise: oh god

sunrise: are you gonna visit mom and dad

hardball: i was thinking about it, but i'm not sure

sunrise: it's okay. mom wants to see you, but i don't know about dad.

sunrise: this is so surreal. where have you been? what came of everything you wanted? are you with anyone?

hardball: i've been kind of all over the place. i'm getting there in my career, but i had a rough start because of me being gay.

hardball: i've dated here and there, but nothing permanent

hardball: i'm between boyfriends right now

hardball: what about you? are you in college? are you seeing anyone? what happened to everyone in the barrio?

sunrise: i'm taking online classes. i had a snag last year with a scholarship, but things have gotten better.

hardball: did you go back to the school?

sunrise: no

hardball: why not?

sunrise: a romantic commitment

hardball: oooh i want all the details

sunrise: well i may or may not be dating three people

hardball: oh

hardball: is benny one of those people?

sunrise: yes

hardball: i knew it!!!!!

hardball: who are the others?

sunrise: two amazing girls named peggy (margarita) and theo(dosia)

hardball: nina! i'm so proud of you!

sunrise: thanks!

hardball: are dani and carla married yet?

sunrise: yeah they got married in the winter last year

hardball: please tell me you have pictures

sunrise: of course!

hardball: yessss

hardball: and everyone else?

sunrise: god where do i start?

sunrise: a lot happened just last year, but it's been like three since you left

hardball: what happened last year?

sunrise: when i came back home for the summer, it was because i lost my scholarship. benny and i clicked again, then dad sold the taxi service to try and pay for college, which ended up losing benny his job. there was a blackout, and then i kissed benny and spent the night at his house. dani got everyone to cheer up by having a carnaval, then she and carla moved out of the barrio. they have a new salon downtown. mom got me and dad to make up kind of, and then abuela claudia died.

hardball: what

hardball: she died?

sunrise: yeah. i'm sorry, lincoln. i would've told you, but it was like you disappeared off the face of the earth

hardball: i'm sorry for that, nina.

sunrise: it's okay. vanessa and usnavi got together finally, and then vanessa moved downtown too. sonny and pete also got together!

hardball: oh thank god i thought they'd all be pining fools forever

sunrise: i started dating peggy and theo and now i'm taking online classes so i can be near benny and peggy and theo and all our friends

sunrise: oh i have to introduce you to my friends!!!

 

Adults™ - Sat., June 3, 2:12 pm

sunrise: I'M GONNA BE YELLING FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS

beepbeep: what why

sunrise has added prettyboy, paintcans, hardball to the chat

sunrise: lincoln!!!

hardball: hello everyone

prettyboy: LINCOLN MY MENTOR

hardball: SONNY MY PUPIL

prettyboy: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN WHAT THE HELL

paintcans: oh my god what the hell is happening

hardball: P E T E I HEARD YOU AND SONNY GOT TOGETHER FINALLY

prettyboy: yeah i should've taken your advice

hardball: no shit kiddo

paintcans: i did take your advice :)

hardball: OH MY GOD ARE YOU TWO????

paintcans: yes finally

prettyboy: imma pm u my instagram so u can see the pictures

cafeconleche: LINCOLN

hardball: USNAVI MI PANA

cafeconleche: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

hardball: life has been empty without you, usnavi <3

cafeconleche: i've dreamt about you every night <3

champagne: should i be worried that you're going to steal my boyfriend from me?

hardball: vanessa my most precious gem

champagne: how have you gotten on without me?

hardball: not well at all :(

hardball: one of you is going to have to show me where dani and carla's new salon is cause i'm going to need to look Fresh for pride

cafeconleche: you're going to the pride parade?

sunrise: he's performing!

cafeconleche: lincoln thats so amazing!!!!

hardball: i'm so excited! you huys should come!

beepbeep: lincoln!

hardball: hey benny!

beepbeep: it's been so long, man

hardball: i know

hardball: we all need to catch up somewhere

beepbeep: we could go to bennett park?

hardball: oh god memories

sunrise: wAIT

sunrise: I NEED TO INTRODUCE EVERYONE ELSE

sunrise: peggy's side, introduce yourselves

angelbaby: angelica~

peggypeg: peggy~

littleliz: eliza~

sunrise: the schuyler sisters (peggy's my girlfriend)!

angelbaby: i'm dating vanessa but not usnavi

littleliz: my fiancee is maria

lovergirl: henlo i'm the maria

peggypeg: i'm dating nina, benny, theo, and aaron

deartheo: theo

getburrned: i'm aaron burr

sunrise: where are the others

strawberryjem: hello i'm james madison, dating five people

hamilham: alex, they/them, 1 of 5

tailormade: hercules, call me herc, 2 of 5

tomfoolery: thomas jefferson, 3 of 5

bonjourbitch: lafayette, call me laf, 4 of 5

notjohnathan: i'm john, 5 of 5

gordonramsay: martha, one of john's siblings

hardball: nice to meet you all!

hardball: nina we should go and hang out somewhere

sunrise: let's go! is everyone else invited?

hardball: yeah!

sunrise: let's go to a park for a bit and then we can all go get drunk or something

paintcans: technically neither sonny nor i can drink yet

sunrise: ;)))

prettyboy: ooooh a bad influence!

lincoln: i have seen nothing

tomfoolery: actually me john herc and alex have appointments tomorrow so we'll pass on the drinking

hamilham: we'll chill at the park and then we'll be the drivers when you're all drunk children

beepbeep: wait who's not actually going

gordonramsay: me cause my girlfriend is here

beepbeep: anyone else?

hardball: there's 19 of us jesus christ

hamilham: @other dds, claim who ur gonna be responsible for now so everything can go Kinda smoothly

notjohnathan: i'm taking herc laf sonny and pete

tomfoolery: i'm getting the schuylers and maria

tailormade: i'll take nina theo and burr

hamilham: which leaves me with lincoln benny usnavi and vanessa

champagne: good luck separating me and angel

champagne: or anyone that's dating anyone lbr

prettyboy: wait so me n pete are actually going drinking with y'all?

sunrise: i mean yeah why not

cafeconleche: y'all are going back to your dorms after this so i don't care

paintcans: but if you had to take care of me and sonny you'd put a restriction on our drinking?

cafeconleche: yeah

paintcans: fair

hardball: let's goooo!

 

Adults™ - Sat., June 3, 8:26 pm

hardball: it's been like 1900000 hours are the bars open yet

hamilham: they've been open but nina wanted to wait for the post-quittin-time rush

hardball: oh good idea

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:28 pm

beepbeep: het lincoln

hardball: i am no het how dare u

beepbeep: mistype, sorry

hardball: i'm teasing you, benny

beepbeep: lincoln i have to ask you something

hardball: what's up?

 

sunrise, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:29 pm

hardball: uhoh.jpg

sunrise: 'het lincoln' the alternate reality that no one wants

hardball: i beg to differ

sunrise: :(

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:30 pm

beepbeep: pete told me that you and him had a fling of some sorts a while ago

beepbeep: i just wanted to know if you're okay now that you know he and sonny are engaged?

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:30 pm

hardball: ohmygod.jpg

sunrise: you never told him?

hardball: no??? he had the biggest and most obvious crush on you, how could i tell him?

sunrise: lincoln, will you tell him now? he's your friend and deserves the truth

hardball: do i have to?

sunrise: for me?

hardball: anything for you, chiquita

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:32 pm

hardball: of course i'm fine

hardball: it really was just a fling, and not even because i liked pete. i was just trying to make another guy jealous

beepbeep: oh

beepbeep: that's petty even for you

beepbeep: who was this guy?

hardball: well he was a big softie, despite his attempts to appear gruff, and he was someone i saw pretty much daily

hardball: you wouldn't really expect him to be so compassionate and sweet, but he's the nicest person ever, and he had a great sense of humor

beepbeep: sounds like you're still soft for him

hardball: i really am

hardball: i botched my first chance with him, though

beepbeep: i think i know who you're talking about

hardball: you do?

beepbeep: yeah

 

sunrise, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:33 pm

hardball: !!!!!.jpg

sunrise: !!!!!!!!!

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:33 pm

beepbeep: julio, yeseña's husband?

hardball: i

beepbeep: i knew it! you're so red right now!

 

sunrise, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:34 pm

sunrise: why are you red

hardball: im

hardball: sobbing.jpg

sunrise: ay dios mio lincoln

hardball: why is he so dense in the head

sunrise: i don't know

hardball: stop laughing at me!

hardball: now i have to live life with benny thinking that i have a crush on julio ;_;

hardball: no stop laughing

sunrise: i'm sorry it's just really funny

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:38 pm

hardball: is it that obvious?

beepbeep: it was back then

hardball: oh my god

 

sunrise, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:40 pm

sunrise: can you believe my brother has a crush on a man 7 years older than him????

hardball: don't you start, nina, i swear to god almighty himself

hardball: also i pretended to date someone who was literally like 5 years younger than i was

sunrise: how old were you?

hardball: i was like almost 20

sunrise: oh my god you pretended to date a 15-year-old and none of us questioned it? what was wrong with us?

hardball: honestly i don't know

 

beepbeep, hardball - Sat., June 3, 8:42 pm

beepbeep: you're not discreet lincoln

hardball: neither are you, señor 'i had a crush on nina for like 6 years and actively denied it for most of that time'

beepbeep: but i'm dating her now

hardball: shit u right

beepbeep: yesenia actually let julio date josé

hardball: josé……

beepbeep: from the liquor store

hardball: oh

hardball: well good for them

beepbeep: let's drink

hardball: hell yeah

 

Adults™ - Sun., June 4, 1:42 am

hamilham: @tailormade @tomfoolery @notjohnathan let's take everyone home and if lincoln or benny ask, we tell them what we saw

tomfoolery: 100% honesty?

hamilham: 100%

tailormade: got it

notjohnathan: got it

tomfoolery: got it

 

Adults™ - Sun., June 4, 10:36 am

hardball: my mouth tastes like ass

cafeconleche: yeah you'd know how thta tastes wouldn't you lincoln?

cafeconleche: no i have a headache

sunrise: beeny

beepbeep: beeny lol

sunrise: oh good ur alive

peggypeg: yo

deartheo: hi

getburrned: ughghghghghgh

tomfoolery: we're bringing food to yall and then going to our appointment

strawberryjem: wait what appointment

tailormade: alex n i are gonna see about therapy and then thomas wanted to hang out with mary so we're gonna go to lunch with her

bonjourbitch: we love you!

strawberryjem: have fun with mary!

 

tomfoolery, marywatson, hamilham, tailormade, notjohnathan - Sun., June 4, 10:39 am  
notjohnathan has renamed the chat to mary support squad

notjohnathan: @marywatson i told everyone in our adults only chat that u wanted to hang with thomas

marywatson: cool ill tell martha the same thing

tailormade: we'll be there in a bit

tomfoolery: we're getting food for hungover people

notjohnathan: @marywatson if u and/or ur friends wanna drink please tell me so that it can at least be in a controlled environment

marywatson: okay

hamilham: parenting™

marywatson: i'm getting anxious about this

tailormade: what's worrying you specifically?

marywatson: the fact that i let myself get to the point of being scared to ask my friends for help

hamilham: i feel that

hamilham: i know that it feels like you let yourself get like this, but it's not your fault. you brain gave you reasons not to ask for help, and you're not normally gonna question what your brain says

marywatson: oh

marywatson: thanks alex

hamilham: no problem mary

 

hardball, beepbeep, bonjourbitch - Sun., June 4, 1:42 pm

hardball: does anyone remember what happened last night

beepbeep: no?

bonjourbitch: no

bonjourbitch: i'm going back to sleep my head hurts again

beepbeep: same i ate and now im tired

hardball: okay

 

hardball, hamilham - Sun., June 4, 1:46 pm

hardball: alex did i kiss someone last night

hamilham: yes

hardball: was he cute

hamilham: yes

hardball: do you know who he is

hamilham: yes

hardball: do i know who he is

hamilham: yes

hardball: was it benny

hamilham: yes

hardball: shit

 

hardball, sunrise - Sun., June 4, 1:50 pm

hardball: nina there's something i need to tell you

sunrise: whats wrong

hardball: apparently i kissed benny last night

hardball: nina?

sunrise: apparently?

hardball: i remember kissing someone but i don't actually remember a face. alex told me i kissed benny

sunrise: you really still like him don't you

hardball: i'm sorry nina

sunrise: just answer me lincoln rosario

hardball: yes i still like him

sunrise: i give you permission to date him

hardball: oh my god really?

sunrise: yes i want you to be happy and if you've been into him all these years, you deserve to at least try with him

sunrise: you're not joining our relationship, though. you are a separate signif of benny's

hardball: nina you are the most amazing person i've ever shared a planet with

sunrise: i know

sunrise: come get your boy!

 

hardball, beepbeep - Sun., June 4, 1:55 pm

hardball: benny?

beepbeep: lincoln i think i did something bad last night

hardball: what happened

beepbeep: i think i might've kissed someone that i'm not dating

hardball: uh

hardball: yeah you did

beepbeep: oh god you were sober for that

hardball: i mean,,,,, no,,,,,,,,,,

beepbeep: then how do you know?

hardball' cause you kissed me

beepbeep: oh

hardball: you should talk to nina

beepbeep: i will

beepbeep: i'm sorry you probably have a boyfriend somewhere

hardball: hah no

beepbeep: what how

hardball: people don't like me?

beepbeep: how you're a catch

beepbeep: i'm gonna talk to nina

hardball: okay

 

mary support squad - Sun., June 4, 2:23 pm

marywatson has added gordonramsay to the chat

gordonramsay: what's this

marywatson: my support squad

gordonramsay: why do you need a support squad

hamilham: i'm here just fyi mary

notjohnathan: same

tailormade: hello

tomfoolery: hi

gordonramsay: why were they here before me?

marywatson: thomas and them took me to their mental health clinic because for a few months i've been having some bad thoughts and i thought i needed to get checked out

gordonramsay: is everything alright?

marywatson: the doctors are setting things up so that during my next appointment they can try to get me on medication and get me a therapist

gordonramsay: okay

gordonramsay: do you want me to go with you next time?

marywatson: no, i'm fine with john or thomas or alex or herc taking me

gordonramsay: okay

gordonramsay: keep me updated, please

marywatson: i will

marywatson: or someone will

 

the whole shebang - Sun., June 4, 7:47 pm

champagne: is this a thing now? we all get wasted and then don't talk to each other in favor of nursing hangovers?

angelbaby: yes now move closer i wanna lay on your lap

bond: you two are really cute i love it

champagne: thanks angel is pretty cute isnt she

angelbaby: oh my god

henren: im squealing this is adorable

beepbeep: i now have a boyfriend??????

champagne: WHAT

angelbaby: WHO

bond: i????

henren: ARE THERE MORE BI PEOPLE IN THIS GROUP THAN I THOUGHT

champagne: list of bisexuals:  
vanessa  
angelica  
henry

tailormade: list of bisexuals:  
vanessa  
angelica  
henry  
hercules

hamilham: list of bisexuals:  
vanessa  
angelica  
henry  
hercules  
alex  
lizze (technically shes pan)

beepbeep: list of bisexuals:  
vanessa  
angelica  
henry  
hercules  
alex  
lizzie the technical pan  
benny

cafeconleche: finally accepting your bisexuality?

beepbeep: fight me @cafeconleche

beepbeep: i'm dating lincoln

hamilham: I WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO KNOW I HAD A HAND IN THIS

sunrise: I DID TOO AND I'M VERY HAPPY FOR MY BROTHER AND HIS BOYFRIEND

marywatson: who's lincoln

hardball: me

gordonramsay: mary is our 12-year-old sister @bond is james @henren is henry

hardball: ah

hardball: hello

marywatson: hello

bond: hello

henren: hello

marywatson: congratulations for your boyfriend

hardball: thank you

marywatson: i'm going to bed

gordonramsay: goodnight mary! we love you!

notjohnathan: goodnight mary!

tomfoolery: goodnight mary!

strawberryjem: goodnight mary!

bonjourbitch: goodnight mary!

hamilham: goodnight mary!

beepbeep: goodnight mary!

henren: goodnight mary!

bond: goodnight mary!

angelbaby: goodnight mary!

littleliz: goodnight mary!

peggypeg: goodnight mary!

deartheo: goodnight mary!

getburrned: goodnight mary

champagne: goodnight mary!

marywatson: goodnight everyone

 

rowantheboat, gahlinda, marywatson- Sun., June 4, 7:47 pm

marywatson: so i went to a mental health clinic today

rowantheboat: how'd it go

marywatson: i have another proper appointment in three days

gahlinda: we're so proud of you mary

rowantheboat: that took a lot of courage

marywatson: thanks guys

marywatson: i'm going to bed

gahlinda: goodnight mary

rowantheboat: we love you

marywatson: <3

 

Adults™ - Fri., June 9, 5:01 pm

gordonramsay: @hamilham @tailormade @bonjourbitch @tomfoolery @strawberryjem @notjohnathan Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS ARE LATE

strawberryjem: by a single minute we're parking

gordonramsay: PARK FASTER

bonjourbitch: martha dear

bonjourbitch: there are so many fucking people here relax for half a second please

gordonramsay: NO

tailormade: haha slight emergency alex had a minor panic attack so me and them will be late but the rest are going

gordonramsay: take your time i won't yell i promise

tailormade: alex said that actually helped a little

gordonramsay: if you need to skip on this go ahead, i'll take pictures

hamilham: thanks martha

tailormade: we're walking to a cafe to get water

 

Adults™ - Fri., June 9, 5:01 pm

tailormade: alex was shaken up pretty bad by that attack so we're gonna chill here

gordonramsay: cool

bonjourbitch: babes they had to bring in extra chairs for us

strawberryjem: we're also the biggest party for one person

hamilham: who's there again?

tomfoolery: me and the babes, martha james mary, vanessa usnavi, schuylers, peggy's signifs and lincoln

hamilham: jesuis christ

bonjourbitch: tu est christ

hamilham: combat-moi

bonjourbitch: no

tomfoolery: don't be rude to my boyfriends

tomfoolery: i mean datemates sorry

bonjourbitch: i'm okay with being your boyfriend instead of your datemate

hamilham: i am not tho

tomfoolery: got it

notjohnathan: the principal keeps glaring at us

bonjourbitch: gtg gtg gtg gtg gtg

hamilham: heh nerds

hamilham: i love you all <3

 

Adults™ - Fri., June 9, 7:12 pm

notjohnathan: i'm meeting friends that i didn't know henry had

prettyboy: he might've told me about them what are their names

notjohnathan: michael and jeremy?

prettyboy: yeah he told me about them

prettyboy: apparently jeremy had something bad happen at his last school so he and his dad moved here halfway through junior year and michael (who is jeremy's boyfriend) is emancipated and came with him

notjohnathan: that sounds,,,,,,,, dramatic

notjohnathan: they're cool tho

notjohnathan: video game nerds

prettyboy: tell everyone i say hi and congrats to henry

notjohnathan: i will!

 

Adults™ - Fri., June 9, 7:37 pm

notjohnathan has added henren to the chat

henren: ooh the adults chat

champagne: literally we just swear in here

tailormade: yeah none of us have talked about our sex lives yet

tomfoolery: yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

gordonramsay: no we have a streak and we're not breaking it

tomfoolery: yes martha

tailormade: yes martha

henren: what a welcome

 

henren, playerone, playertwo - Fri., June 9, 7:43 pm

henren: so is jeremy player two because hes the bottom

playertwo: hdgfjlksjjflghs

playerone: yes ;))))

playertwo: asdggkgllMICHAEL

henren: he's just warming up for tonight

playertwo: IM GONNA THROW MYSELF OUT OF THIS CAR

playerone: you know i love you babe

playertwo: i love you too

henren: ugh gross

playerone: we love you too henry!!!!!

playertwo: !!!!!!

henren: g r o s s

henren: jk yall are cool

playerone: hey did i ever tell you about the time jeremy left me a present for when i came home and it was nude pics of himself

playertwo: i'm leaving you

henren: IM CHOKING TO DEATH MY SISTER IS CONCERNED FOR MY WELL-BEING

playertwo: i hope you keep choking

playerone: babe

playertwo: sorry

henren: im still alive

henren: i have screenshots >:)

playertwo: michael my love

playertwo: you've ruined me

playertwo: i must escape my shame

henren: oh my god you losers

playerone: losers do it best

henren: doesn't jeremy only have girls to compare you to

playertwo: don't bring up my mistakes

playerone: no shame in that babe! and that was during The Bad Time so like i don't really count it?

henren: yall never really told me what happened then

playertwo: you'd never believe us

henren: try me

playerone: must reach level 200 friend to unlock tragic backstory

henren: what friend level am i at

playertwo: you are level 10 friend

henren: i feel like i should be offended

playerone: probably

playertwo: no! level 10 friend is pretty high when it comes to us!

playerone: only cause we've only ever had each other as friends

playertwo: i wouldn't have it any other way, you're my favorite person <3

playerone: <3

henren: my sister just asked me what i'm smiling at and i told her "two idiots that are clearly very in love"

playerone: awwww

playertwo: your siblings and everyone were super cool

henren: thanks, it was a front we're all a giant disaster

playerone: believable

henren: we should hang tomorrow since we're adults now

playerone: dank

playertwo: yeah that sounds cool

henren: nice i'll steal marthas car and we can hang at the park

playertwo: my dad will probably wanna do something before so when?

henren: like 2 cause i wake up at 11 am anyway

playerone: relatable

henren: so i'll catch yall around 2?

playertwo: yeah

playerone: yup

henren: cool

playerone: y'ain't

playertwo: y'alln't'd've

henren: whomst'dn't've

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i started writing this is was the week of Not Finals  
> at the time that i'm writing this note, it's the Week Of Finals  
> by them time i've posted this it's After Finals  
> i've got a lot of Things happening rn and it's making my anxiety reach heights that its never gone before
> 
> in other news i've thrown be more chill into this fic  
> this is becoming simultaneously more niche of a fic and more all-inclusive  
> i need to rename it,,,,,,,


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEET  
> I HAVE WIFI WOOOO  
> im in a hotel of sorts  
> waiting to move  
> im sorry that i havent updated in like nine years

bond, marywatson - Thurs., June 22, 2:58 pm

marywatson: james theres a letter for you on the counter

bond: why didnt you just yell for me

marywatson: dolley and martha are napping on the couch

bond: oh

bond: dolleys been staying over more often than normal

marywatson: do you think theyre gonna get married

bond: probably. they seem really happy together

marywatson: come get your letter you lazy butt

bond: coming

marywatson: why did you just run back to your room i wanna see!!!

bond: i dont know what it is so if its something bad i dont want you to see it

marywatson: i wanna see!!!!

bond: wait i thought you typed with proper grammar and everything

marywatson: no thats only for the adults that i want to make an impression on

bond: ???? but everybody already loves you

marywatson: yes but if i type with proper grammar and stuff the adults will inherently think im sweet and innocent and good and i wont get in trouble as bad for stuff

bond: dang thats a good idea

marywatson: whats your letter!!!

bond: its from my friends

marywatson: you have friends?

bond: rude

bond: these guys connor and jared

marywatson: ooh cool

bond: i would add you to our group chat but martha would murder me

marywatson: she wouldnt know

bond: true

bond: but also all we do is swear and make dirty jokes

marywatson: :/ fine

bond: sorry mary

bond: maybe in the future

bond: theyre messaging me now give me one moment

 

try to be more ''''nice'''' - Thurs., June 22, 3:12 pm

chic: hey james did you get our letter

bond: yeah

chic: and?

bond: honestly?

chic: yeah

bond: this sounds like a really bad idea

calvinklein: told you

chic: shut up kleinman

chic: why is it a bad idea

bond: you literally punched and pushed evan in front of other people before????? you had to explain that letter situation because he was too scared of what your parents would say and you yelled at him for it????? he cant be in the same room as you without at least one panic attack and a lot of tears?????

bond: it took you long enough to get jared to trust you

chic: its a pecking order

chic: start with jared whos just an asshole, go to evan whos anxious as fuck, then end with zoe who wants me dead

bond: no i think thats wrong

chic: ??????

bond: id go with zoe first, then evan

calvinklein: told you x2

chic: shut

chic: up

chic: why should i get zoe to trust me first

bond: she just hates you

bond: evan on the other hand is fucking terrified of you

bond: neither will be alone with you but we wont have to spend 45 minutes to an hour calming zoe down from a panic attack

bond: probably

chic: fuck

chic: fine

bond: also why are you asking me and not your literal therapist

chic: she doesnt understand why i want to fix things with everyone

chic: she wants me medicated and watched 24/7

calvinklein: wait what

chic: i told you this you dumbass

calvinklein: you very specifically did not

bond: the therapist is doing what she does

bond: connor do your parents know about any of this?

chic: why would they give a shit?

bond: they wouldnt and might stop you which is why i asked

bond: how is home life anyway

chic: too many topics james slow down

bond: sorry

bond: is there a list

chic: get your approval (or not) on my friend plan, updates on therapy, home stuff

bond: okay so you got my opinion on your friend plan

bond: what are you gonna do though

chic: im going with your plan

chic: it makes more sense

bond: okay thats squared away

bond: what are your therapy updates?

chic: the therapist wants to add a medication to my routine, she doesn't believe that im gonna try to get zoe to trust me, she doesn't think that my parents giving up on me is making my psyche worse

bond: why does she want you on more medication?

chic: she thinks im more suicidal than before

bond: does she have a reason or is it because of the 911 night you had

chic: pretty sure its the 911 night

bond: if youre okay with it i think showing her these chats of ours would prove youve got a good system going and that one 911 night after three months of being  
clean is better than no 911 nights at all

calvinklein: can i interrupt

chic: sure

calvinklein: whats a 911 night

chic: a 911 time is when im feeling an urge of any strength to cut or kill myself or go back to doing drugs

calvinklein: oh

bond: connor was clean of cutting and drugs for three months, then had a 911 night like two weeks ago

bond: no one was there to help him since it was 3 am though

calvinklein: oh that makes sense

calvinklein: 3 months is good tho dude

chic: thanks

bond: why dont you want this new med connor

chic: side effects

bond: ???

chic: side effects include, among other things, vomiting, nausea, weakened immune system, heightened anxiety, lowered appetite, and depressive episodes

bond: oh

bond: wow

chic: yeah so i told her i wouldnt take them

bond: what did she say

chic: she gave me a months worth 'trial'

bond: are you taking them

chic: no

bond: take them for a week and if they dont help, tell her

chic: if i tell her they dont work shell up the dose james

bond: so then tell her that youre worried about the side effects and what theyll do to your recovering health

chic: fuck youre right

bond: second thing: she doesn't think you want to fix things with zoe?????????

chic: no

bond: do you know why?

chic: no

bond: have you explained how you used to treat zoe and why?

chic: yes

bond: jesus

chic: i know

chic: i just wanted to complain

bond: okay last thing

bond: what the fuck kinda therapist doesn't get that neglect affects someone's psyche???????

chic: i! dont'! know!

chic: i need a new therapist

chic: maybe i'll steal more of my parents money and skip town

bond: connor dont do it

chic: fine

chic: okay therapy updates are done

bond: home life time?

chic: yeah

bond: whats going on

chic: my dad wont talk to me and my mom doesnt pay attention to the fact that im going to therapy when shes planning stuff

bond: yeesh

bond: wait dont they have their own therapy thing

chic: not anymore

bond: ????

chic: they stopped going

chic: not that it matters

bond: no it does matter!

chic: not if they still give a shit about images!

chic: please dont stop talking to me im sorry i got angry

bond: no im still here!

bond: youre allowed to be angry about your parents

bond: i was talking to martha

bond: you keep saying you wanna get out of there but you dont wanna get charged for stealing your parents money right

chic: yeah

bond: my sister said we could take you in

chic: what?

bond: for your therapy to really pay off you need to be out of that hell house

bond: why not stay with us? 

chic: james i dont know your family and you guys live in new york

bond: were rich as heck as it is, we can afford you

chic: i mean i used to disappear for like weeks on end anyway and no one really noticed until zoe brought up the fact that she hadnt gotten woken up by me pounding on her door and a death threat in a while

bond: so you pack your bags, go to work, well drive down and pick you up, and then call your parents so that martha/i can explain the situation

bond: and potentially guilt trip them into going back to parenting therapy

chic: fuck it why not

chic: better than here

chic: thanks james

bond: no problem

chic: its late as hell i gotta eat something

bond: did you not eat lunch?

chic: no

bond: i just sighed really dramatically

chic: im t r y i n g james

bond: no not that i know youre trying

bond: its just that martha will force feed you her girlfriends cooking

chic: jesus christ

bond: yeah this what you signed up for

 

tree-huggers anonymous - Thurs., July 26, 6:38 pm

evanhandbag: connor just got into a car that i've never seen before do you know if he's okay

bond: yeah hes fine im in the car

evanhandbag: did you just kidnap him

bond: no were kind of adopting him until

bond: well

bond: forever if dolley and martha get their way

evanhandbag: why

bond: i can taste the displeasure in that text wow

bond: his home situation is basically rendering his therapy useless so were taking him in

evanhandbag: do his parents kow about this?

bond: not yet

bond: were gonna call them and martha will explain the situation and we'll potentially get them to get parenting help so they dont fuck zoe up too

evanhandbag: why are you helping him

bond: because hes trying to get better and i figured if this was his choice i should help him

evahandbag: he's trying to get better?

bond: @calvinklein dont you fucking dare tell connor about any of this

calvinklein: cross my heart dude

bond: @evanhandbag connor wants to try and be friends with you

bond: he's working his way up from jared to zoe to you

evanhandbag: why

bond: hes trying to get better

bond: hes been taking meds for depression and going to therapy and hes set up a system for if he starts relapsing

bond: hes really trying with this

evanhandbag: why does he care about any of that

calvinklein: i may or may not have pressured him into it after the letter thing

evanhandbag: oh my god

bond: you okay?

evanhandbag: yeah im just surprised that jared got him to do it

calvinklein: it took fucking forever and then like nine weeks later he came up to me at school and apologized for being a dick and asked to be friends

evanhandbag: wow

calvinklein: hes doing really well

bond: yeah

evanhandbag: well good luck to him

evanhandbag: i gotta go home now

evanhandbag: bye guys

 

try to be more ''''nice'''' - Thurs., July 26, 6:59 pm

bond: okay i appreciate what you were trying to do there but are you sure that was a good idea connor

calvinklein: ??????

chic: well you guys never tell me what evan really thinks of me so i decided to check myself

chic: also again im sorry for being an ass to you for so long, jared

calvinklein: nothing to apologize for

calvinklein: i was too

calvinklein: but also what did i just miss

chic: i used james's phone to text evan and kinda figure out what he thinks about me

chic: not as bad as i thought

bond: he doesnt ever say what he truly thinks bc Anxiety but im pretty sure its a lot worse than that

chic: well either way if you keep giving him updates on how im going im pretty sure he'll warm up eventually

calvinklein: eventually

chic: but first

chic: i put my house number into your phone

bond: here goes nothing

calvinklein: whats going on

chic: speakerphone is so crap tbh

chic: mom was like "are you gonna tell me youre not coming home tonight" and i said yeah and she was like "why" and then james jumped in like "hello ma'am you dont know me but i'm connor's friend james and my sister and guardian martha would like to talk to you about your son"

chic: mom: what do you mean she wants to talk about connor  
martha: im aware that your son is in therapy but his home life is making his therapy useless essentially so we've decided to take him in until he can stand on his own two feet  
mom: *stuttering*

calvinklein: jesus

chic: james: mrs murphy, connor has been very open and honest with me and another friend about his treatments and how he sees his home situation and from what he's told us, you and your husband haven't been the most helpful or attentive to his needs.

chic: james: i understand that how he treated you in the past warrants no sympathy but as he is trying to get better, i think he deserves some help or at least parental acknowledgement in his achievements. he was three months clean from suicidal acts and drug use, and that is an incredible feat

calvinklein: when did james get so good at talking

chic: mom: connor are you still there  
me: yeah  
mom: you can't blame me! you didn't talk to me

bond: connors getting angry im gonna type this out now  
bond: me: ma'am he told us that you often change the subject when he tries to talk about his therapy or his discomfort with a therapist. if you would please listen, we would be able to tell you all of the reasons why he is coming to live with us.  
mrs m: *stuttering again*

calvinklein: this is like a frickin soap opera

calvinklein: also connors mom is so full of it

bond: martha: mrs murphy, my brother has shown me his chat with connor and their friend jared, and from that, i can gather that he is coming to live with us because you are not supportive of his attempts at improving his behavior and mental health, his therapist isn't helping as much as she could be, and he's already expressed a desire to leave on multiple occasions, but had no means of doing so as his only friend was jared, whose parents could not afford another person in the house.

bond: martha: we, however, are well-off enough that we can support connor in all his needs. we can provide a home, food, a proper therapist, and a well-structured support system for him as long as he wishes us to.

bond: martha: we will have a conversation with him about visits with family and friends, but currently, our priority was getting him out of a toxic situation.

bond: martha: any questions?

calvinklein: jesus christ

bond: marthas good at talking

bond: which is where i get it

bond: god knows i dont get it from my father

calvinklein: whats happening

bond: mrs m: *stuttering for like three whole minutes*  
mrs m: i do NOT support this! bring my son back right this instant!  
connor: *really angry but not yelling* mom, im an adult. you cant make me come back, not if i got approval from my therapist. *waves a random paper around bc he didnt actually get approval from his therapist*  
mrs m: *offended huff* fine. *hangs up*

chic: oh my god i could kill her where does she finally get the balls to be a mom

chic: this is bullshit

bond: hey but now youre out

bond: marthas hyped as fuck to have someone else in the house mostly cause she wants more free babysitting for mary

chic: im not good with kids

bond: youll love mary tho

chic: whatever

chic: im taking a nap

chic: wake me up when we get there

bond: sure thing

calvinklein: have a good nap dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because why would i Not add another musical with a completely different plotline


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hit a road block here so this is what yall get  
> sorry

romance squad - Tues., Aug. 15, 10:31 am

notjohnathan: hey remember when we talked about being in a fanfic

tomfoolery: yes vividly

hamilham: Existential Crisis Time

notjohnathan: what if every time we stop talking for any amoubt of time its our author taking a break or having a meltdown or something

hamilham has added getburrned to the chat

hamilham: hey aaron john is talking about of were all really in a fanfic and since we literally just had this convo like ten minutes ago i thought youd wanna join

getburrned: oh yeah i was saying that if we are in a story then our romances and disasters and moods are probably in line with the authors own moods and desires

notjohnathan: also like what if all the secret chats all of us are Definitely Not In are important to the plot of our lives

bonjourbitch: what if there isnt even a plot to our stories

bonjourbitch: what if all of this is an accident

tailormade: i wouldnt be surprised if all of our lives were started by accident tbh

strawberryjem: i mean really everything is an accident in this universe cause its reflective and indifferent just like a mirror

hamilham: good talk

 

hamilham, littleliz - Wed., Aug. 16, 12:38 am

hamilham: okay so its late as frick but do you ever feel like all of our time is being taken up by our romantic relationships and other peoples romantic relationships? cause like you and i havent hung out together in

hamilham: fuck its literally been years

hamilham: lizzie we gotta hang out soon

littleliz: yeah i feel that sometimes

littleliz: maybe we should hang out soon

littleliz: we could go to our park and just goof off like we used to

hamilham: thag sounds great honestly

littleliz: should we do it this weekend?

hamilham: yeah i have no plans

littleliz: cool

littleliz: now go to bed alex

hamilham: goodnight my darling wife <3

littleliz: <3 <3 <3

 

beepbeep, hardball - Wed., Aug. 16, 1:37 pm

beepbeep: hey lincoln? can i talk to you about something?

hardball: yeah sure. whats up?

beepbeep: i was thinking about how we worked out. nina gave us permission to date, but i dont think shes been all that happy lately. do you think shes mad at us for dating?

hardball: ive been thinking the same thing. shes always been happy, but she seems a little down lately.

beepbeep: she peggy and theo have been talking a lot recently. they lock themselves in one of the rooms for hours at a time. im worried.

hardball: im worried too. im working right now, though. sorry benny. ill talk to you later

hardball is offline

beepbeep: i want to break up.

 

shooylers - Thurs., Aug. 17, 7:25 pm

angelbaby: so i just got an email from a very Professional Sounding company and theyre offering me a job

littleliz: oh wow

peggypeg: holy hecc

angelbaby: in england

littleliz: oh

peggypeg: oh

peggypeg: well this is a cool travelling opportunity!

angelbaby: im gonna take the job. i already emailed them back.

littleliz: that's really cool angel!

peggypeg: what are you gonna tell vanessa and usnavi?

angelbaby: thats what i was gonna ask you

angelbaby: vanessa and i havent been dating for all that long, and usnavi is basically my best friend at this point. how are we gonna work out a long distance?

peggypeg: well for one: talk to them. youre probably gonna see them later as it is. two: keep up contact. pictures and videos and emails can help. also, visiting them as much as possible will help out.

angelbaby: okay. thanks peggy. ill talk to them in a bit.

peggypeg: good luck sis

 

the three chocolatiers - Thurs., Aug. 17, 7:47 pm

sunrise: was that your sisters

peggypeg: yeah but theres no problems.

deartheo: so back to ninas problems.

sunrise: which ones lol

deartheo: the benny ones

sunrise: i dont think benny and i are very good together anymore. i feel like i have to choose between you two and him, and if im being honest, id choose you two.

peggypeg: i agree with you, honestly. i dont think itll work out.

deartheo: but what about living quarters

peggypeg: this apartment is in my name, and benny still has his

deartheo: oh. right

deartheo: i liked it when us three were the relationship. i feel like with aaron, we've already peaked, and now we're just waiting until we slow to a stop. i think the stop is coming up.

peggypeg: are you both sure this is what you feel and not something stemming from boredom or stress?

deartheo: im sure. aaron and i peaked in college. theres nowhere else for us to go.

sunrise: i dont know. i feel really strongly about this, though

peggypeg: to both of you: if your boyfriends proposed, what would you say?

deartheo: no.

sunrise: i would say no

peggypeg: this should help you orient yourself. do you not want to get married or just not want to get married to them?

deartheo: both.

sunrise: just to him.

sunrise: dios mio, i didnt know that i was so ready to break up with benny.

sunrise: this is stressing me out. can we just watch clueless and forget about this for a while?

peggypeg: sure. ill make popcorn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnnnnnnnnnnn bad mood bad mood bad mood  
> these notes are my fucking diary now i stg  
> ANYWAY  
> guess who starts school tomorrow (mon aug 28)  
> guess who can feel the anxiety and desire for death descending upon them?


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really trying with this i promise you  
> i just have like,,,,,,, no energy or motivation to write sometimes and its hard to come up with something that i dont hate  
> bear with me please

romance squad - Sun., Oct. 1, 9:48 am

getburrned: okay i know none of you meant to keep me in this chat but theres something i need help with

tomfoolery: whats wrong

getburrned: theo told me that she doesn't think our relationship is going anywhere

tomfoolery: okay,,,,,,,

getburrned: she said she wanted to break up with me

tomfoolery: ouch

tomfoolery: well you cant exactly keep her in a relationship she isnt happy in

getburrned: i know

getburrned: i just dont know how to feel because we've been dating for years

getburrned: but the weirdest thing is that even though this relationship is comfortable, its not really

getburrned: its not fun anymore

getburrned: its like the places you used to go as a kid. theyre still really cool objectively, but now that youre an adult, they dont hold that much appeal anymore

tomfoolery: are you just having a crisis about this because of how habitual it is to be dating theo?

getburrned: youre almost as good at this as the others

tomfoolery: i try

tomfoolery: so what are you gonna do?

getburrned: right now im gonna move all of little theos stuff to peggys apartment

getburrned: im not the only one that thinks it would be weird if i kept her right

tomfoolery: nah i think its best if theo keeps her

getburrned: i guess ill message you in a bit

 

getburrned, deartheo - Sun., Oct. 1, 9:53 am

getburrned: are you at peggys

deartheo: yeah

getburrned: can you help me move little theos stuff

deartheo: why

getburrned: i think it would be weord if i kept a dog named after a girlfriend i used to have

deartheo: okay

deartheo: you know we can still be friends right? its not like i hate you are anything

getburrned: yeah i get that, but things are… a little weird right now

getburrned: please dont be offended if i dont talk to you for a little

deartheo: i wont

deartheo: i do still think youre wonderful, and someone will be lucky to get you

deartheo: also little theo will miss her dad

getburrned: true. ill miss having her around too honestly

deartheo: theo was a little loud for you tho, right? maybe you can get a cat

getburrned: ooh good idea

 

Adulting™ - Sun., Oct. 1, 9:53 am  
notjohnathan has added chic to the chat

nothjohnathan: i just realized we never added connor to this chat even tho he qualifies

angelbaby: tbh connor is more in control of his own life than all of us combined

champagne: tru

chic: what in the fuck

chic: 1) nice to know im remembered 2) what the fuck no im not

angelbaby: idk ur trying to take charge of ur own recovery and ur the most mature

chic: im not mature im too tired from trying to fix my fucked up psyche to be a teenager

angelbaby: oh

 

try to be more ''''nice'''' - Sun., Oct. 1, 10:00 am

chic: @bond where are u

bond: dead mostly

calvinklein: u good?

bond: i think i have the flu

chic: oh i think i heard u run to the bathroom earlier

chic: that was like 3 hours ago

bond: wheres martha

chic: she stayed at dolleys last night remember

bond: fuck

bond: can u call her

chic: sure

chic: do u need anything besides a coffin

bond: i think im done expelling my insides so can u make me some plain toast or something please

bond: im starving but food that has flavor makes me want death even more

chic: got it

chic: give me a moment

 

romance squad - Sun., Oct. 1, 10:37 am

notjohnathan: james is sick

hamilham: whoch james

notjohnathan: surprisingly both

tailormade: wtf

notjohnathan: i just got a call from martha and i walked in on our james on the couch with tissues and nyquil on hand

strawberryjem: sorry

tomfoolery: nothing to be sorry for baby

strawberryjem: but laf had plans

bonjourbitch: plans can wait. we're gonna take care of you

strawberryjem: thomas

tomfoolery: coming

tomfoolery: james is used to me being the one to take care of him. sorry

hamilham: its okay

 

the deadest of dead chats - Sun., Oct. 1, 10:37 am  
notjohnathan has added chic to the chat

notjohnathan: well if anyone had plans u gotta postpone or cancel

deartheo: ????

sunrise: are you guys okay?

tailormade: mostly

tailormade: both jameses are sick

peggypeg: oh shit

tailormade: yeah

hamilham: if yall thought i was bad when someone is sick

hamilham: heresjohnny.jpg

champagne: is that all medicine???

bonjourbitch: and three boxes of tissues

chic: do not make james take medicine john

notjohnathan: ????

chic: hes already taken the higest dose of whatever martha had in the cabinet

chic: also this isnt a cold this is like,,,,,,,, food poisoning

hamilham: what did he eat wtf

henren: i fucking told him that the milk was bad

henren: asshole doesnt listen

gordonramsay: dont swear in here there are children

henren: marys the only kid and shes heard me swear before marth

marywatson: I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.

notjohnathan: im coming over martha

gordonramsay: okay

 

gordonramsay, hamilham, bomjourbitch, tomfoolery, strawberryjem, tailormade - Sun., Oct. 1, 11:47 pm

gordonramsay: john is panicking what do

tailormade: what kind of panicking

gordonramsay: idk hes sitting really still and breathin hard

hamilham: in his blue drawstring bag there should be a little clock thing

gordonramsay: what do i do with it

hamilham: wind it as far as itll go and hand it to john

gordonramsay: he snatched it outta my grip

bonjourbitch: good that means hes still okayish

gordonramsay: um.jpg

bonjourbitch: relatively speaking

gordonramsay: does he do this a lot?

tomfoolery: it comes and goes from what ive seen

bonjourbitch: sometimes he gets Higher anxiety and he starts talking realy fast and sometimes in Not English

hamilham: the worst hes ever gotten around me was the time when he came out to yalls dad and he started yelling at the wall in spanish

gordonramsay: out of genuine fear and curiosity, how many languages do you all speak collectively?

tailormade: four

tailormade: five if you count irish

hamilham: ????

tomfoolery: babe,,,,, irish isnt a language

tomfoolery: its an accent you get when you get Excited

tailormade: laf should i

bonjourbitch: yes

hamilham: w h at j u s t h a p p e n e d

bonjourbitch: 1) thomas has a language kink 2) hercules does speak more than one language but since he doesnt have a lot of reason to use his irish he only talks to his family with it

bonjourbitch: except for the one time that he started flirting with me while he was drunk

bonjourbitch: whenever its just us he tells me stories in irish

gordonramsay: 1) didnt need to know that 2) what the f u c k

 

beepbeep, sunrise - Sun., Oct. 15, 4:06 am

beepbeep: niba

sunrise: what the f u c k benny

beepbeep: i legt lincolm

sunrise: what?

beepbeep: i

beepbeep: left

beepbeep: lincoin

sunrise: benny, its four am

sunrise: where are you

beepbeep: ileft hisbbed lasrr night

sunrise: benny turn autocorrect on

beepbeep: its on

sunrise: why did you leave lincoln

beepbeep: i liked him and then i didnt

sunrise: why dont you like him anymore?

beepbeep: mhe ignores me nina

beepbeep: he doesnt relly care about me

beepbeep: he just likes having a boyfriend

beepbeep: i just liked knowing that i like boys

beepbeep: we're not good nina

sunrise: okay

sunrise: do you need a place to stay?

beepbeep: no i can go home

sunrise: it's early benny. be careful

sunrise: i'll come by later and we can talk, okay?

beepbeep: okay

sunrise: i love you benny

beepbeep: you dont have to say that

beepbeep: i know it not true anymore

sunrise: we'll talk later, okay?

beepbeep: okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats that smell it smells like plot  
> well it was plot giving off that smell  
> the problem with Me is that i get all these great plot ideas, write them down, and then immediately forget they exist  
> also please leave me comments i live for them


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn this is so badddddd

the deadest of dead chats - Fri., Oct. 20, 2:37 pm

hamilham: someome update me on life

tomfoolery: ?????

hamilham: i have so many questions tbh

hamilham: who is dating in this group of friends? why isnt henry in college? how is connor doing? how is mary? how is everyone doing? how is angel and her girlfriend hmbd her girlfriends boyfriendm how are the schuylers doing? what is the mental state ofeveryome in this chat? wjat is peggy doing with her life? has eliza quit er shotty job yet? how is school going for james? how is peggys top surgery going? are the laurenses okay about what happened with their dad?

champagne: you okay alex?

bonjourbitch: let them live, chere

tailormade: just update them on what you can

champagne: okay

champagne: im dating usnavi and angelica, who are not dating each other

deartheo: nina, peggy, and i have closed our relationship to just ourselves

tomfoolery: obviously, all six of us are dating each other

gorgeous: im married to my carlita <3

paintcans: engaged to the most amazing person ive ever met

prettyboy: <3

beepbeep: single

getburrned: single

hardball: yeah the rest of us are single

henren: i havent started college yet because im taking a martha-approved gap year to learn how to adult

chic: therapy and shit is going so slowly that im tempted to rip my eyeballs out but james and martha and henry and mary are helping a lot

marywatson: Speaking of me, my therapist quit his job with no notice, so I have no therapy for a while.

marywatson: I hated him anyway, and he didn't help at all.

angelbaby: i have a job offer from a company in england that i accepted

angelbaby: its a three-year position. i start in february

littleliz: what the f u c k angel you didnt say that it started so soon

peggypeg: i think i can say that collectively the schuyler sisters are emotional

peggypeg: as for what i'm doing with my life

peggypeg: i stopped jumping around from job to job and decided to use my IT degree and get a job Somewhere

peggypeg: which happens to be Daddy Washington's Whore House

bonjourbitch: you still haven't changed that?

peggypeg: nah

hamilham: please do not ever make me read that again

hamilham: wait you're gonna be working with us

peggypeg: in like three weeks

hamilham: holy shit why didn't i know this

tailormade: you were having a breakdown when peggy announced it

hamilham: what the f u c k

littleliz: i have yet to quit my job, mostly because i have no other prospects

littleliz: but i do like the idea of not having to constantly get headaches from the screams of children

cafeconleche: um,,,,,,,

littleliz: i work at a daycare place, im not murdering children

cafeconleche: oh

littleliz: as much as i love kids, they do start to grate on you after a bit

littleliz: although i have been thinking about working at a library since theo and i talked about it

deartheo: its nice if a little dusty

littleliz: just like my social skills

tomfoolery: eliza no

jamesbond: school is going Okay for me tbh

jamesbond: this school is not nearly as difficult as my old school

peggypeg: considering the fact that i haven't gotten my life together enough to set a date for my actual surgery, its going okay-ish.

peggypeg: what happened with the laurenses

hamilham: oops

gordonramsay: its good alex

notjohnathan: our dad visited a while ago and was gonna stay the weekend but got called away

gordonramsay: yeah, but he did say he wanted to visit during thanksgiving or christmas

hamilham: visit as in just the kiddos or all of us

notjohnathan: he's gonna have to deal with all of us or else he's not allowed back

bonjourbitch: hercules get your ass over here we gotta cuddle john

notjohnathan: not necessarily

hamilham: do you not want us to?

notjohnathan: well… i didnt say that

 

romance squad - Wed., Oct. 25, 6:27 pm

getburrned: the world is against me amd i domt know where to go but here

tailormade: come to mama hercules aaron

tailormade: tell me your problems

getburrned: so yknow how thomas sanders has his sanders sides videos

tailormade: yeahh?

getburrned: so he just put out the second part of his 'moving on' video and i swear that god is trying to tell me something

tailormade: what do you think that something is?

getburrned: idk probably to get over theo already

tailormade: it hasnt been that long

tailormade: also, it could just be a coincidence, aaron

tailormade: i know that cosmic signs are a thing with you, but its okay to not take something as a sign

tailormade: it could just be a universal accident

getburrned: i guess youre right

getburrned: i just cant seem to stop thinking about her

tailormade: are you surprised? you didnt hate her, you just outgrew each other. i wouldnt be surprised if she was telling her girlfriends that she can't stop thinking about you.

getburrned: this is a weird request but can you… come and hang out with me for a while?

tailormade: sure, ive been meaning to give you something anyway

getburrned: im already excited, i love your presents.

 

three chocolatiers - Thurs., Nov. 16, 8:37 pm

peggypeg: nina, honey, please unlock the door

deartheo: nina? what happened? you don't have to tell us, but we want to make sure you're alright, honey

sunrise: i broke up with benny

peggypeg: you're sobbing really hard and it's worrying me please open the door

deartheo: what else happened?

sunrise: he knew that i didn't love him anymore, but other than that, he smiled and said that he was completely okay with it and i don't know why but that just hurt me

sunrise: can we talk about this later? i just want to cuddle and forget about it for a while

peggypeg: yes, of course

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo  
> nov 19 is my birthday so i wanted to do something special  
> however, this will be a two-parter  
> *shrug*

romance squad - Sun., Nov. 19, 4:23 am

notjohnathan: james? are you alright?

strawberryjem: i can't sleep

notjohnathan: why didn't you say something? i'm always awake

strawberryjem: i didn't wanna bother you

notjohnathan: you could never bother me, baby

strawberryjem: i'm coming to cuddle you

notjohnathan: nice

strawberryjem: what are you working on

notjohnathan: letters

strawberryjem: ooh who are you writing to

notjohnathan: no one in particular

strawberryjem: you're a horrible liar sometimes, yknow that?

notjohnathan: you better be bringing me my blanket

strawberryjem: i am

notjohnathan: god bless

 

romance squad - Sun., Nov. 19, 9:29 am

notjohnathan: good morning my loves! <3

strawberryjem: john and i have a very special surprise for you! <3

tailormade: i am immediately somewhat nervous

tailormade: also i'm the only one awake

notjohnathan: go back to sleep!

tailormade: nah i'm hungry

strawberryjem: we made breakfast so come help yourself! <33333

tailormade: yesss you are wonderful, both of you

strawberryjem: i also made you that coffee blend that you liked and couldn't figure out again

tailormade: I LOVE YOU

strawberryjem: i love you too, you addict

 

romance squad - Sun., Nov. 19, 11:47 am

bonjourbitch: i'm tired of my username

bonjourbitch has changed their username to lounge pants

lounge pants: now my soul is expressed through my user

tailormade: laf,,,,,,,,, you have broken,,,,,,,, the Golden rule

lounge pants: i accept my fate. i was wholly aware of my decision

tailormade: We Must Execute You Now

tomfoolery: waht is hapen

hamilham: tired tommy is so fUCKing cute someone kill me

tomfoolery: fught meeeee

notjohnathan: im sure that's not what he meant but okay

tomfoolery: yall can joaiuij

strawberryjem: ??????

notjohnathan: alex did that Thing with their tongue and tommy spazzed

strawberryjem: can i join

hamilham: yall are welcome to

tailormade: cOMING

strawberryjem: you will be

tailormade: be there in a minute i gotta fight jemmy

 

romance squad - Sun., Nov. 19, 12:59 pm

hamilham: so uh,,,,,,,

hamilham: what was that surprise you wanted to tell us about?

tailormade: jem?

strawberryjem: we'd have to go downstairs for the full effect

lounge pants: am i still gonna be executed

tomfoolery: whats that about anyway

notjohnathan: rule of ours

notjohnathan: no spaces in users

hamilham: tho since laf broke that rule i guess its irrelevant now

strawberryjem: wait but no one in the squad has spaces in their users

 

tailormade: yeah we told everyone about it

tomfoolery: except us apparently

lounge pants: actually i think i remember john telling you but then alex sat in jemmy's lap and hercules started kissing tommy and the rest was a blur

tomfoolery: oh

strawberryjem: are we going downstairs at all today

notjohnathan: meh

notjohnathan: probably not

tailormade: fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed my soft gays  
> theyre really very sweet in this bit


	53. A Letter From The Author

Hey guys. I would love for this to be a long chapter with some little apology about being late, but i dont have the energy for even a regular chapter. Things aren't going well for me. Hopefully I'll be able to come back to this in the future, but for now, this story is going on hiatus. Thank you for reading this up to this point. Thank you for all the lovely comments. Thank you for your support and constructive criticism. I couldn't wish for a nicer audience.  
See y'all later.

Edit 20/2/18: I'm giving up on this. I bit off more than I can chew with this story. Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry that this shitshow won't have a proper end, but it's honestly a lot to worry about, especially since I'm so disorganised. Thank you, again, for all the kudos and the love.


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